Transcripts For FOXNEWSW Gutfeld 20240703 : comparemela.com

Transcripts For FOXNEWSW Gutfeld 20240703



in tonight's guests. emily austin. he's as delicious as the egg dish, jim florday. she's a real catch according to interpol, fox news contributor kat timpf. okay, before we get to some new stories. let's do this. >> greg's left overs. yum. >> yes, it's left overs i read the jokes that we didn't use this week. and just like greg, my first time reading these. this week rapper emimue sent a letter to ramaswamy lose yourself, not to call slim shady. while on tour in montgomery, alabama kat was approached by a lesbian that gave her, her phone number. kat declined and instead invited her to the show tonight. that was a greg joke. that was greg's i think. >> and i'm so happy right now. >> last weekend climate change blocked bernie man fans from the grounds and largest gathering this side of vermont primaries. turkish airline is offering customers to sit in a kid free section, the good news is that the new children section will allow smoking. you got a good view there. and speciality seating is catching on, for extra 50 bucks airline will let you choose to sit next to that [bleep] not real. wow, i committed to that one. pediatricians and parents calling for ban on energy drinks that can have six times as much caffeine as coca-cola. i think that's good, i can't imagine anyone who would need that much caffeine. the annual world gravy wrestling championship held on monday in on england, it's far more popular with fans of gravy. joe biden invited the wnba champion, los angeles aces to the white house and then didn't show up. luckily wnba players are used to people not showing up. a man in nebraska was pulled over in a modified car that had a full-sized bull restrained in the passenger side. but some are speculating that omaha steaks ran out of dry ice. wow, don't go after the animals on this show. this week it was revealed the first women on the golden bachelor and during the interviews many contestants said they have fallen in love and can't get up -- good for this crowd. a new poll finds that 77% of americans thinks that joe biden is too old for a second term. but democrats say that the president as energetic and quick on has feet as fdr. and when asked about that poll, the most americans agree that biden doesn't have a second term in him, the president replied, that makes all of us. all right! now to the news. suddenly the pentagon wants us to know whenever there is a ufo, this week the government launched a website for all domain revolution office to point out ufo's without fan fees. and the government described it as one-stop for uap, unidentified aerial phenomena. and identifying flying objects before killed by off site windmills. and the site will allow members to submit what they think are everyday sightings. and for everyday americans that a pentagon spokesman something to look in the future. and the hot spots on the map, persian gulf and far east asia and u.s. coast includes washington, d.c., which does make sense, this guy works there. uap right there. okay, so what do you guys think of this? i will go to you kat, this ufo thing, do you think that the government is trying to distract us from other things -- there you go. that's what you were going to say right? >> well, i have a lot to say. but i will keep it brief, not just you and i here tom, i don't want to be rude. the narrative is interesting i have seen so many memes and people saying that government is talking about aliens and no one cares there is aliens. that's not what is going on, what is going on that nobody cares -- it looks like because people don't care that the government is saying it. it's true that everything that the government tells us is based on what its own agenda is. and if the government is we will tell you this stuff about aliens, okay, cool. not like they will give us anything that juicy, they are the government. >> right, there is something else going on, what is your theory jim, why the government wants us to look at ufo's and wanted us not to look at it. >> well that whistleblower came out and listed this and six senators and come after you and set up this website let you know and like kat said everyone doesn't believe the government and believe the website. if you declassify stuff, cool stuff like what politician would be alien. i would go with kamala harris, no way that a human can speak in circles like that. only alien. >> and really into the moon; right. always talking about the moon. >> i didn't think about that, that's true. if this thing cake take -- takes off and open a park in roswell and aliens into the spaceship. >> museum. i think people want to see that. emily, welcome to the show. first timer. emily, do you think they know more than