Transcripts For FOXNEWSW Gutfeld 20240702 : comparemela.com

Transcripts For FOXNEWSW Gutfeld 20240702



>> greg: yeah, all right, let's welcome tonight's guests. he looks like a car salesman and smells like an air freshener, cohost of fox and friends first, todd piro. don't let the accent fool you she's here to school you, cohost of the bottom line on fox business, dagen mcdowell! [cheers and applause] >> greg: he knows eight ways to kill a man with a paper clip, nine if it's rusty. former cia operative and host of the president's daily brief podcast, mike baker! [cheers and applause] >> greg: and if walls could talk, her office would be in witness protection. new york times best selling author and fox news contributor kat timpf! [cheers and applause] >> greg: all right. well, that's about it for me. before we get to some new stories, let's do this. ♪ >> greg's leftovers. ♪ >> greg: yeah. it's leftovers where i read the jokes we didn't use this week and as always it's my first time reading them. so if we suck we'll staple joe machi to a wall and use his head as a dart board. earlier this week the white house unveiled its 2023 holiday decorations. and while, of course, there are no stockings for president biden's grandchildren, there is one for joe's live in nurse. [laughter]. >> she's caribbean. not that that matters. meanwhile the family does plan to still leave out cookies and milk for santa and a woman's wig for no one in particular. a retired health official says the chinese government may have killed a pandemic researcher by throwing him off the wuhan lab roof. or as the cdc calls it, a typical covid-related death. chicago mayor brandon johnson is blaming his city's problems on right wing extremeism. not surprising as it is maga country. in a new interview, france's first lady opened up about dating french president emmanuel macron while he was her student when he was 15 and she was 40. so take notes, kids. if your teacher wants to bang you, you, too, can become president. see, they always say it's a bad thing. well, todd piro says it's a good thing but i say it's a bad thing. a pack of super petition may soon cross the border into the united states. apparently it's pay backs for the ones we once sent to canada. [laughter] [cheers and applause] >> greg: the fda has approved an at-home test for chlamydia. here's hoyt works. if you have sex with hunter biden, you have chlamydia. [laughter] >> greg: that's really not an at-home test. 90s boy band new kids on the block have announced they're going a 2024 tour although we've since changed their names to old guys at the villages. according to a new study women have more regret anxiety and depressing thoughts after sex than men do, especially if they have it with the wrong person. >> mike: i knew that was kochlth i saw that coming a mile away. [laughter] >> greg: a new survey says 43% of americans are frequently constipated. >> mike: don't come back to me greg. >> greg: the other 57% eat at taco bell. >> and finally a new study claims that prehistoric women were better at hunting than men. wow, i didn't even know they had shoe stores back then. ha ha ha ha. now to the news, elon leaves no doubt that he won't sellout. yes, it's time for... ♪ it's coming your way, hey hey, it's video of the day ♪ >> greg: today's video of the day, it comes to us from a new york times conference this week when elon musk addressed the cowardly advertisers that are leaving x, like joy behar when the prune juice hits. watch and learn how it's done. >> there's a public perception that that was part of an apology tour, if you will. that this had been said on line, there was all of the criticism, there was advertisers leaving. we talked about biden. >> i hope they stop. >> you hope? >> don't advertise. >> you don't want them to advertise. >> no. >> what do you mean? >> if somebody's going to try to blackmail me with advertising, blackmail me with money? go [bleep] yourself. >> but -- >> go [bleep] yourself. is that clear? i hope it is. hey, bob if you're in the audience. >> greg: wow, he really has it in for bob. but which bob? this one? this one? bob marley. or this one? of course it was a shout-out to bob iger the ceo of the disney disaster which is one of the companies that ditched x. elon was also given another opportunity to walk this back, but did he? >> how do you think then about the economics of x? if part of the underlying model, at least today, and maybe it needs to shift, maybe the answer is it needs to shift away from advertising, if you believe that this is the one part of your business where you would be beholden to those who have this view, what should you do? >> gfy. >> g. f. y. what would that stand for? gutfeld's freaking yummy? he has a point. how insane is it that companies are trying to blackmail the world's richest man with money? that's like extorting jerry nadler with salad. [laughter] >> greg: or black mailing sports fans by threatening to caning pbs. the fact is, musk may be the last man standing between real freedom of speech and the suffocating block of the censorship industrial complex which is made up of government, media and tech forces. he realizes that advertisers have no spine and can be easily cowed by special interest groups in cahoots with political allies. if you don't believe me i've got two words for you. tucker carlson. >> wow. >> greg: oh, wow. look at that. huh? >> tough sfloom all right todd your mother called me this morning and asked me a favor to have you seated in the first chair so here you are. so you have to be on good behavior. >> todd: understood. you know, you have a thing for my mom. ever since she was here in those seats over there you mention her every occasion, it's kind of weird. >> greg: maybe i'm like president macron. >> todd: >> mike: the funny thing is todd me and your mom were talking about the same thing. >> todd: leave maryanne alone, she just had hip surgery. i don't want to know why she had hip surgery. my dad's watching, too. >> mike: hello mr. pirro. >> greg: poor marianne. this is a fight going on for years. if you don't do what we say we will kill your business. but it's not the advertisers that are doing it, it's these left wing front groups that are scaring these advertisers to run away. so they capitalize on the moral coward dis of advertisers and elon's saying all right you're doing this let's see how the earth handles this. >> todd: that's one of the best things of having f u money you get to tell people f u. that's what this is. it is a so great for free speech. we thought him purchasing free speech would be saved it's taken a lot of hits because they're coming after him full bore. the bobby mentioning i know he's talking about bob iger. bob iger might be fine when it comes to his theme park because it costs a lot of money to go to and people go. look at the latest movie. not doing well. he can get all the eyeballs and free advertising or real advertising on x that he can get. a lot of his tv properties utilize x to drive viewership. so before he says, you know, f u to mr. twitter over there, mr. x. he better realize he should wake up and ultimately at the end of the day elon musk is making a key point so go elon. >> greg: day began, he said well, let's see what earth thinks. he's basically banking on public opinion. the fact that we are addicted to twitter and we're addicted to x and we now use it, it's like a hive mind, he knows this this thing is going to survive no matter what. >> dagen: and we completely rely on it and him to keep speech free. but he is also, with telling the ceos to go pound dirt, i'm trying to be a lady. good luck with that. he's also playing on the petty jealousy of these ceos. so bob iger runs a company that has told generations of young women that the only path to prosperity and happiness is getting our mitts on some himbo prince and hanging on for dear life. that's bob iger's job. david who runs warner brothers discovery took on $55 billion in debt to buy a company that included cnn. and that max streaming port hole is a total suck hole. so what does elon musk run? he runs a brand new car company that just came out with a truck, it looks like a delorean pickup. it looks like it was carved with lasers shooting out of his hands. and then he also, he also has a rocket company. what man on the planet doesn't want to own a rocket company where they can shoot penises into the sky? >> greg: i didn't, i didn't see that last part coming. >> mike: yeah. >> greg: but you have a point. he also tones boring company do you know wa that is. >> dagen: yeah. >> greg: underground tunnels. the thing is, this is what, mike, the richest man in the world should be doing, right? and i just love how he basically, in one sentence, kind of humiliated them