The third vote, he loses another one. Another one. House speaker yesterday tried for a fofourth. Another one. Fifth. Another one. And sixth time. I aint never gonna stop. Seventh. Another one. An eighth vote now underway. Another one. A ninth vote. Another one. A tenth vote. Another one. An 11th time. Another one. 12th round. And another one. 13th. Another one. 14th. Anonother one. We are headed to another one. Mccarthy finally locking up the house speakership. The concessions to the rank that led to his victory could leave e him the weweakest speaen modern h history. Congratatulations. You played yourself. Announcer its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight, squeaker of the house. First, stephen welcomes tom hanks. And musical guest Rachael Vilray. Featuring louis cato and the late show band and now live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert [cheers and applause] stephen how are you . Congratulations. Im still all over the place. Happy, happy, happy monday, baby. Happy monday, everybody. Thank you very much. Youre very kind. Welcome. Welcome, one and all. Down here, up there, out there, all around the world. Welcome to the late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. We had a little, we have little fun last week with Kevin Mccarthy being dragged by a team of horses through a field filled with broken glass. But all good things must come to an end because on the 15th vote, Kevin Mccarthy was finally elected speaker of the house. The final vote was not completed until 12 29 a. M. Saturday morning. 12 29, of course a time famous for good decisions. All right, we have just elected a new speaker. I am going to drunk dial my ex and eat this weekold sushi. It all came down to the vote of florida congressman and middle schooler going in for his first kiss. [laughter] matt gaetz. I like that timing. That worked. That was nice. Mccarthy thought he had the whole thing in the bag on the 14th, but in order to win, he needed gaetz on that vote to vote for him, to say mccarthy instead. At the very end of the 14th ballot, gaetz voted present. Okay. That must have upset a lot of people because theres nothing worse than being reminded that matt gaetz is in the room. After that, all pluperfect hell broke loose. A furious mccarthy, got out of his seat, walked up the aisle, and got into a yelling match with matt gaetz. Meouch get a saucer of milk. You can catch all the drama on the new bravo hit the real house guys of d. C. [laughter and cheering] no. No, no. Uhuh. I am not here to make friends because i am Kevin Mccarthy and no one will be my friend. Then. That was wine. That was a glass of wine. Then it got even dramaticer when mccarthy ally mike rogers approached the scrum and then, where is it . Right here, he appeared to lunge at matt gaetz and was quickly pulled away. Oh, my god. I dont know if men should hold political office. Theyre just too emotional. [laughter and cheering] do you know what i mean . Its just hormones, i guess. Its just its the damn its their damn hormones. Jim, can we see that dramatic wow. Why i dont understand. I understand pulling way but why is he covering his mouth . What was rogers about to say that they had to stop him . Listen, gaetz, let me tell you something about the ending of season 2 of white lotus. [cheers and applause] okay, so how did we get from that to mccarthy winning in just a matter of minutes . Well, one person who would really like credit for it is former president forrest dump. [laughter] sorry, tom. See you later. With the house on the brink of adjourning yet again with no speaker for the weekend, the former president claims to have taken matters into his own hands after the 14th vote and called the mccarthy holdouts, leading to this picture of Marjorie Taylor greene passing her phone around so people could speak to a caller identified as dt. Of course, we are talking about Marjorie Taylor greene here. So that could either stand for his initials or da tresident. Duhhh. Duhhhh tresident. Duh tresident. After the vote, mccarthy was beaming. Here he is after his victory showing his party what they get to spend the next two years repeatedly banging on his nut sack with. [laughter] its going to be rough. Its going to be a rough ride. He better wear a cup. Its going to be a little rough. In the midst of this cluster munch, mccarthy explained why the embarrassing spectacle we were all witnessing was actually not. See, this, this is the great part. Because it took this long, now we learned how to govern. Stephen really . Just this last week you learned how to govern . There are some things that you shouldnt learn through trial