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Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 20130816

[cheers and applause] here is a recent political ad from the state of alabama. I know, the alabama thing makes it already semiracist, but lets withhold judgment. Im tim james. Why do our politicians make us give drivers license exams in 12 languages . This is alabama, we speak english. If you wanna live here, learn it. Were only giving that test in english if im governor. [audience ohs] is it racist . Uh, yeah. Thats really, really racist this is alabama, we speak english. If you consider hey diddy, theres a june bug on your corn pone english, then i guess so. But at least theyre not being racist towards black people for once. So way to go, alabama. Baby steps. Tell tim james what you think by tweeting him at timjames2010. [chuckles] thats gonna work out. See you next week. Yall come back now, you hear . [cheers and applause] captioning by captionmax www. Captionmax. Com from Comedy Centrals world news headquarters in new york, th ....

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Transcripts For COM The Colbert Report 20130816

Captioning sponsored by Comedy Central captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org captioning sponsored by Comedy Central theme song playing cheers and applause stephen welcome to the report. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you for joining us stephen, stephen, Stephen Stephen, stephen, Stephen Stephen, stephen, Stephen Stephen, stephen, Stephen Stephen, stephen, Stephen Stephen thank you so much. cheers and applause folks, folks, you know we are still if you know anything about the news business, folks, august is not ....

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Transcripts For COM The Colbert Report 20130816

Some said the media would be thrown off this rodeo story in a second. laughter but nobody, nobody rides this kind of bull like the heroes of cable news. Jim . From the state fair asked the crowd if they wanted to see a rodeo clown with an obama mask run down by a bull. Another clown playing with the obama mask slips. A rodeo clown who performed during the Missouri State fair while wearing a mask of president obama has been banned from performing at the Missouri State fare ever again. The Missouri Rodeo Cowboy Association president , he also resigned in the midst of this clown fallout. There is some new fallout over this whole rodeo clown issue. The rodeo announcer at the event now stepping down as president of missouris Rodeo Cowboy Associat ....

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Transcripts For COM The Colbert Report 20130817

It was good the first time i went but its gone downhill. Now i go back every tuesday to see if things get better. Wait, that sounds like youre talking about the voice. I think this mani is a pedophile. I cant be sure. Good eclairs though. You can be sure. They are great eclairs. I came in and asked for a chocolate donut and was promptly [beep]. Thats why we got a b on the window. Tosh fans are not funny. Couldnt agree with you more. Thanks, foodies, good night. [ applause ] captioning sponsored by Comedy Central theme song playing cheers and applause stephen welcome to the report. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you for joining us stephen, stephen, Stephen Stephen, stephen, Stephen Stephen, stephen, Stephen Stephen, stephen,
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Transcripts For CURRENT Liberally Stephanie Miller 20130814

Stephanie because i heard Rush Limbaugh expound on healthcare yesterday and i thought you might have some thoughts on it. Does he want to know if oxycontin is covered . Stephanie i dont know if i have insurance or not. His thoughts are really someone who can afford their own healthcare out of pocket. Thats someone that really has a grip on exactly what the average person goes through. I think hes in touch with the common man. Stephanie exactly. All right. In the meantime, heres nurse jacki in the current news center. As expected, cory booker has won the democratic nomination land go up against republican steve for senate. The popular mayor of newark won about 60 of the vote with 90 of precincts voting. His closest opponent, Frank Pallone came away with 20. If booker wins the special election on october 16th as he is extremely likely to do, he will serve out the remaining 15 mon ....

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