♪ [applause] >> greg: happy wednesday, everyone. [laughter] >> greg: yes, control yourselves. remember back in grade school when the teacher would leave the room and tell everyone to behave while she was gone, of course, the second she left the room went wild. that's how i got my first tattoo. i would show you but the fcc doesn't allow frontal nudity, so it's great what the teacher got, right? but remember how after a while it would get ugly. the bullying and fights would start. things would get tossed around the room. by things, i mean me. when the teacher came back you were sort of relieved. you knew your class needed a grown-up to keep things from chaos which brings us to america. can someone please call the teacher back into the room? not so they can sleep with their students, although that helps. but to save us from the madness. every weekend we're seeing the same stories of violent mobs disrupting and destroying our cities. it makes me remember the good ole days when it used to be safe to poop in the streets. meanwhile our colleges are handing out extra credit for intimidating and assaulting jewish students and shoplifting has become as lucrative for up skilled people as guest hosting the daily show. our media and government are churning this chaos like they are in the audience of "the view" and bay heart just threw them sardines. is anyone actually running this place or is it all by design because nothing goes wrong this perfectly. let's take atlanta. last week two blm rioters were allowed to take a plea deal for burning down a wendy's restaurant. talk about flame broiling. the two sarsists, king and white, each received a $500 fine and probation. that's right. no jail time for first-degree arson. i'll remember that the next time i go through a drive through and they forget my ketchup but i guess that's why they call it hot atlanta. or they used to. i don't remember. the arson occurred after a black man suspected of a dwi got into a scuffle with police. the man got a hold of one of the tasers, fired twice and that's when the officers shot and killed him. amid the ongoing protests afterwards someone shot and killed an 8-year-old black girl near the sight a few weeks later. this was in 2020 during the summer of love when rioters engaged in mostly peaceful protests that did $2 billion. it used to do that kind of love you had to change your safe word to harder. how do these two fire bugs get a deal so sweet, it should have come with a shot of insulin? here's fanny willis, atlanta chief prosecutor. she's doing such great job on crime down there that atlanta's buckhead region which accounts for 40% of the city's tax revenue is actually trying to cede. having to bail the two arsonists out. after the wendy's became a smoking ruin, it became another occupied zone. just like chaz, autonomous zone in seattle where protestors took over the area around seattle's east precinct, after six shootings in a little over the week chaz was finally cleared out. and just like the area around george floyd square, the intersection renamed after floyd's deft. that worked out great, too. last month store owners in the square sued the city of minneapolis claiming the area has become a hub for violent crime and police wouldn't even respond anymore. strange how powerful those three letters are, blm. they seem to instantly put prosecutors to sleep faster than a rum coke from bill cosby. in fact, one major study found that the vast majority of charges against blm protestors in the summer of 2020 were ultimately dropped or dismissed. and, of course, massive fraud by blm itself has never been investigated. so wait a minute. if nobody is holding anyone to account for all of this, what is our criminal justice system actually doing? there is fanny down in atlanta who is keeping busy with her 13-count ricoh on donald trump which has to be the most bogus case since prince harry claimed he had balls. that was unnecessary. oh, and there is always the most persecuted jan since e-plum. our feds can't go to that well often enough. apparently 1,200 have been charged even from stepping on the capital steps. nearly three years after the fact the feds just picked him up. charged with misdemeanors including trespassing, disorderly conduct and parading in a capital building. parading, three years of investigation for that countless man-hours for this guy. why die get the feeling his main failing is being a trump supporter on social media. congressman mike collins who represents an area near atlanta put it this way. i'm sure a lot of j-6 trespassers would love to pay $500 and go home. if only they had burned down a building. maybe. i know. got to biggest laugh. i heard that guy. we need writers. so while the feds and progressive prosecutors obsess on trump, january 6 and the ongoing plague of pronounce misuse jewish students on campus still feel unsafe and we know that not because of any prosecution or arrests, but because of republican-led hearings on capitol hill. meanwhile with the weekend coming up the current crop of anti-israel rioters made up of antifa and blm rebrands will shut down traffic and commit random about of violence and vandalism and there will be no consequences. is it me or does it look like the teacher won't be back in the room until 2024, that's only if he's not locked into the faculty room by administrators. [applause] let's welcome tonight's guests, he's harry and his impressions are scary. actor and standard comedian tyler fisher. [applause] he's done more triggering than an epileptic at a shooting range. she's like a pop-tart, a sugary treat that can fit in the toaster. "new york times" best-selling author and fox news contributor, kat trimf. former weight children tyrel tirous. i get the sense that our country is in a moral quandary. we're like in this new world where the rules we used to live by no longer exists. it makes me think of the great philosopher jordan peterson. i wonder what he would have to say about this. >> well, you know, probably start crying, get a little emotional. well, i think he might have sympathy for the guy that burned down that wendy's know, because it's like, well, if you hang out at wendy's, maybe $500 is a lot of money to you, it's like maybe