A lot about it these days. [laughter] but right before we started the taping, israel and hamas have apparently agreed to a 72hour ceasefire, a 72hour ceasefire. Very nice. [cheering and applause] thats three days. Heres what im hoping for, a threeday ceasefire somehow miraculously returns into an eightday ceasefire and suddenly we got ourselves another hanukkah working, a whole other miracle. Obviously this is something a lot of us have been hoping for. We continue to support diplomatic efforts to end the violence between israel and hamas. The president has put his presidency behind the efforts to try find peace in the region. Jon and now we got three days of it. [laughter] a long weekend of peace. Its still too early to really know what brought this about, but we do know that the break came after this israel has made a request for resupply of several types of ammunition. As one defense official said to me, they have been using up an awful lot. Jon thats, of course, the correspondent from the understatement times picayune. So maybe thats what happens. Theyre just running out of [bleeped] to blow up. Maybe what happened here is the diplomats tackled israel while they were reloading. Its the opportunity for peace that weve been looking for. That and the administration as we heard earlier has been working tirelessly toward. Now is our chance. The United States has agreed to resupply israels military with multiple types of ammunition. 120 millimeter mortars and grenades, four grenade launchers. Jon we have this. Why are we giving them more . Lets end the fighting, but first, have some more fighting stuff. No guys, we cannot be israels rehab sponsor and its drug dealer. Its not going to work. Just say no. But first, smoky smoke . Now lets turn to congress. Obviously great news on the ceasefire. Congress, though, has a lot to get done before their summer recess, which is going to start, oh, now. It is now. The border bill. A highway funding bill. Emergency unemployment insurance. Student loan relief. Comprehensive immigration reform. If we dont docfix that, thee leave here for the august recess, we will have failed. Jon stop. Stop it. Dont be so hard on yourselves. [laughter] when you guys suck, it is not failure. It is just you living up to our extremely low expectations. [laughter] congress is the sharknado 2 of government. [cheering and applause] of course it sucked. It was supposed to suck. [laughter] but i forgot what it was like the hear that kind of urgency from members of congress some what are you going to do first . Border crisis . Student loans . How about a nice budget resolution . We have chosen to bring this legislation forth today to sue the president over his selective implementation of the Affordable Care act. Jon okay. Or you could to that. That could. Look, congress, we talked about this. You have to pass the laws on your plate, all of them, before you get dessert, which in this case is you suing the president. Look, thats your priority . Sure, thousands of immigrant kids are sleeping under our bridge, which, by the way, are collapsing because of the highway structures funding bill, but if we go on break without suing the president , well never reach Charlie Rangel levels of relaxation on our break. [applause] look, why are you suing the president . Our founders, they understood that too much power in the hands of any one person or any one group of people would inevitably lead to tyranny. Jon oh, for [bleeped] sake. All right. Were going to be here a while. Carry on. Our Founding Fathers understood the danger of having a president who not only enforced the laws but made them. Are you willing to let anyone tear apart what our founders have built . We cannot stand by and watch the president shred our constitution. That type of action amounts to tyranny, mr. Speaker, tyranny. Jon what . Huh . The british are coming, the british are coming yes, its tyranny. Obamas a tyrant. We all know throughout history the only way to depose a tyrant is via a civil lawsuit. [laughter] i think i remember caesars famous last words, et tu, brute . Make no mistake, this entirely necessary and effective lawsuit wasnt a matter of partnership but of principle. This is not about politics. If there were a republican president doing the same thing, i would feel just as strongly. Jon yeah, thats bleep. [laughter] i mean, it just is bleep. It just is [bleeped]. Look, this lady was in congress when thenpresident bush in 2006 took executive action to wave or extend deadlines on financial penalties