they are telling us? and if they do, what is their motive? >> first of all for you now to tell me that they are not life beings. and blob of cells and extra terrestrial. and i don't tell people this but i want to be an astronaut when older. >> what? >> yeah i know, i didn't stick with it. [laughter] settle down there. decided not to of course, i couldn't pursue my dreams because my mom said no. i would love to see some aliens. sadly the older you get and you start to learn things it's not all fun and games. as much as i am happy to see there is something out there. i am smart enough to know that it's probably a distraction for something bigger going on right here on our turf and they want to shift the attention away. i would like to be happy about it but the smarter side, what is hunter doing? >> yeah, michael don't you wish you had a smarter side of you? >> every day and i try to hold on to that thought and poof, goes away. i don't know what is going on. i want the aliens to be real and i think have good intentions. if they were going to do something bad, they would have done it. and if the government trying to distract and pretty good distraction. what i know, i don't want the probes to stop. i go on these camping trips and paralyzed in comes an alien and they know exactly what i like. if it's the military or either way, just keep the good stuff coming there et. >> so how many times a day, you when think of astronauts do they call their parents and like, i told you so. because every kid told their parents to be astronaut and some people do it. >> i checked astronaut in wish book as a kid. >> so cool to be an astronaut, i'm not special i guess. >> it was a good -- it was a good thing emily. >> i was shocked. >> you were. >> here's my theory, the globalists they want to globalize the world but everybody needs an enemy. so it's like nationalists they think other countries are bad but when they destroy the borders and one world and they want to think that the aliens are the enemy, what do you think jim? >> i don't believe it and i wanted to be an astronaut too? >> what? >> only because the first thing on the list that begins with "a." and world like michael said they don't mess with us and hover around and take off. you think they would mess with us and do something. are they afraid of us? >> they don't because you are at camp site. >> and sometimes late, come on i am ready. come in the tent? >> sometimes the tent, sometimes not the tent. >> he's waiting outside the tent. >> lights candles. >> and sauceages. >> and sharday. >> before we go, touring my one man show, spontaneous com combustion, come see me, tickets available now go to tom shillue website. and coming up, where is l.a. fussing over migrant busing? >> if you will be in the new york area and would like to see "gutfeld" go to website and join the link to join the studio audience. it helps remove odors 3x better than detergent alone. it worked guys! ♪yeahhhh♪ downy rinse and refresh. mmm, popcorn. 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(vo) it's your vision, it's your verizon. hi, i'm todd. i'm a veteran of 23 years. i served three overseas tours. i love to give back to the community. i offer what i can when i can. i started noticing my memory was slipping. i saw a prevagen commercial and i did some research on it. i started taking prevagen about three years ago. i feel clearer in my thoughts, my memory has improved and generally just more on point. prevagen. at stores everywhere without a prescription. ♪ limu emu & doug ♪ what do we always say, son? liberty mutual customizes your car insurance... so you only pay for what you need. that's my boy. now you get out there, and you make us proud, huh? ♪ bye, uncle limu. ♪ stay off the freeways! only pay for what you need. ♪ liberty. liberty. liberty. liberty. ♪ [applause] >> this migrant situation is one big complication. the los angeles city council has voted to launch a criminal investigation against texas over its migrant busing problem. since june, governor abbott has sent over 400 migrants to l.a. and in addition to 3400 migrants that abbott has sent to cities around the country. and saying this requires an investigation, that is true, nothing shows disregard for human life dropping someone in l.a. and new jersey governor is pushing against migrants in the state only if pushed against that smell coming from newark. the migrant situation and saying that new jersey doesn't have the resources to handle them. and funny previously said that would welcome migrants. what does the biden administration has to say, according to ms. peier. has done more than anyone else. he has. june saw the biggest drop in unlawful border crosses because of the policy that this president put in place. and we have registered officers securing