Did everybody look a porn star back then . [ laughter ] or did porn stars look like everyone . Im not sure. But fathers day of course is the day on which we punish dad for having sex with our mothers by forcing him to talk on the phone. [ laughter ] it was an especially special fathers day because we heard from some folks we havent heard from in quite a while, including bill cosby, who took time to tweet hey hey hey, its americas dad. I dont sleep. But to all he dads its an honor to be called a father. So lets make today a renewed oath to fulfilling our purpose, strengthening our families and communities. Well, thanks, dr. Huxtable. What an uplifting message from jail. [ laughter ] somebodys now slipping roofies into his own drinks. By the way, i dont think hey hey hey works anymore. As a general rule, your first Public Statement after going to prison for Sexual Assault shouldnt start with hey hey hey. [ laughter ] if you hear the words hey hey hey cover your drinks. Okay . And by the way, how is it that bill cosby is legally blind Prison Library computer . A there are still fewer typos and spelling errors than every one of the president s tweets. [ cheers and applause ] and by the way, that wasnt even that wasnt even the strangest fathers day news on twitter. This is. Guess who got himself a twitter account. Thats right, Heisman Trophy killer o. J. Simpson is on twitter now. He posted some videos and wrote thanks to all my new followers. Love learning how to use twitter. Hes only been on twitter for like four day, hes already got almost 700,000 followers. The last time o. J. Had this many people following him he was on the 405 headed to the mexican border. [ applause ] o. J. Is only following eight people. Which is probably good because i cant think of anything scarier than getting a notification on my phone saying o. J. Simpson is following you. [ laughter ] but apparently, o. J. Has some things to get off his chest and so hes tweeting videos. We cant have the measles back and o. J. At the same time. Its too much. [ laughter ] so yesterday o. J. , bill cosby, and donald trump all tweeted at right around the same time. It was like the thanos snap of social media. [ laughter ] the other sociopath that spends all his time on the golf course tweeted happy fathers day to all including my worst and most vicious critics of which there are fewer and fewer. This is a fantastic time to be an american. Keep america great. Trump spent his fathers day golfing yesterday. Not with his kids. With lindsey graham. But senator graham did call the president daddy the whole time. [ laughter ] so it was fatherly in a way. This is a weird one. Trump took time out this weekend to lash out at the New York Times. Thats not the weird part. That he does twice a week. But he wrote, do you believe that the failing New York Times just did a story stating that the United States is substantially increasing cyberattacks on russia . This is a virtual act of treason by a once great paper so desperate for a story, any story, even if bad for our country. A virtual act of treason, says the man who openly invited a foreign enemy to hack his opponent in the election. But heres the funny part of it. I read this story in the times i thought oh, good, were finally doing something to fight back against these russian cyberattacks. And then trump said not true. Anything goes with our corrupt news media today. Theyll do or say whatever it takes with not even the slightest thought of consequence. These are true cowards and without a doubt the enemy of the people. So he says it is not true, we arent going after russia. But sources inside the pentagon and the Intelligence Community told the times the reason that hes saying its not true is because they didnt tell him about this. [ laughter ] they were hesitant to share the plan because he might discuss it with foreign officials and compromise the mission. Basically, they didnt tell him for the same reason my wife didnt tell my 4yearold what they got me for fathers day. [ laughter ] so were in good little hands, everybody. Have you been watching this multipart chat with trump and George Stephanopoulos . Abc news showed more of it on friday night and sunday morning. Theres its a spirited back and forth. Like this exchange in which trump and george get into it over what the Mueller Report actually says. Mueller comes out, theres no collusion, and essentially a ruling that no obstruction. And they keep going with it. You