going you're trying to blackmail me with money. do you not realize that i have more money than everybody. >> yeah. you could also make a penis joke about the boring company, you know, tunnels and -- >> greg: all right spiky. i put him over there because i figured he'd behave. >> mike: you put me over here this is the first time kat and i get to sit next to each other. also this bob, that's bob marley. i agree with day began a hundred percent on the fact that go elon musk, right? this is what you count him for because he does have the juice, right? it's like with joe rogen. joe rogen's the same way. he's got the money. they tried to cancel him. they got all outraged over his covid perspective. and the next thing you know you've got joni mitchell or neil young or whomever, some 120 year old pop singer saying i'm taking my money going off spotify and people are saying you're still alive? so having that level of cash -- and i speak also from experience, i'm the same way. >> greg: really? >> mike: oh, yes. the money that i sit on daily, it's crazy. >> greg: and when advertisers threaten to leave you mike you just have them disappear. >> mike: i just fly another penis right into space. that's what i do with myself. >> greg: i don't know why, why. all right, kat, imagine you run the kat network or the kat social platform. would you -- how would you deal with advertisers trying to pressure you on content? would you listen to them or would you listen to the users? >> well, here's the thing. this is why i don't understand people saying money can't buy happiness. do you not know how happy it makes you feel to tell someone to go [bleep] yourself? it's one of the best feelings in the whole entire world. and i think that for him he has no choice because he bought this platform because he wanted to stand against that. so i don't know how he would be able to deal with it even if he didn't have all the money that he has. but also i think one of the issues with elon is he puts himself out there a lot. he likes to just sit on twitter and tweet stuff that comes into his head. so i think that's part of the reason people are so upset by him. because if there were other ceos of things doing that, i think we might find that not all of their thoughts were acceptable according to people who think that sort of way. >> greg: there's a really good thing that's happening and a sad thing. the good thing is, is that he took the toy out of the left's hands. right? they could use twitter pre elon to cancel anybody out and then when he added community notes now a rumor can't amplify like it did with covington and instead it implodes because the community notes comes out and hits it. but the sad thing about it is, we're beginning to realize that the only people with real freedom of speech are people with billions of dollars. what about the rest of us? and that was my point is that like, you know, if you are beholden to advertisers, you could be >> kat: i take market risk every time i open my mouth. >> greg: that is true. we all do when you open your mouth >> kat: oh, that means you think i'm an integral part of the show. >> greg: that is correct. is that what i said? >> kat: that's how i'm hi, i'm sharon, and i lost 52 pounds on golo. before golo, i felt sick, i felt sluggish, i was diabetic, and my cholesterol was high. i would always be bloated and my stomach was always upset. now my stomach is flat. i'm happy with how golo has made me look, but what's more important is how i feel. i feel like i can walk the runway. i just--i want to show that at this age i can look and feel this good. >> greg: all right cackling cockatoo kamala harris, stars in our second video of the day from the same where elon told advertisers to go f themselves, not as good but the vp deflected not once but twice when asked what should happen to chinese owned tech tock. pause. >> what should happen to tik tok. >> i'll step back for a moment and say one thing that should keep us up all night is the level of misand disinformation that is rampant and has been facilitated in a most extreme way by social media. russia interfered in the 2016 election. targeting specific groups of americans with disand misinformation with an intention to undernine american people's confidence in our institutions. >> greg: so wait is this half baked bow 0 suggesting the 2016 election isn't legit? hmm. i guess it pays to remember denying an election result is only bad when trump does it. but does she have a specific view on tik tok itself. >> you don't have a specific view on tik tok itself. >> i'm not commenting. >> are you on tik tok yourself. >> i am not. >> are you like a voyeur. >> people in my family are i'll tell you that. >> and you tell them to get off. >> you can tell young people in injure family all kinds of things to do [laughter]. >> greg: she makes the joker sound like eeyore. it's about as convincing as jesse watters giving a seminar on humility. but you know what would make it better? we used to think it was bongos, but not anymore. we realize it takes something more than that. >> what happened to tik tok? >> well, step back for a moment and say that one of the things that should keep all of us at night is the level of miss and disinformation that has been rampant and has been facilitated in a most extreme way by social media. [cheers and applause] >> greg: those are -- we did an mri on her and we found, those are the sounds that are inside her head when she's talking. so, dagen, okay, she relies on the russian thing instead of using her own brain, and she basically just did what the democrats have been accusing trump of doing. does she even realize this? >> dagen: probably not. she doesn't want to talk about the tock and i don't think it's because they need the voters. i think it's because she needs a job. because this one is coming to an end pretty quickly and she's got everything that tik tok needs. you know, loves commies. she has that weird sing-songy valley cali speech pattern. she knows little or nothing about every important subject on the planet. yet can talk at length for hours about those very subjects. >> greg: she should host fox and friends first. >> todd: mercilus. >> dagen: for example, kamala harris, remember the community banks are in the community and they understand the capacity and opportunities such as the capacity and opportunity of this community. that's perfect for the talk. she could run it. >> greg: here's the thing mikey, the host asks is her kids on it. that's the key thing, it's not about data capture it's about brain capture you have kids doing all sorts of weird crap. you see these protests it's all -- china loves this weapon because we can't do it back to them. right? they can focus on identity politics but there's no identity politics in china. so this is definitely like -- it's psych warfare. >> mike: yeah, if kamala harris was actually even an intelligent individual she could have talked about this this in a very serious manner. right? because the chinese regime under xi is actively engaged in a massive disinformation campaign and have been for several years. they refer to it in a variety of ways, all sorts of code names but it is a large scale very well resourced effort to try to influence u.s. public opinion. and also not just to play off of paranoia in america and cause division, which they do, they understand the dynamics of racism as an example and how to make that divide on social media, they also try to change the narrative about how americans view the chinese regime. so she could have discussed these various things. my concern, every time i see kamala harris is, i don't agree with you day began. i don't think she's going to be looking for a job soon. i think the democrats see no way out from under biden and harris as a ticket and i think we're going toned up with president harris in a couple years time because i don't think president biden will continue serving through a next four-year term. so we are going to have her as the leader of the free world. >> greg: oh, man. [boo! ] >> mike: i'm just telling you. don't shoot the messenger. god. >> greg: as i always say, bad for america, great for my ratings. [laughter] >> greg: kat, big question here, big question. why did she deflect? why do you think she deflected? there's got to be a -- like she had the russian thing prepared. that's what was interesting to me is that she -- the china question was coming and she was like okay, if this comes, that's how you deflect. do you like that sound effect? >> kat: i love how you spit everywhere. >> with the flu >> kat: with the flu exactly. >> greg: i do have the stomach flu it's coming out of a different place. what am i going to do? >> kat: i think prepared is a strong word. because i have concerns