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Transcripts For COM The Daily Show 20240714

Also on tonights show, theres a hotel in space. Native americans are taking their land back, and Elizabeth Warren goes head to head with donald trump. So lets catch up on todays headlines. Lets kick it off with sean spicer, former press secretary and human dilbert. Like most people President Trump hires, spicer left the administration with his reputation in tatters. But if theres one thing american loves, its a comeback. Former White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer making his debut on dancing with the stars and it wasnt entirely pretty. His partner a former champ described him as dancing at a prepreschool level. The judge said of a performance is it was like you were being attacked by a swarm of wasps. Trevor damn the judges did not like spicers danci ....

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Transcripts For COM The Daily Show 20240714

Planes. Greta thunberg is joining us, everybody. cheers and applause also on tonights show, vaping will be illegal. Lewis black is here to save the future. And one of the worlds biggest drug dealers is finally paying up. So lets catch up on todays headlines. Lets kick it off with some big news out of washington because the vaping industry may be about to go up in smoke. President trump will propose banning all flavored ecigarettes after the c. D. C. Reported at least six people may have died from vapingrelated illnesses. Vaping has become a very big business, as i understand it, like a giant business in a very short period of time. But we cant allow people to get sick, and we cant have our youth be so affected. And im hearing it. And thats how the first lady got involved. Shes got a son together that is a a beautiful young man. And she feels very, very strongly about it. laughter trevor shes got a son . laughter you mean the son she made with you . laughter how on earth does trump forg ....

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Transcripts For COM The Daily Show 20240714

Children yeah announcer ride the totally realistic traffic jam. Beep, beep, beep, beep children traffic jam announcer and the worlds first never bump bumper cars. Children never bump announcer its a real savings hootenanny with options that fit your budget. Thats fun for the whole family. Announcer only at progressive par. Maybe an insurance park was a bad idea. Yeah. Yep. [ cheers and applause ] welcome back to the only tv show that thinks its sexist that all Digital Assistants are female. Next week, i sink my teeth into the sad world of mukbanging. I am eating my feelings. This is a very depressing eating show. [ laughter ] [ inhales sharply ] ohh. [ sobbing ] its just rude to cry with your mouth full. Follow me on the four majors of social media. The boycott of the week is boycotthashtags starting now. Come see my annual tosh saves the World Charity show in the worlds m ....

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Transcripts For COM The Daily Show 20240714

Throwing people out, making a big entrance, having these stupid pictures of me all over. Halloween is supposed to be for everyone. Everybody, im sorry. This party is for you. Its for all of you who make my life so special. If i dont realize that, then im no better than a rich American Teenage girl. Open the doors let everyone in, wristband or no [cheering] all right uh, excuse me, but, maam, can i borrow that . Biggie smalls, biggie smalls, biggie smalls. What the. Thanks. I am so sick of this wait, im at the party. Sure, homie. I got your back, yo. And its not too late. Hey, why dont you come in with me . Well, what the heck . Im gonna get grounded anyway, might as well. [dance music playing] Comedy Central announcer september 18, 2019. From Comedy Centrals world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show w ....

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Transcripts For COM The Daily Show 20240714

So, again, this is officer zenobia turner. If you would just call me back, i would appreciate that. Okay . Bye. Yall feeling that song we did, or nah . Its kinda delicate. Yeah. [bleep] it. Lets do a trap song. It was always gonna be a trap song. So, i fell asleep on the way home, and i rode past my exit, which is garfield. And i woke up downtown. But instead of going home, i just wanted to keep going, so i got back on the train, and i rode as far as i could. Then i started to get hangry, and there was this cute little restaurant nearby, and they had lobster rolls. So, you know i had to try one. Turner mmhmm. And when i say it was smackin, it was smackin. Then i just i was super full, so i just walked and i walked until i was in the forest. And then it started to rain, so i had to hide in this barn, cause you know i couldnt get my hair wet. [ thunder crashes ] luckily, this nice Little Farmer family took me in. And in the morning, ....

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