and error at the last minute. Its like a surgeon saying well, took me 15 tries to open my capri sun, but this triple bypass should be a snap. Now where is the piece of foil on your chest where i poke the straw . I am going to suck out that heart attack. Jim jordan also hopped on the positivity train, explaining that this is how things are supposed to work. So sometimes democracy is messy, but i would argue thats exactly how the founders intended it. Stephen oh, everyone knows the founders loved chaos. Its right there in the preamble to the constitution. We, the people, in order to form a more bam whap whap screw you, madison. Im writing the constitution now everyone will remember the name Charles Cotesworth pinckney. Ow, my eye [laughter and cheering] quick programming. So thats that. Oh, quick programming note. I have a program. Check it out. You might like it. And you might like it especially tomorrow when my guest will be prince harry, the duke of sussex, right there. Yeah, oooh. Indeed, prince harry will be here to talk about his new memoir spare, also available on audiobook and commemorative plate. Ive read the book. Ive read the book. Its very enjoyable, quite emotional, quite revealing. Im going to have so much talk about with his harryness. For instance, the stuff he talked about with anderson cooper, including this High School Memory between him and his brother thats straight out of the older brother sibling playbook. Your brother told you pretend we dont know each other. Yeah, and at the time, it hurt. I couldnt make sense of it. I was like, what are you we are now at the same school. I havent seen you for ages. Now we get to hang out together. He was like, no, no, no, when we are at school, we dont know each other. And i took that personally. Stephen thats heartbreaking. I mean, to be rejected by his older brother at school even though that magic hat sorted them into the same house. [laughter] [cheers and applause] what do you think . Hufflepuff . Do we think hufflepuff . Gryffindor . Im not sure. The book also contains a rather crisp description of harrys older brother. You write about a contentious meeting you had with him in 2021. You said i looked at willie, really looked at him, maybe for the First Time Since we were boys. I took it all in, his familiar scowl which had always been his defaulting in dealings with me, his alarming baldness, more advanced than my own, his famous resemblance to mummy, which was fading with time, with age. Thats pretty cutting. I dont see it as cutting at all. Stephen no. Because william is so bald, he doesnt need any cutting. Am i right . Am i right, harry . [cheers and applause] come on. Up top, baby. Dont leave me in the tower of london up here. Tune in tomorrow to find out if he leaves me hanging. So, speaking of foreign leaders and conflict, there is a huge story out of brazil, the country whose motto is portuguese. We speak portuguese. They just had a president ial election and the loser was far right politician and turtle who just saw you drop a baby carrot, jair bolsonaro. Bolsonaro claimed he lost because of voter fraud. Now, if that sounds familiar, this will too. Yesterday bolsonaro supporters rioted, storming Brazils Congress and president ial office. No, no, absolutely i cannot watch this movie again. I know how it ends. With all of us suddenly liking brazilian liz cheney. I cant do i cant like her again. I cant. This is my emotion. You see my emotion . The rioters were eventually cleared out, but it was a dark day for brazilian democracy, leading experts to say january 8 is brazils january 6. Just like our january 6, the brazilian insurrection had rioters storming the halls, attacking cops with flagpoles, and smashing windows. Wait a second. Theyre already inside. Why are they going after the windows . They are going to get charged with breaking and exiting. Similarities do not end there. Videos on social media appeared to show a protester about to defecate inside a room at the supreme court. Oh, no. Now they will have to clean up the madam pelosi, can you help me out . The poo poo. Stephen sorry. Thank you. Thank you very much. [laughter and applause] of course, maam, it is brazil. Can you do it em portuguese . O coco. Stephen abrigado. One of the reasons this felt like a deja coup was when bolsonaro was trying to find a his allies met with some of our former president s advisors, including steve bannon. Oh, no. Steve bannon has gone brazilian . Regular steve bannon was bad enough. No one wants to see him in a thong. Now, just so you know, my Graphics Department did create an image of steve bannon in a thong. But. [cheers and applause] the cbs