Oh, hi, honey. Ive just been talking to one of the boys at the office about mr. Purdy. He said that he went to a business luncheon for him about two years ago and dear, i know how important this is to you, but you mustnt get yourself so upset about it. Im not. Im not. Honey, when mr. Purdy gets here tomorrow, try and make up some conversation about the construction business. Tell him how much you like the smell of lumber. And how thrilled i am that hell be opening a factory here . Oh, dear. You know, honey, im afraid we shouldve made this a formal reception instead of an open house. But we didnt have time to send out invitations and get back answers. I know. I know. Wheres dennis . I sent him to the store to get some things for the party. Honey, do you think you shouldve trusted him with a thing like that . Hi, mister. Hello. Hey, you got a bee on your umbrella. Good for me. We got one like that, only we use it when we go to the beach. Good for you. Mister, if a swell little kid came by and asked you for one of those flags, would you give it to him . No. If a swell little kid came by and gave you a nickel for one of those flags, would you give it to him . No. If a swell little kid came by with a dime no. Mister, is it your job to sit there and tell people that youre not selling flags . My job is to sell this house. The flags are to attract attention, and the sign is to let everybody know mister that the house is open to everybody. Now, will you please stop asking me questions . What does the sign say . Open house. Oh, sure, sure. Im just sitting here waiting for the guests to show up. Please run along, sonny. Okay. Goodbye. Goodbye. I think you should be very proud that of all the boys at your office, your boss picked you to entertain mr. Purdy. He also picked a fine time to go on a vacation. This purdy should be his responsibility, not mine. Oh, lets forget about the whole thing until tomorrow. I have a feeling everything is going to turn out fine. Well, i mostly just play, except tomorrow i cant on account of were gonna have a big party so we can show off for a man. Dennis, tell your little friend goodbye. Its bedtime. Well, if you wanna know how to get here, first you gotta find mr. Quigleys store. Then you go around the corner, thats our street. And then you go past the man that wont sell you any flags. Dennis then you pass margarets house. And pretty soon, you see this real pretty house, thats mr. Wilsons. Ours is right next door. Who youre talking to . Youre welcome, mister. Who was that, dennis . A man. He wanted to know how to get here tomorrow. After i told him, he said he would ask at the gas station. Well, did he say what his name was . Sure, mr. Pretty. Mr. Purdy . Sure, thats the one. Does dad got a headache . Yes, he has, dennis, and im gonna put it to bed right now. 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See your doctor right away if you experience new or worsening cough;chest pain; shortness of breath; diarrhea; severe stomach pain or tenderness; severe nausea or vomiting; extreme fatigue; constipation; swollen ankles; loss of appetite; headache; confusion; hallucinations; rash; or muscle or joint pain, or flushing as this may keep these problems from becoming more serious. These are not all the possible side effects of opdivo. Tell your doctor about all your medical conditions including immune system problems or lung, breathing or liver problems. A chance to live longer. Ask your doctor if opdivo is right for you. Bristolmyers squibb thanks the patients and physicians who participated such an industry in that kitchen. Martha and alice are oh, i see oh, least i could do is help alice a little. Oh, nothing to be ashamed about, mitchell. When martha gives a party, she wraps me around her little finger. Well, here it is. Oh, i certainly appreciate youre bringing that over, mr. Wilson. Well, as you say, if this mr. Purdys interested in coins, it might make a good conversation piece for all of us. Where shall i put it . Right over here, mr. Wilson. This ought to be fine. What is it, dad . You can see for yourself, dennis. Boy, what a piggy bank. Dennis, these coins are quite old and rare. Is it any good for spending, mr. Wilson . Why, of course. Dennis, you wouldnt borrow any without asking, would you . Heck no, mr. Wilson. Dad even has to ask when he takes money it isnt that i have to ask, dennis. Its just a matter of mrs. Mitchell honey, honey, our guest will be here in less than two hours. Mr. Mitchell already . Come along, george. We better let these folks get dressed. Oh. Mrs. Wilson yes, dear . Can i feel your muscles . What on earth for . Well, mr. Wilson said she could wrap him around her little finger. So i bet mrs. Wilsons got muscles like a wrestler . Get up those stairs and get in the tub, young man. In the bathtub . In the bathtub. And put some water in it. Yes, dad. Is dennis going to be at the open house . Yes. We couldnt get a sitter. Oh, weve had lots of long talks with him. Oh, im sure dennis realizes how important this is to his father and me. Of course, he does. Sure, he does. I wonder where they are. Cant imagine. Thought i heard a car. As long as nobodys comin, you want me to get some of the kids and help eat up all this stuff . Theyll be here. Its just that theyre a little late. I wonder if they were having trouble finding the place, henry. It isnt that hard to find. Maybe everybodys goin around asking each other how to get here. Oh, thats it. I bet nobody can locate the house. [doorbell] mr. Mitchell just a minute, dennis. Mrs. Mitchell well all get it. Now, mind your manners. Now can dennis come out and play . No, im afraid not, dear. Okay. Oh, my mommys all ready to come over, but my father wont shave, so theyre having a fight. Bye. Mr. Purdy. Ill bet this is your alice. How do you do, mr. Purdy. How are you, mrs. Mitchell . And this must be your little boy. Thats our dennis. Hi, dennis. Hi, mr. Purdy. Hey, thats quite a grip. Thank you. My dad gets sore if i shake hands like a fish. Bright boy. Oh, i beg your pardon. This is mrs. Purdy. The mitchells. Im delighted to meet you, mrs. Purdy. Wont you come into the living room, please . Mr. Purdy my, you have a charming home here. Mr. Mitchell thank you. Come on in. Weve been looking forward to meeting you. I have no idea wed be the first ones here. Especially as we had little trouble finding the place. Gee, thats funny. I got a friend that finds it all the time and hes only three. [doorbell] excuse me. Oh, mr. Wilson. Alice mrs. Wilson. We found this gentleman outside looking for your house. I dont believe weve met. Oh, of course. How do you do . How do you do . Please come in. Let me take your hat. Thank you. Would you show them the living room . Oh, right this way, mr. Tetley. Mom, you want me to stand up front and holler that this is where we live . No, dear. But i do wish people didnt have so much trouble finding the place. Yeah. Would you put this in the closet, please, dear . Sure. This is an excellent collection, henry. Mr. Wilson brought it over thinking you might enjoy it. Oh, is that so . Id give anything for an 1878 dollar in this kind of condition. Yes, thats my pet too. Hey, dad, if people could find our house better, would you be glad . Oh, i sure would. Now, you run along, son. The only trouble is i need some money. Who doesnt . Mr. Purdy and i have often been tod were missing something by not having children but we manage beautifully with just our two parakeets. We keep them in cages. Would you like some punch, mrs. Purdy . Mrs. Wilson yes, dear . If a kid knew how to do Something Real good for his mom and dad, should he go ahead and do it . Well, if it was something good, im sure it would be all right. Supposing the kid had to have some money, would it be okay to borrow it . From whom, dear . From mr. Wilson. Of course, dennis. Go right ahead. Gee, thanks. [laughter] hey dad how bout this one . Whats it rated . T nice try. Hey. Try this one. And i think your dad will go for it. For more info, theres a rating search app. And you can set Parental Controls at home alright thanks. Ill check that out. Lets see if you can beat your old man at this one. Game on. Lets do this [female narrator] check the ratings. Because some games are for kids. Some arent. Visit esrb dot org. [music] well, you have my card, whenever youre ready, please give me a call, and thank you for dropping in. Goodbye. Goodbye. Dennis hi, mister. Oh, no. Listen, kid, im too tired to go through another one of your quiz programs. What do you want . I wanna buy that sign. If i give it to you, will you go home and stay there . Sure. Take it. Ive got more in the car. [music] honey, whos that couple over there . Oh, thats janie moore. Her husbands name is bob. And who are they . Oh, those are the bartons. He works in the office with me. His name is jack. I think her name is ann. Ive never met her before. [music] opie, theres another open house. Yeah. Looks a little like the one over on 23rd street. Yeah. You wanna go through it, kitten . Well, it dont cost anything to look. Honey, i think the partys going awfully well. Most of the people are here. [doorbell] oh, ill get it. Here, you take this. Well, come in. Im alice mitchell. Oh, im opie swanson. This is olivia. Oh, how do you do, opie . Im so glad you could come. Olivia, may i take your sweater . Yes, yes, it is a little hot. Thank you, dearie. There we are. Theyll do anything to sell a house these days. I think its a cute idea. Well, shall we go in and meet the others . Oh, that sounds swell, dearie. Ladies, id like you to meet olivia and opie swanson. And this is mrs. Moore, mrs. Purdy, mrs. Mitchell mrs. Murphy, and mrs. Wilson. How do you do . Purdy. Wasnt that the name of those people who used to live next door to the andersons in cheboygan . Sure. Yes. Was your husband ever been in the junk business, mrs. Purdy . Not to my knowledge, mr. Swanson. Gentlemen, id like you to meet olivia and opie swanson. Id like you to meet mr. Wilson, mrs. Mitchell mr. Moore, mr. Purdy, and mr. Tetley. No, im tetley, and hes moore. Oh, im sorry. And, of course, you know henry. Hi, henry. You better get lost, kitten. I got a story i wanna tell the fellas. You better get out of here, too, dearie. Opie used to be in the navy. [doorbell] ill get it. [music] dennis heres the open house, folks. Everybodys welcome. Come on in, everybody. Here is the open house. Everybodys welcome. You wanna watch this cheap hardware, young woman. Cheap hardware . Well, there isnt a lock in the whole house thats worth more than 40 cents. Walls faded. Oh, thank you, margaret. Here. Alice, who are all those people out there . I dont know, henry, and ive given up trying to remember names. I know you and i didnt invite that many. All i can say is mr. Purdy has some awfully strange friends. Its all kinds in the construction business. Dad, what are termites . Termites . Why . A man is up in our attic and says we got em. Up in our attic . Were out of punch again, alice. Oh, dear. Oh, no, ill make it. You go out there and take care of the customers. Boy, people are sure finding our house real good, huh, mom . Now, dennis, your mother is busy. Run along, alice. You, too, henry. Go on. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. You stay here. Help your aunt olivia wash the punch cups. Huh . No nonsense. Pick it up, darling. Thats the boy. Follow me now. Thats it. [doorbell] henry, you better take these sandwiches over to mr. Purdy. I dont think hes had a thing to eat all day. Mr. Purdy, would you like a sandwich . Tough luck, dan. Ill go get some more. I must say that mitchell certainly has some weird friends. It takes all kinds. Whats this thing . Well, this thing happens to be one of the finest coin collections in the state. What are they asking . Its not for sale. What do you mean its not for sale . Of course, its for sale. Youre darn right, sonny. You own it . I do. Well, ill give you 18 for it. Eighteen . Why its worth 50 times that much. No, lets not be silly. Eighteen. Thats what ill price. Youre right, sir. Lets not be silly. Well, eighteen five then. Termites and all. Termites . Why, this is the finest teak wood. Do you know you have termites in your attic . I beg pardon . Im afraid i dont know you quite that well, sir. Easy. Why, this coin alone is worth its gone. Whats gone . That dollar you said youd give anything in the world to get. Surely youre not accusing me . Of course not, im simply identifying the coin thats missing. Everything all right, men . Oh, yes, of course. I wanna tell you something, mister. I wouldnt have this place if it were the taj mahal. Boy, aunt olivia sure is a nice lady. Shes got five cats at home and shes gonna give me three of em. Dennis, you cant aint that a hot one, honey . Honey, youre gonna have to get olivia away from mrs. Purdy. She cant stand the sight of her. I dont even know whose friend olivia is. After all, honey, its nothing to be ashamed of. My good woman, my husband has never been in the junk business in cheboygan or anywhere else. Well, maybe its before you met him. It was not before i met him. Then when was it . Oh, you mind your own stupid business. Ladies, please. Oh, i did not accuse you, mr. Purdy. I simply said you simply said i had my eye on your miserable dollar. Thats what you simply said, wilson. No wonder youre a success in business. Youre as stubborn as a mule. Hey, fellows, i got an idea to solve the whole problem. What . Oh. Ive had enough of this. You know what i ought to do, sister . I oughta belt you one. You sure got the build for it, dearie. Come, katherine. Now, just a minute, malcolm. Im just getting warmed up. Were leaving now. You and your old man hurry back. Leaving, mr. Purdy . Mitchell, i wanna tell you something. Ive never in all my born days met such a conglomeration of goons as you invited here today here. If its a practical joke, i hope you enjoy your little laugh. If its stupidity, i feel sorry for your boss. And if its if its now, i wanna say something. Not in front of the child, katherine. Mr. Purdy, please. Mrs. Mitchell mr. Purdy. Mr. Purdy, please, just listen to me for a moment. We really dont know where most of these people came from. I do. The zoo. Really, alice and i henry. Henry, look. Well . Arent you selling your house . Somebody must have dennis. A man gave me this sign so people could find our house better, and he didnt charge me anything. So i didnt even have to borrow the dollar. Thats the dollar that wilson you mean most of those people came in to buy the house . Oh, for heavens sake. Thats where they came from. Mr. Purdy open house. Well, it turned out all right after all. When we get this mess cleaned up, im going to sleep for a week. Dennis right this way, mister. Crazy party, man. Dennis, who was that . He fell asleep on my bed during the party. Good night, mom. Good night, dad. [music] [music] [music] dennis, your ducks in my garden again. I want that duck kept out of here. How many times must i tell you that . Jeepers, i guess he just likes it over here. Ill say he likes it. According to that duck, my yards a cafeteria. Look at him, hes eating all my seedlings. Ill get him, mr. Wilson. Dennis come here, george. Hey, why dont me and you train him to eat weeds . Why dont we do that, huh . No, i dont like that duck and i dont want him around here. Does it still hurt you where he bit you this morning . Yes, it does. Why dont you try sittin on a pillow . After i talk to your father, young man, youre the one thats going to need the pillow. [music] you gotta stop biting people, george. Mr. Wilson was plenty mad. Shh, mom might hear you and i got to sneak you upstairs again. [music] mrs. Mitchell is that you, dennis . Yes, mom. Dennis, what have i told you about your roller skates . You told me not skate in the street. Well, that, too, but i also told you not to leave them in the middle of the back porch. Oh. Now, you go right out there and put them away. You mean the next time i go out that way. I mean right now. Arent you coming with me . Do i hear something boiling over in the kitchen . Oh my goodness. [music] im home. Oh, hi, son. Hows my boy . Uh. Jeepers, youre home early. I bet you wanna tell mom about your game. Shes in the kitchen. Dennis, there was nothing boiling oh, hi, dear. Hi there, honey. How was your game . Miserable. It was so hot we can only play nine holes. You know what i found out . Its a lot cooler in the basement. Why dont you and mom go down there and cool off for a while . No, thanks. Ill go in and relax on the sofa. Mrs. Mitchell dennis, what did i tell you about your skates . But mom. Right now. Are you gonna run that old vacuum while dads trying to get some peace and quiet around here . Thats all right, honey. No, dennis is right. I just wasnt thinking. Come on, dennis. Mr. Mitchell thank you, honey. Gosh, poor old mom. I bet her back hurts from carrying all that heavy stuff, doing the wash and ironing, and scrubbing the floor, and all that stuff. Oh, honey, let me carry that for you. Oh, thank you, dear. [music] [quacks] mr. Wilson mitchell, ive been waiting for you to get home. What on earth . Come on in, mr. Wilson. Ooh. Oh. Mrs. Mitchell oh my goodness. Mr. Mitchell are you all right, mr. Wilson . I ought to sue you. I really ought to sue you, mitchell. Now, mr. Wilson. But i wont, you know why . cause im sorry for you, you have to live with him. Oh, mr. Wilson. Were so terribly sorry. What kind of a place is this to leave roller skates . 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Oh, martha gave that to me on our last wedding anniversary, it was the coolest pipe i ever owned. Im sorry about that, mr. Wilson. Id like to pay for a new one. Oh sure, and thats easy to say than id have to break it in. I dont know what else i can do. Well, you can do one thing. Duck . What duck . Dennis duck. I think you better sit down, mr. Wilson. Oh, thank you. Well, what are you gonna do about the duck . Frankly, mr. Wilson, we dont know what youre talking about. Im talking about dennis duck, the one hes been carrying around the neighborhood for the last three or four days. I think you must be mistaken, mr. Wilson. Well, i certainly havent seen it. You havent seen it . He carries it around in a carton. Why, ive seen him carry the carton into this house. I assure you, mr. Wilson, if dennis has been keeping a duck, wed know about it. Boy, there is sure a lot of noise. Oops. Im gonna go pick up my room. Dennis, get back here. Mom asked me to do it, dad, and i just havent gotten around to it. You also havent gotten around to picking up your roller skates gee, im sorry you fell over my skates, mr. Wilson. Dennis, do you know anything about a duck . Uhm, do you mean do they lay eggs . I mean, do you have one . A duck . Yeah. What color . Anything. Just white. What color of feet . Yellow. Dennis, stop it. If you have a duck, i want you to say so. Okay, i guess i have one. Aha, you see. Where in the world did you get a duck . From Charlie Spencer. He moved to new york and he had this swell duck left over from last easter so he gave it to me. Dennis, you shouldve asked permission to keep it. I started to. Dont you remember . Dennis you were in the living room reading the paper and i said, dad, do you like ducks . And you said, theyre delicious. Is that why you kept it a secret . Son, you know we wouldnt eat a pet duck. Well, i woul. Jeepers, i want you to like him, mr. Wilson. You know what i named him . George, after you. I dont want it named after me. But, youre my best friend, mr. Wilson. I dont want to be your best friend. Dont you like me, mr. Wilson . Oh, sure, dennis. Youre a nice kid. I mean, youre not malicious, i dont think, its just that youre such a jinx. Every time you show up, theres chaos, and im not a young man, dennis, and i cant stand it. Ive been saving a feather for you. Huh . Its to put in your hat. Well, now. Well, thank you, dennis. Youre a nice little boy, well see that he does, mr. Wilson. Yeah. [music] well, there we are, dennis. Im sure george will be a lot happier here than he was up in your closet. He sure is, boy. Good old george thinks this is swell, dont you, george . [quacks] dennis, theres just one thing i wanna be sure you understand. That duck must not leave our property so be very careful and keep this gate closed. Okay, dad. Ill be real careful with him. Especially be careful that he doesnt bother mr. Wilson. You know how upset he got. Yeah, he sure fell down, didnt he . I dont mean that, i meant about the duck. Oh, by the way, what have you been doing about food for george . Ive been giving him snails. What . Old Charlie Spencer says thats their favorite recipe, i got a whole box of them over by the fence. Youd better go get some. I think its about georges lunchtime. Okay. [music] jeepers, dad, the box was tipped over and all of em ran away. Every one of them. I guess youll just have to go out and collect some more. You wanna help me . Sorry, son. I still have my newspaper to read. Okay. Thanks for building the fence. Thats all right. You heard him, george . Okay, ill get you some food just as fast as i can. [music] martha, theres the most astonishing thing in our backyard. I went out to feed the goldfish whats so astonishing about that . Youve been finding them in the yard for years. Oh, martha, i love you for your womanly qualities, but you havent a scientific mind. When do i find them . Why, in the evening when they come out and eat your plants. Precisely, my dear. And in our backyard, i have discovered a new specie that comes out in the hot sun. And furthermore, they travel in herds. Oh, george, really. I intend to write a scientific paper to read before the garden club. Well, how can you write a scientific paper when you havent the evidence . But, martha, my dear, i have the evidence. In our backyard, there are hundreds of snails and they are traveling in a herd. Nonsense. Well, at this very moment, theyre over by the fence grazing. Oh. Well, ive got to hurry. Mrs. Wilson where are you going . Oh, im going to collect my light meter tripod, portrait camera, film, and filters, [quacks] i wanna be sure these pictures turn out, so im using a very expensive film. Its a ultra fine grain, super panchromatic quadruple x high speed. High speed . For a snail . Oh, its technical, martha. You wouldnt understand. Why, this film is so sensitive you can practically take pictures in the dark. To load my camera, i have to go in the closet. I tell you, the slightest ray of light could ruin it. [doorbell ringing] hi, mrs. Wilson. Is mr. Wilson home . Yes, dennis, come in. Thank you. Hes in the closet. He is . Mr. Wilson oh no. He isnt hiding, dennis. Are you looking for your overcoat, mr. Wilson . Mr. Wilson no. Your bowling ball . Mr. Wilson no, im not looking for anything. Are you sulking . Mr. Wilson great scott. Im loading my camera in the dark. Oh, is this better . [screaming] he did it again. It happened so fast, i couldnt stop it. Whats this, mr. Wilson . That was a 3. 