know, what people are angry about it. We dont have time for that and i will excuse me. He found no collusion and he didnt find anything having to do with obstruction because they made a ruling based on his findings and they said no obstruction. He didnt examine collusion. He laid out evidence are you trying to say now that there was collusion . Even though he said there is no collusion . He didnt say theres no collusion. And he said no collusion. He said he didnt george, the report said no collusion. Did you read the report . Yes, i did. And you should read it too. I read it. You should read it too. Jimmy thats a fun back seat chat. And i tell you something. [ applause ] maybe most of all they made their uber driver very uncomfortable. [ laughter ] and then back at the Oval Office Trump wouldnt let it go. He continued to insist that Robert Muellers conclusion was no collusion. He gave us no collusion. That was a very big thing. He did not say that. Frankly, he did say that. He explicitly didnt look at collusion. He said did you read the report . I did. He said there was insufficient evidence to read the report. Read the conclusion of the report. Just read it. Jimmy to me, please. Because i havent read it. [ laughter ] theres no way he read that report. Zero percent chance. Trump also insisted that despite what his lawyer specifically told the special counsel he never suggested or ordered the firing of robert mueller. He says his lawyer lied. And then he claimed hes been treated worse than any president including abraham lincoln. [ laughter ] who as you know was treated very badly in that theater. In fact, they got a lot of negative reviews on yelp for it. But this maybe my favorite part of the whole thing, and this really sums the president up. At one point during the interview hes bragging about the Financial Statement he refuses to let anyone see and was interrupted by a coughing fit from his chief of staff. But at some point i hope they get it because its a [ coughing ]. Its a fantastic Financial Statement. Its a fantastic Financial Statement. And lets do that over. Hes coughing in the middle of my answer. Yeah. Okay. I dont like that. You know . Your chief of staff. If youre going to cough, please leave the room. Get a shot of ill come over here. You just cant sorry. You want to do that over again . Yeah. Let me just change the angle. Yep. Thank you. So at some point so at some point i look forward to frankly id like to have people see my Financial Statement. [ applause ] jimmy and in fairness to his chief of staff, you try breathing in a room where a man just went through four cans of hairspray. Youd cough also. [ laughter ] George Stephanopoulos spent about 30 hours traveling with trump. And its really i enjoyed seeing the president go about his day. This is some piece of machinery. Oh, this is amazing. Feel the wind. Its nothing. Bye, everybody. Jimmy all right. Back to fathers day. What did benji do for you for fathers day . Guillermo he was helping my wife making breakfast for me. Jimmy what did they make you . Guillermo pancakes, eggs, bakken jimmy pancakes, eggs, bacon. Did you eat it in bed or did you eat it at the table . Guillermo no, at the table with the family. Jimmy with the family. Guillermo yes. Jimmy very good. Was it good . Guillermo of course. Jimmy everything was cooked beautifully . Guillermo well done. Jimmy basically they set up an ihop in your home. Guillermo yes, Something Like that. Jimmy every year on fathers day we issue a youtube challenge. Over the years weve asked kids to do a lot of unusual things to their dads. And this year the challenge was to throw a slice of cheese on his face. Like the reverse of those videos where the parents throw the cheese on the babys faces. We got hundreds of videos, and we whittled them down to the best. With that said, i am proud to present the results of our fathers day youtube challenge for 2019. [ applause ] [ laughter ] [ bleep ] whats wrong with you . Hey. Is that cheese . [ bleep ]. [ laughter ] oh, hell, no. Dad. Oh, geez. Guys. What are you doing . You know cheese costs money . Come on not in my new car. Hes on the right. Why did you do that . Jimmy kimmel made me do it. Oh, happy fathers day to me. Dad, its for jimmy kimmel. Are you mad . Oh [ bleep ]. Let me see the it was get in here and run like a [ bleep ]. [ laughter ] [ snoring ] [ laughter ] happy fathers day. Jimmy oh, the final indignity. [ cheers and applause ] thanks to everyone who took