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Transcripts For KNTV Late Night With Seth Meyers 20240712

[ cheers and applause announcer tonight, on late night with seth meyers Cecily Strong, author of the captain, former mlb all star, david wright writer and director of kajillionaire, miranda july, featuring the 8g band with jessica berdeaux and now, Seth Meyers Seth good evening. Im seth meyers. This is late night. Hows everybody doing tonight . Great, lets get to the news President Trump said yesterday that he won tuesdays president ial debate against former Vice President , joe biden, but take it with a grain of salt because he also said he won the voice. Fox news anchor and president ial debate moderator, Chris Wallace, said in an interview yesterday that he was surprised by the chaotic nature of tuesdays contest, adding no one could have predicted, quote, this was going to be the president s strategy not just for the beginning of the debate but the entire debate. I had an inkling, said marco rubio, ted cruz, jeb bush, carly fiorian, hillary clinton, all of his kids, all of his wives

Transcripts For KNTV Late Night With Seth Meyers 20240712

With stripes and cut away over the place. Coats for perfect fits puttin on the ritz maybe trump should stick to interrupting when he actually has to answer a question, he sounds like the dressed up like a worst member of your taboo team. Million dollar trooper trying hard to loo its a movie, they live in like gary cooper forest cities, computers all superduper over the place [ buzzer ] it was star wars, but its not my fault i wasnt allowed to say star or wars. Evens trumps own campaign acknowledged privately that he went full psycho at the debate one person whos familiar with his debate prep, anderson, said announcer tonight, on they prepared him to be late night with seth meyers aggressive but not to be jason Cecily Strong, from friday the 13th, and that author of the captain, former is the perception of how his performance was. Mlb all star, david wright writer and director of seth yeah. Kajillionaire, miranda july, i mean, even jason didnt interrupt that much unless you featuring th

Transcripts For KNTV The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon 20240712

You can beat every bear in the forest, but the game is never finished. Steve from Rockefeller Center in the heart of new york city, its the tonight show starring jimmy fallon. Tonight, join jimmy and his guests Seth Macfarlane, Evan Rachel Wood penn and teller, and featuring the legendary roots crew theyve really stood the test of time. And now, heres your host, jimmy fallon much like these majestic rocky mountains. Which must be named after the. That would be rocky the flying squirrel, mr. Gecko sir. Obviously ahh come on bullwinkle, theyre named after. Our first president george rockington [ cheers and applause that doesnt even make any sense. Mr. Uhh. Winkle. Jimmy hey. Oh, thank you very much roots. Geico. Over 75 years of savings and service. Thank you, everybody, for tuning in and watching the tonight show. I appreciate it. Lets get to the news and jokes. Well, guys, today is september 17th i point that out because once again President Trump has contradicted one of his medical ex

Transcripts For KPIX The Late Show With Stephen Colbert 20240713

Okay. Ill take a nap. This sort of thing never happened back at the ed sullivan theater. God, i wish i was there again. Announcer its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight, is stephen sleeping or is he awake . And is all existence just a collective hallucination to deceive us about the true nature of reality . Plus, stephen welcomes Thandie Newton. And ina garten. With a special appearance by john mulaney. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live from his own subconscious, its Stephen Colbert stephen whoo hey, everybody. Thank you. Thank you so much. Please, please have a seat. Ladies and gentlemen. Everybody, in here, out there, all around the world. Welcome to the late show. I am your host, Stephen Colbert. cheers and applause audience stephen, Stephen Stephen and. Hold on a second. cheers and applause click silence there you go. Folks, as you can see, i am coming to you once again from the beautiful ed sullivan theater here in midtown manhattan. And i can do this be

Transcripts For KNTV The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon 20240713

Evan rachel wood musical guest, annie lennox. And the legendary roots crew its the tonight show at home edition. And now, heres jimmy. Jimmy hi, everybody. Welcome to the tonight show at home edition. My name is jimmy fallon and thank you so much for watching we have a great show for you tonight. Guys, i want to wish everyone a happy Star Wars Day. Thats right its a time fans say may the 4th be with you, which is great, because now you know what day it is yep, they call it Star Wars Day because of the phrase may the 4th be with you, which as we know is how baby yoda said it before his front teeth grew in meanwhile, tomorrow is Cinco De Mayo though right now americans are thinking, yeah, like we need an excuse to sit around drinking tequila all day long. Check this out i heard that doctors and dentists have now started removing magazines from their waiting room patients are like, oh, no now how will i find out who was named sexiest man alive in 1997 . Brad pitt and Jennifer Aniston are

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