lawyers told us that broadcasting it would violate the geneva conventions. I would be hauled before the hague. So, how did all these americans teach these brazilians how to insurrect, just like us . Well, weve got the answer in the form of a new late show sponsor. Were you inspired by the january 6 rioters, but arent sure how to insurrect in a nonenglish speaking country . Well, now you can, with coupolingo, the only app that teaches you how to unsuccessfully overthrow your government in over 70 languages. Whether its spanish. Cuelgen a mike pence. German. Hangt mike pence chinese. Or even swedish. Mikeuh penceuh. Murder, murder, murder. We have helped thousands go from hunting speakers. Where are you, nancy . Were looking for you. To language speakers. Je suis en prison. So try coupolingo today. Coupolingo, available in most languages except whatever this is. An anomiss. Stephen weve got a great show for you tonight. My guest is a young man named tom hanks. And when we come back, meanwhile. Join us, wont you . Announcer the late show with Stephen Colbert sponsored by. Pepsid. The number one doctor recommenended. Ststarts workiking in secoco anand a acid r reducer that r relieves ococcasional heartbururn all day. Y. Other branands cant d do bot. Pepcid c complete. Somemetimes jonanah wrestles wiwith fallingng asleep. So he takakes zzzquili. The worlrlds 1 sleleep aid d for a betttter night s sl. Soso now, he w wakes up feeleling like h himself. The rereigning famamily room middlewweight chamampion. Better days starart with zzzquiuil nights. New dove m men bodywasash giveves you 2424 hours of f nourishingg micromomoisture. That means youour skin still feelels healthyy and smooooth now. Now. And nowow too. Geget healthieier, smoooother feeliling skin alal. 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Thats w why comcastst busins is l launching t the mobilele made freeee event. With o our businesess internet, new and exexistig customers s can get one yeyear of unlilimitd mobile foror free. Its ourur best inteternet. Powered d by the nexext gegeneration 1 10g networkrkd with 99. 9 9 reliabilility. Plus onene line of f free mobile foror an entirere yea. Itits the mobobile made f e eventhappppening now. W. Geget started d for just 49. 9. 99 a month. H. Plplus, ask hohow to get o one line o of unlimiteted mobil. Comcasast businesess, powewering possisibilities. [cheering and applause] stephen there you go. Give it up for the band, everybody. Louis cato and the late show band. Louis. Oh, louis. Louis oh, stephen. Stephen did you do anything fun this weekend . Anybody do anything any fun over there . I took a nap. Stephen oh, that sounds fantastic. I did very little this weekend other than read prince harrys book. Louis you read the book . Stephen yeah, i really enjoyed it. Yeah, it kind of flies. Its 400 pages but it kind of flies. Yeah, its a really easy read. Louis its supposed to be juicy. Stephen its juicy. Its sad in parts. Its fascinating in parts. Im not a big royals watcher, but its a fascinating family dynamic. Just take away the crowns and the footmen and the castles and everything, its still a fascinating story. Louis wow. Stephen ive got a question for you. What are you going to play tonight for tom hanks when he comes out . cause tom hanks is coming out here tonight. Louis oh, my god. You know, actually, a song that i did not know before. I heard you humming it in a rehearsal. Stephen what . Louis should i tell you . Stephen no, ill find it out when he comes out. So tonight weve got to the great mr. Tom hanks is going to be out here. And two of my favorite artists, Rachael Vilray will be out here as our musical guests tonight. Extraordinary. There you go. There is your act. Folks, if you watch the show you know i spend most of my time right over there painstakingly mixing the days biggest news stories like as azurite, indigo, and lapis lazuli in contrasting hues of light and dark, using chiaroscuro perfectly capturing the light fall off providing my camera obscura to create for you the vermeer masterpiece that is my nightly monologue. But sometimes i hand over a set of finger paints to a zoo gorilla and let him slap up the cinder block mural of news that is my segment. Meanwhile. [cheers and applause] youve got to drive that train. Meanwhile. It drives the train. Meanwhile, louisiana is now requiring government i. D. To access online porn. Well, thats not going to be a problem. All porn users are 100 proud of the porn they choose to watch. My name . Gary rodrick sanderson and i want to look at nude librarians lifting heavy things. Social security number. 