80 roll of film. You got cheated. None of your pictures came out. Dennis, what do you want . Mr. Wilson, is it okay if i go out in your yard and hunt for absolutely not. Youre not even to set foot in my yard. Okay. Martha, will you hurry . Come on. I dont see why you really need me. Because i wanna get the focus perfect. You can hold one end of the tape measure. Imartha, the duck. Hes eating the snails. [quacks] shoo. Go on. Get out of here. Go on. Get out of here. Get out of here. Go on. Shoo. And so the duck has just got to go. But, mr. Wilson now, let me just run over what that duck has done. He dug holes in my lawn, he bit me, he ate most of goldfish, mr. Wilson hes made a nervous wreck out of my dog, and he robbed me of the presidency of the garden club. What . I was going to write a paper on a scientific curiosity which would have given me great standing as a gardener and naturalist. Before i could do it, the blasted duck ate the evidence. Well, im sorry about that, mr. Wilson. Honey, i guess well just have to get rid of it. Mrs. Mitchell im sure dennis will keep it locked up. Now, mrs. Mitchell, maybe i didnt make quite clear the extent of the damage. Now, those goldfish were very valuable. I bred them myself and raised them from the eggs. Ive only a couple left and i dont want to lose those. [music] all i ask is that dennis understand why its necessary. Tell him the ducks vicious. I cacat do that. Ill just explain that the duck will be happier at the lake in the park. Therell be other ducks around. Of course it will be happier and so will i. Well, the park is only three blocks away. Dennis could go to see it. Hi. Hello, son. We wanna talk to you. Well, go ahead. You tell him, mr. Wilson. Well, hes your son. Well, all right. Excuse me. Boy, there goes the best mom in the whole world, huh, dad . Thats right, son, but i and i know why shes the best mom in the whole world cause shes a mom. All right, son, but i wanna moms, do you think theyre swell too . Moms yes, dennis. I wanna talk to you about the duck. Oh, you mean george . I think hes gonna be a mother. Hes out there with a whole nest full of eggs. Great scott. What . [music] see, there they are. Huh . Well, i dont know. They look awfully small for duck eggs. Mr. Wilson, look how many he i mean, she lays. I dont see how we can move her to the park. If that duck is gonna hatch these eggs, these are gonna get frostbitten. Why, theyre ice cold. They are . I wonder how george happened to lay ice cold eggs. You got these eggs out of the refrigerator, didnt you, dennis . Okay, yes. All right. Take them back, right away. Ill get the carton. Its on the porch. But if you give george away, you can just give me away too. That man. Well, martha, the traps all set. Oh, george, that trap is ridiculous and you know it. It is not. Its diabolically clever. I baited it with some of those seedlings that duck relishes. How are you gonna pull the string from in here . Ah, thats the cleverest part. You see, i hung a cluster of those seedlings from a string. Now, when the duck pulls on that, that trips the stick, down comes the box, and i hear the bell. What are you gonna do with him if you catch him . Well, when i catch him, ill take him to the lake. 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Com dont wait i mean why dont take the chance [music] why, who said ducks dont snarl . Freemont, what are you doing in there . [music] for heaven sakes, george, youre a mess. Oh, ive been up in the attic, martha. In your good slacks . Well, this was an emergency. I went up there to find this. What is it . This is my old duck call. Hunters use them to lure ducks. In my day, i was known as the best duck caller in the state. An old indian guide taught me. And what are you gonna do with it . Ah, im going to lure dennis duck out of his yard its a cinch that mitchell wont settle this thing, im going to solve it once and for all. Well, thats a silly way to do it. Oh, youll see, my dear, ducks always found my technique irresistible. [makes duck noise] if youre going to make that silly noise, go outside with it. And have dennis see me . Oh, no. Im going to wait till the duck comes into our yard, and then ill go out, and lure him down the sidewalk, and into the lake. [makes duck noise] this is the most ridiculous thing youve done yet. [makes duck noise] dennis, that duck of yours is making an awful lot of noise. Thats not george. My duck got all excited and tried to get out of the garage. So i locked the garage door. [quacks] [makes duck noise] will you stop it now . The duck isnt coming. Itll come. Youll see. Ill just blow it a little louder. [makes duck noise] [quacks] oh. Oh. George, dont just stand there. Catch them and take them outside, oh. [quacks] starring barbara billingsley, hugh beaumont, tony dow, and Jerry Mathers sighs [june] oh are you home . Yep, i think so. What are you doing . Im gonna need a new bulb in here. No you dont, dear. Sorry, i was vacuuming in here today. Now whats wrong with it . Well it must have broken the bulb when i was shaking it. Whatd you shake it for . Well. Nevermind, dear. Oh, would you make a little fuss over wally at supper . Whats up . Well, hes been elected to a club called the crusaders at high school, and they only took in ten sophomores, so its quite an honor. What kind of a clubs this . Lettermans club. School sponsors it, and they put on plays and things. Well, fine ill um, ill make the same kind of fuss i made when he brought his grade up in spanish. Its sort of a b plus type fuss. audience laughs i married a genius. Yeah, i know well, wally, i understand you made the crusaders at school. Thats quite an honor. Well yeah, dad. Crusaders is a real neat club. Who else in your class was invited to join . Well, from my homeroom, Eddie Haskell was the only other guy. I didnt know eddie had made his letter . Well, he was assistant manager of the Basketball Team. They had to give him a letter cause in the middle of the season the real manager got the mumps. audience laughs but somehow that sounds like eddie. What activities do the crusaders plan, wally . Well in a couple of weeks, were gonna put on the crusader follies. Its kind of a satire. The guys do it every year. What part do you think youll have, wally . Well i dont know. I just got into the crusaders, so theyll probably just give me a standin around part. Now wally, i dont think a fella should always be running himself down. Wally, ill bet youll just have a wonderful part. Well i dont know if ill have a wonderful part or not, cause Duke Hathaway, hes the head of the thing, i asked him today and he said we get our parts and costumes tomorrow and i was a sophomore so i should shut up. audience laughs you know, mom . Id hate to be a cow and get grinded up like this. Now beaver. Even if i was dead it would still hurt. Wait beaver, this is our supper. Yes, mom. Hi wally hi wally hi mom. Were grinding up a cow for supper. Yeah, sure. Well wally, what do you have there . Wally, you have a big box under your arm, what is it . Its nothing, mom. Well, i never heard of a boy bringing home a box full of nothing, did you, beaver . Not unless he was a creep. audience laughs wally, that must be your costume for the play, isnt it . Well, sort of. Dont you want to show it to us . No thank you, mom. Well now why would wally be acting like that . I dont know, mom. I guess cause hes a teenager. audience laughs hey wally . Whatcha doin . Thinkin about girls again . No, im not thinkin about girls. Hey, how about lettin me see the costume you brought home for the play . Look, im not lettin ya see it. I dont want you getting your grubby hands on it. My hands arent grubby, i just washed em. audience laughs im not hiding, im just trying to get a few business letters written. Dear, i know you have problems of your own, but do you realize you have two children . There are rumors to that effect. Wallys acting strange. Well sure, hes a teenager. I got that much out of the beaver. audience laughs well uh, what do you mean, hes acting strange . Well, i know he got his part in the play, but he wont talk about it. And im just sure that somethings bothering him. Well june, what do you want me to do . Well youre his father, cant you go up and get it out of him in a roundabout way . All right. But um, why do i always have to be the sneaky one . Dear, youre not being sneaky, youre just being a father. Oh. Well fellas, how are we feeling . Well im ok but wallys being a creep. [wally] i am not. Oh well wally, i understand youve got your part yes, sir. Well, is it a good role . I dont know. Ive never been in a play before. Oh. Well of course if you dont wanna talk about it, why uh, ill just drop the subject. chuckles weakly thatll be ok with me, dad. audience laughs yeah well uh, supperll be ready in a little while, fellas. Hey wally, if somethins bothering you, why dont you tell me about it . Maybe i could help ya. Why does everybody have to pick on me . Did you find out what was bothering wally . Uhuh. I must be losing my touch. [gilbert] you sure you left your baseball in here, beaver . Sure, gilbert. Wally and i were playing catch with it last night. Take a look under the bed. [gilbert] hey beaver, whats this big box . For a play. Only hes been hidin it on me. Lets open it and see what it is. Nah, i dont think we should. Aw come on. It must be somethin good if hes hidin it. Its just an old cowboy suit or somethin. audience laughs funniest lookin cowboy suit i ever saw look, gilbert its a dress with a skirt and everything hey, look at these shoes audience laughs well, ive seen these kinda dresses on television. Ladies that dance in saloons wear em. You dont think your brothers gonna dance in a saloon . I dont know hey gilbert, look at these crazy shoes audience laughs laughing [wally] put that down, ya little sneaks hello, wally. Hi wally. Boy, what a little sneak i thought i told ya to keep your grubby hands off my stuff well gee wally, i did mean to find it, it was just an accident boy, what a couple of little rats. I oughta clop you one. Beaver, i think i better go home for dinner now. audience laughs look beaver, im telling ya. If you say anything to anybody about this, im gonna fix ya good. Oh hello there, gilbert