a border because of the funding that this president secured. >> no surprise failed to mention the amount spent at the border, like the dentist money it would shock you. jim, you know about what is going in new jersey, and the governor is not being honest is he? >> no, i live in new jersey and ran to be sanctuary state, new jersey and dropped it and wanted to get the votes and want to him in the atlantic city airport. no we don't have the money for it. and new jersey with the highest taxes and car insurance and tolls every five miles and gambling and weed is legal, and no money. and doesn't want migrants to live in new jersey, and doesn't realize that the people living in new jersey don't want to live in new jersey. [applause] >> plus they got all of those guys with farms out there and springsteen has a farm and jon jovi. >> and they have a farm and put goats and don't have to pay taxes. all do it. >> send them to the farms. kat, obviously the situation is out of control and the people that made it want out of it. happening in new york. >> and yeah, obviously the busing of migrants is a political thing and to prove a political point that the other side was being political when they said. we are a sanctuary city and new york is a sanctuary city. that proved to be political and the bare minimum is allowing them to come over. that's the bare minimum and you can't accuse other people to be political like l.a. and new york. to prove that what you were doing was political all along. obviously something that congress needs to solve, our system is not built for influx of migrants. and having too much fun arguing and gain points, you are a jerk and blah, blah. and this is having effects on communities and people and should solve it and won't as we expect not to. >> and what can we expect, emily the red states are doing this when sent migrants to martha's vineyard and scoring political points and bringing awareness to the issue. and democrats we don't want them in our backyard. >> obviously that screams hypocrisy to me and the blue states want open borders and governor abbott, we don't have the resources and callie, you take them, and you are bad if you don't. and i try to break it down like a first grader. they welcomed them alleged and they don't want them and we're the bad ones for not housing them. make it make sense and having too much fun blaming the other guy. i don't get it. >> breaking things down like a first grader. go to you michael. >> my time to shine. too many people, tom. walking across land. it's -- i like how so these illegal immigrants walked across central and south america but in l.a., a bus ride to texas, that's inhumane. if i am a greyhound bus i am offended. and where the hell are all of these people coming from? is there a war, my life in my country is too difference and i need sanctuary in america, where the [bleep] is the conflict. they show up out of nowhere, what are they running from? i don't get that. and remember a very wise man once said, build a wall and i'm in favor of that. [applause] i don't want a fence, i am not happy with a fence, i want [bleep] great wall of china and ample parking and wall and casino and want that thing on the wall and like wipe out and televise it. >> up next, manch's kid likes to speak about how evil to be rich. let me be direct... you're watching football wrong! what do you call a guy in face paint that can't get the game? ...a clown! sorry, what app was it again? no, no. just give me a second... amateurs. ohhh! sorry everybody. directv sports central gives you access to every game... ...so you never have to compromise on gameday. ...was that necessary? i was just illustrating a point. oh. get in the redzone with sports pack. call 1-800-directv icy hot. ice works fast. ♪ heat makes it last. feel the power of contrast therapy. ♪ so you can rise from pain. icy hot. when moderate to severe ulcerative colitis takes you off course. put it in check with rinvoq, a once-daily pill. when i wanted to see results fast, rinvoq delivered rapid symptom relief and helped leave bathroom urgency behind. check. when uc tried to slow me down... i got lasting, steroid-free remission with rinvoq. check. and when uc caused damage rinvoq came through by visibly repairing my colon lining. check. rapid symptom relief... lasting steroid-free remission... ...and the chance to visibly repair the colon lining. check, check, and check. rinvoq can lower your ability to fight infections, including tb. serious infections and blood clots, some fatal; cancers, including lymphoma and skin cancer; death, heart attack, stroke, and tears in the stomach or intestines occurred. people 50 and older with at least 1 heart disease risk factor have higher risks. don't take if allergic to rinvoq as serious reactions can