55123. Thats not my actual Social Security card. When trying to access these sites, users will first be directed to a third party identify verification site which then connects to a digital drivers license for louisianas. Because nothing gets you in the mood faster than multifactor authentication. Yeah, oh, yeah, ive got to upload my i. D. Upload my i. D. s front and back. Now to find every picture of a traffic light. You like how i click that, baby . Oh, i am not a robot. The new law will affect porn publishers which louisiana defines as any website with more than onethird pornographic content. So youre still good to go, traditional cajun smut site twocrawdadsandadilf. Com. Jacked. That guy is jacked. Meanwhile. [applause] meanwhile, there is news from wall street, where Goldman Sachs bankers are really bummed over the loss of their free coffee perk. What, no coffee . Now how are wall street guys supposed to get their Morning Energy . Cocaine . I am being told yes, absolutely it will be cocaine. Meanwhile, a message in a bottle was found in a Florida River after 39 years with a note that read if you are the person that found this bottle, please send a note to ron clark. They did so and ron clark responded new bottle. Who dis . It took 39 years for him to respond. 39 years more to respond. Meanwhile, in canada, a pigeon wearing crystal meth like a backpack was caught inside a prison yard. You can learn all about it in the new hit drama breaking bird. [cheering and laughter] there you go. The biggest laugh. I am the one who squawks. Meanwhile, in young people trends, genz is obsessed with oldfashioned flip phones, with some saying i think that era was fun. Oh, sure, sounds fun unless you lived through that hell. Back then, it was all palm pilots and floppy disks and waiting for the little yellow aol man to dial up. [cheers and applause] dont believe me . Ask jeeves. [laughter] i dont understand. I dont understand that. Meanwhile, in travel news, a British Hotel chain has revealed its list of lost and found items which include a seagull, segway scooters, a 4foot tall gingerbread man, and a pair of donkeys. Happens all the time. Thats why right before i leave the house, i always check to make sure i have my wallet, my phone, and my keys, which is short for my donkeys. Well be right back with tom hanks. Wake u up, gotta g go ccmon, cmmon. Graracie, cmonon. Lets go guys, cmon mom, cmon mia [ enginene revving ] ] my favoritite color isis. Becaususe, its s like a fafamily thingng [ [ engine revevving ] made i it mom leave e running bebehind, beh. The new turbrbocharged volkswswagen atlasas. Does life e beautifulllly. Some luxurury creams just sitit on top ofof skin. But olay g goes 1010 surface l layers deepe. Ouour clinicalally provoven hydratition beats ththe 500 creream. Toto strengthehen my skinn for smoothther, brbrighter resesults. Your b best skin y yet. Olay. With cirkul, your water is deliciously flavored at the turn of a dial, with zero sugar and zero calories. And cirkul has over 40 flavors, so your water can be as unique as you are. Try cirkul at drinkcirkul. Com whererever you g go. Whereverer you stay. Y. All yoyou need is s one. Earn a and use rewewards acrs expedia, h hotels. Com,m, and. Just b between us,s, you know whwhats betteter than mopopp . Ananything ugh. Well, i swswitched to swiwiffer wetjejet, and itits awesomeme. Its an n allinonene, that absbsorbs dirtt anand grime dedeep inside. Anand it helpsps prevent strereaks and hahaze. Wetjet i is so worthth it. Love it, o or yourur money. [clicking]g] whenen occasionanal heartburn wont let t you sleep. P. [c[clicking] geget fast relelief with n new hearartburn slsleep suppor. Love f food back and fallll asleep fafaster. Tum, tumum tum tum, tums we love our house. The outdoor space is great. But we do have invasive weeds. I think they got in the house. I think youure right. Tv he shootots. Tv . And of f course, wawater. Thisis particulalar rose busu. Ststay away frfrom my famimi why are yoyou so stronong . at leastst geico makakes bundliling my homeme and d car insurarance easy. We save e so much. Dodo you want t me to getet the sprayay stuff . Geget the spraray stuff wherere is it . its u up here fofor bundlingng made easyy go t to geico. Cocom. Nopoly is back now at lucky come kick off the season with our shop and score game thatll have you cheering for more play for a chance at over 25 million in prizes and money saving offers like this and this, or even this or try to win 100,000 in guaranteed prize money. Shop your favorite brand sporting the monopoly tag for unlimited game tickets and get ready to win at lucky stephen welcome back, everybody. There you go. There you