That ever lived. He saved france and started to bring democracy to all of europe. And then what happened . Well, he was he was badly advised. He trusted a general named pichegru. And this pichegru later tried to kill napoleon. I think that it was he that persuaded napoleon that he could conquer the whole world. I wish i could have just one hour with napoleon. Well, ill see you. [chattering] [people laughing] jeannie, what what are you doing . Look at all the lovely dresses, master. Yes, yes say theres napoleon. Thats Napoleon Bonaparte. Oh, yes, of course. You said you wished to spend an hour with him, master. Go talk. I didnt know i could do it now. Oh, you have no medals. Huh, i dont need need any medals. Ah. Oh. [giggles] oh. Thank you. Oh. Lovely. Huh . Jeannie, jeannie. This is going a little too far. No, i mean it. One. [clicks tongue, whines] [giggles] oh, boy. Thank you, jeannie. Do you know, this is the greatest thing youve ever done . Oh. I can change the whole course of hist
That ronnie needs the boat. How are you going to do that, tell him this is holland and the dike broke . I told you blanche would come up with something good. Go ahead, blanche. Well honey, i was being sarcastic. Oh. Mr. Von zell, you have the floor. I thought we could tell george that ronnie needs the boat for his health. You know, the salt air . Tell dad i need it for my health . Thats a wonderful idea, ronnie oh ho ho, if blanche couldnt think of something, i knew you could. audience laughter oh, gracie, i was please, mr. Von zell, you had your chance and you couldnt come up with anything. Well, i just started to say, it was now, remember ronnie, if you want the boat, you have to make your father believe its for your health. So go up and see him, and start coughing. Coughing . Oh, mother, i couldnt do that. Well, all right, ill go with you and do the coughing for you. You just cover your mouth and your father will think its you. audience laughter [george] maybe i could think of somet
I hope he didnt get it out of the wilsons garden. One thing i can count on, itll have a broken stem. Well, you can always throw it away. Not on your life. Close your eyes and dont open them till i tell you. All right. Okay. [music] bye, dennis. Bye, tommy. Its right in front of you, mom. Can i smell it . Do you want to . Of course, i do. Okay. Bend over. Now smell. Of course not. Open your eyes. Dont be scared, mom. Its not alive. Where did you get that . In somebodys trash box. I figured we could put it up in the dining room. Oh, dennis. I bet you never thought youd have one of these, did you . No. Would you rather put it up in your bedroom . What do you say, mom . Dennis, you shouldnt bring things like this home. It was a tough job, but i wanted to. You know why . cause youre the best mom in the whole world. Oh, thank you, dennis. Where are we gonna put it, mom . Well hey, dennis, the wilsons just drove up out front. Uhoh. Whats he, your lookout . Uh, just a minute young man. Its for
Oh, hi, honey. Ive just been talking to one of the boys at the office about mr. Purdy. He said that he went to a business luncheon for him about two years ago and dear, i know how important this is to you, but you mustnt get yourself so upset about it. Im not. Im not. Honey, when mr. Purdy gets here tomorrow, try and make up some conversation about the construction business. Tell him how much you like the smell of lumber. And how thrilled i am that hell be opening a factory here . Oh, dear. You know, honey, im afraid we shouldve made this a formal reception instead of an open house. But we didnt have time to send out invitations and get back answers. I know. I know. Wheres dennis . I sent him to the store to get some things for the party. Honey, do you think you shouldve trusted him with a thing like that . Hi, mister. Hello. Hey, you got a bee on your umbrella. Good for me. We got one like that, only we use it when we go to the beach. Good for you. Mister, if a swell little kid came b
Like, pumpernickel is a funny word. Except for people who make white bread. And freeway is a funny word, which is a good thing to know. In case youre stuck on one for seven or eight hours, you can sit there and laugh. audience laughs another comedy word is motherinlaw and hotrod. And of course, smog and brooklyn. My writers once wrote me a surefire gag. It went Something Like this. A man driving a pumpernickel truck got lost in the smog on the freeway. And hit a hotrod driven by a motherinlaw. audience laughs it didnt get a laugh. Forgot to use the word brooklyn. audience laughs see, its foolproof. When gracie and i first started in vaudeville, i was supposed to tell all the jokes. And our opening was supposed to be where we did that real old classic. Id say my family were in the iron and steel business. And gracie was supposed to say really . And id say, yeah, my mother irons and my father steals. We walked on the stage that night. In the iron and steel business. And she started to la