occur. tell your doctor if you are or may become pregnant. put uc in check and keep it there with rinvoq. ask your gastroenterologist about rinvoq and learn how abbvie can help you save. >> mock it and move on. >> yes, time for mock it and move on. according to a first coming biography, elon musk says that the progressive school that his daughter attends in los angeles turned her into a communism that thinking that rich people are evil. emily surprise you? >> elon that's what you get when kids are educated in california. that surprised? no, i don't see the privilege of working ready hard. but today that's really white privilege, sorry for hard working guys. >> well, michael, don't you pine for the good old days when the schools turned you into drug addicts? right, wouldn't that be easier? just like being a pot head out in the parking lot. i feel bad for elon, i don't know what he will do here. do you put her on one of your rockets and send her up in space? now when you want to come down, you say you love daddy. >> yes. i mean he could do that. he's got all the money and everything like that. he kind of use that to prod her in his direction. but has a lot of kids, this isn't the only one, they are all over the place. >> the oldest one. >> she's turning into a commie, you have sympathy? >> he has 10 kids and even if he loses three more, still has seven that likes him. way that i look at it, all 10 will never like you. only lost one so far. >> that's true. >> if this one is smart and not say anything until he dies until his inheritance and then bad mouth. you know how much money he be left or whatever it is? >> i think that's his daughter that we are talking about. kat, doesn't that happen so often, the children of rich parents reject to the whole thing and start hating the rich even though they are one of them. >> yeah and also, did she really have that much of a choice? i'm kind of surprised she didn't say worse stuff. can you imagine going to school and everybody knows that your dad is elon musk. but if you go to the school where you are supposed to hate money and rich people and everyone is super progressive and that is the girl that's dad is elon musk. i don't like my dad, no, i really hate my dad. >> yeah, the pressure to hate your parents. >> all right, even if your dad is not elon. going to school like this is the worse thing. i know that you heard that my dad is elon musk, trust me i hate him more than you do. just so someone talks to her. >> yeah, true. >> and all get in their tesla's and drive home. >> next topic, a fashion blog called afru to have bangs and haircuts to look less attractive and frightening to republicans. hold on, i don't understand this. jim, do conservatives not like microbangs, i didn't know about this. >> no, we don't like them, nobody does. when you cut them like that, we know who you voted for. okay, great. it's the same people that walk around with a mask, okay we know who you voted for, you can take the mask off. look, is that supposed to piss republicans off. i see her walking down the treat and won't talk to and a chick in indy band in brooklyn or went to super cuts and got the trainee to cut her hair and mess it up. >> that's something, michael, jim says nobody likes them. this blog seems to think it's conservatives will get more angry about the microbangs. >> i don't know, some chicks look hot in it. and used to see a girl with this haircut, hello, living on the edge. and now seems pedestrian and they always match it up with that cow ring in the middle of the nose. >> oh. >> that is nasty and pull it and a string pops out. seven phrases. donald trump is a criminal. everything should be free. >> you know what would be cool and you had the bangs and pulled and went up like curtains. >> that would be awesome. >> somebody has do that. kat, do you think this is a good look? i do find it almost a retro, would you wear microbangs? >> no. because it remind me -- so there was this girl that i went to high school with, i will never forget this. had the teeniest microbangs and found out what happened, she shaved her widow's peak. >> so it grew back as a little tiny bang. >> by the way kat, i did that too, i cut it here with a razor and grew up and called me porcupine. >> oh, my gosh, wasn't able to be an astronaut. >> i couldn't fit in the helmet. >> i asked do we have the pictures? i said i want to see what the -- you know, i said can we see kat. there we go. what do you think of microbangs, what do you think of that look emily for me? >> for you. >> yeah. >> listen, if it's a statement to have them who you voted for, my list just expand. if you are wearing a face mask, don't talk to me. if you have blue hair, don't talk to me. and microbangs is another one on the list to avoid. please don't do microbangs. for everyone's sake, i enjoy talking to you. >> those are medicare for all bangs. >> years ago people used to dye their hair and punk. now if you have the colored hair it means something else, rainbowing your hair. >> it means that you hate your parents. getting back to your parents with blue and pink, that's crazy. >> i came home, mom, in middle school, i want pink hair. she was like go to the room. and it was rebellion and now people walking around in crazy hair, it's not so bad but specifically the blue hair you have to avoid. trust me. just trust me. >> okay, i'll trust you on that one. coming up, we never fail answering viewer mail. 