with some of the legislation that has been put forth already in materials of banning tik tok because what a lot would really do is give the government broad vague powers to control our speech and i'm concerned about free sneak this segment but isn't it interesting that i researched all that and the reason i know all that is because i researched all that to prepare for a segment on fox which seems to be a lot more than what she does when she's in front of people. i want to know what she does all day because i don't think she prepares. i think she comes up there and she's like, well, as long as i say some words that are are tran gently related i haven't gone fired so far so i don't think she concerns herself with that. i would love to know a typical day for her. >> greg: excellent point because i think about the perfect tv show, piro and harris. you and kamala 9:00 10:00 a.m. her cackling, you being your goofy self. oh, they're booing this. >> todd: i know. i have them on my side now gregy. i'm curious about this. can i make more money at this? >> greg: i think you could. >> todd: i like this. >> greg: why do you think she deflected. >> todd: love you day began but this is all about the votes. democrats know within tik tok they can do their brand of misinformation, it's not just that it's stupidity but fooling these young naive voters into thinking everything the democrats are saying is perfect. if they don't have that capacity those individuals a are going to get their information elsewhere and realize democrat policies are going to ruin their futures and b they're not going to be able to do this massive get out the vote effort to these individuals who wouldn't otherwise vote unless they were forced into doing it by our friends over at tik tok. i'm not saying they should vote, they should go the normal rout but to be told by the democrats if you don't vote donald trump's going to put you in a concentration camp, that probably shouldn't be the reason that you vote. that is why it is essential right now that the united states government figure out a way if they want to keep tik tok somebody in america has to buy it from the chinese, run it through america, make sure the cpp cannot get ahold of information and clean it up otherwise you're going to have more of this and the democrats are not going to stop it. they need it in 2024 100%. >> so interesting. they lost control of x so they need to get rid of that but they still have control of tik tok. is elon going to have to buy tik tok, too? >> it wouldn't why do vitamins and supplements cost so much more now? other companies are charging you more and more for less and less, and we hate that. that's why force factor has partnered with walmart to provide amazing supplements at great prices. for all americans! force factor products use clinically studied patented ingredients to powerfully improve your health, but they're also delicious, easy to use and affordable. that's why force factor is now the number one best selling superfoods brand in america. rush to walmart and unleash your potential with force factor. ♪ >> a story in five words. ♪ >> greg: five words. doofus is this laptopthinks lap. roll it. >> you are aware, of course, that the laptop, so to speak, was actually -- that was published in the new york post, was actually a hard drive that the new york post admitted here was not authenticated as real. it was not the laptop the fbi had. you're aware of that, right? >> it was the same contents. >> how do you know. >> because it's the same. >> you would have to authenticate it to know it was the same content. you have no idea. >> that's a conspiracy, are you suggesting the new york post participated in a conspiracy to construct the contents of the hunter biden laptop. >> no, sir, the problem is hard drives can be manipulated by rudy giuliani or russia. >> greg: kat that was democrat congressman dan goldman who basically denied hunter biden's laptop is real. i think he's real we all know that rudy giuliani is really good at working on computers. have you seen his podcast >> kat: i know, right. >> greg: he doesn't know it's on half the time >> kat: yeah, this guy's saying rudy giuliani is like a technological genius. and, also, i don't -- you know who's not saying that it wasn't hunter's laptop? hunter. >> greg: i know >> kat: how do you get people to do that for you? even hunter, all these -- even remember that letter all these people signed? hunter's name was not on that list. he wasn't like it's not mine. he was like i don't remember, i don't know. which honestly if you watch laptop, possible. >> greg: kat races a good question and i'm going to you mikey as a former cia person, is goldman a former cia cutout? is there a reason for him taking these views. i'm not a conspiracy theater. >> mike: no, i've known you a long time and i don't believe you are in any way. >> greg: but there's something, why do people take deliberately idiotic stances. >> mike: you know why? because we send the stupidest [bleep] people to capitol hill. america has 330 million some odd people. and if you look at the morons that we tend to vote into office, that doesn't surprise me at all. the fact that this guy gets out there and is so ass nine that's another day on capitol hill as far as i'm concerned. >> greg: todd what's the reason for him saying this. >> todd: i have a different theory and while i agree with your premise that people in dc are morons, not goldman. hear me out. the democrats are using him because he provides a veneer of being, if i can put my lawyer hat on for a moment a good lawyer because he comes from a prestigious legal background you see him in hearings as a top notch attorney. so when he comes up with an as nine theory and line of questioning like that, other people in the main stream media who love him and these democratic talking points take it and now it becomes part of the truth ether for those other individuals. don't be surprised if you start seeing in the main stream media a little bit of a walk jack of maybe the laptop wasn't true because of this line of questioning. the democrats -- this isn't the first time, by the way. this is a pattern with dan goldman. we've seen it before. we will see it again. dan goldman is being used by the democrats and he is a willing foil. watch it i'm telling you. >> mike: i can't believe they would put a lawyer on tv to look stupid >> kat: is that how you do --. >> todd: i'm being beaten up by the cia, my parents are being shamed, the cia coming after me i have to be on a tv show with kamala harris. i'm ruined >> kat: i don't know a lot about good lawyering but if i was like you know it wasn't my client it was rudy giuliani i would be like i need another lawyer. >> dagen: what he said is true but it's more insidious than that. i did on the bing search engine that's run by chatgpt for -- i mean it's rupp with the gpt 4 engine supposed to be the best search engine. i asked about the authenticity of the hunter biden laptop. what it spit out was, according to the news and web search results there are different claims and opinions about the authenticity of the hunter biden laptop. some democrat lawmakers and media outlets have dismissed the laptop as a russian plant or false narrative. what goldman said immediately starts coming up in search results, even in the best search engine and you have to start digging into what he said and digging into the actual articles that they use to deliver those search results to find out what the real truth is. >> greg: the democrats are always -- i would say the left are always ahead of the right in this sort of thing. it's like, if they don't like you and they're after you, someone searching for your name or anything, not that i would know because i don't search for my name, that's kind of eking activityical but if your name comes up, all the bad things come up because they plant it. all right. ughh, yeah. ughh. up next our wisdom doesn't your family deserve the best? eggland's best eggs. classic, cage free, and organic. more delicious, farm-fresh taste. plus, superior nutrition. which is now more important than ever. because the way we care... is anything but ordinary. only eggland's best. ♪ ♪ ♪ >> yep, you're watching mailing it in. >> greg: welcome to mailing it in. let's get to the first question from trifle and treneaus. did i pronounce that correctly? who cares he's probably not even real right mike. mike go to you first because you worked with the cia and i feel like you're cool as a cucumber. do you feel you handle it well in emergencies or are you a panicking mess. give me an example. i assume you're cool as a cucumber. >> mike: yeah. i spent all my time overseas and we got into some pretty interesting situations so i feel real comfortable