that's 335 junior cheeseburgers, you know, and maybe if he cleaned his damn room, got his life together, then he wouldn't pick up a match. you know. it's like, well, you know, that's about all i have to say about that greg. >> greg: what does tyler think? >> i think that, yes, i mean, look, it's a double standard. you know, double cheese burger, double standard. and i think $500 is a lot of money for somebody who is broke. when i was a new actor and new comedian, that would have killed me so i say make them work the drive through for a year at 2:00 in the morning, he'll never do it again. >> greg: that's true. >> curt, you're a lawyer, you claim to be lawyer, i'm pretty sure you are a lawyer, right? >> sort of. >> greg: do you think there is a double standard here? >> i know there is a double standard. people are continually asking me, greg, what is your legal opinion about all of these things and i don't have a legal opinion about it because it has nothing to do with law. it's the exact opposite of law. when i go to contract on a regular basis, you know, so and so ran over so and so, you present facts, you have law, a judge makes a ruling. it's all normal, and then i see this insanity. this lunacy, where $500 for burning down a wendy's. look, maybe that's on target. it's a wendy's. if it was a jack in the box it would give him money and if it was an in and out he would have to be hunted for sport. but no. there is a complete double standard. i mean, there is some granny off somewhere that's doing hard time on a chain gang. $500 for my dad's trust fund. let's go. >> greg: it's an outrage, kat. have we become a country that now has political prisoners because that's what it feels like? we have people in jail because they were on the wrong side of an election. >> kat: i have never understood these kind of comparisons between, you know, setting a building on fire versus january 6 because going intero a buildi is lot difficulty than setting it on fire and the capitol is a lot different than wanted's but looking at it individually, right? the wendy's $500 fine for setting it on fire, actually back in 2020 that was a fine could you face for bracing lockdown rules. covid lockdown rules would be $500. going out with your friends or having a restaurant that's opened should be treated differently than burning one but also i have talked a lot on this show and elsewhere about, you know, overincarceration of nonviolent crimes and i would be a total hypocrite to talk about all of that january 6 was bad, bad decision to go into the building for sure but to say an appropriate response, what you're being charged with, the highest thing is, what, disorderly conduct in the capitol, to be picked up by fbi agents at the airport and taken to jail, that's obviously a punishment and being treated in a way that does not fit a handful of misdemeanors. >> greg: it doesn't fit at all, tyus. it took them three years to nab this guy. what were they doing? they had people devoted to finding this guy. >> yes, greg, it does fit. it fits perfectly. what we're seeing in this country is we have two court systems, and how it works was, it used to be rich and poor. like if you had money for a real expensive lawyer, you get a couple of lawyers. now all you have to do is your crime has to fit the narrative of who the d.a. is, so if you're a left-leaning criminal, you don't [ bleep ] in alabama. you do it in towns where you know the a.d., the attorney general or district attorney are left leaning because, they are not going to hurt the cause because it used to be when you got arrested and went to jail it was a deterrent not just for you but for everybody else, and they are saying they just burnt down a wendy's, no, it cost about 45 people their jobs, property damage in the millions, who is responsible? if i hit a baseball and broke the win doe i would pay for the window but as long as it's in the purview of whoever is in power and we saw that in the george floyd trial if it's a left-leaning judge he's going to protect the narrative instead of the people so we'll seeing a change in law and your point was a hundred percent. it wasn't law. it was there on the right side, so that d.a. will give them a $500 fine but you know what they did? they just inspired the next group. so if i'm sitting there with a cocktail in my hand and i go to lie and my friend goes, don't do that. why? >> they are going to pay my $500 for me. they are saying as long as you're in line with blm and these left leaning, in the 60s it was on the left, as long as you're in line, you're good and that's the part that's scary. >> greg: that is scary. all right. [applause] >> greg: we shall move on. is joe only staying in the race becaust coe trump could take hi place? 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[applause] >> greg: thank you. thank you. biden says farewell to sanity while trump chills with hannity. during a fundraiser in boston president biden admitted he may not have sought re-election if trump wasn't in the race. said joe, "if trump wasn't running, i'm not sure i would be running." joe, for the sake of your hip i'm not sure you should even be walking. forget the campaign. joe barely has the strength to run a fever but after those wise words the president concluded with thank you, chicago and he said he hoped the dolphins would win this year's stanley cup. in iowa trump was trump and by that i mean his usual hilarious self. unlike biden he was hilarious because of what he said, not because he kept shaking hands with casper the friendly ghost. when it comes to biden lasting until the election i wonder if trump personally thinks he makes it. >> i personally don't think he makes it. i think he's in bad shape physically. remember when he said i would like to take him behind the barn. if he took me behind the barn and i went like this, i believe he would fall over. i believe he would fall over. who knows, who knows. >> greg: i'm surprised there is no headlines that read trump wants to blow biden behind a barn. [applause] terrible. sick people. but did he ever watch him at the beach? >> i watched him at the beach. he wasn't able to lift a beach chair which is meant for children to lift and mentally i would say