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[applause] >> yep. you're watching mailing it in. welcome to mailing it in. you write, i read. here we go. linda asks, do you ever have enough of greg's humor and just want to quit? i better go to kat first on this one. what do you think of greg's style. what would you say? insult comic or what? >> don't think insult comic but insult people to survive. he does, he can't function if not insult and if conversation doesn't have one, he throws one in. i don't know what would happen, turn to dust. >> and michael we were using some jokes in the script, and does it bother you 100% to michael is some type? >> you know what my problem is, his rhythm. the way that greg speaks is hilarious to me. does this really, really fast and slow. and then high and low again. it's -- and that just it's like he's a little tiny roller coaster and fun to watch. >> he's the kiddie coaster of late night. >> that's the new ad campaign. and he can get on that ride, tough enough. jim, jim. you are very thick skin because comics are notoriously mean to each other and roasting each other and you are comfort on gutfeld. >> i love greg and he will not take personally and laugh at it and like new york comic and bust each other's balls. i have known greg for a long time and his delivery is quirky and weird and doesn't go for the easy laugh and lets it lay. i love. >> he loves the awkward silence. >> i love that he loves the awkward silence. >> emily, you are new to the show, in for the insults? >> oh, my gosh, as a kid we would have roast battles and i would roast my brother. and my mom, take it down a notch. don't worry, i'm the new girl, i have thick skin. i'm okay. i am excited one day to get roasted by greg. i think it will be a fun experience. >> we can only hope. jay asks... i think this is so interesting, do you drink on the plane, jim? >> no. >> no alcohol on the plane? >> never. you feel like crap on the plane, i don't want to get drunk. i will get drunk where i land. >> what do you get for the beverage. water and i don't drink, i don't get on the flight and drink two gallons of water and like idiot. and wake people up. you are not that thirsty, we're not going to the desert. drink the water when you land. >> that's true. >> i try to do that and then i have trouble sleeping because i get are freaked out that i will have to pea, -- pee. and the airline where i am allowed to pee is not my choice. because you can get up and no, you have to sit down. and as an adult woman i'm not used to that. i am like oh, my god what i have to pee and do i have to pee. and get it in my head. and i also don't drink alcohol on the plane and listening to greg, my drink of choice is heroin. >> emily, what do you drink on the plane if anything? >> i feel like a psycho now because you guys don't drink period. i drink tomato juicee plane. i tell you why, i am so bored and not a movie girl and the tomato is not the best and tastes like soup. i am outing myself and you take tiny slips and occupied and how long the flight is. >> emily, you are right we will make fun of you. >> i know, and don't blame you. >> i think they teach at astronaut training school. if you go to mars it's a long trip, sip on tomato juice. >> her brother has new stuff to roast her on. >> loftis, do you drink on the airplane? >> i don't drink the booze. >> and airline says it changes the taste. >> i will report back and i do the diet coke with lime and i feel classy. the waitresses in the sky, flight attendants. yeah, take another diet coke. they are so demeaning. and like something to drink? so i'll have a diet coke and slam that [bleep] at you and hit them, can i get a piece of lime. as a little -- take that you waffle house looking [bleep]. >> oh, my gosh. >> enough out of you. you've picked tom as your favorite. too late. >> it's asked... emily. >> i was going to say can i go first, i was punished biweekly and my mom's favorite punishment deleted my apple list play list to punish me for a bad grade at school. and one day, did someone delete my play list. my mom, yeah i did. and was it an accident? to think to do that it was so