go. Ladies and gentlemen. [cheers and applause] folks, youre in luck because my guest tonight is an oscar winner whos has been starring in your favorite films for over three decades. Please welcome back to the late show, mr. Tom hanks. [cheers and applause] cisco kid. Cisco kid. Tom thank you. Wow. Thank you. Wow. Thank you. Thank you. You know. Hey, thank you. Thank you. Oh, please. You dont have to. Turn off the sign. Turn off the sign. Yes, yes, i know. I know. Look, i know, i know. You remember. You remember me from the days when we all had vhs machines. I really appreciate that. Stephen nice to see you again. Nice to have you back here. Tom i always look forward to it. Stephen how was the holidays . Tom it was rocking. We ripped it up. Stephen everybody stayed healthy and everything like that . Tom yeah, we took tests every seven hours and they came back with only one line on them. So all the kids got to stay. It was kind of nice. Stephen i understand you started a new hanks Family Tradition and id like to get an introduction to it. Tom the Christmas Season began for us. Because we actually saw your musical guest tonight, Rachael Vilray. They are fabulous. Stephen fantastic. You are nice to have here but thats exciting. Tom by the way, i bought all their records. I went on itunes. Stephen fantastic. Tom you better treat me special. So we saw them and we were at the cafe carlyle, which is a great place to go. My wife had played there. Rita had played there with her band and they were the next act. And so we had a celebratory bottle of champagne brought by. Hey, bottle of champagne. And i, despite a couple of evenings ive had with you which ended up with fistfights in front of mickey mantles restaurant. Oh, you think youre funny. Ill tell you what funny is, Stephen Colbert. Im nota big drinker. I dont drink a lot. So i usually have a diet coke. In order to if you didnt have a long enough disco nap, youre going to fall asleep about 11 45. So i have a little bit of caffeine, diet coke, in a glass. Stephen at the cafe carlyle. Tom but they brought the champagne around. They brought the nice flutes. It was like the last episode of the bachelor. They were pouring all this stuff around, and i just had this diet coke. And i said oh, give me a shot of champagne in there for crying out loud. Stephen in the diet coke. Tom in the diet coke. And everybody said, everybody says, youre insane. I said, well, i may be insane but i want to celebrate this. So i had a sip of this. Stephen, it was delicious. Stephen i heard this story and so i wanted to see. Diet coke first . Tom just diet coke. Yeah. Stephen there you go. How much . Tom i had it down to about a third of mine diet coke. It doesnt have to be cocacola. It could be any cola product. Stephen but diet . Tom it needs to be well, yeah, because i am type 2 diabetes. Youve got to maintain the temple. And whats better than type 2 diabetes than a little shot of champagne in your diet coke . Stephen so i cap it off here . This is exactly what the folks at Veuve Clicquot intended with the champagne. This recipe can also be found in the book of the revelation. Tom thats right. Now, first of all, look at the color. Is it not kind of gorgeous . Stephen its like an american aperol spritz. Tom and i want to say happy 2023. Stephen happy 2023. [cheers and applause] tom how about that . Everybody at the table tried it and they said ooh, you know what, dad . Thats pretty good. Stephen we have a tom collins. We have the tom hanks. Tom well, good, good. Stephen sorry, i didnt mean to. I didnt know. Tom we were debating what the name of it should be. And i came up with it because it is coke and it is champagne so its obviously diet cocaine. Cokeagne. Cokagne. Whats the other name you said . Stephen the tom hanks. Tom well, lets go with that. But confess. Its pretty good. Stephen its really good. Its strangely, strikingly, shamefully good. Because its so refreshing. You give that little caffeine too. Keeps you going to that champagne. Tom thats right. Youll polish both of them off. A sixpack stephen oh, i can finish a diet coke. Tom and the magnum. Stephen i am no lightweight. I can finish a diet coke. Tom twofisted coke drinker. I love it. Stephen weve got to take a quick break. Well be right back with more tom hanks. I cant believe. [cheers and applause] inez, let t me ask youou, yoyoure usingng head and shshoulders, r right . Ononly when i i see flakese. Then i i switch baback to my regugular shampopoo you shouldld use it evevery w, otherwisise the flakakes willll come backck. Hes r right, you u know. Is t that tiny t troy . Ththe ingredieients in head d and shouldlders