he's possibly equally as bad and maybe worse. >> greg: trump also touched on the indictments he's facing, once again likening himself toal capone but was he one of the greatest of all time. >> al capone, he was one of the greatest of all time if you like criminals. scar face, they called him, and he got indicted once. i got indicted four times. >> greg: classic trump. you know the famous gangster of all time? you got one? i got four. then there is this moment when trump was asked about the media painting him as a dictator. >> under no circumstances, you're promising america tonight, you would never abuse power as retribution against anybody? >> except for day one. >> sean: except for day one >> meaning? >> i want to close the board and drill. drill. drill. >> sean: that's not retribution. >> i love this guy. he says you're not going to be a dictator, are you, no, no, no, other than day one. we're closing the border and drilling, drilling, and drilling, after that i'm not take at a time for. >> sean: it sounds like you're going back to the policies when you were the president. [applause] >> greg: of course it wouldn't be trump if he didn't say something to make heads spin like a barn owl on met but mark my words the media will interpret him -- speaking of wetting themselves, anything to add, joe? >> you heard him. he's a dictator. day one, dictator. he's going to close the border. i opened the border. i did that on day one. good guys open things. dictators close things. everybody knows that. i like opening things. windows, refrigerators, car doors. can't open jars, though. they are too tight. i have jill do it for me. she's tough. jill, she got her doctorate in kung fu gripology. it's a true story. that's not a joke. [applause] >> curt, how do you see this going forward over the year? just listening to trump, when you get a dose you can't help but laugh. >> look, if i was an insurance underwriter i would be very depressed about biden. he's old. a dinosaur old. an old pervert who was stupid to begin with and now he'ssen nile and that's kind of going easy on him. he's a terrible person in every way, and this stuff about trump being a dictator, it would be terrible if trump went out, i don't know, persecuted his enemies that would be awful. trump would launch an attack on democracy. i'm not -- look, i'm from california so i don't understand democracy because we have gavin newsom. i'm just worried that, you know, joe biden is going to wander off chasing an imaginary squirrel and be replaced with gavin newsom and he's going to run on the slogan i'm going to make america just like california, and have a hobo in every pot. >> greg: yes. i hate hobos. tyus? i'm a hope bo sexual. i'm a hobo phobic and hobo sexual. >> you were right the first time. >> we literally have a guy on the show every other week with glasses. >> i thought you were talking about me. >> a medium little guy. listen, this is a brilliant scheme by biden, which, for me to say that hurts my face but he's saying i have to run to stop trump. so he's creating the monster, even though i'm old, i'm tired, i'm senile, i have to, to save this country and all the surrogates are out there. s hitler 2.5 and he's going to accuse them of all the things ironically that they do. i'm not debating a dictator. i'm not debating trump. he's a criminal. he's not going to be in the basement. he'll be in the sun room. we'll be able to look at him through the window, no, not doing it because look who he is. i don't know who came up with it. they must have is hired an angry republican, but this is their plan, and this is how he's going to lay it out so there will be no debate because he can't debate president trump. what? he would have to arrest trump for abuse if they had a debate which they might do and he won't have to go around the country. because he has to stay and protect the white house. trump can show up any time and try to take it on his watch so he's got to be there so this is -- this is their plan. this is what we'll see. you'll see gaffe newsom on the trail. kamala on the trail. he'll be at the white house guarding it to make sure none of trump and his mignons and maggot try to get back in. it's scary enough. what scares me is it might work. >> greg: kat, he says we can't let him win. is that the bat signal to tell everybody that everything is on the table. >> kat: the funniest thing that trump said by far, everyone is talking about, kennedy, is the dumbest guy in the senate and he said it was joe biden but the funniest part to me is he said who is the smartest part and the guy gave me a name but i don't want to share it because i don't like the guy at all. [laughter] >> kat: because every guy in the senate now, who is around during that time is like, was it me? was i the smart guy? did kennedy think i was the smartest guy? they probably all think it was them. but that's one of the moments where it's so clear that trump has this background in reality tv because that's exactly the kind of thing you would see a producer plant on a bravo show before they all get drunk. >> greg: we don't deserve him. >> kat: he gave me a name but i'm not going to tell you because i don't like the guy. >> greg: tyler, how do you think trump felt after this? do you think he was proud at how it went? >> he's getting funnier by the day. love him or hate him, give him a netflix schedule. it's getting hard to make fun of him or jokes because he's getting funnier. >> greg: i want you to do one now though. >> frankly, just a tease, a little tease, but just, a little tease, day one tease, a little tease, but this is the first time in history, i'm not sure our candidates are going to make it to the election. one of them could be in jail and one of them could be dead, you know. biden could be assassinated by the stairs at this point. you know what i mean? and if trump goes to jail he'll still run from jail. he'll make it sound cool, we're going to jail. nobody was gone as quick as me, two days. el choppo couldn't do it. al capone couldn't do it. the zodiac killer, it took him eight days. i did it in two days. he'll have to do a little shackle hand. >> greg: very good. all right. up next, the squad makes outrageous claims while backing men