john: that s it for tonight s daily show. join us tomorrow night at 11:00. if we have any technology left. tomorrow night at 11:00. sorry, jon. i ve broken the show. [laughter] and this is your moment of zen. [audience humming daily captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) stephen: hey, welcome, everybody. welcome to the report. thank you for joining us. stephen, stephen, stephen! tephen: thank you very much. thank you, ladies and gentlemen. good to have you with us in here, out there, all around the world. and, folks, good to have me with us because for the last two weeks i was on vacation as you might have guessed from this savage tan. i m so dark that when i take my shirt off, you can barely see my veins and organs. now, it leaves a little more to the imagination. now, i won t brag about how i spent my vacation, but let s just say someone s got the inside track on deputy finance minister of egypt. of course back here in
john: that s it for tonight s daily show. join us tomorrow night at 11:00. if we have any technology left. tomorrow night at 11:00. sorry, jon. i ve broken the show. [laughter] and this is your moment of zen. [audience humming daily captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) stephen: hey, welcome, everybody. welcome to the report. thank you for joining us. stephen, stephen, stephen! tephen: thank you very much. thank you, ladies and gentlemen. good to have you with us in here, out there, all around the world. and, folks, good to have me with us because for the last two weeks i was on vacation as you might have guessed from this savage tan. i m so dark that when i take my shirt off, you can barely see my veins and organs. now, it leaves a little more to the imagination. now, i won t brag about how i spent my vacation, but let s just say someone s got the inside track on deputy finance minister of egypt. of course back here in
[audience humming daily captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) stephen: hey, welcome, everybody. welcome to the report. thank you for joining us. stephen, stephen, stephen! tephen: thank you very much. thank you, ladies and gentlemen. good to have you with us in here, out there, all around the world. and, folks, good to have me with us because for the last two weeks i was on vacation as you might have guessed from this savage tan. i m so dark that when i take my shirt off, you can barely see my veins and organs. now, it leaves a little more to the imagination. now, i won t brag about how i spent my vacation, but let s just say someone s got the inside track on deputy finance minister of egypt. of course back here in the states, people have been obsessed with the george zimmerman murder trial. people are tracking it like it was a black teenager in a gated community. and on saturday. i know. people are excited. and on saturday
stephen: great analysis, and it proves this was a fair trial. as the bill of rights clearly states, the accused shall be tried by a jury of people who would have done. who would have done the murder faster. but, folks, even though justice was served that did not stop some americans from rudely accepting it back to the kitchen, taking to the streets to protest so-called racial inequality. knock it off! because yes, america had racial inequality but by my latest calculations, it s evidently. it is now a tie. [ cheers and applause ] stick with me. stick with me. here s how it breaks down. obviously zimmerman s acquittal is seen as a point for white people. (ding). then again, o.j. s acquittal was one for black people. (ding). obama, with two black points, one for each election (ding, ding). and whites lose one point for joe biden. (buzzer) of course for the previous 43 white presidents. [ cheers and applause ] for the previous 4 white presidents, white people accumulated one p
stephen: hey, welcome, everybody. welcome to the report. thank you for joining us. stephen, stephen, stephen! tephen: thank you very much. thank you, ladies and gentlemen. good to have you with us in here, out there, all around the world. and, folks, good to have me with us because for the last two weeks i was on vacation as you might have guessed from this savage tan. i m so dark that when i take my shirt off, you can barely see my veins and organs. now, it leaves a little more to the imagination. now, i won t brag about how i spent my vacation, but let s just say someone s got the inside track on deputy finance minister of egypt. of course back here in the states, people have been obsessed with the george zimmerman murder trial. people are tracking it like it was a black teenager in a gated community. and on saturday. i know. people are excited. and on saturday, we got justice. we the jury find george zimmerman not guilty. folks, this is a victory for the rule of la