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WPVI Jimmy Kimmel Live August 8, 2017

Yeah you up. Heres jimmy kimmel [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thank you everybody. Welcome. Welcome to the show. Thanks for watching. Thanks for all of you for coming [ cheers and applause ] thank you for joining us on a very special night. Bachelorette night in america. Earlier this evening we bore witness rachael chose brian to be her lawful wedded bride and ive been on a roll picked four of the last five bachelors to win and four of the last five bachelorettes. Its why they call me roaster damus. I feel somewhat vindicated. Amazing thing happened tonight. My pick, peter, did something no one has done on the show before, noticed how crazy it was to marry a woman who is with two other people so he said i cant propose because i stake Marriage Proposal seriously by rachael said im looking for a proposal now on tv. That was that. Relationship over. And then peter broke down and started questioning himself. Its wrong. Whats wrong ....

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KNTV The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon August 18, 2017

Musical guests meek mill featuring thedream, and the legendary roots crew. Questlove 728 steve and now, here he is, jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thank you very much, everybody. Welcome. [ cheers and applause ] thats a hot crowd looking good looking good. Hot new york city crowd here tonight. Welcome, everybody. Welcome to the tonight show. [ cheers and applause ] this is it, baby. Lets get to some news here. I saw that a lifesize statue of President Trump was just installed on a park bench here in new york. Even pigeons were like, im going to take my business elsewhere. [ laughter and applause ] go over there. Speaking of statues, did you see this today . The president tweeted that removing confederate statues takes beauty out of our parks that can never be replaced. Then he said, now, if youll excuse me, i have to go cut down a bunch of trees and build a hotel and golf course. [ laughter and applause ] put up some ....

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WCAU The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon August 18, 2017

And the legendary roots crew. Questlove 728 steve and now, here he is, jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thank you very much, everybody. Welcome. [ cheers and applause ] thats a hot crowd looking good looking good. Hot new york city crowd here tonight. Welcome, everybody. Welcome to the tonight show. [ cheers and applause ] this is it, baby. Lets get to some news here. I saw that a lifesize statue of President Trump was just installed on a park bench here in new york. Even pigeons were like, im going to take my business elsewhere. [ laughter and applause ] go over there. Speaking of statues, did you see this today . The president tweeted that removing confederate statues takes beauty out of our parks that can never be replaced. Then he said, now, if youll excuse me, i have to go cut down a bunch of trees and build a hotel and golf course. [ laughter and applause ] put up some beauty. Oh, listen to this. The date the dati ....

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KNTV The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon August 23, 2017

And featuring the legendary roots crew. Questlove 711, too easy. Steve and now, here he is, jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause ] jimmy oh. What a show. What a show we have tonight, you guys. Welcome, welcome, welcome to the tonight show. This is the one to be at. [ cheers and applause ] this is the show. Welcome, everybody. Welcome. Heres what people are talking about. Today Senate Republicans voted to move forward in the process to repeal and replace obamacare. Even though they dont know exactly what theyre going to be voting on. [ laughter ] thats like going into the hospital and telling the surgeon, surprise me. [ laughter and applause ] ill just get anything. Just go for it. Thats right, well, the head of the health care Voting Centers are saying that they had no clue what theyve been voting on. Then america said, hey, just like us during the election. Steve oh [ laug ....

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KGO Jimmy Kimmel Live April 19, 2017

Thanks for watching. Thank you. Today its tax day in the united states. Which is unusual. Tax day normally falls on april 15th, but the movements this year because the 15th is a saturday. Its illegal to make people do math on saturdays. We got three more days to do them. I was thinking about this. Its weird that the government more or less just trusts us to tell them how much we owe them. They only audit less than one out of 100 people. The odds are pretty good. I decided to claim guillermo as a dependent this year. Yeah by the way, if anyone asks, you call me papa, okay . Okay, papa. Thank you very much. I used to do my own taxes. I would save receipts and log all my miles on my car. Every time i bought something, i would figure out an angle. This hamster cage is clearly a business expense. I might try to write a movie about hamsters or something. It would take me forever to itemize everything. When i add it up, i never had enough. I take the standard deductions, all wasted time. I hi ....

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