in a goat rope or when the [bleep] hits the fan but just the other day i was at a client dinner down in the great south part of this country and somebody at a table adjacent to us subsequent quiet and everybody kind of sat there and stared at him and the man was choking out. i stood up, walked over and looked at his spouse and said -- she seemed a little on the fence about the whole thing. but, yeah, so, you know, you had to talk to the person first and say -- and so in a situation where [bleep] is going wrong, right? everybody starts locking up. >> greg: yes. >> mike: whether it's a gun fight or somebody choking out. so you have to be very calm, you take a few breaths and you want to talk in a very calm voice and i just said, look, can you breathe and the guy was like no i'm -- he was trying to say he was good but he couldn't breathe. but anyway we had to dislodge the large piece of t bone. >> greg: turns out later we found out you had shot him. >> mike: yeah, yeah. >> greg: i was in a similar situation at del frisco's and i'm the guy that locked up. in fact we were at a table, i won't say who the person is choking out, he's no longer with us. but anyway -- not from that. but it was kind of interesting. i was just sitting there because i thought -- here's -- okay. story. the person who was choking had pretended that he was choking about two months before, on camera. so when he started choking, we all thought he was kidding, but he wasn't. >> dagen: i just figured out who it was. >> greg: yes. it was prince charles. >> dagen: yes. >> greg: kat you have the veneer of somebody who's always in a state of panic but i bet people can rely on you when some -- when the so-called feces hits the air conditioner >> kat: no, he's right. you already know this about me. i'm amazing in an emergency situation. i can always handle it. i'm calm. >> greg: you're good >> kat: i'm the phone call when people are in trouble and they call me because i'm great. because if i'm not in an emergency situation then i'm creating one in my mind. so if there's an actual emergency i can focus on then i'm focused on that and i'm actually calmer in that situation. >> greg: this is why i arrived three to four hours prior to a flight because i'm ready. i'm just ready. but then i drive everybody crazy and there's never an emergency. so everything's an emergency, chaos dagen. >> dagen: yep. i am in a panic all the time about myself. like i'm on the verge of an anxiety attack worried about having lipstick on my teeth right now. but with other people i am stone-cold focused. i managed my mother through having a stroke and getting her to the hospital two hours away on live tv with an oncologist on one phone and my dad in the car with my mom stroking out on the other, talking to both of them in the commercial breaks. and she lived. but now, you know, i'm about like -- my stomach's cramping worrying about the lipstick. >> greg: isn't that interesting? i guess we don't have time for you. >> todd: what? i planned it. >> greg: i bet you're the type of guy who leaps into action. like somebody who cuts in line when you're getting for yogurt you don't sedaned for that crap. >> todd: i'm a strict hold to the lines rules. when an emergency happens i'm like a quarterback going through my progressions, quite frankly if i haven't thought through the scenario then you get a little panic. >> greg: that's true. i'm always thinking about the scenarios unfortunately none ever happen. >> mike: and the problem is scenarios never go according to plan. it's like an ambush, once that thing kicks off it never works the way you expect it to. >> greg: and you're speaking as the guy who does the ambushing. >> mike: yes, of course. >> if i had my way. >> dagen: but body disposal though, it's ams the same. >> mike: yeah, nothing new under the sun. we've talked about that before. >> greg: all right. that's why i never get rid of the body. [laughter] >> greg: up next when you're ready to begin treatment for chronic lymphocytic leukemia, calquence helps you do the fighting. and you can do the exploring. you can do the splashing... ...the sightseeing... ...and the playing. calquence is an oral targeted therapy for cll. more patients begin with calquence than any treatment of its kind, and calquence is proven to work better than chemoimmunotherapy in patients with previously untreated cll. calquence may cause serious side effects, which may lead to death. these include serious infections with fever, chills, or flu-like symptoms; and bleeding problems that may increase with blood thinners. decreased blood counts are common and can be severe. new cancers have happened, including skin cancers. heart rhythm problems with fast or irregular heartbeat, dizziness, feeling faint, chest discomfort, or shortness of breath, have happened. tell your doctor if you have bleeding, heart rhythm, or liver problems; infection, or if you are or plan to be pregnant or breastfeeding. calquence helps you do the fighting. and you can focus on the things you're loving. ask your doctor if calquence is right for you. ♪ >> listen to your aunt ellen, this is a pretty big story in my opinion. >> greg: thank you aunt. whatever. deck the halls with jingle balls. lifetime recently announced its first ever christmas movie sex scene in a cowboy christmas romance. yeah, because nothing gets america in the holiday spirit than sitting with grandma and the grandkids watching the grinch get a lap dance from mrs. claus. a warning to all you stripping elves, ebenezer scrooge is a lousy tipper. the lead actress says the film barely mentions christmas at all and lax many cliches of the holiday films bus is lifetime making the right moving by injecting sex in their christmas movies. you wouldn't be surprised this day and age when your product sucks you just add sex. just like public school. [laughter] >> greg: oh, yeah, kat, even in movies that have sex scenes they're unnecessary. they just make everybody uncomfortable why are they doing that to america >> kat: you know what my favorite movie is. >> greg: what's that >> kat: eyes wide shut. it's technically a christmas movie. >> greg: it took place in december and tom cruise i see an elf >> kat: christmas movie people do watch with their family but sometimes the reason something hasn't been done yet it's a great new idea it's because everybody else realized it's not a good idea. >> greg: todd will be be watching this with your family. >> todd: sex has no place in basic cable women's movie we'll be watching hall mart like norwegian holiday a not so normal christmas, magic in mistletoe and christmas with a kiss, just a kiss. i will not be watching christmas in bone town on lifetime. >> greg: yes. i'll be on, my channel will be fox. >> todd: where we will be airing christmas in bone town starring greg gutfeld. >> greg: it will be every christmas, everybody will have little cut and paste jobs. you know? >> mike: cut and paste jobs? >> greg: that's what we call it in tv land dagen. is this what woman want? you're a woman. >> dagen: red neck first. they're falling back on the old hee haw whore stereotype with this. they get it on in straw which is the worst suggestion. >> mike: the worst is sand. >> dagen: no, it's not. no it's not. >> greg: can you argue that after. >> dagen: straw mights and blister beatles that's all you need to know when it comes to sex in straw. >> greg: especially afterwards when a woman says talk about a needle in a hay stack. [cheers and applause] [laugh [laught[laughter] >> greg: thank you. thank you. even with the flu, i can entertain you. mike, do you think there's some kind of cia relationship with the lifetime channel? why would they be -- there has to be something nefarious even. >> mike: no, no, no, we're not associated tcia has a long standing association with the hall mark channel. thank you. you couldn't name a hallmark christmas movie that my wife and i haven't watched. >> greg: aww. >> mike: yes. it's the perot man particular thing tyou know. it's that sort of talk that really attracted my wife to me. >> greg: if they're going to put sex scenes in christmas movies, what is next. you know what they should do, i was thinking about this, every company has hr corporate training films like for sexual harassment. they should put sex scenes in that. see what they're doing right there, can't do that if you're working. you guys work together, shouldn't be doing that. >> mike: completely inappropriate >> greg: not that either, and no, sirry bob. >> mike: that twinge the you've worn many hats, from past jobs in fact. now, you can trade in those hats to help earn your grad cap! your past experience can help you earn your degree faster and for less. >> greg: thanks to have todd piro, dagen mcdowell, my report".