keep t the microbebes that causese flakes atat. Microbeses, really . . Theyre e always onn yoyour scalp. Little rarasc. But goodod news, therees no itchihiness, dryness oror flakes dodown i lolove tiny trtroy. Hes the b best. Mamake every w wash count little h help, pleasase. Iim a bear. Im cocoming out o of hibernatn afteter the bestst nap ofof my life. Anand papa is s hungry. And d while youure hittin the trtrail, im hihitting yourur cooler. Ohoh, cheddar r ive got h hot dog bununs and your c cutrate car insusurance mighght not pay y for all tht. So get allllstate, andnd be ber protecected from m mayhem, likeke me. Roroar. sfx fafamily screaeams in backgroundnd vo ultimate endless shrimp is here roroar. With a limited time flavor drop. New crispy dragon shrimp. One of seven endless choices for just 20. Right now, only at red lobster. Welcome to fun dining. Detect this living with hiv, i learned that i can stay undetectable with fewer medicines. Thatats why i swititched to dodovato. Dovato i is a complelete hiv treatmtment for sosome ad. No otherer complee hiv pill ususes fewer m medicins toto help keepep u unundetectablele ththan dovato. O. Detect this mostst hiv pillsls contntain 3 or 4 4 medicines. Dovavato is as e effective withth just 2. If you h have hepatitis b,b, dodont stop d dovato without tatalking toto your doctctor. 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Thatat disagreemement enends right n now. Lalactaid ice e cream is t e creaeamy, real i ice cream y yoe ththat will nenever mess withth your stomomach. Lactctaid ice crcream. Did yoyou know mosost dish ss dont t remove allll the gre, eveven with scscrubbing . Whaaat . . I i just cleananed those. Try y dawn platinum. Itit removes 99 of grease and food residue. Thats why dawn is trusted to save wildlife affectcted by oi. Dadawn platinunum cleans to t the squeak. K. Stephen hey, everybody, we are back here with the star of the new movie a man called otto, mr. Tom hanks. The new film is a man called otto. You and your lovely wife, rita, produced this film, developed it from a swedish film called a man called ove. Tom ove. Stephen tell the good people what its about. Tom its about the crank in the neighborhood. Its about the guy in the neighborhood that says get off my lawn, keep that dog away from me. You cant park there. Dont you people know, for crying out loud, that the recyclables are clearly delineated and the plastic goes in the plastic bin and the cans go in the can can. Whats wrong with you . Why can you not separate these things the way they need to be separated . Thats who the man is. Stephen thats investment, thats emotional investment. Tom are you the otto in your neighborhood . Is it the Stephen Colbert guy . Stephen i think my wife. Tom evie comes out. Stephen oh, she is the muscle. Tom a woman named evie. Careful now. Theres a reason he is this way and what happens is a fabulous the actress Mariana Trevino who is a huge, huge, huge, huge actress, actor in mexico, is in it. She moves across the street and all hell three busts loose. Stephen weve got to clip here. Can you explain whats doing on here . Tm oh, this is she does not know how to drive a stick shift automobile. Which is insanity to a man called otto. Who cannot drive, for crying out loud, you dont know how to drive a car . If you can drive a stick, you are not actually driving a car. And so he says, i will teach you how to drive this car. A stick. Stephen jim. Just wait for the green light, and here we go. So press in on the clutch and give it t a little gas. Slslowly let o out on the e u are not inin geaear. [h[horns h honking] you u dont haveve to turn t th. [hornsns honking]] go oh,h, my god. [speaking g spanish] slowlwly let out t the clutc. I c cant. I cant. T. You listeten to me. Yoyou have giviven birth t to to childrdren. You lelearned a nenew languageg. You will h have no proroblem learning h how to drivive. Mymy god. The e world is f full of comompe idiots w who have mamanaged to fifigure it ouout and you u area compmplete idiotot. So c clutch, shihift, gas, d dr. Stephen and there you have it. Thats all you have to do. Its a message of hope is what it is. Tom as i have instructed the only thing who here cannot drive a stick shift . Lets see either hand. Oh, youre all idiots, for crying out loud. What country did you grow up in . The secret of driving a stick shift is just dont be in third. Thats the only thing. Youre in third, youre in third. All right, clutch in. Brake at the same time. Put it in gear, let the clutch out slowly. Youre in third. Youre in third again. Stephen do you remember learning . Like, the car . Tom you know, ill tell you. A