part. Especially those who are now deceased. We have a great show for you tonight. We have music from rob thomas. Anthony jeselnik is here. And well be right back with Christina Applegate. [ cheers and applause ] dicky Abcs Jimmy Kimmel live, brought to you by mcdonalds. [door bell] [door bell] other places deliver food. We deliver more than that. Delivering happy. Mcdonalds with uber eats. Zero dollar delivery fee for a limited time. Look its a hmm. Whale. I dont know. Thats it. Suit up haha watch the fur ahhh. What do you see in your cheetos . So recently my sons band was signed by a record label. While were on the road, i can keep my parents in the loop with the whole facetime thing. I created a rockstar. vo the network more people rely on, gives you more. Like great deals on the best devices. Thats verizon. I am totally blind. And non24 can throw my days and nights out of sync, keeping me from the things i love to do. Talk to your doctor, and call 8442142424. I moved to new york i went on linkedin,. I connected with someone, and they introduced me to my boss. When i first got the job, i was the only African American female trader. woman man have you smeno. D this litter . woman nobody has its unscented vo tidy cats free clean unscented. Powerful odor control with activated charcoal. Free of dyes. Free of fragrances. Unscented odor control like that . Try tidy cats free clean. This ijust listen. vo theres so much we want to show her. We needed a car that would last long enough to see it all. avo subaru outback. Ninety eight percent are still on the road after 10 years. Come on mom, lets go jimmy well, hello. We are back. Tonight on the show his new netflix comedy special is called fire in the Maternity Ward, Anthony Jeselnik is here. And then his latest album is called chip tooth smile rob thomas from the mercedesbenz stage. You can see rob on tour tomorrow night at the greek theatre in los angeles. And then as he gets to other cities you can see him in those too. Tomorrow night joel mchale and betty gilpin will join us with music from santana and later this week miles teller, kumail nanjiani, ayesha curry, jim acosta, himesh patel, music from Hollywood Vampires featuring alice cooper, joe perry and johnny depp. So please join us then. Our first guest tonight describes her newest show as a traumedy, which is a combination of trauma and comedy. Its called dead to me and its available on netflix now. Please welcome Christina Applegate. [ cheers and applause ] thanks for coming. I have to say something. I dont remember that being held in a box before you come out. Jimmy mmhmm. Im claustrophobic. Jimmy oh, really . So literally everything you were saying i was quietly saying just shut up, shut up, shut up. Jimmy oh, before you came out. I needed it to be open. Jimmy have you talked to anyone about this . No. Ive never felt like this. Jimmy well, im sorry. Its okay. I love you and i love coming here. Jimmy well, we love having you. Ill be in your box anytime you want me to be. [ laughter ] jimmy how is fathers day at your house . Was anyone hit by cheese . No. It was a thrilling 3 1 2 hours at a dance recital. Because thats what all dads want to be doing. Jimmy oh, wait a minute. The school or the dance class . Her dance class. We were there for 3 1 2 hours. Jimmy on fathers day they scheduled this . They did. Jimmy oh, wow. They hate their daddies apparently at this place. Jimmy and they spread the dances out so there was like 4500 dance numbers. But my daughter was beautiful. Sadie, you were beautiful. Jimmy how old is your daughter . Shes 8. Shes in the green room. Jimmy how many dances did she do . She did two. She did a contemporary number and she did a ballet number. She did great. Jimmy thats a total of six minutes . Its two out of 4500. Jimmy oh, wow. And your husband was okay with this . Yeah. [ laughter ] took him out to brunch, got him a bloody mary. You know what i mean . Jimmy i would hope so. Thats bad timing, i guess. Its okay. Jimmy but fathers day is you know, nobody really cares im seeing about fathers day. Because my son woke me up at 6 05 and i was kind of laying there hoping my wife would get up and she didnt. So i just got up. [ laughter ] thats what happened to me on mothers day. Not this year but last year. I was like yeah, all i really want is maybe you guys make me breakfast or something in bed or Something Like that and get up before me. And like no. Jimmy and go away. You i was like downstairs making