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Transcripts For FOXNEWSW Gutfeld 20240702 : Comparemela.com

Transcripts For FOXNEWSW Gutfeld 20240702

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>> greg: yeah, all right, let's welcome tonight's guests. he looks like a car salesman and smells like an air freshener, cohost of fox and friends first, todd piro. don't let the accent fool you she's here to school you, cohost of the bottom line on fox business, dagen mcdowell! [cheers and applause] >> greg: he knows eight ways to kill a man with a paper clip, nine if it's rusty. former cia operative and host of the president's daily brief podcast, mike baker! [cheers and applause] >> greg: and if walls could talk, her office would be in witness protection. new york times best selling author and fox news contributor kat timpf! [cheers and applause] >> greg: all right. well, that's about it for me. before we get to some new stories, let's do this. ♪ >> greg's leftovers. ♪ >> greg: yeah. it's leftovers where i read the jokes we didn't use this week and as always it's my first time reading them. so if we suck we'll staple joe machi to a wall and use his head as a dart board. earlier this week the white house unveiled its 2023 holiday decorations. and while, of course, there are no stockings for president biden's grandchildren, there is one for joe's live in nurse. [laughter]. >> she's caribbean. not that that matters. meanwhile the family does plan to still leave out cookies and milk for santa and a woman's wig for no one in particular. a retired health official says the chinese government may have killed a pandemic researcher by throwing him off the wuhan lab roof. or as the cdc calls it, a typical covid-related death. chicago mayor brandon johnson is blaming his city's problems on right wing extremeism. not surprising as it is maga country. in a new interview, france's first lady opened up about dating french president emmanuel macron while he was her student when he was 15 and she was 40. so take notes, kids. if your teacher wants to bang you, you, too, can become president. see, they always say it's a bad thing. well, todd piro says it's a good thing but i say it's a bad thing. a pack of super petition may soon cross the border into the united states. apparently it's pay backs for the ones we once sent to canada. [laughter] [cheers and applause] >> greg: the fda has approved an at-home test for chlamydia. here's hoyt works. if you have sex with hunter biden, you have chlamydia. [laughter] >> greg: that's really not an at-home test. 90s boy band new kids on the block have announced they're going a 2024 tour although we've since changed their names to old guys at the villages. according to a new study women have more regret anxiety and depressing thoughts after sex than men do, especially if they have it with the wrong person. >> mike: i knew that was kochlth i saw that coming a mile away. [laughter] >> greg: a new survey says 43% of americans are frequently constipated. >> mike: don't come back to me greg. >> greg: the other 57% eat at taco bell. >> and finally a new study claims that prehistoric women were better at hunting than men. wow, i didn't even know they had shoe stores back then. ha ha ha ha. now to the news, elon leaves no doubt that he won't sellout. yes, it's time for... ♪ it's coming your way, hey hey, it's video of the day ♪ >> greg: today's video of the day, it comes to us from a new york times conference this week when elon musk addressed the cowardly advertisers that are leaving x, like joy behar when the prune juice hits. watch and learn how it's done. >> there's a public perception that that was part of an apology tour, if you will. that this had been said on line, there was all of the criticism, there was advertisers leaving. we talked about biden. >> i hope they stop. >> you hope? >> don't advertise. >> you don't want them to advertise. >> no. >> what do you mean? >> if somebody's going to try to blackmail me with advertising, blackmail me with money? go [bleep] yourself. >> but -- >> go [bleep] yourself. is that clear? i hope it is. hey, bob if you're in the audience. >> greg: wow, he really has it in for bob. but which bob? this one? this one? bob marley. or this one? of course it was a shout-out to bob iger the ceo of the disney disaster which is one of the companies that ditched x. elon was also given another opportunity to walk this back, but did he? >> how do you think then about the economics of x? if part of the underlying model, at least today, and maybe it needs to shift, maybe the answer is it needs to shift away from advertising, if you believe that this is the one part of your business where you would be beholden to those who have this view, what should you do? >> gfy. >> g. f. y. what would that stand for? gutfeld's freaking yummy? he has a point. how insane is it that companies are trying to blackmail the world's richest man with money? that's like extorting jerry nadler with salad. [laughter] >> greg: or black mailing sports fans by threatening to caning pbs. the fact is, musk may be the last man standing between real freedom of speech and the suffocating block of the censorship industrial complex which is made up of government, media and tech forces. he realizes that advertisers have no spine and can be easily cowed by special interest groups in cahoots with political allies. if you don't believe me i've got two words for you. tucker carlson. >> wow. >> greg: oh, wow. look at that. huh? >> tough sfloom all right todd your mother called me this morning and asked me a favor to have you seated in the first chair so here you are. so you have to be on good behavior. >> todd: understood. you know, you have a thing for my mom. ever since she was here in those seats over there you mention her every occasion, it's kind of weird. >> greg: maybe i'm like president macron. >> todd: >> mike: the funny thing is todd me and your mom were talking about the same thing. >> todd: leave maryanne alone, she just had hip surgery. i don't want to know why she had hip surgery. my dad's watching, too. >> mike: hello mr. pirro. >> greg: poor marianne. this is a fight going on for years. if you don't do what we say we will kill your business. but it's not the advertisers that are doing it, it's these left wing front groups that are scaring these advertisers to run away. so they capitalize on the moral coward dis of advertisers and elon's saying all right you're doing this let's see how the earth handles this. >> todd: that's one of the best things of having f u money you get to tell people f u. that's what this is. it is a so great for free speech. we thought him purchasing free speech would be saved it's taken a lot of hits because they're coming after him full bore. the bobby mentioning i know he's talking about bob iger. bob iger might be fine when it comes to his theme park because it costs a lot of money to go to and people go. look at the latest movie. not doing well. he can get all the eyeballs and free advertising or real advertising on x that he can get. a lot of his tv properties utilize x to drive viewership. so before he says, you know, f u to mr. twitter over there, mr. x. he better realize he should wake up and ultimately at the end of the day elon musk is making a key point so go elon. >> greg: day began, he said well, let's see what earth thinks. he's basically banking on public opinion. the fact that we are addicted to twitter and we're addicted to x and we now use it, it's like a hive mind, he knows this this thing is going to survive no matter what. >> dagen: and we completely rely on it and him to keep speech free. but he is also, with telling the ceos to go pound dirt, i'm trying to be a lady. good luck with that. he's also playing on the petty jealousy of these ceos. so bob iger runs a company that has told generations of young women that the only path to prosperity and happiness is getting our mitts on some himbo prince and hanging on for dear life. that's bob iger's job. david who runs warner brothers discovery took on $55 billion in debt to buy a company that included cnn. and that max streaming port hole is a total suck hole. so what does elon musk run? he runs a brand new car company that just came out with a truck, it looks like a delorean pickup. it looks like it was carved with lasers shooting out of his hands. and then he also, he also has a rocket company. what man on the planet doesn't want to own a rocket company where they can shoot penises into the sky? >> greg: i didn't, i didn't see that last part coming. >> mike: yeah. >> greg: but you have a point. he also tones boring company do you know wa that is. >> dagen: yeah. >> greg: underground tunnels. the thing is, this is what, mike, the richest man in the world should be doing, right? and i just