hello, mr. Cleaver. Wait, been upstairs playing with beaver . Yeah but ive gotta go home now on account of he and wally are fightin. Goodbye, mr. Cleaver. [june] oh, where are you going . Uh beaver and wally are fighting. [wally] leave it in the box, ya little creep let me have that stop pushing me around rips now look what ya did here wait a minute, boys. Whats the matter . Im gonna clop him, dad he ripped my dress now wait a minute. Whats going on here . Beaver ripped wallys dress. Well its just his crummy costume for the play wally why is your costume a dress . Cause hes gonna be a girl audience laughs a girl . Yeah, the crusaders are all guys and they gotta play all the parts, and well somebodys gotta play the dance hall girl and they gave it to me and im not gonna do it what are the other fellas gonna think of you if you dont get into the spirit of the thing . Its all part of being a member of the crusaders. I dont care. I dont wanna do it. Oh come on, wally. You slip it on after supper and ill see if i cant sew it up. Well, maybe. Thats a boy now then you two, no more fighting. Yes, sir. Here you are, wally. You two get ready for dinner. Now what are ya doin . I just wanna see audience laughs cut it out, will ya . crickets chirping hey dad, can i come in now . [ward] no, beaver you stay out of here [wally] yeah, you keep outta here heck, i always gotta miss all the good stuff. Well it doesnt look so bad. Come on wally, take a few steps. I wanna see how it hangs in the back. audience laughs saloon music audience laughs no sir nothin doin oh now, wally uhuh ill quit the crusaders ill quit the school ill quit the whole town if i have to listen oh wally you know, id sure hate to see wally pull out of the crusaders before he even gets started. So would i. But i think i understand the way he feels about playing the dance hall girl. Well its all in the spirit of fun. laughs gee, when i was in college, i did a sketch where i put on a grass skirt and played a hula girl. Wally just happens to be a little more like my side of the family. More sensitive. Well dear, what do you think the cleavers are . Hard headed neanderthals . No but, well Something Like this can be very embarrassing. When i was in school, i had to play the part of george washington. I felt so self conscious in those trousers and silk stockings and wig. ward laughing you know something . I just cant picture you at valley forge. It wasnt funny to me they even sent for my mother and i still wouldnt do it. Well, wally just cant go through his whole life being sensitive. Why not . You want him to be somebody he isnt . Oh of course not, but i, i well dear i guess it does all boil down to the fact that some fellas can go along with a joke like this and others cant. But i just dont wanna see wally be a quitter. I think ill go up and talk to him after a little. Maybe he could switch parts with someone else. This is the way it is, duke. But my studies come first and i shall not be able to accept the part. Nah, thats no good. Look duke, let me level with ya. This playin a girl is for the birds audience laughs hey whatre you snooping at . Im just watching you be a quitter. Dont rub it in, huh beav . Im not. If i had to play a girl, id get sick to my stomach. audience laughs yeah. If i have to get up on that stage, that just might be what ill do. audience laughs knock on door well if you make him do it, dad, hes gonna get sick right up on the stage. audience laughs well, im not gonna make you do it, wally, but i think theres a way you can still stay in the club. But gee, dad, if i turn down the part, the dukell throw me out of the crusaders. Not if you switch parts with someone else. But i dont know anybody goofy enough that would play a girl. Well uh, maybe you dont have to ask someone directly. That someonell be begging you for it. How can you make playin a girl look good . Wally, did you ever hear the story about the fox and the bear and the quicksand . Is that like a cartoon on television, dad . No, its an old fable, beaver. Oh. I think ill go downstairs and have mom help me with my spelling. You could stick around, this is a pretty good story. What is it, dad . Well, one day this fox fell into a pit of quicksand and no matter how hard he tried to get out, he just kept sinking deeper and deeper. Well finally a bear came along and the big ole bear said, what are you doin down there . And the smart fox said, im takin a little swim. Gee dad, thats neat you talk just like a bear and a fox. Thank you, beaver. Anyway, the fox kept telling the bear you know, how fine the water was and what a wonderful swim he was having, til the bear finally got so excited, and the fox jumped on his shoulders and got out. Well gee dad, thats just like a kids story. slaps look, wally. Dont you see . Right now, youre the fox in the quicksand. What you have to do is find yourself a bear. Yeah, sure dad. audience laughs it uh, it just might work, son. door shuts hey wally, what happened to the bear . Did he wait around for an elephant to come along and talk him into goin swimmin . Nah, i dont think elephants mess around much with bears. Have you told wally about switching parts . Yeah uh, i think hes agreeable. I told him the story about the fox and the bear. laughs dear, why dont you tell me stories anymore . When we were first married you always told me stories. Well dear, somewhere along the line i got the feeling you werent listening anymore. This is the captain, blow both tanks, zoom hey beaver, what are you doin . Oh hi, wally. I was pretending im the captain of an atomic submarine, and the squadrons in the north pole. Boy what a dumb thing to be doin. Well its better than goin in the house and gettin yelled at. Why would you get yelled at . You know how it is. Hey, did you get out of bein a girl in that play . Nah. I kinda hinted around to lump and tooey, but they wouldnt go for it. Yeah. I guess you gotta be a pretty smart fox to make that stuff work. Yeah. You gotta find yourself a pretty dumb bear, too. Hey, maybe the crusaders can take in a real girl to play the part of the saloon lady. Well heck, beaver, you cant take girls in a club with boys. They got a rule against havin that much fun. audience laughs [eddie] singing please come home, your lovin daddys all alone. Hi, eddie. [eddie] well, if it isnt the queen of the dance hall girls. laughs what are you laughin at, eddie . The stage in that dress. Gee, Duke Hathaway tells me thats just about the biggest part in the whole play. You mean you got a lot of lines . Oh i dont know, eight or nine pages. Mary ellen rogers said she might come over and coach me. She said she might come over a couple of nights a week. Mary ellen rogers, huh . Yeah. audience laughs well how many lines do you have in the play, eddie . Well i say, here comes the sheriff later on i say, somebody stole our horses gee you know your part already, eddie. Youre not gonna need any coaching from girls or anything [wally] well i guess i like your two lines as much as if you had a real part. audience laughs uh hey beaver, you wanna throw the football around after supper . Yeah, id like to throw the football around after supper. Ok, then well throw the football around after supper. Uh hey wally . [wally] yeah . Do you not really mind bein a girl in the play . Well gee, a guys gotta get in the spirit and horse around with the other fellas, hey wally, all the guys from my class are comin. Will you give em your autograph . Well sure. Why should i be stuck up . audience laughs hey wally, tell me somethin. How come the duke gave you such a good part . Well i guess the duke wanted to give it to a swinger. The duke thinks youre a swinger . Well he gave me the part, didnt he . Hey beav, do you want to throw the football around now . Yeah, id like to throw a football around now. Ok. Will you excuse us, eddie . Were gonna throw the football around now. Yeah, sure. Well uh, ill see you later, eddie. Yeah, see you guys. Hey beav . Ya think he fell for it . I dont know. Eddie always looks so sneaky, you cant really tell what hes thinkin about. Hey you wanna throw the football around now . Heck no. audience laughs yeah, yes well i dont think so, but thank you very much for calling. Goodbye. Who was that on the phone . That was a mr. O rourke. He says for 7. 50 a month hell guarantee us a bugfree home. Well that doesnt sound very flattering, implying we have bugs. Well you have to look at it this way, dear, our bugs are his bread and butter. audience laughs wally seemed a little happier this evening. Well maybe hes finally getting used to the idea of playing a dance hall girl. Well you got used to playing a hula girl, didnt you . Dear, i wish youd forget about that. I will if youll forget about my playing george washington. Thats a deal. doorbell rings here, ill get it. Good evening, mr. Cleaver, im harold hathaway, i wonder if i can see wally . Oh uh, well i think hes doing his homework. Yeah well, just tell him the duke is here. audience laughs wally wally [wally] yeah, dad . The uh, the duke is here [wally] be right there, dad. Well uh, duke, is mayfield going to have another good Basketball Team next year . Oh i dont think so, mr. Cleaver, im graduating. audience laughs hello, cleaver. Oh hi, duke. I wonder if i might speak to you alone . Oh well why dont you fellas use the den . Why thank you, mr. Cleaver. Was that Duke Hathaway . Uhhuh. Wish id gone to the door. Ive never met a swinger. You can catch him on the way out. Whyd they close the door . Because they didnt want us to hear. Why didnt they want us to hear . Because were parents. Well thats big of you to see it that way, cleaver. Good evening mr. Cleaver, mrs. Cleaver. Good evening. Nice of you to let me intrude like this. Oh its all right. Well uh, goodnight, duke. Goodnight old boy. door closing my, he is a swinger, isnt he . Gee thanks a lot, dad. Hey come back here what happened . Yes, what did you and the duke talk about . Oh. Well uh, Eddie Haskell went over to see the duke this afternoon and uh, he whined around so duke came over to ask me if id do the crusaders a big favor by letting eddie play the dance hall girl. You mean youre not going to be in the play . Oh no, i got another part. Well thats fine. Say uh, if you like, well help you with the lines. Oh no thatssk, i already know em. I only have two lines. All i say is, here comes the sheriff and then later on i say, somebody stole our horses well wally, i thought that was a very enjoyable evening. Yes, it was just fine. You crusaders should be very proud of yourselves. Yeah well, thanks a lot mom. Hey wally, that was real funny when you said, somebody stole our horses when you were supposed to say, here comes the sheriff yeah, nobody knew it was supposed to be the other way around. How about a snack . Yeah, all that laughing made my stomach empty. audience laughs come on. Oh i thought Eddie Haskell was just wonderful playing that dance hall girl. Hes certainly got a lot of out of the part, didnt he . Oh whats the matter, wally . Eddie doing that dance hall girl so well and everybody applauding and the girls makin a big fuss over him, maybe i shouldve kept that part. Well wally, i wouldnt want to see you go overboard on it, but i dont think it would hurt if you were a little bit like eddie. Yes and it certainly wouldnt hurt eddie if he was a little bit like wally. Very true. Come on, beaver. What are you gonna have . Ill have some ground up cow audience laughs starring barbara billingsley, hugh beaumont, the toy parade instrumental by dave kahn, Melvyn Leonard and mort green tony dow, and Jerry Mathers as the beaver. A few years later, i was a type 2 diabetic. But im not anymore. Diabetes causes neuropathy, blindness, and amputation. 