couple years after bosom buddies and i had some money in the bank, i went to my crack staff Business Manager saying can i buy any car i want now . And they said actually yeah, you pretty much can. So i went and bought a volkswagen camper that had a Steering Wheel. Stephen i thought you were going to say you bought a lamborghini. Tom oh, who cares. Im not big on cars. So it had a Steering Wheel that was like truly this big in the gearshift it was a stick, was over here. Stephen you had to get up and walk to it. Tom like i was operating a backhoe. Almost like that. And you have not experienced panic until a hill in San Francisco at a stoplight and you have to not only get it but youve got to do the heel and the toe with the brake and the accelerator and slowly let out and you have to be in first gear. Stephen you dont have to be in first gear because the car i learned to drive stick on was when i was doing a construction job one summer between my junior and senior year of high school and the owner, i had to drive his truck to get supplies. It didnt have a first gear. First gear was completely burned out. Tom oh, burned out. Stephen so i had to start in second gear which means you had to get those rps up, like the bomb was about to explode and take your foot off the clutch like you were diffusing a nuclear weapon. Tom yeah, right, but you had to do a little bit. You had to get rolling a little bit. Stephen i dont know. All i know is that i could not take my foot off the clutch slowly enough to make it work. Tom i believe thats how james bond was almost killed in a movie. Stephen yes. Tom mr. Bond. Stephen her majestys secret service. Tom this aston martin has no first gear, mr. Bond. And you will be driving down the autobahn. I hope somehow you can what . You expect me to talk . No, mr. Bond. I expect you to die. Stephen did you enjoy tom hold on just one second, would you . Stephen oh. Tom oh, its been a day, stephen. Its been such a day. Stephen oh, my god. People are under the mistaken impression that youre a pleasant person. And was it satisfying to play a grumpy person, like, to let it all out . Tom have you ever wanted to smash your tv remote against the wall and storm out of the room . This is what it was like for me every day. It was magnificent, magnificent, satisfying moment of just let out the crank. When im around the house, Everybody Knows that ive gone off the deep end when i begin a conversation with this phrase let me get this straight. Oh, here goes dad. What did we do, dad . Did we leave the rice pot in the sink, not scrubbed out . Stephen so thats a level of crisis we are talking about. Tom its massive with me. Let me get this straight. Nothing works for me, and thats the other thing. Why would it work for me . Oh, dad is yelling downstairs. Why would the remote work for me . I press menu. I press power. I press input. I press mode. You know, i went on the app. Stephen you have mode . Tom whatever. Stephen you have mode. You have mode. Tom its all down there. Its like on, off. Why cant that be . Stephen kachunk, kachunk. Tom thats all it takes and it never works for me. I once, i once put i was once trying to get a dvd to play and i pressed so many buttons on the dvd player. You know, where it says is open or it says closed or it says reading. I swear to god, it said goodbye. Stephen we have to take a quick break. Well be right back with more tom hanks. 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Every bubusiness deserves a a great deaeal. Thats whyhy comcast b busins is lauaunching thehe mobile m made free e event. With ourur businesss ininternet, nenew and exisisg cucustomers cacan geget one yearar of unlimimd momobile for f free. Its our b best internrnet. Powered byby the nextt geneneration 10g0g network ad wiwith 99. 9 r reliabilityt. Plus one l line of freree momobile for a an entire y y. Itss the mobilile made fre eveventhappenening now. Get t started fofor jujust 49. 99 9 a month. Plusus, ask how w to get onene line of f unlimited d mobil. Comcast t business,s, poweriring possibibilities. Stephen this guy, that man right there. Wichita lineman himself. We are back here. Star of stage and screen, star of the new movie a man called otto. Tom hanks. Now, your son, truman hanks, plays you in the flashbacks. Did you give him any acting advice . Tom try to look like me as much as possible. We actually are kind of thats why he got the gig because he is a dead ringer for me at 20. Marc forster, who was our director said, [german accent] you know, its always so fake when we get some other actor to play you in flashbacks. Why cant i just get one of your kids to play you . Stephen