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our thoughts go out to her family who we believe perished shortly after when they were kicked to death in a brazilian jiu-jitsu tournament. our thoughts and prayers. now back to the news. bisexual penguins what s that? oh, this just in, earlier today, i drunkenly piloted my pontoon boat into an alligator refuge. i will be sorely missed. announcer: it s the late show with stephen colbert. tonight: absolute zero government. plus stephen welcomes congresswoman alexandria ocasio- cortez and method man. featuring jon batiste and stay human. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it s stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) ( theme song playing ) stephen: woo-hoo! whoo! that s nice. welcome one and all. thank you so much. welcome to the late show. i m your host stephen colbert. first of all ( cheers and applause ) thank you very much, everybody. happy martin luther king day, in which we honor dr. king s dream: 50% off at nordstrom s. ....
says ainsley has been struck pr. back to the news. bisexual penguins what s that? oh, this just in, earlier today, i drunkenly piloted my pontoon boat into an alligator refuge. i will be sorely missed. announcer: it s the late show with stephen colbert. stephen welcomes congresswoman alexandria ocasio-cortez and method man, featuring jon batiste and stay human. live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it s stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) ( theme song playing ) stephen: whoo! nice. welcome one and all. thank you so much. welcome to the late show, i m stephen colbert. ( cheers and applause ) thank you very much, everybody. happy martin luther king day, in which we honor dr. king s dream: 50% off at nordstrom s. ( laughter ) i just want to start off tonight by just saying, in the words of martin luther king, did y all see the games last night? there s no way he didn t say that at some point. he had to have. jon: at some point abo ....
only the peasants with shovel technology, sir. anyway, thanks for the wall. ( laughter ) sir, there is the matter of my fee. oh, yes, well spain is paying for the wall! no, sir, they said they wouldn t. well, then, you ll pay for it. why would i pay for it? i built it. well, then, i ll shut down the kingdom until you do! and i m taking my rock. bye-bye. announcer: it s the late show with stephen colbert. tonight, border-lying personality disorder. plus, stephen welcomes. senator kamala harris. bradley whitford. and musical guest gary clark jr. featuring jon batiste and stay human. and now, live on tape from the li new yor city, it s stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) stephen: hello! thank you! beautiful! please, set down. thanks very much! thank you. welcome to the late show, everybody. i m your host stephen colbert. ( cheers and applause ) it is day 20 of donald trump s government shutdown. or at least i think it is. the f ....
( cheers and applause ) it s the late show with stephen colbert. tonight, stephen welcomes jim gaffigan. cristela alonzo. and musical guest the avett brothers. featuring jon batiste and stay human. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it s stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) stephen: hey, everybody! good to see you. how are you? nice to see you. thanks for being here. hey, everybody! good to see you! ( cheers and applause ) ( cheers and applause ) welcome to the late show. hey, everybody! ( cheers ) let s see, let s see. how was your day? what s in the news? what s in the news? what s going on? el chapo is el screwed-o. ( laughter ) what else? oh, amazon dash has got these things, amazon has these dash buttons online so it s easier to order. that s a whole new world. jon: yeah, like alexa and all that. stephen: playoffs are this weekend, i guess. oh, oh, there s this one thing. if you re waking up from a coma bad ....
good-bye, dear friend good-bye, i ll never see you again good-bye, sweet it s the late show with stephen colbert. tonight donald j. trump tweets an oomsy. plus stephen welcomes jason segel. jeff fager and lesley stahl. and musical guest mavis staples. featuring jon batiste and stay human. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it s stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) stephen: i know i caught you this time. what s going ojon? jon: what s happening. stephen: good to see you. jon batiste, everybody. please, have a seat. welcome to the late show. i m your host, stephen colbert. ( applause ) ladies and gentlemen a big shoutout to all our viewers in nairobi joining us tonight. i hear we re huge in kenya. ( cheers and applause ) jon: that s right. stephen: meanwhile, back here in the united states. it s election day. just not the one we wish it was. damn you, cursed monkey paw! now, we tape this show early, so we don t kn ....