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Anyone over 65 with a medical condition that inhibits mobility. Particularly if they live alone needs a philips lifeline. Philips lifeline has been recommended by more than 200,000 Healthcare Professionals and serve more than 7 million seniors. There is so much at stake, to find out more. Call or go online now. Innovation and you. Philips lifeline. No more pencils. No more books. No more tea laughter hello, miss landers. Well richard, you seem quite happy that fridays the last day of school. Well, you know how it is, miss landers. I think i do, i was in the fourth grade once. No fooling, miss landers . Thats right. Gee, its kinda hard to figure you getting yelled at by a teacher. Well, i had my share of scolding. Miss landers, should i throw this away . That cant be yours, beaver, where did it come from . I dont know, it was in my locker when i got it last fall. laughter i think it would be safe to throw it away. [boys] yes, miss landers. paper rustling look, kathleen. The pigs are cleaning out their pigpen. laughter hey judy, is that your own face or youre breaking it in for a witch . Thats not so funny. Not as funny as your face. laughter beaver. scowls why beaver, are you sticking your tongue out at judy . No, miss landers, i was just giving it some air. All right, everyone in the classroom, come on. Boy, i cant wait till friday to see the last of that creepy judy. Hey beaver, what do you suppose this is . Smells like it used to be a peach. laughter smells like it used to be a peach a heck of a long time ago. laughter hey mom, tomorrows the last day of school and hey dad, how come youre eating standing up . Because im in a hurry, beav. I guess the food goes down faster that way, huh dad . Yeah, i guess so. [mom] what did you want for school, beaver . Well, you see mom, tomorrows the last day of school and were gonna have a little party, and were all bringing presents for miss landers. Only thing is shouldnt cost too much so it wont look like were giving the teacher payola. laughter i think your mother could find something thatll avoid the suggestion of bribery. Say mom, could hey dad, how come youre eating standing up . This way, the food goes down faster. He got that one from me. laughter [dad] well, bye dear. [mom] bye. [boys] bye, dad. Just think, beaver, tomorrow is the last day of school. Boy, thats a gyp, we gotta stick around a whole extra week and watch the crummy seniors graduate. Dont worry, wally, one of these days youll be a crummy senior and ill have to stay around and watch you graduate. laughter yeah, i suppose so. Hey mom, would you get miss landers something kind of nice . Shes not only a good teacher, shes a pretty good guy too. You know something mom . I think the beaver is stuck on his teacher. Well, i am not, well, i was stuck on her the first year i had her. But now, i just like her like i like mom. Now, isnt that a sweet thing for you to say, beaver . Hes knows its sweet of him too, mom, dont worry. laughter i wonder what the creepy judy hensler is getting miss landers . I wonder if its all right to give a teacher something to make her smell like a rose. Sure, they got as much right as anybody to smell like a rose. laughter hey richard, what are you getting miss landers . Oh, im getting her a frog to hold down her papers. A real frog . Nah, an iron frog, a real frog would just jump around. laughter bell rings upbeat big band music door bell rings i forgot my key. What are you doing home in the middle of the morning . exclaims well, i left in such a hurry this morning i forgot my briefcase. Dear, now that youre home, why dont you have lunch here . exclaims id love to dear, but Fred Rutherford invited me to lunch at the hampshire house. Fred rutherford, isnt that over generous of him . Well, i was on the phone to the new york office all morning and hes just anxious to find out if i learned anything special. laughter well, did you . No, but im not gonna tell him that until after lunch. [mom] always teasing that poor old fred. exclaims say june, did you get beavers present for miss landers . I just was gonna call the store. I thought some handkerchiefs would be a nice middle of the road gift. Yeah, fine. Dear, arent you gonna kiss me goodbye . Well all right, but ive kissed you once this morning already. laughter rotary dialing hello louise, this is june cleaver. Im fine, thank you, say louise, i need some handkerchiefs. exclaims about a half of dozen. Thatd be fine, exclaims louise, louise remember those two nylon slips i bought last week . Well, would you send me another one . Yes, the same size, good. exclaims and would you put them in separate packages . I want the handkerchiefs gift wrapped. All right, thanks so much, bye. [wally] hi, beav. [beaver] hi, wally. Hey, wheres mom and dad . I dont know, but breakfast was down here by itself when i came in. And mines is here too. No, its not spooky, they probably just went upstairs to get something. [mom] hi, boys. [dad] hello, fellas. Hi, mom. Well, i see you found your breakfast. Yeah, where you guys been . exclaims i just went upstairs to get my purse and gloves. Beaver said you guys ran off and deserted us. I did not, i just said it was spooky. Your mother is going to take me down to the office this morning. She wants to use the car today, come on dear. Hey mom, did you get my present for miss landers . exclaims yes beaver, in on the hall table. Now look, i want both of you boys to finish your breakfast. And wally, would you see that this back door is locked . Dear mom, what is it . Beaver, you come right home after school, too. Dear, i have an appointment at the office early. exclaims all right dear, all right, see you later boys. [wally] bye, mom. [mom] bye. [beaver] bye, mom. Hey, where you going . Im gonna get my present for miss landers. Heres the present. It looks kind of big. I wonder whats in there. What difference does it make . Its supposed to be a surprise, isnt it . It supposed to be a surprise for miss landers. Its not supposed to be a surprise for me. Boy, id sure like to know whats in there. Well here, let me see it. I think if you slip the ribbon off this end you can open it and put it back on again. Hey wally, whered you learn that . At christmas time when i used to be a kid. laughter whatever it is, its pink. Yeah, its got some kind of lace on it. laughter thats some kind of ladies underwear, isnt it . Sure, its some kind of ladies underwear. Gee wally, i cant give miss landers underwear in front of the whole class. Well, maybe you could, youre just a little kid. Yeah, but im not that little a kid. laughter yeah, i guess youre not. Boy, its a lucky thing you opened this. What would you have done if miss landers would have held that up in front of the whole class . Guess i would have died. laughter what are you gonna do, its the only present you got . Mexico for the rest of my life. laughter yeah, but you better go to school first. You dont want to go getting yourself in all kinds of trouble. Im just not gonna give it to her. Hey beaver, maybe you can take the card off it and give it to her anonymously. Hey wally, thats a good. Nah, then id be the only kid without a present, and shed know i was unanimous. Hey wally, you drank my milk didnt you . Yeah but, im sorry, if i would have known this was gonna happen to ya, i wouldnt have done it. exclaims why judy, thats a lovely bottle of perfume isnt is class . [class] yes, miss landers. Youre only supposed to use a little at a time cause its so expensive. laughter well, ill remember that, judy. Did you like my fountain pen, miss landers . Why, its very nice, gilbert. You can smear a whole piece of paper with butter, and then write a letter on it. Well, thats wonderful, isnt it class . You like my iron frog, miss landers . I certainly do, richard. If you dont have any papers to hold down during the summer, you can hold back doors with it. laughter [miss landers] thank you, richard. You know how to work my present, miss landers . Well, not exactly, whitey. You put it on your head like this, laughter then you punch at it. laughter this is just so it wont hit you in the nose. Of course it wouldnt hurt if it did hit you in the nose. But this is here so it wont hit you in the nose. I see, that was very sweet of you. And i want to thank all of you for your presents. All except beaver, he didnt bring any. exclaims well, beaver gave me a very nice present, that wasnt a real present. That was just some old postcard somebody wrote to his mother. gloomy music plays well, its the thought that counts. And now, i have a surprise for all of you. Were all going to the cafeteria and were gonna have ice cream and cake. murmurs now, come along quietly, children. Hey beav, what happened . You spend your money on candy or something . Dry up will ya, whitey . You cant tell me to dry up, im your pal. Dry up anyway. laughter hi, dear. Well hi, i was gonna go down to the office and pick you up and soon as i finished this. Well, Fred Rutherford gave me a ride home. He left the office early today. He had to stop by the doctors to pick up his boy, lumpy. No, he cut his mouth playing clarinet in the school band. [mom] well, how did he do that . Well, it seems the band was practicing for the Graduation Parade and they made a quick turn and lumpy marched into a brick wall. laughter i supposed that could only happen to a rutherford. Any of our offspring around . Well, beaver isnt. His class is having a little party to celebrate the last day of school. Well, when i was a kid, we used to celebrate the last day of school by taking our shoes off. And we never put em on again for the rest of the summer. Now ward, dont you go telling the boys that kind of story. [wally] what kind of stories, dad . exclaims stories about me running around barefooted when i was a boy. Yes wally, and i dont want you doing things like that. exclaims i guess thats too much fun, huh dad . Yeah, Something Like that. Hey, wheres the beaver . [mom] hes not home yet. Well gee, i thought hed be home crying a long time ago. laughter exclaims well, well heck, i dont know. You know how kids his age are. Theyll cry about a lot of stuff. laughter well, i gotta be going now, im gonna go mess around. laughter slams ward, the way wallys talking, you think somethings going on that we dont know about . Dear, when you have children, theres always something going