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Transcripts For COM The Daily Show 20171020

goodbye? you still have another show to do. trevor: of course. wait. you re alive. why are you talking to me from the clouds? because i m oprah, baby! i do what i want! trevor: wow. from chicago, the city that s apparently too good for normal pizza, it s the daily show undesked with trevor noah! ( cheers and applause ) trevor: what s going on, chicago?! ( cheers and applause ) thank you so much, everybody! welcome! welcome, everybody! welcome to the daily show in chicago! our final night! you guys have been amazing all week! i m trevor noah and i could not be more excited. we ve got a great, great show for you tonight. ( cheers and applause ) thank you so much. take a seat, everybody. you guys have been amazing. thank you so much. we ve had a great day. our final show, our guest, i could not be more excited, rapper and chicago native vic mensa is joining us, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) we re going to have a fun conversation with him. and can i just sa

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Transcripts For COM The Daily Show 20171020

if you know what i m saying. - yeah, see you guys later. - come on, boys, you re holdin up the bus. oh, wow, look, it s kenny g himself. thank you for a wonderful concert, mr. g. - g-good-bye. - oh, well, thank you. you know, it s funny, you kiss just like my dad. well, miss crabtree, this certainly has been a great trip. let s head home. - which way should we go? - second star to the right and straight on till morning. tower. goodbye wrigley field. goodbye pharmacy on the corner. trevor! trevor noah! trevor: oprah. is that you? trevor, why are you saying goodbye? you still have another show to do. trevor: of course. wait. you re alive. why are you talking to me from the clouds? because i m oprah, baby! i do what i want! trevor: wow. from chicago, the city that s apparently too good for normal pizza, it s the daily show undesked with trevor noah! ( cheers and applause ) trevor: what s going on, chicago?! ( cheers and applause ) thank you so much, everyb

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Transcripts For COM The Nightly Show With Larry Wilmore 20160504

i am larry wilmore. big indiana primary tonight. earlier fox and friends had donald trump on the show discussing his major foe, ted cruz. hmmm, let s see what important election issues they covered. his father was with lee harvey oswald prior to oswald s being, you know, shot. i mean, the whole thing is ridiculous. what is this, right prior to his being shot, and nobody even brings it up. i mean, they don t even talk about that. that was reported, and nobody talks about it. ( laughter ) larry: nobody talks about it because it s not news! or is it? the national enquirer claims ted s dad had ties to lee harvey oswald. jesus christ, you guys. between this and all of ted cruz s zodiac killing, the cruz family offed they off ( laughter ) this is true! this is true. don t mess me up. they offed more people in the 60s and 70s than vietnam! oh, now it got sad. i know what you re thinking, larry stop it. ted cruz is not a killer. okay, well, then you tell me what he was tr

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Transcripts For COM The Nightly Show With Larry Wilmore 20160504

( cheers and applause ) larry: thank you very much! thank you! welcome to the show! thank you very much. too kind. welcome to the nightly show. i am larry wilmore. big indiana primary tonight. earlier fox and friends had donald trump on the show discussing his major foe, ted cruz. hmmm, let s see what important election issues they covered. his father was with lee harvey oswald prior to oswald s being, you know, shot. i mean, the whole thing is ridiculous. what is this, right prior to his being shot, and nobody even brings it up. i mean, they don t even talk about that. that was reported, and nobody talks about it. ( laughter ) larry: nobody talks about it because it s not news! or is it? the national enquirer claims ted s dad had ties to lee harvey oswald. jesus christ, you guys. between this and all of ted cruz s zodiac killing, the cruz family offed they off ( laughter ) this is true! this is true. don t mess me up. they offed more people in the 60s and

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Transcripts For COM The Nightly Show With Larry Wilmore 20160504

ted s dad had ties to lee harvey oswald. jesus christ, you guys. between this and all of ted cruz s zodiac killing, the cruz family offed they off ( laughter ) this is true! this is true. don t mess me up. they offed more people in the 60s and 70s than vietnam! oh, now it got sad. i know what you re thinking, larry stop it. ted cruz is not a killer. okay, well, then you tell me what he was trying to do with carly fiorina here. ted cruz! ( applause ) when you see it with your own eyes, it feels a little different, doesn t it? okay, but you might be saying, larry, carly fiorina just fell. okay, dre, dre, show us the other angle we have on that. it s all starting to come together now. and now you re saying larry, you just put that simpsons clip in front of her falling! there s no connection between mr. burns and ted cruz. oh, really? oh, really? okay, well, then explain this! excellent! ( laughter ) ( applause ) larry: why is it mr. burns actually seems more hu

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