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Children get the virus. And we want to make sure that promise is followed through on. Ri . Announcer its a late show plus, stephen welcomes Norah Odonnell. And musical guest i. D. K. Featuring jon batiste and stay homin. And now, live on tape from a safe distance, its Stephen Colbert stephen ready . Thanks. I truly dont know what to do about this hair. It is so what do you want me to do . Why dont i cut it for you . Stephen you cut away you dont want to. Youre afraid. Youre afraid, youre afraid. Im afraid. Stephen i have to do something about the hair because, i have to use so much product to keep this from happening up here. Just be shaggy. Just be yourself. Stephen just be shaggy . Because right now its got a very don jr. Look. Im not liking it. The deep tan doesnt help either. Go natural. Stephen au naturale . Okay. Tomorrow, no hair spray, no pants. Welcome to a late sho ....
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serious enough for you now? does jim lehrer have his own brand of bottled water? does jim lehrer poop in a golden toy sflet no. (laughter) jim lehrer is not serious and trump is ready to make this debate about ideas. i like the idea of bringing in some very good talent and people that are knowledgeable in certain subjects. i m pretty knowledgeable on most of the subject. i m actually very knowledgeable on foreign affairs and things of that like. (laughter) stephen: so, candidates, be prepared to be drilled on things of that like. items of that such. topics of this stuff and fluency in, you know, that one thing. (laughter) after the debate, trump is going to do something to make this debate the first one that really counts. the debate is december 27. i m looking to endorse somebody after that debate. stephen: trump will endorse the winner. second place wins gary busey. (laughter) now, clearly, clearly trump wants to be the new republican king maker even b ....
folks, i ve got to tell you, you did not have to chant my name! (laughter) but if you didn t, i would have had to start the show over. (laughter) something i m sure none of us want to go through. (laughter) nation. (laughter) despite my best efforts to ignore them, things are happening in other parts of the world. for instance, there s america s ever-escalating tensions with iran that could lead to yet another war in the middle east. and there s bad news, too. jim? iran claims it has captured one of america s most sophisticated spy planes. the secret stealth drone nicknamed the beast of kandahar is one of america s most sophisticated intelligence tools. stephen: not the beast of kandahar! (laughter) far more sophisticated than the previous beast of kandahar, a goat. (laughter) folks, this is dangerous! our cool remote-control plane went over the fence and crashed in iran s backyard! and you know old mr. ahma- you kids stay off my lawn -ijad is never going to giv ....
jon: that s our show. join us tomorrow night at 11:00. here it is your moment of zen. they had the hungry muppet, the starving muppet. you look out there. we have medicaid, a record number of people on food stamp. we have s-chip. we have w.i.c.c. there s all these programs out there to take care of hungry kids. captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) stephen: thank you! welcome to the report, in here out there, around the world. (crowd chanting stephen ) folks. thank you so much for joining us! (cheers and applause) folks, i ve got to tell you, you did not have to chant my name! (laughter) but if you didn t, i would have had to start the show over. (laughter) something i m sure none of us want to go through. (laughter) nation. (laughter) despite my best efforts to ignore them, things are happening in other parts of the wo ....