on you dont know about. laughter [mom] well, what are we gonna do about it. Theres nothing you can do. Just have to sit tight and wait for the explosion. laughter knocking come in. Why theodore, i thought all you boys and girls went home. Yes, miss landers, all us boys and girls went home except for me. Well, did you want something . Well, i started to go home. [miss landers] well, what about . Well, that present i gave you, that was just an old postcard that somebody sent my mother. Well, it was nice of you anyway, beaver. Well, i wanted to explain why i didnt get you a real present. Its not on account that i dont like you or im a rat or anything. laughter exclaims well, i know that. Well, you see, my mother was gonna buy you a present but something happened. Well, maybe your mother was busy and didnt have time to go shopping. Yeah, thats what happened, shes been busy. Shes been busy being sick. Sick, is it anything serious . exclaims no, its just pneumonia. laughter pneumonia . exclaims why beaver, thats very serious. exclaims its not the dying kind of pneumonia. Its just the kind that wont let you go shopping. laughter exclaims that kind of pneumonia. stutters no, miss landers. Miss landers, there is something else. exclaims yeah, i want to tell ya i was just making all that junk up. Well, i thought perhaps you were, beaver. Well, i got you a present and its in my empty locker. But i was too scared to give it to you. [miss landers] well, why beaver . On account of its, its whispers underwear. laughter [miss landers] underwear its ladies kind of underwear, a slip. A slip . Well, yeah and its got strings and lace and gee heck, my mother bought it for you. I guess that would have been kind of embarrassing in front of the class. laughter [miss landers] i think i understand, beaver. And dont you worry about it. And thank you very much for your postcard. Well, miss landers, that thing were talking about, i guess its kind of nice that my mom bought it for you and everything. Its outside in my empty locker. Well, would you like to go and get it now . exclaims no, i was just thinking, after i leave the building, it wouldnt be too embarrassing for me if you went and got it. laughter all right, beaver and you have a nice vacation. Thank you, miss landers, you have a nice vacation too. Ward . Yeah, im in here, dear. exclaims ward, look, i just opened this this package from borgmans and look what i found . laughter they look like handkerchiefs to me. Well, of course theyre handkerchiefs. They were supposed to be gift wrapped for beaver to take to miss landers. Well beaver took a package this morning. There was one on the hall table. What he took this morning was the slip i ordered. laughter june, you mean our son went happily off to school this morning with a slip for his teacher tucked under his arm . It was a very lovely slip. Why, im afraid you missed the point. Can you imagine beavers feelings when miss landers opened it in front of the whole class . laughter exclaims dear, it must have been awful. Awfuls hardly the word for it. No wonder hes late getting home. I wouldnt be surprised if he never comes back. laughter but ward, hes gonna blame me for it. Hi mom, hi dad. laughter exclaims beaver, you poor dear, you little darling. Gee mom, its just me. I want you to know beaver, it wasnt my fault. No beaver, your mother got some handkerchiefs [mom] it was just a mistake. Yeah mom, i kept telling myself you wouldnt do this to me. Now, im sure glad i can believe what i was saying. laughter exclaims im gonna call up miss landers and im gonna explain the whole thing to her. Hang on, mom, well i dont want you to do that. Well, do you want me to do it . Gee dad, no, i dont want you talking underwear to my teacher either. laughter well beaver, i think someone should call her up and straighten this out. Well, gee dad, me and miss landers already got it straightened out. Trying to straighten it out again just might mess it up. laughter all right, beaver. Well, hes got himself involved in a real mix up, didnt he . Yes, and when he left this morning, he was looking forward to a happy carefree day. I guess its pretty hard to have a happy carefree day when youre beavers age. About the only way to really guarantee it is to stay away from adults. Only three places set this morning . Yes, theres no school for beaver today and he wanted to sleep. exclaims well, he may as well enjoy his luxury until his final report card comes. Now ward, beaver always gets good grades in his studies. exclaims i know that, its, its those fringe areas im worried about. You know, like last month he got b minus in tenacity. laughter do you suppose thats good or bad . I supposed it depends whether youre a boy or a bull dog. laughter hey, whats the idea of you just sitting there and staring at me . I can stare at you if i wanna. Youre just doing that cause i gotta go to school and you dont. Thats right, it makes me feel real neat. laughter okay, okay, but just wait until School Starts up again, then you goto go two days before i do. Im just gonna lie around in bed and watch you go to school. Okay you can be a rat then but im having fun being a rat now. See ya later, beav. See ya, wally. the toy parade instrumental by well take her. All righty. Shes only 9. 95. Is that cash or charge . Charge. Would you like it giftwrapped . Oh, yes. Thank tabitha, im going to be right over here at the cashiers, okay . Okay, mommy. My, you certainly are a lucky little g going to a birthday party. I know. Have fun while youre a kid, tabitha. Because when you get to be an old adult like me, youll have all sorts of things, kids have got it made in this uptight world. Dont you lik oh, sure. But, boy, if i could be a kid again. Youd like to be a little boy . I sure would. I had more fun when i was 9 years old than ive had in all the years since. Okay. Then say it. Say what . Say, i wish i were 9 years old again. Oh, i get it. Makebelieve, huh . All right. I wish i were 9 years old again. [ tinkles ] thats whats so great about being a child. You have time for makebelieve. Makebelieve . Bye. Thank you. Well, little boy. What are you doing behind the counter . Im not a little boy, mr. Waterman. Im your salesman irving bates. Okay, sonny. Whats the joke . This is no joke. I was just talking to that little girl over there hey shes gone [ laughing ] hello. Im Jerry Mathers. I was the beaver in leave it to beaver. A few years later, i was a type 2 diabetic. But im not anymore. Diabetes causes neuropathy, blindness, and amputation. At its worst, it can kill you. Today i want you to have a look at an amazing breakthrough that has stopped diabetes in its tracks for over 200,000 people just like you and me. Now you can do the same thing, because its all spelled out in a very special system called the diabetes solution kit. I urge you to try this allnatural, doneforyou program so you can finally live independent of drugs and insulin shots. Excuse me. Mr. Waterman, please believe me. Im irving bates. Now, go away, little boy. Madam, may i help you . Our salesman seems to be hiding somewhere. But im your salesman all right, sonny. Obviously bates is paying you to torture me. Now, where is he . I told you, im [ sighs ] okay, ill tell you. Hes over in Sporting Goods goofing off. Excuse me. Ill get to the bottom of this. Ah, here it is stephens. 1164 Morning Glory circle. Westport. [ engine sputtering ] [ doorbell rings ] coming [ doorbell rings ] all right. Hello, there. My, arent we all dressed up this morning . Thats right, and your daughters the one who dressed me. Just what exactly do you mean by that, young man . I mean im having a wild nightmare, and you and your daughter are in it. Are you new in the neighborhood . Not only am i new in the neighborhood, im a whole new size thanks to your daughter. What did she do . There. Look familiar . Irving bates. Oh, now i know. The toy salesman at hanleys department store. Your father . No, but youre close. Its me. Oh, my stars you better come in. Tabitha where i end up getting married. Did you want me, mommy . Oh, hi, mister. Do you like being a little boy again . Tabitha, what happened . I just realized something. I dream in full c mr. Bates look, this seems why dont you call me irving . Okay. Irving i would like to talk to tabitha for a minute, so you just keep right on dreaming. All right. If i wake up before you get back, nice meeting you. [ laughs nervously ] come with me. All right, young lady. You know youre not supposed to do things like that. You change him back immediately. But irving said it would be fun to be a little boy again. That doesnt mean he expected it to happen. Now, go ahead. Okay. Tabitha, youre not trying. Yes, i am, mommy. You wait here. Irving, little boys do not play with matches. Im not a little boy. Im just having a dream. [ sighs ] irving. I dont know how to tell you this. Except to come right out and tell you this. Tell me what . Youre not dreaming. Oh, come on. What do you call it when a fullgrown man suddenly finds himself turned into a 9yearold boy . Well, there is a name for it. What are you talking about . How does the word witchcraft hit you . Youre pulling my leg. You see, i am a witch. So is tabitha. Well, i wont hold that against you. Im a liberal. What am i saying . Theres no such thing as witches. Then how do you explain your second childhood . Well, i can explain that. Id better call the cops. Irving, do you really think theyre gonna believe you . Why, of course. They can see for themselves. Youre right. I dont believe me. Ill think of something. Just try to be patient. Patient . you forget. Im on the missing list. My boss is looking for me, and check that. Im sure to be fired by now. I was supposed to meet my girl for lunch two hours ago ill bet shes furious. Youd better talk to her. Tell her youre a friend of the family. Her names ruthie. Hello. Is is this ruthie . Well, im calling for irving, and hes sorry he couldnt make lunch today. Who is this . This is a friend of the family. And irving wanted you to know that hes a little under the weather. Oh. And why didnt he call me himself . Well, because at the moment, hes. Not quite up to i and are you nursing him back to health . Yes ii mean no. Were just good friends. Well, you can tell mr. Irving bates that hes stood me up for the last time, and you can also tell him that hes a pretty small person. But, ruthie but, ru what happened . She hung up. Swell. Ive lost my girl and my job. If this isnt a nightmare, id better stay a little boy. Oh, now, dont you worry, irving. Well get you out of this mess. Irving, thats my husband. You just pretend youre a friend of tabithas. Isnt she a little young for me . Just do as i say. What if i dont want to . You see that . [ ding ] no wonder you witches had so much trouble in salem. [ ding ] now, you just do as i say, and well tend to your problem later. Right, tabitha . Yes, mommy. Hi, sweetheart how was the game . Great. Hi, tabitha. Daddy, this is my new friend, mr. Bates. Uh, she means irving. They were playing grownups. Hi, irving. Hello. Hey, feel