clearly written into the Medicare Part d health care law. Now, since that was pretty much exactly identical executive action to the one youre now suing president obama for, lets flash back to then and check out the republicans and congresswoman foxs justasstrong reaction to that tyranny. Hey hey where is everybody . Jon to be fair, to be fair to the republicans, before they decided to sue the president , they tried official channels of communication to make their voice heard. Rewriting obama care isnt only one of the ways this president has abused his power. Last week i sent the president 21 tweets, which laid out the things he could to stop this mess at the border. Jon 21 tweets a rallying cry for victory. 21 tweets, why thats almost 3,000 characters. Of course, split over the thrienl between retweets and replieses in addition to the other billions of pages of tweeting complaints the president receives every bleep second of the day, i cant believe the president wouldnt even take the time to at least save one of those. [laughter] although i guess it is shocking, congressman, that the medium chris brown uses [bleeped] to talk drake is not an effective legislative tool. So House Republicans decided to spend their last hours in session indulging in empty, timewasting political theater. House democrats were left only one option. Impotent anger. The fact of the matter is the American People are tired of the relentless partnership that has led the congress to have a lower Approval Rating than head lice. Jon oh, ho, lower than head lice. Wait. Do you hear that . I hear a celebration. Chuck, can we get a closeup of the celebration . We did it. Were not supposed to eat a thing. Jon good for you, head lice. Good for you. And as for you, pubic lice, hang in there. Congress keeps going the way its going, youll get your shot. Well be right back. What does tmobile have that at t doesnt . Get 4 lines for just a hundred bucks. With unlimited talk, text and now up to ten gigabytes of 4g lte data. So much for at ts best ever family pricing. Tmobiles got 4 lines for a hundred bucks. Up to 10gb of 4g lte data so make the switch to tmobile. Well even buy you out of your Service Contract so you can get four lines for a hundred bucks today. Its like jasper here. Strong. Sturdy. But not too sweet. [ male announcer ] built from apples. Built to refresh. Smith forge hard cider. Made strong. Couple pieces of chicken,. Gigantic mashed potatoes. A biscuit, and a cookie. And a drink [chuckles] you can eat the cookie first, if you want. If you want, if you feel that way. Its your choice its amazing. Yeah. Every summer, my nana sends me a check for 5. Its a pain to cash, but when i do, i can buy all of this for 5. I need to write her a thank you letter. Yeah, you probably shouldve done that way long ago. Lets chow down. Spork jon welcome back. Welcome back to the show. So what did you get your significant other on valentines day . Can you remember back then . February 14th. Might not have been much. Chances are its better than what ray rice got his fiancee. Ray rice is charged with assault after an argument with his fiancee in atlantic city. The allpro super bowl winning running back hovering over and then dragging his thengirlfriend, now wife, unconscious out of an elevator after he punched her in the face. Jon i still find so it strange in that video. Rice seems to be gesturing like, hey, anybody help me . This woman seems to have collapsed. You can imagine the nfl was none too happy, as was expressed on nfls own network. Hes about to deal with the iron fist of the nfl. Jon really couldnt think of a nonfist metaphor for this case . You really had to go with iron fist . Unless rice is going to be punished by cletus the robot, you might want to rephrase it. But lets get to the punishment. Is he expelled for eternity or longer . Nfl has officially handed down its judgment on rices offseason Domestic Violence incident. The Baltimore Ravens star was suspended two games by commissioner roger goodell. [audience reacts]. Jon theyre not oohing because they think thats a lot. Two games . Unless one of the games is professional football, what kind of message do you think this is sending . I think its absolutely clear to all involved that the nfl does not condone Domestic Violence in any way and will not tolerate it in our league. Jon absolutely clear to who . [laughter] the league suspends you for four games if you get caught smoking pot, which is actually legal in one of the cities the nfl operates in. To be clear, the