breakfast. Jimmy with your daughter but it was good. Dont worry, sadie, i love you. Jimmy do you teach her how to dance . Because you were on broadway. You did sweet charity. That thing. That was a big dancing yeah. I mean, she listens to, you know, other people more than me. But ill show her stuff. Im like im like the pointing toe police. And im so annoying. I feel so bad because im always just point your toes. Point your toes. Just point your toes. Jimmy do you help her with her homework . Because went to like kid show business school, right . You didnt actually go to real so im half brain dead. Jimmy right. [ laughter ] one plus two is 17. Jimmy they dont look at grades. They look at ratings. Theyre like the ratings are great, she passes english. Sign her on. She gets her degree. Yeah, i was really shocked like how hard the second grade homework was. Jimmy is it . Yeah. I was id look at it and id be like, i i have no idea, honey. Jimmy do you go into the school and do that kind of stuff . I do. I volunteer in the library. Thats kind of my happy place. Jimmy the library . Is it a real library . Im actually the Vice President of the Library League. Jimmy theres a Library League . Theres one of two. We run the library for miss myrtle. I love you, myrtle. We miss you. Jimmy is that her real name or her librarian name . Thats her librarian name. Her real name is candy. [ laughter ] jimmy is it like a traditional because most schools a library is just like a pile of books. But do you like shush people and do all that i do a lot of shushing. Guys. Library. Jimmy how many books can they check out . They can check out two books. They cant have more than two books out at a time. And oftentimes if they dont bring their books back, the little kindergartners will come up to me to check out their books and i say theyve got two books out. And theyre like i dont understand. And im like you dont get a book. [ laughter ] jimmy you have to be pretty hardcore, i guess. Tell your mommy and daddy to put them in your backpack. Jimmy that song from i dont remember what year it was. That song set adrift on memory bliss. That song by p. M. Dawn. When they mentioned you in that song, did you know that was going to happen . No. Someone told me about it. And then i heard it and i was like, at least its a good song. Jimmy yeah, it was a good song. It could have been Christina Applegate i dont understand jimmy i dont understand what it means either. Youve got to put me on something or other. And then he talks about jimmy which side of the cake. Youre going to eat from. Jimmy Something Like that about a cake. I dont know what that means. But [ laughter ] jimmy at that time when that was happening were you deluged by people asking you about that . I dont remember because i dont remember the 90s. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] one of them things. Jimmy one of the guys who works in our Music Department is saying that when he was a kid his mom allowed him one poster on the wall. What in the jimmy and that is a poster of you with a snake. Yeah. Because that all makes sense. Jimmy is that an owl or a falcon . Its a falcon. Jimmy its a falcon. Do you know why you had a snake and a i mean, this is like this is when it was accepted to do weird stuff like this. I dont know. I guess they were like kelly bundy likes nature. [ laughter ] you know what i mean . Jimmy is that one of kelly bundys she loves animals. Jimmy that show was on for 11 seasons, right . Yeah, 11. Jimmy did you have a big Series Finale like these shows seem to have now . No, man. I actually learned that we were canceled from the radio but not like firsthand. Someone had was listening to kevin and bean. Jimmy oh. I was on that show. I heard. Jimmy yeah. Kevin and bean knew before me. Jimmy they know everything. And they said something. And then someone i knew had heard it on kevin and bean and then called me to tell me that the show was canceled. Jimmy oh, no. Thats how they operated. Jimmy you got the news from kevin and bean . From kevin and bean. Jimmy is it too late to put a finale together . I think so. Jimmy it is, yeah. When we come back, well talk about your new show, which is hugely i have to say not a day goes by that i dont hear people talking about this show. Thats crazy. Jimmy its called dead to me. Christina applegate is he with us. Well be right back. Its not just easy. Its havingawalrusingoal easy roooaaaar its a walrus ridiculous yes nice save, big guy good j