that muscle. I bet you like football, dont you, fella . Did you have to do that . Do what . This. Irving, please. Tabitha, why dont you and irving go and play on the patio . Okay, mommy. Youd like that, wouldnt you, irving . All right. Ill play with the kid. What have i got to lose . What has he got to lose . Well, he already lost his. Uh, marbles. He doesnt want to lose anything else. Tabitha, would you like me to stay aroun and be your big brother . We could have fun all the time. Mmhmm. Well, then, why dont you just. Forget about trying to change me back. Okay. It might be fun starting out all over again, there. Everything okay . How about a punch in the nose . Ill drink the milk. All right, sam. Now, then. You were going to tell me something about this youngster . The names irving, fella. Irving, in this house, little boys and girls speak to adults with respect. Now, how old is he . Hes older than he looks. Im 32. Look, irving, i wasnt talking to you. I was what did he say . I think he said he was 32. Sam, whats going on here . Im glad you asked that, sweetheart. Please, samantha. Its my story. Let me. This is the story of irving and tabitha. See irving. See tabitha. See irving sell toys. See tabitha go. See irving go [ clicks tongue ] [ laughs ] you mean tabitha changed a 32yearold man into this little boy . You go to the head of the class, buster. Now, look, sonny i mean fella. Hit me i took karate ha cha unh no ones gonna hit anybody. Get down off that chair. Now, tabitha, how could you do such a thing . Like this, daddy. Never mind. Sam, why doesnt she change him back . Well, shes working on it, but it isnt working. What are we gonna do with him . Well, now, sweetheart, dont worry. Shell change him back, and. Well, if she cant lets look at the bright side. How many people get a Second Chance in life . Irving has a great opportunity. He can grow up all over again. But where . Where would he grow up all over again . Thats right, dad. Please dont call me that. Just think of the plus side, darrin. Youll get another deduction. Samantha, i would like to speak to you in the living room privately. When . Now. Oh. Sam, do something. There is one possible solution. Whats that . Dr. Bombay. Under these circum id even accept help from that quack. Oh, now, darrin hes the best witch doctor we have. I wish you wouldnt call him that. Calling dr. Bombay. Calling dr. Bombay. Emergency. Come right away. [ ding ] how dare you interrupt my antarctic rounds. Dont look at me. Thatll be a pleasure. Dr. Bombay, im sorry to call you on such short notice, but you are the family physician. But the patient will just have to wait. Was it serious . Oh, quite. I was doing a nose job on a penguin. [ laughs ] whats the earthshattering problem this time . Irving, tabitha. Would you come here, please . Dr. Bombay, until this morning, this little boy was known as mr. Irving bates, a 32yearold man. Tabitha sort of. Shrunk him. Now, she cant unshrink him. Frankly, id just as soon remain shrunk. Whos the dingaling in the parka . Samantha irving just show the doctor your drivers license. Here, see . Thats what he looked like this morning. Oh, yeah . Oh. [ laughs ] yes. I can see why he wants to remain shrunk. [ laughs ] yes. If i were you, id want to remain a chil for as long as possible. Doctor, just save your bedside manner for the penguin. We need your help. Very well. To work, to work, to work. Now, we, uh, we have a depressing situation here, so ill need this. Eye of squid, grinding stone, make this kid fully grown. [ ding ] nothing happened. Well, when that incantation fails, it can only mean one thing. Samantha, id like a private consultation with you. Do you have any pickled herring about . I think so. Come on, irving why didnt it work . Obviously, resistance from the two principals tabitha and the boy. First, theres irvings desire to remain a child, and no doubt tabitha enjoys having another playmate. Subconsciously, shes holding back. Ah. Then what i have to do brilliant prognosis. I almost feel like splitting my fee with you. Thank you, doctor. [ chuckles ] i said almost. Heres the herring. What do you want it for . The penguin owes me 500 fish for her nose job, and i havent a bit of small change. [ laughs ] [ ding ] before you say anything, i think the problem of irving bates is solved. Oh . Yes. Well, its obvious that irving is enjoying being 9 years old again. I can think of some ways to change his mind. I know exactly how to change his mind. Sure, id like to see ruthie again. Just for my memory book. Where does she work . Down on 58th street at the drucker travel bureau. Why . [ ding ] [ ding ] how did we do tha huh . Never mind. Hey, ruthie, its me yes, sonny. May i help you . Um, no. I was just browsing. Ruthie sure is pretty. Yeah. She sure does look nice. [ tinkles ] [ ding ] [ slow jazz plays ] miss campbell. Yes . Ruthie, what are you doing this evening . Nothing, mr. Drucker. Do you have any extra work youd like me to do tonight . No, i would like yo why, that old fink. Soft lights and sweet music. Oh, ruthie, im crazy about you. I never knew you felt this way. Neither did i. It just hit me like a ton of bricks. It must have been building up for years. Youre married. What about your wife . Try to forget about her. I already have. Well, im already spoken for. You mean that schnook irving bates . Yes, i mean that sch i mean irving bates. Well, ill make you forget him. All right, casanova. You asked for it ha cha ow ooh why, you little [ tinkles ] [ ding ] ruthie. Ii mean, miss campbell, i dont know what happened. Im very sorry. Must be that stuff im taking for ironpoor blood. Uh, ill have to go out and get something cold to drink. Oh, thanks, little boy. Youre welcome. I mean it. That was really brave. Uh, sweetie, i wish i had more time for some more hugging and kissing, but theres something very important i have to tend to. My, how mature we are for such a little man. Honey, you have no idea. Um, so id better go. Bye. Bye. [ ding ] but irving wanted to be a little boy. Irving only thought he wanted to be a little boy. You see, honey, people sometimes wish for things they dont really want simply because they know their wish cant possibly come true. There was a lot right about it, too, like ruthie. Dont you think its time you changed him back . Okay, mommy. [ tinkles ] hey, im im me again. Thats right. Youre good as new. Fit as a fiddle and ready for ruthie. Samantha, would you do me a favor . If i can. Oh, you can do this would you zonk me to ruthie on one of your nonscheduled flights . Uh, would you mind, sweetheart . Mind . If i could do it, id do it myself. Okay. Before i go, i want you all to know its been some kind of an experience knowing you. I mean, ive met a real witch, and if i tell anybody, theyll put me in a real straitjacket. And, tabitha, being a kid again has sure helped me to grow up. Okay. Im ready for my flight. Fine. You will be flying at an altitude of sam. Hmm. [ ding ] byebye, mr. Bates oh, sweetheart. Arent you proud of our daughter . If it hadnt been for her, irving and ruthie would never have had the chance to be as happy as we are. This is happy . What would you call it . Happy happy [ laughs ] captions by vitac www. Vitac. Com darrin . Darrin im on the phone. Larry, ive got can it wait till i get to the office . Goodbye. Havent you got time for breakfast . No, im late already. I better go. What did larry want . Well, some college kid who was thinking about a career in advertising is coming to the office to observe. As if i dont have enough of a work load, guess who larrys assigned the kid to . Whyd he have to call you at home to tell you that . Oh, he figures if im gonna get mad, do it on my own time. I think its very decent of larry to show an interest in a Young College person. Yeah, especially one whose father happens to be an important client. Aha i better get going. Take good care of that college girl. Did i say it was a girl . No, but you didnt say it was a he, so i figured it must be a she. Oh. Bye. Serena [ ding ] hi, auntie. Whats going down . Little cousin got a problem . Not yet, but im working on it. How are you at love spells . To be perfectly frank, terrific. In that case, serena, how would you like to have some fun with dumdum . Oh, endora, why me . And you know i ha so you butt in. Oh, endora, youre positively evil i know. Isnt it divine . [ laughs ] [ sniffles ] you both have a perfect driving record. Perfect. No tickets. No accidents. That is until one of you clips a food truck, ruining your perfect record. Yup. Now, you would think your Insurance Company would cut you some slack, right . No. Your insurance rates go through the roof. Your perfect record doesnt get you anything. Anything. Perfect for drivers with accident forgiveness, Liberty Mutual wont raise your rates due to your first accident. And if you do have an accident, our claim centers are available to assist you 24 7. For a free quote, call Liberty Mutual at switch to Liberty Mutual and you could save up to 509 call today at see Car Insurance in a whole new light. [ buzzes ] woman mr. Stephens . Ms. Harrison is here. Show her in. Thank you. How do you do . Im dusty harrison. Well, im darrin stephens. Nice to meet you. Please sit down. Thank you. Ah, yes. I certainly do appreciate you taking the time to orient me to the world of advertising. Oh, its my pleasure. I have a storyboard to check over. You might like to look at that. Yes, yes. I think i might. Im rather proud of this one. Its for a tv commercial. The product is hilgreen coffee, and the hero is a cranky coffeepot. The lady of the house puts a new coffee in the pot. Now he begins to smile, and now hes chuckling, and then we see its hilgreen coffee. Well, what do you think of it . Its childish. No, no, be honest. What do you mean, childish . It implies that you can get happiness in a can of coffee when it doesnt say [ ding ] have you ever tasted this coffee . Go ahead. Put the spell on her. I still dont see why i have to do your dirty work. Because when i make a promise not to interfere, i never interfere. But that doesnt mean you cant interfere. So start interfering. Hmm. Let this chick by love be dazed when on this mortal she doth gaze. Youre in a position to criticize. What is it . Hmm . Is something wrong . Oh, no. Far from it. What are you smiling about . I dont know. Ii guess your enthusiasm is contagious. Anything wrong of course not. I think its beautiful. Isnt it funny . When i first came in here, i thought, wow, this is gonna be a drag. [ chuckles ] you did . But you have such a wonderful manner. Ii do . I know this is gonna be a marvelous experience. Darrin. Yes, it is, uh, dusty. [ ding ] lets go. No i want to stick around and see how it comes out. If you dont know that, youre not much of a witch. Oh. [ ding ] is there anything i can do . Uh, not really. Oh, but id love to help. Well, as a matter of fact, those pencils need sharpening. Theres a sharpener on the drafting table. Yes, sir darrin. Uh, how would you like to go on an errand for me . Oh, id love to, especially