love how he basically, in one sentence, kind of humiliated them going you're trying to blackmail me with money. do you not realize that i have more money than everybody. >> yeah. you could also make a penis joke about the boring company, you know, tunnels and -- >> greg: all right spiky. i put him over there because i figured he'd behave. >> mike: you put me over here this is the first time kat and i get to sit next to each other. also this bob, that's bob marley. i agree with day began a hundred percent on the fact that go elon musk, right? this is what you count him for because he does have the juice, right? it's like with joe rogen. joe rogen's the same way. he's got the money. they tried to cancel him. they got all outraged over his covid perspective. and the next thing you know you've got joni mitchell or neil young or whomever, some 120 year old pop singer saying i'm taking my money going off spotify and people are saying you're still alive? so having that level of cash -- and i speak also from experience, i'm the same way. >> greg: really? >> mike: oh, yes. the money that i sit on daily, it's crazy. >> greg: and when advertisers threaten to leave you mike you just have them disappear. >> mike: i just fly another penis right into space. that's what i do with myself. >> greg: i don't know why, why. all right, kat, imagine you run the kat network or the kat social platform. would you -- how would you deal with advertisers trying to pressure you on content? would you listen to them or would you listen to the users? >> well, here's the thing. this is why i don't understand people saying money can't buy happiness. do you not know how happy it makes you feel to tell someone to go [bleep] yourself? it's one of the best feelings in the whole entire world. and i think that for him he has no choice because he bought this platform because he wanted to stand against that. so i don't know how he would be able to deal with it even if he didn't have all the money that he has. but also i think one of the issues with elon is he puts himself out there a lot. he likes to just sit on twitter and tweet stuff that comes into his head. so i think that's part of the reason people are so upset by him. because if there were other ceos of things doing that, i think we might find that not all of their thoughts were acceptable according to people who think that sort of way. >> greg: there's a really good thing that's happening and a sad thing. the good thing is, is that he took the toy out of the left's hands. right? they could use twitter pre elon to cancel anybody out and then when he added community notes now a rumor can't amplify like it did with covington and instead it implodes because the community notes comes out and hits it. but the sad thing about it is, we're beginning to realize that the only people with real freedom of speech are people with billions of dollars. what about the rest of us? and that was my point is that like, you know, if you are beholden to advertisers, you could be >> kat: i take market risk every time i open my mouth. >> greg: that is true. we all do when you open your mouth >> kat: oh, that means you think i'm an integral part of the show. >> greg: that is correct. is that what i said? >> kat: that's how i'm hi, i'm sharon, and i lost 52 pounds on golo. before golo, i felt sick, i felt sluggish, i was diabetic, and my cholesterol was high. i would always be bloated and my stomach was always upset. now my stomach is flat. i'm happy with how golo has made me look, but what's more important is how i feel. i feel like i can walk the runway. i just--i want to show that at this age i can look and feel this good. >> greg: all right cackling cockatoo kamala harris, stars in our second video of the day from the same where elon told advertisers to go f themselves, not as good but the vp deflected not once but twice when asked what should happen to chinese owned tech tock. pause. >> what should happen to tik tok. >> i'll step back for a moment and say one thing that should keep us up all night is the level of misand disinformation that is rampant and has been facilitated in a most extreme way by social media. russia interfered in the 2016 election. targeting specific groups of americans with disand misinformation with an intention to undernine american people's confidence in our institutions. >> greg: so wait is this half baked bow 0 suggesting the 2016 election isn't legit? hmm. i guess it pays to remember denying an election result is only bad when trump does it. but does she have a specific view on tik tok itself. >> you don't have a specific view on tik tok itself. >> i'm not commenting. >> are you on tik tok yourself. >> i am not. >> are you like a voyeur. >> people in my family are i'll tell you that. >> and you tell them to get off. >> you can tell young people in injure family all kinds of things to do [laughter]. >> greg: she makes the joker sound like eeyore. it's about as convincing as jesse watters giving a seminar on humility. but you know what would make it better? we used to think it was bongos, but not anymore. we realize it takes something more than that. >> what happened to tik tok? >> well, step back for a moment and say that one of the things that should keep all of us at night is the level of miss and disinformation that has been rampant and has been facilitated in a most extreme way by social media. [cheers and applause] >> greg: those are -- we did an mri on her and we found, those are the sounds that are inside her head when she's talking. so, dagen, okay, she relies on the russian thing instead of using her own brain, and she basically just did what the democrats have been accusing trump of doing. does she even realize this? >> dagen: probably not. she doesn't want to talk about the tock and i don't think it's because they need the voters. i think it's because she needs a job. because this one is coming to an end pretty quickly and she's got everything that tik tok needs. you know, loves commies. she has that weird sing-songy valley cali speech pattern. she knows little or nothing about every important subject on the planet. yet can talk at length for hours about those very subjects. >> greg: she should host fox and friends first. >> todd: mercilus. >> dagen: for example, kamala harris, remember the community banks are in the community and they understand the capacity and opportunities such as the capacity and opportunity of this community. that's perfect for the talk. she could run it. >> greg: here's the thing mikey, the host asks is her kids on it. that's the key thing, it's not about data capture it's about brain capture you have kids doing all sorts of weird crap. you see these protests it's all -- china loves this weapon because we can't do it back to them. right? they can focus on identity politics but there's no identity politics in china. so this is definitely like -- it's psych warfare. >> mike: yeah, if kamala harris was actually even an intelligent individual she could have talked about this this in a very serious manner. right? because the chinese regime under xi is actively engaged in a massive disinformation campaign and have been for several years. they refer to it in a variety of ways, all sorts of code names but it is a large scale very well resourced effort to try to influence u.s. public opinion. and also not just to play off of paranoia in america and cause division, which they do, they understand the dynamics of racism as an example and how to make that divide on social media, they also try to change the narrative about how americans view the chinese regime. so she could have discussed these various things. my concern, every time i see kamala harris is, i don't agree with you day began. i don't think she's going to be looking for a job soon. i think the democrats see no way out from under biden and harris as a ticket and i think we're going toned up with president harris in a couple years time because i don't think president biden will continue serving through a next four-year term. so we are going to have her as the leader of the free world. >> greg: oh, man. [boo! ] >> mike: i'm just telling you. don't shoot the messenger. god. >> greg: as i always say, bad for america, great for my ratings. [laughter] >> greg: kat, big question here, big question. why did she deflect? why do you think she deflected? there's got to be a -- like she had the russian thing prepared. that's what was interesting to me is that she -- the china question was coming and she was like okay, if this comes, that's how you deflect. do you like that sound effect? >> kat: i love how you spit everywhere. >> with the flu >> kat: with the flu exactly. >> greg: i do have the stomach flu it's coming out of a different place. what am i going to do? >> kat: i think prepared is a strong