malicious and hurt so bad. >> wow, deleting play lists. >> once my mom took all nirvana cd's away, thought they were making me sad. i can listen when i want. >> jim, going back in time. apple play list and cd's, what did your mom do to your lp records? >> true. [applause] she wouldn't let my ozzie osborne, holding a cross and that is evil and she was catholic and with devil horns on the head, i don't want this in the house. >> you know what is amazing my dad didn't want me to have meat loaf out of hell and i told meat loaf that story, he said, i was coming out of hell, i wasn't going in hell. tell your dad i was coming out, that's a good inspirational story. >> that's a great point. >> i know. >> the one time i got in trouble caught looking at my dad's playboy by mom, and mad at me. he brought it in the house, why mad at me. and i had to stay in my room for two weeks and strict catholic. but a phone in my room and made crank calls and honed my craft. >> seven seconds. >> my parents took away my phonograph and i couldn't listen to the radio. i wanted to listen to the lone ranger. i wasn't allowed so i went to sleep listening to fdr. >> beautiful. up next, discuss the ballots of a shirt that you can buy off of pallet. when your gut is out of balance, your body gives you signs. so if you're frustrated with occasional bloating... 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( ♪ ) when you feel the signs, it's time to try align. goli, taste your goals. >> a story in five words. story in five words, costco. sweat shirts, sold out everywhere. this is true, kat, costco is selling this 12.99 sweatshirt online. people love it and i don't know if tongue in cheek, would you wear it? >> of course i would. >> you would? >> yes, i wish i knew about it and had matching pants. i would wear it on the show. i can't explain why it's cool. it just is. >> this is the kind of thing when someone hits on this, they didn't know what they were doing. created this sweatshirt and for hipsters and sold out, jim. >> i wonder if the other memberships start this, they are jealous and costco with bj's and then how many women walk with bj's on their shirt. >> they don't want that? >> i do, a follower. >> emily, what do you think, attractive or people wearing in ironic sense? >> i think it started off ironically but personally dress it up and wear nice red leather pants and red heels and bring out the red of the costco. and people would be confused, is she cute or hideous and make them think about it. >> people think that every time they see me. >> and that's the name of a new game show, cute or hideous. >> i think it's okay, we were talking about a pickle sweater that i saw in advertisement. it was like trendy, can't explain it. it's how you rock it. i think i would rock it. >> yes, she would rock it, with a belt or something? >> yeah, and tuck it in, maybe look fat. i don't know. >> wow, so many ways to do it michael. >> there are, the list is endless. >> i think is great, seems like a movie to me. like someone at costco [bleep] really bad, you know and they made this sweatshirt and like oh, no! and they're going to get fired and then takes off and everybody buys it and now the unexpected hero. no one looks good, no one, not even astronauts in red leather pants. and it's weird, i love the costco but now that i am not in los angeles anymore, it's so much better. you have been in costco in earthquake territory, it's terrifying. they have refrigerates 30 feet in the air and one earthquake and done. why you have to eat the free samples in case you go out. >> do they have anything left to sale, i heard it's legal to rob every store in los angeles. do they have product? >> no, running in trouble and maybe need this thing. jim, obviously fashions change but we're not a sweatshirt culture and you still like rocking the flannel shirt. >> flannel shirt or concert t-shirt. plus i am not in the costco cult and people only buy at costco and nowhere else. i have a friend that buys all clothes at costco, you wonder why you haven't got laid in three years. >> and if you live in the city, your apartment is not big enough. >> don't go away, be right back. >> thank you, thank you to emily on sedan, jumpstarting and you, you, you the studio audience. fox news at night is next. >> good evening everyone on jonathan hunt and for trace gallagher. it's 11 pm on the east coast. 8 o'clock in los angeles. this is america's late news, fox news at night. breaking tonight, the convicted murderer who escaped from a pennsylvania prison yesterday is believed to be at large somewhere outside philadelphia. authorities worn he is extremely dangerous. we will have a full report. some business owners have slammed a bill making its way through ca

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