if you come with me. No, i think you can handle this by yourself. Nice. Nice and sharp. I want you to go shopping and see if you can find a coffeepot that knows its own mind an aggressive, clearthinking coffeepot. Right. Ill do it as fast as i can and be right back. No, no, no. Take your time. Buy a half a dozen if you have to. Comb the city, but take all the time you need. And i wont fail you, darrin. Hmm. Hi. Hi, honey. How was your da well, it wasnt a bad day. It wasnt a good day. As a matter of fact, it wasnt a bad day. That bad, huh . What happened . The clients daughter happened. Oh, wwhats she like . Shes just your average knowitall college a little on the plain side, studious, dedicated, you know. Yes. [ doorbell rings ] ill get it. Hi. Hi. You must be mrs. Stephens. Im dusty. You dont look it. [ laughs ] yes, um, im mrs. Stephens. Come on in. Its your average, knowitall college kid a little on the plain side, dedicated, studious, wearing a miniskirt and a great big smile. Oh, hi. Well, hi. Youve youve changed. Oh, i usually do when im going out. Your coffeepots oh, well, thanks. You shouldnt have bothered. Well, i was glad to do it, darrin. Well, can i fix you something . Coffee, ginger ale, root beer . When you get to martini, stop. Well, uh, come on in. Well, uh, make yourself comfortable. Sam, suppose you can fix some cheese and crackers or a snack or Something Like that . How about giving me a quarter . Ill go to the movies. Sweetheart, dont you think it would have been nice if youd have asked dusty to stay for dinner . Ill admit, she looked hungry. Oh, come on, sam. Shes just a very naive kid. But she certainly does have enthusiasm. And its very well distributed. Darrin, how come you didnt mention the fact that she obviously has a violent crush on you . You really think so . Yes. [ mockingly ] i really think so. Maybe i could talk larry into assigning dusty to someone else. Dont be ridiculous. Youre right. Do you think that silly little girl well. For one moment maybe. Ill talk to larry in the morning. Lot of times, being a teenager means living with labels. You know, like the ones other people give you. And the ones you give yourself. But what happens when youre labeled as someone youre t . Stop wearing a label you dont want. Or find yourself labeling other people . It can be so frustrating. Sad. Lonely. If youre feeling overwhelmed by problems at school. Watch it at home, or anywhere else, you dont need labels. You need people who will listen. Who can help you take control, help you heal, help you win. You need to call the girls and Boys Town National hotline. tdd 18004481433 with help and hope when you need it most. The girls and Boys Town National hotline. Change your label. Change your life. Help is just a phone call away. Actually, i felt this would be better coming from mr. Tate, but, well, he didnt agree. Uh, ms. Harrison ah, you promised to call me dusty. Okay. Dusty. [ inhales deeply ] i feel it would be better if you were assigned to one of the other men. You mean you dont want me around . No, no, no. Its not that. Its just that i think it would be safer. I mean wiser. [ whimpers ] oh, please, no. Dont do that. Oh, now, now, now. Look, this isn please try to understand, dusty. [ cries ] after all, you came here to learn something, didnt you . And then dusty ran hysterically home and cried her heart out to her father, who obviously thinks ive led her on. Now im public enemy number one with larry and harrison. If i didnt know be id say there was a spell on dusty. What do you mean, if you didnt know better . Mother gave her witchs honor she wouldnt interfere. Her witchs what . Her witchs honor, and she wouldnt dare break it. Of course there is the possibility she got someone els but who . Who else . My cousin, the love goddess. You know what i better do . Call harrison and straighten things out with him. Ill get his number from the office. Serena. Serena. Serena go pollinate something. Am on cloud 9. Cant come right now serena. Oh, serena, youre not gonna get away with it that easily. Darrin . Darrin yeah . Do you mind if i go out for a little while . Esmeraldas upstairs with the kids. I wont be long. Okay. [ ding ] [ ding ] you see whats happened to your cousin as a result of living in the mortal world . Shes getting to be almost as dumb as he is. [ laughs ] now, do your thing. [ ding ] thank you, mums. [ laughs ] oh. [ clears throat ] [ imitating samantha ] darrin. Yeah . I thought you left. I changed my mind. You know, it just occurred to me. Instead of talking to harrison on the phone, why not invite hi you mean here . Well, sure. That way he can see how much in love and how happily married we are. Samantha, th and the way hes building up a head of steam, the sooner the better. Ill ask him to come over as soon as possible. Ah, mr. Harrison, i really appreciate your coming over. Uh, i know its an imposition, but i have my reasons for wanting to talk to you here. Lets get on with it. Oh, of course. This is my wife, samantha. Mr. Harrison. How do you do . How do you do . Uh, please sit down. Oh, okay. If youve got something to say, lets hear it. Ive got quite a few things to say to you. Okay. Mr. Harrison, look around here. What do you see . A very nice home and a very lovely wife. Thank you. Exactly. Which should prove to you that im a happily married man and very much in love. And i swear to you, i have not given your daughter one bit of encouragement. I cant swallow that. Dustys always been a very levelheaded girl and yet you expect me to believe that she could fall in love with a married man that shes known for little over a day without any encouragement. I suppose that sounds fishy to you, but it sounds a little fishy to me, too. I mean, from mr. Harrisons point of view. Oh. Samantha, would you just, uh, sit there and listen . Certainly, sweetheart. Now, then, uh. Wwould this bother you, mrs. Stephens . Not in the least. [ doorbell rings ] oh, excuse me. Ill get it. May i . Hmm . Daddy, i couldnt believe it when your office told me where youd gone. Why are you trying to humiliate me . dusty, just take it easy and relax. When are you going to stop treating me when you start acting like an adult. Im trying to act like an adult, but you wont let me. I think i better take you home. No, i want to have this out. Darrin yeah, will you stop it . I dont care. I love him. Hes already married, you silly little nincompoop thats right. Im married, you nincompoop. You called me a nincompoop yeah, but so did your father. [ whimpers ] oh, dusty. You ought to let me take you home, honey. If you dont stay out of this, im never going to speak to you again. [ cries ] please stop that, dusty. Will you cut that out . Hey, mrs. Stephens, i dont even know how to apologize. Oh, thats okay. Im used to it. You mean why dont you walk me out on the patio, and ill fill you in. But we wont be able to keep an eye on them. And they wont be able to keep an eye on us. Get it . [ ding ] [ dusty sobs ] just calm down, dusty. Why are you so mean to me . I am not available if your wife cares so much for you, then why is she out on the patio with my father . well, i dont know. [ ding ] i still think we ought to go inside and see whats happening. Forget about them. Lets talk about us. [ ding ] well, i still think it figures. Mother got you to do her dirty work. [ normal voice ] cool it, coz. We only did it for you. Mortal men being what they are, we thought a simple spell a certain test of infidelity was in order. [ laughs ] i dont have to put darrin through any test. And if you dont remove that spell, cousin, you are going to be an excousin. I guess you just dont know what its like to be in love with somebody who doesnt even c thats not true aah darrin, are you hurt . Are you all right . No, im fine. Okay, okay. But youre making a National Case out of nothing thats a federal case. And hurry up. Im fine. Just calm down. Im fine. Aah spoilsport. [ ding ] ought to go in. [ dusty screams ] you animal what are you doing . take your hands off her, stephens i have had enough of this whole filthy farce and ive had enough of your pawing. And ive heard enough of your explanations, you ph well, just what are you gonna do about it . Im gonna bust you right in the bazoo. You and who else . [ tinkles ] oh. [ gong ] ow yeah, had enough . Try one here. [ tinkles ] [ gong ] ooh what did you do to my father, you brute . oh, nothing i i have a good mind to slap your face. [ grunts ] come along, father. Gladly. This place is crazy. And dont forget, you owe me for five coffeepots [ door slams ] whyd you let her hit me . After all shed been through, i felt it was the least i could do for her. Well. Still hurts. Light to heavy snow covered most of the eastern seaboard today. Storm warnings are up from Cape Hatteras to the gulf coast. The low for the day was recorded at rocky point, montana, with a temperature of 20 degrees below zero. You didnt even touch your lamb chops. Well, maybe maybe harrison will change his mind about canceling his account. Do you really believe that . No. But i hate to see those chops go to waste. I dont know what im gonna tell larry, if hes still speaking to me. If he isnt, you dont have to tell him anyt shh. Sam, listen. He is 52yearold john j. Harrison, head of harrison industries, who was charged with embezzlement and three c is that the same harrison . Of course. A committee of University Professors is meeting with president ial advisors to discuss ma i knew it all the time. I knew he was in trouble. I had a feeling in my bones. Thats why i drove him to the point where he pulled his account. Boy, are we lucky were not associated with him anymore. Darrin. If i do say so myself, my timing was beautiful. Darrin, do you really believe any of that . No. Then why are you saying it . Hows it sound . Ridiculous. Well, theres no other earthly explanation, is there . No, youre right. There is no other earthly explanation. [ laughs ] you sly dog. Captions by vitac www. Vitac. [ ] two, three. Mmm. Would you like a ham on rye . No. Im not programmed to eat for another 15 minutes. Forgot the mustard again. Mmm hey, look at this. Pardon my glove. Oh, thanks. What are you doing, master . This is a heat test chamber, jeannie. Were trying to find out how much heat a human body can stand. Youre not supposed to eat that. Excuse me, jack. How long have they been in there . Four hours and 30 minutes, dr. Bellows. Oh, thats enough. Yes, sir. This is the first good steam bath ive had in months. If you enjoy this, master, you can do it in your very own living room. Goodbye. Oh, very well. I will see you at dinner. Ah. How are you feeling, major nelson . Fine. Good. Fine. And you, major healey . Well, the sandwich was a little dry. Sandwich . The tube sandwich with the, uh oh, yes. Were assigning you to a special mission, major nelson. Oh, the apollo project, sir . I, uh. [chuckles] no, uh, not quite. Nasa has approved of making the documentary film, and, uh, theyre going to bring in a movie expert from hollywood
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