did Arnold Schwarzenegger direct this movie . I said get to the choppa. I told truman, i said truman, get to the choppa like your dad would get to the choppa. Everybody get down. Tom marc, marc. If youre watching, marc is from zurich. So he speaks stephen just saying. Tom so they got together. I said, this is totally my son. My son actually is a cinematographer. Hes in the camera unit here in new york. He works on camera utility and thats what he wants to do. I said ask him. He would be a great experience if he does a number of things. If he learns his lines, knows the text, have an idea, and shows up on time. If you can do those four things, thats actually kind of like the base level of being an actor. Stephen the advice ive given my kids, just in general, being in business, is just like, be enthusiastic and competent. And that means like, be happy to be there and never be late. Tom there you go. Stephen thats it. And i said youll work for the rest of your life. Tom you dont have to be qualified. You have to be colorful. Stephen yes. I actually say, like, when youre really young and on the job, dont be impressive. You will just make people nervous. Tom oh, yeah. Stephen just show up. Tom and by the way, honestly, why prepare at all . Just wing the whole thing. By the way, worked for you pretty well. Stephen worked out pretty well. Tom [laughs] [cheers and applause] by the way, can we just say, by the way, can we just say, who has pressure on them in this scene . Look at how much of this hes drunk. And look, im still right there. Stephen ive done a whole monologue. Im thirsty. Youre back there eating my free cheese. Tom oh, what . Its the end of my day. Its 5 oclock somewhere, says Stephen Colbert. Stephen mmhmm. No. Midnight actually. Now, your character, otto, in the movie, has a quarter that he carries for his own personal reasons. Tom from 1964. Stephen 1964. And im curious, is there any little talisman or thing that you keep with yourself . Tom well, i have a typewriter from a great man who i just lost, by the way, michael john mcgann. He was a fabulous guy. He was the reason i first moved to new york city. I had a union card in my pocket that said i was a professional actor. He says, you need t be in new york. So we came here together. He shepherded me through, shared an apartment on upper 91st. Im talking 1978 now and the first night i was in new york, we went out, we walked from his his house on upper broadway. And i actually said to him, where is everybody going . Because there were so many people out on the street, you know. I thought, is there a hockey game starting nearby . Is the circus in town . Where is everybody going . Dadada. Oh [cheers and applause] stephen to quote a great man, tom hanks is not a big drinker. Tom [laughs] by the way, i believe in certain cultures, that is good luck. So, sorry about that. Stephen no, no worries at all. I mean, i cant top that, tom. Tom [laughs] but we can top it off, cant we . Get that out there. Stephen there you go. Tom is there anything sadder than a spilled drink, stephen . Just enough. Stephen tom hanks, thank you for educating me to what will ultimately be my downfall. Cocacola and champagne. A man called otto is in theaters now. Hes tom hanks, everybody. Well be back with the performance by Rachael Vilray. I love it. 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Stephen and now performing is a good man real from their album, i love a love song, backed by the huntertones and the late show band, Rachael Vilray. [cheers and applause] ive never known one what do they do weve always heard the legends but can they be true my cousins best friends boyfriend once nearly cooked a meal so is a good man real does he try to remember what his old lady said when he sleeps in on tuesdays does he straighten the bed once hes had three martinis hell let you take the wheel oh, is a good man real ive never seen a narwhal the unicorn of the sea but if god made whales and put horns on the males maybe hed put a heart in a guy for me he dont need money i said good, not perfect ill settle for honey and a quarterly date so if you see this treasure please let him know how i feel i hope a good mans real ive never seen a narwhal the unicorn of the sea but if god made whales and put horns on the males maybe hed put a heart in a guy for me he dont need money ill settle for funny so if you see this sucker please let him know how i feel i hope a good mans real i really wonder is a good man real . [cheers and applause] stephen hey. Thank you. Beautiful as always. Thank you. Stephen thank you so much. Rachael vilray, everybody. Thats it for the late show. Good night