word. because i have concerns with some of the legislation that has been put forth already in materials of banning tik tok because what a lot would really do is give the government broad vague powers to control our speech and i'm concerned about free sneak this segment but isn't it interesting that i researched all that and the reason i know all that is because i researched all that to prepare for a segment on fox which seems to be a lot more than what she does when she's in front of people. i want to know what she does all day because i don't think she prepares. i think she comes up there and she's like, well, as long as i say some words that are are tran gently related i haven't gone fired so far so i don't think she concerns herself with that. i would love to know a typical day for her. >> greg: excellent point because i think about the perfect tv show, piro and harris. you and kamala 9:00 10:00 a.m. her cackling, you being your goofy self. oh, they're booing this. >> todd: i know. i have them on my side now gregy. i'm curious about this. can i make more money at this? >> greg: i think you could. >> todd: i like this. >> greg: why do you think she deflected. >> todd: love you day began but this is all about the votes. democrats know within tik tok they can do their brand of misinformation, it's not just that it's stupidity but fooling these young naive voters into thinking everything the democrats are saying is perfect. if they don't have that capacity those individuals a are going to get their information elsewhere and realize democrat policies are going to ruin their futures and b they're not going to be able to do this massive get out the vote effort to these individuals who wouldn't otherwise vote unless they were forced into doing it by our friends over at tik tok. i'm not saying they should vote, they should go the normal rout but to be told by the democrats if you don't vote donald trump's going to put you in a concentration camp, that probably shouldn't be the reason that you vote. that is why it is essential right now that the united states government figure out a way if they want to keep tik tok somebody in america has to buy it from the chinese, run it through america, make sure the cpp cannot get ahold of information and clean it up otherwise you're going to have more of this and the democrats are not going to stop it. they need it in 2024 100%. >> so interesting. they lost control of x so they need to get rid of that but they still have control of tik tok. is elon going to have to buy tik tok, too? >> it wouldn't why do vitamins and supplements cost so much more now? other companies are charging you more and more for less and less, and we hate that. that's why force factor has partnered with walmart to provide amazing supplements at great prices. for all americans! force factor products use clinically studied patented ingredients to powerfully improve your health, but they're also delicious, easy to use and affordable. that's why force factor is now the number one best selling superfoods brand in america. rush to walmart and unleash your potential with force factor. ♪ >> a story in five words. ♪ >> greg: five words. doofus is this laptopthinks lap. roll it. >> you are aware, of course, that the laptop, so to speak, was actually -- that was published in the new york post, was actually a hard drive that the new york post admitted here was not authenticated as real. it was not the laptop the fbi had. you're aware of that, right? >> it was the same contents. >> how do you know. >> because it's the same. >> you would have to authenticate it to know it was the same content. you have no idea. >> that's a conspiracy, are you suggesting the new york post participated in a conspiracy to construct the contents of the hunter biden laptop. >> no, sir, the problem is hard drives can be manipulated by rudy giuliani or russia. >> greg: kat that was democrat congressman dan goldman who basically denied hunter biden's laptop is real. i think he's real we all know that rudy giuliani is really good at working on computers. have you seen his podcast >> kat: i know, right. >> greg: he doesn't know it's on half the time >> kat: yeah, this guy's saying rudy giuliani is like a technological genius. and, also, i don't -- you know who's not saying that it wasn't hunter's laptop? hunter. >> greg: i know >> kat: how do you get people to do that for you? even hunter, all these -- even remember that letter all these people signed? hunter's name was not on that list. he wasn't like it's not mine. he was like i don't remember, i don't know. which honestly if you watch laptop, possible. >> greg: kat races a good question and i'm going to you mikey as a former cia person, is goldman a former cia cutout? is there a reason for him taking these views. i'm not a conspiracy theater. >> mike: no, i've known you a long time and i don't believe you are in any way. >> greg: but there's something, why do people take deliberately idiotic stances. >> mike: you know why? because we send the stupidest [bleep] people to capitol hill. america has 330 million some odd people. and if you look at the morons that we tend to vote into office, that doesn't surprise me at all. the fact that this guy gets out there and is so ass nine that's another day on capitol hill as far as i'm concerned. >> greg: todd what's the reason for him saying this. >> todd: i have a different theory and while i agree with your premise that people in dc are morons, not goldman. hear me out. the democrats are using him because he provides a veneer of being, if i can put my lawyer hat on for a moment a good lawyer because he comes from a prestigious legal background you see him in hearings as a top notch attorney. so when he comes up with an as nine theory and line of questioning like that, other people in the main stream media who love him and these democratic talking points take it and now it becomes part of the truth ether for those other individuals. don't be surprised if you start seeing in the main stream media a little bit of a walk jack of maybe the laptop wasn't true because of this line of questioning. the democrats -- this isn't the first time, by the way. this is a pattern with dan goldman. we've seen it before. we will see it again. dan goldman is being used by the democrats and he is a willing foil. watch it i'm telling you. >> mike: i can't believe they would put a lawyer on tv to look stupid >> kat: is that how you do --. >> todd: i'm being beaten up by the cia, my parents are being shamed, the cia coming after me i have to be on a tv show with kamala harris. i'm ruined >> kat: i don't know a lot about good lawyering but if i was like you know it wasn't my client it was rudy giuliani i would be like i need another lawyer. >> dagen: what he said is true but it's more insidious than that. i did on the bing search engine that's run by chatgpt for -- i mean it's rupp with the gpt 4 engine supposed to be the best search engine. i asked about the authenticity of the hunter biden laptop. what it spit out was, according to the news and web search results there are different claims and opinions about the authenticity of the hunter biden laptop. some democrat lawmakers and media outlets have dismissed the laptop as a russian plant or false narrative. what goldman said immediately starts coming up in search results, even in the best search engine and you have to start digging into what he said and digging into the actual articles that they use to deliver those search results to find out what the real truth is. >> greg: the democrats are always -- i would say the left are always ahead of the right in this sort of thing. it's like, if they don't like you and they're after you, someone searching for your name or anything, not that i would know because i don't search for my name, that's kind of eking activityical but if your name comes up, all the bad things come up because they plant it. all right. ughh, yeah. ughh. up next our wisdom doesn't your family deserve the best? eggland's best eggs. classic, cage free, and organic. more delicious, farm-fresh taste. plus, superior nutrition. which is now more important than ever. because the way we care... is anything but ordinary. only eggland's best. ♪ ♪ ♪ >> yep, you're watching mailing it in. >> greg: welcome to mailing it in. let's get to the first question from trifle and treneaus. did i pronounce that correctly? who cares he's probably not even real right mike. mike go to you first because you worked with the cia and i feel like you're cool as a cucumber. do you feel you handle it well in emergencies or are you a panicking mess. give me an example. i assume you're cool as a cucumber. >> mike: yeah. i spent all my time overseas and we got into some pretty interesting situations so i feel real comfortable in a goat rope