nfl suspends you for twice as long if what you hit is this. [laughter] espn suspended this guy for a week just for talking about it wrong. And then theres this one rookie got a fivegame suspension for taking freebies in college. Jon five games for taking freebies. Unless freebie is another word for cold cocking your fiancee, the nfl penal code might need some tweaking. In fact, lets be honest, nfl, this case probably wouldnt even be getting the attention it has if it wasnt caught on camera. The only reason the nfl even flagged it is because we had instant replay in this case. I just hope ray rice understands the severity of what hes done, even if the nfl doesnt. I apologize to my fans, my. To the kids, to everyone who was affected, you know, by this situation that me and my wife were inch i wont call myself a failure. Failure is not getting knocked down, its not getting up. Jon what is with the violent metaphors . [laughter] the iron fist, the knock down, the getting up. Whatever happened to the grass is always greener. Its not applicable, but at least nobodys getting hit in your metaphor. No sense crying over spilled milk. That language is rich in nonviolent imagery. For more we turn to Senior Correspondent jason jones. Jason, welcome. Jason, this is not a harsh punishment. Jon, what else do you expect from this league . It ignores heinous actions. It covers up the injuries the game inflicts on the players and it regularly screws over taxpayers on stadium and infrastructure deals. It is time to say it the nfl is a morally, indefensible organization. Of course, that being said, man am i glad Training Camps are back. I am ready for some football a sunday night party. Whoo jon jason, you just laid out in my estimation an eloquent. Uhhuh. Jon , an incredible case against the ethics and the morality of the National Football league. Yeah. [laughter] jon and now youre telling me you cant wait for it to start up again. Yeah, yeah. Terrible, terrible organization, but i already ordered the party subs for openning weekend. So internally inconsistent, but what are you going do . Jon you could follow through, jason, with your convictions here, which are well taken. Oh, okay, so no more giants games for you, jon . Jon yes, yes. I mean, obviously if its on in the background. [laughter] of the sports bar that im in, i cant ask them to turn it off just because im not going to watch the new offense the giants have installed with a shorter passing game, higher completion percentages. Come on, eli, you can do this. Exactly and i will see you at my house for kickoff. Okay. Bring beer and food and a tv. [bleeped], lets do it at your house. Jon jason jones, everybody. Well be right back. Introducing new Johnny Appleseed hard apple cider. Refreshingly sweet and intense. And bursting with a crisp apple bite. So try a Johnny Appleseed hard apple cider tonight and let the stories flow. Remind me to tell her happy anniversary. [ cortana ] next time you talk to caroline, ill remind you. [ siri ] oh no, i cannot do that. Oh, and remind me to get roses when im near any flower shop. Sure thing. Remind you when you get to flower shop. I cant do that either. Cortana, its gonna be a great night. [ beep ] oh wow thanks for the traffic alert. I better get going. Now that is a smart phone. Oh, wait its cause you make me smile oh, wait break the ice, with breath freshening cooling crystals. Ice breakers. Ifyou may be muddlingble withrough allergies. Nger. Try zyrtec® for powerful allergy relief. And zyrtec® is different than claritin. Because it starts working faster on the first day you take it. Zyrtec®. Muddle no more™. Jon welcome back. Sorry. My guest tonight, oh, shes got a new movie out called life after beth. What is going on here in youre acting like a spaz. Its a little hard to explain. How could you do this to me, beth . Hey, hey, heart attack she didnt do anything. Everythings normal. This just happened. What just happened . Nothing happened. Its normal. Tell me. Tell me why you shut me out. Tell you what . Zach, why dont you and i go out and have a little conversation. I think thats a wonderful idea. You lied to me. I never lied. Why are you acting all weird . Im not acting all weird. Stop playing dumb, beth. Im not playing dumb. Youre freaking out. Listen to me, zach, you need to calm down [laughter] jon i think weve all been there. Please welcome aubrey plaza. [applause] yep, yep, yep. Nice. That right there, thats some highpitched shrieking in joy and anticipation. Thank you. Jon and i think your