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Transcripts For COM The Daily Show 20240713

I dont know if i can handle all this fame. I mean, i always thought id want to be famous, but now that i am, i dont know if i like it. I mean, i probably cant even walk through this mall right now without people going, oh, my god, its the fingerbang guy oh, my god yeah, thats gonna suck. Yeah, i just want to be a normal kid again, have a normal life, and appreciate what i have. I think you boys are very smart for your age. Come on, ill buy you all an orange smoothie. I dont think they sell those anymore. Hey, cartman, do you think god is going to be mad at you for not making 10 million . Oh, screw god. Im not scared of him. Hes a pussy. You know im just kidding, right . From Comedy Centrals world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with trevor noah. cheers and applause trevor welcome to the daily show, everybody. Thank you so much for tuning in. Thank you for coming out. Thank you so much for coming out. As alway ....

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Transcripts For COM The Daily Show 20240713

Backfires, neil brennan explains how to take america back, and we find out which profession has the most sex. Lets catch up on todays headlines. Lets begin in the world of man on this running. Most just run so they can brag to their friends about running marathons. Though thats not why i run them. I do it for the tiny cups of water. Anyway, one man ran straight into the record books. In Vienna Austria a runner from kenya made history going the distance for two hours for the first time. 59 minutes and 40 seconds but it wont be counted as a new world record because it wasnt an official race. All of it stage nangd forensic detail, a special chosen flat six mile circuit in vienna. The runner wore white nyc vapor flies and there were three dozen pacers, some of the worlds best marathoners who took turns pounding the grueling pace in formation. Trevor wow, that is amazing. Elliott ran a marathon in less than two hours, which was thought ....

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Transcripts For COM The Daily Show 20240713

I heard that you were the one responsible for making tad lose the race. Thanks. Yeah, well, he really flipped when he saw these. Uhhhgg. Start the reactor. Talking away i dont know what im to say ill say it anyway todays another day to find you from comedy centrals world news headquarters, this is the daily show with trevor noah cheers and applause trevor welcome to the daily show, everybody thank you so much for tuning in thank you for coming out wow lets do it lets make a show im trevor noah our guest tonight is a deejay and a producer from a Little Country called south africa, black coffee is joining us, everybody cheers and applause going to be a fun conversation. Also on tonights show, trumps plan in the middle east backfires, neil brennan explains how to take america back, and we find out which profession has the most sex. Lets catch up on todays headlines. Lets begin in the world of man on this running. Most just run so the ....

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Transcripts For COM The Daily Show 20240714

[ cheers and applause ] i got this for playing cookie on empire. Thank you to the fans. Thank you for watching. Im jim jeffries, i think we can all do better, good night. From comedy centrals world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with trevor noah. cheers and applause trevor welcome to the daily show, everybody thank you for tuning in and thank you for coming out thank you so much for coming out im trevor noah. Our guest tonight is the governor of the great state of california, gavin newsom is joining us, everybody cheers and applause also on tonights show, Greta Thunberg roasts the u. N. Lenny kravitz has lost his mojo, and donald trump is getting impeached. cheers and applause please, please please, melania, stop cheering. laughter so let lets catch up on todays headlines. Lets kick it off with the United Nations
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Transcripts For COM The Daily Show 20240714

Children yeah announcer ride the totally realistic traffic jam. Beep, beep, beep, beep children traffic jam announcer and the worlds first never bump bumper cars. Children never bump announcer its a real savings hootenanny with options that fit your budget. Thats fun for the whole family. Announcer only at progressive par. Maybe an insurance park was a bad idea. Yeah. Yep. [ cheers and applause ] welcome back to the only tv show that thinks its sexist that all Digital Assistants are female. Next week, i sink my teeth into the sad world of mukbanging. I am eating my feelings. This is a very depressing eating show. [ laughter ] [ inhales sharply ] ohh. [ sobbing ] its just rude to cry with your mouth full. Follow me on the four majors of social media. The boycott of the week is boycotthashtags starting now. Come see my annual tosh saves the World Charity show in the worlds m ....

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