or when the [bleep] hits the fan but just the other day i was at a client dinner down in the great south part of this country and somebody at a table adjacent to us subsequent quiet and everybody kind of sat there and stared at him and the man was choking out. i stood up, walked over and looked at his spouse and said -- she seemed a little on the fence about the whole thing. but, yeah, so, you know, you had to talk to the person first and say -- and so in a situation where [bleep] is going wrong, right? everybody starts locking up. >> greg: yes. >> mike: whether it's a gun fight or somebody choking out. so you have to be very calm, you take a few breaths and you want to talk in a very calm voice and i just said, look, can you breathe and the guy was like no i'm -- he was trying to say he was good but he couldn't breathe. but anyway we had to dislodge the large piece of t bone. >> greg: turns out later we found out you had shot him. >> mike: yeah, yeah. >> greg: i was in a similar situation at del frisco's and i'm the guy that locked up. in fact we were at a table, i won't say who the person is choking out, he's no longer with us. but anyway -- not from that. but it was kind of interesting. i was just sitting there because i thought -- here's -- okay. story. the person who was choking had pretended that he was choking about two months before, on camera. so when he started choking, we all thought he was kidding, but he wasn't. >> dagen: i just figured out who it was. >> greg: yes. it was prince charles. >> dagen: yes. >> greg: kat you have the veneer of somebody who's always in a state of panic but i bet people can rely on you when some -- when the so-called feces hits the air conditioner >> kat: no, he's right. you already know this about me. i'm amazing in an emergency situation. i can always handle it. i'm calm. >> greg: you're good >> kat: i'm the phone call when people are in trouble and they call me because i'm great. because if i'm not in an emergency situation then i'm creating one in my mind. so if there's an actual emergency i can focus on then i'm focused on that and i'm actually calmer in that situation. >> greg: this is why i arrived three to four hours prior to a flight because i'm ready. i'm just ready. but then i drive everybody crazy and there's never an emergency. so everything's an emergency, chaos dagen. >> dagen: yep. i am in a panic all the time about myself. like i'm on the verge of an anxiety attack worried about having lipstick on my teeth right now. but with other people i am stone-cold focused. i managed my mother through having a stroke and getting her to the hospital two hours away on live tv with an oncologist on one phone and my dad in the car with my mom stroking out on the other, talking to both of them in the commercial breaks. and she lived. but now, you know, i'm about like -- my stomach's cramping worrying about the lipstick. >> greg: isn't that interesting? i guess we don't have time for you. >> todd: what? i planned it. >> greg: i bet you're the type of guy who leaps into action. like somebody who cuts in line when you're getting for yogurt you don't sedaned for that crap. >> todd: i'm a strict hold to the lines rules. when an emergency happens i'm like a quarterback going through my progressions, quite frankly if i haven't thought through the scenario then you get a little panic. >> greg: that's true. i'm always thinking about the scenarios unfortunately none ever happen. >> mike: and the problem is scenarios never go according to plan. it's like an ambush, once that thing kicks off it never works the way you expect it to. >> greg: and you're speaking as the guy who does the ambushing. >> mike: yes, of course. >> if i had my way. >> dagen: but body disposal though, it's ams the same. >> mike: yeah, nothing new under the sun. we've talked about that before. >> greg: all right. that's why i never get rid of the body. [laughter] >> greg: up next when you're ready to begin treatment for chronic lymphocytic leukemia, calquence helps you do the fighting. and you can do the exploring. you can do the splashing... ...the sightseeing... ...and the playing. calquence is an oral targeted therapy for cll. more patients begin with calquence than any treatment of its kind, and calquence is proven to work better than chemoimmunotherapy in patients with previously untreated cll. calquence may cause serious side effects, which may lead to death. these include serious infections with fever, chills, or flu-like symptoms; and bleeding problems that may increase with blood thinners. decreased blood counts are common and can be severe. new cancers have happened, including skin cancers. heart rhythm problems with fast or irregular heartbeat, dizziness, feeling faint, chest discomfort, or shortness of breath, have happened. tell your doctor if you have bleeding, heart rhythm, or liver problems; infection, or if you are or plan to be pregnant or breastfeeding. calquence helps you do the fighting. and you can focus on the things you're loving. ask your doctor if calquence is right for you. ♪ >> listen to your aunt ellen, this is a pretty big story in my opinion. >> greg: thank you aunt. whatever. deck the halls with jingle balls. lifetime recently announced its first ever christmas movie sex scene in a cowboy christmas romance. yeah, because nothing gets america in the holiday spirit than sitting with grandma and the grandkids watching the grinch get a lap dance from mrs. claus. a warning to all you stripping elves, ebenezer scrooge is a lousy tipper. the lead actress says the film barely mentions christmas at all and lax many cliches of the holiday films bus is lifetime making the right moving by injecting sex in their christmas movies. you wouldn't be surprised this day and age when your product sucks you just add sex. just like public school. [laughter] >> greg: oh, yeah, kat, even in movies that have sex scenes they're unnecessary. they just make everybody uncomfortable why are they doing that to america >> kat: you know what my favorite movie is. >> greg: what's that >> kat: eyes wide shut. it's technically a christmas movie. >> greg: it took place in december and tom cruise i see an elf >> kat: christmas movie people do watch with their family but sometimes the reason something hasn't been done yet it's a great new idea it's because everybody else realized it's not a good idea. >> greg: todd will be be watching this with your family. >> todd: sex has no place in basic cable women's movie we'll be watching hall mart like norwegian holiday a not so normal christmas, magic in mistletoe and christmas with a kiss, just a kiss. i will not be watching christmas in bone town on lifetime. >> greg: yes. i'll be on, my channel will be fox. >> todd: where we will be airing christmas in bone town starring greg gutfeld. >> greg: it will be every christmas, everybody will have little cut and paste jobs. you know? >> mike: cut and paste jobs? >> greg: that's what we call it in tv land dagen. is this what woman want? you're a woman. >> dagen: red neck first. they're falling back on the old hee haw whore stereotype with this. they get it on in straw which is the worst suggestion. >> mike: the worst is sand. >> dagen: no, it's not. no it's not. >> greg: can you argue that after. >> dagen: straw mights and blister beatles that's all you need to know when it comes to sex in straw. >> greg: especially afterwards when a woman says talk about a needle in a hay stack. [cheers and applause] [laugh [laught[laughter] >> greg: thank you. thank you. even with the flu, i can entertain you. mike, do you think there's some kind of cia relationship with the lifetime channel? why would they be -- there has to be something nefarious even. >> mike: no, no, no, we're not associated tcia has a long standing association with the hall mark channel. thank you. you couldn't name a hallmark christmas movie that my wife and i haven't watched. >> greg: aww. >> mike: yes. it's the perot man particular thing tyou know. it's that sort of talk that really attracted my wife to me. >> greg: if they're going to put sex scenes in christmas movies, what is next. you know what they should do, i was thinking about this, every company has hr corporate training films like for sexual harassment. they should put sex scenes in that. see what they're doing right there, can't do that if you're working. you guys work together, shouldn't be doing that. >> mike: completely inappropriate >> greg: not that either, and no, sirry bob. >> mike: that twinge the you've worn many hats, from past jobs in fact. now, you can trade in those hats to help earn your grad cap! your past experience can help you earn your degree faster and for less. >> greg: thanks to have todd piro, dagen mcdowell, my report".

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