enthusiastic response back was well taken. Grad to be here. Jon how are you . Fine. Jon how is. This is. You are in this movie, if i may, and this is. Im not trying to give things away. You are dead. Yep. Jon okay. But undead. Yes. Ly explain the movie. Jon please. In the clip you just saw, its first time that zach, who was my boyfriend when i was alive, sees me. The movie starts off and im dead. Ive been bitten snake. Then i unexpectedly come back and payoff ensues. I slowly throughout the film turn into a zombie. So ive been. Weve been calling it a zom com rom dram. Its a new john remarks and its going to change everything i think. Jon , no i think it will. It seems like its going to change everything. Oh, it will. Jon your parents, your boyfriend seems to be wearing what appears to be a blanket under his shirt. Yes. Our Costume Designer was drunk. Jon uhhuh. Okay. Every day. So in every scene theres some weird little thing like that, and the continuity is just out of control. Jon right. You know how continuity is. Jon in the second a act of the show, i had mutton chops. Whats that about . Its a crazy business, jon. Jon you know, aubrey, youre right. It is a crazy business. Who knows what it all is about. What is the point of anything really . Jon nothing. Why are we here . Jon aubrey, i dont know why were here, but im glad youre asking the right questions. Its like youre interviewing me, but not me, my soul. Um, yes, please. Jon were doing an improv scene and no one else seems to know it. Were having a wonderful time. Isnt every moment in life an improv scene, jon . Jon can i just Say Something right now, aubrey . Baboom. Baboom, and also babam. [laughter and applause] that is for real. For real. Thanks. Jon now, you have not had a break. Parks and rec and youre doing all these movies. When are we getting aubrey time . When rewith getting time for aubrey to reconnect with aubrey . Aubrey no like reconnect with aubrey. Jon aubrey scared of aubrey. Yeah. [applause] well, we actually zoom in closer. Youre first guest that ever asked for. This this has never happened before. A little bit higher, too. I just turned 30. Jon are you serious . You look tremendous. Want to see something super scary in this thing . Want to see her get no, no, no. Stay on the closeup. Stay on the closeup. This is aubrey plaza being swallowed up by a nostril. In that closeup. All right. I was in your closeup there. Thats okay. Jon i have found, as well, that people always say you need to relax and take some time. Yeah. Jon but i always find that theres a very small window between, wow, its so good to just be with my thoughts again, to you failed everyone that ever loved you. Thats very short window. I live in a constant state of regret, and im just replaying all the failures in my life. And when im working, i dont have to think about anything really. People tell me what to do and they touch me a lot. I got a lot of physical contact, and i like that. Jon youre like a sims character. I love it. The movie is incredibly entertaining, as are you. We can shake now or we can do it later or we could arm wrestle. Or we could make a baby. [cheering and applause] jon life after beth, currently available on directv. Its in the theaters on august 15th. Its aubrey plaza. Aland feel proud of that, get out of the way. Because Peanut Butter is about to give it 125 . Snickers Peanut Butter squared. Now with 25 more Peanut Butter. Fewer turn down every majore label along the way. So they can create one with their best friend. Were macklemore and ryan lewis, and were one of a kind. Padvil pm gives you the healingu at nsleep you need, it. Helping you fall asleep and stay asleep so your body can heal as you rest. Advil pm. For a healing nights sleep. Lets make this right. Nicely done. Enough uhh. Check please. [cheering and applause] jon thats our show. Join us next week. Obviously its been about 22 minutes since the start of the show. Lets hope that the ceasefire we announced at the top is still in effect. Fingers crossed, everybody. Here it is, your moment of zen. The condominiums of south florida, my constituents sometimes turn to yiddish to find the perfect words. They have a message for the g. O. P. Majority stop this michigas and do your jobs. Captioning sponsored by Comedy Central captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org cheers and applause captioning sponsored by Comedy Central stephen welcome to the report, ladies and gentlemen stephen, stephen, stephen stephen, stephen, stephen stephen, stephen, stephen