everyone's. i know that sounds bad, except that when it comes to people seeking treatment for covid, it's all about the delta varian lean mean omicron might be everywhere, but it's mild. when asked how they could tell it was omicron and not delta variant, the spokesman replied that it tasted different. all that work for that joke. its true. thank you. speaking of covid in sand of th lb flying out tomorrow to do an event in scottsdale, arizona. i'm looking forward to it, the event, but not the flying great i rather have a threesome with joy behar and weed wacker. i told you about the last time flew it was like a flashback of fifth-grade detention in this time i wasn't the bully, it was on an airline named after a covid variant that i was lectured by a flight attendant as mean as a centipede with gout . she threatened me with a warnin because my mask slipped below m nose so i said how else am i going to snort these lines. i was kidding. she wasn't commercially said sh would write me up they wonder why some passengers are losing their cool because the airlines are blaming us rather than solving the basic problems underlying the conflicts. ask io's is not reporting airline crews are making even more changes so they can stop being afraid to go to work very right, they're scared of you, the passengers the changes included mandatory self-defense training and industrywide no-fl list for disruptive passengers. he can't fly anymore. the end of to go cups for alcohol. why not just kill me? none of that is really going to help. why not add some conflict resolution training instead or some training on how to avoid escalating a conflict or may be using please and thank you. or maybe ask your loyal customers like me for advice instead of running to the government for bailouts and bands. here is my 2 cents, remember even though you own this guys, you don't own us one of charlie sheen's wives, once we figured out an alternative, we believe. than your swanky plane becomes just another greyhound bus. it doesn't have to be that way. you can treat everyone the way you would like to be treated like human beings. don't go from zero to alec baldwin the minute someone's mask drops. the hostility seems to be spreading. >> welcome to spirit airlines. going to have to ask you to check that bag. >> and i have a bag. >> do not raise your voice at me , sir. welcome welcome a wow. this is an 18 hour flight back to get this will end up in an airport that's going to be $35. it such a long flight, i wish i had something good to read. here, you can take this. so airlines, i want to help you we're all going through this together, but it wont help by polarizing is even more. who is giving you customer-service advice anyway. anthony fauci? they're are violent passengers and i have flown with some amazing flight crews, some of them don't even make me sit in booster seat. but i've also been with jerks to . still the nice people far outweigh the jerks. if i won't smear an industry because of some overzealous workers, may be don't punish th law-abiding due to if you'd net bag straight let's be fair to each other it's more fun to be deck taped to a chair conceptually. here is a gutfeld rule, don't treat us like world criminals because the mask slips. sometimes masks do slip. it doesn't mean i tried to open the emergency exit. we pretty much know that masks are pointless, the science of clean playing ill or filtering technology shows that removes nearly all airborne contamination. maybe we should make all rooms like airplane cabins for these ceos that two of the largest airlines the government mask mandate while flying serves little to no benefit at all. >> i think the case is very strong that mask don't add much if anything in the air cabin environment. >> it is the safest place you could be indoors because of the filtration system. >> we have hepa grade filters. >> by the way, fellas, thanks for treating that light classified information for the past two years. what do you guys have, shares i the ask me mask company. even the morons in the press prefer to punish us anyway. >> i wouldn't be comfortable with getting on airplane if no one was wearing masks are at. >> we all, the people who trave through the years, somebody sneezes a row up, and you and your family have the flu for th next two weeks. that seems a little crazy. >> that is science. how about that. real science says you don't nee masks, but you better wear them are these people will complain. i tell you there's a virus of stupidity going around in those two are super spreaders. i've been a big supporters of the airlines throughout this an i love the flight crews, some say a little two much, dependin on the hub of. but now sadly for some workers, and you know who they are, usin this as an excuse to exercise power, getting the crew against the customers only creates more of these more complex it's almost as bad as forcing us to watch cnn at the airport gates for it all be wearing mask on a flight to arizona, it may even be made of leather. but i hope that i'm treated wit the same respect that i treat all the great people who are going to work that flight, or maybe i just said that now so i don't get detention tomorrow. let's welcome tonight's guests, she's so smart the irs gets audited by her. liz mcdonald. she is my second favorite morga after the captain, former state department's forks for morgan ortega's. he is smoother than creamy pit or better on a slip and slide. it's rob smith. and she joined the rockets just so she could kick people, fox news contributor kat timpf. liz, like me you're a heavy boozer. >> as. >> do we have any say in this? remember the time when the customer is always right. now it's like they can say anything because their taking money from the government. >> that's a great you just made. you can say it's because it's like an animal version. >> just declare that upright. >> right. >> we've had hours of discussions over the exact diet minute definition definition an we've realized that we realize nobody knew who it was very. >> we are done copyediting, liz. >> i miss the days when people were smoking on airlines and th 10,000-mile club. >> that's a little low. that's tupelo. 10,000, whatever it was very. >> where are you. when it was a free-for-all on airlines, and now they're regulated. i think it would be more scary to sit next to joe scarborough or anybody on then anybody not wearing a mask. >> that's true. apparently people aren't fans o morning joe. good to see you're headed to a christmas problem later. >> i'm a christmas jew. >> i've never heard that before. >> why are the airlines, are th airlines cognizant of their customers or are they ignoring them because i feel like when i get on the plane it's like ther are flight crews that are amazing and then there are others they just treat you like. >> i have yet to get on a southwest flight where they weren't happy. i don't know what their benefit package is, but then there's other airlines, but i won't cal out, but they are just miserable . that was my favorite airline. i got dumped by them. >> my favorite story at the airlines is the florida man who went on with the red on his face . you really wanted to stick it t the government and airlines tha badly that you went out and asked your girlfriend for one o her or you bought one just to stick it to the man. >> did he try it on first? on his face? >> it was pretty and red. dr. fatty was going to have next . >> it raises the question where is he putting the mask? >> clearly roso parks for the covid era. >> he said that i watched his interview. >> morgan, you are too beautifu and too polite to call that tha airline. i will call when out. every time i'm on the airline it's i have the worst experienc ever. >> that's on you. >> i lived on florida, sometime lying in between, florida on spirit is better. >> look, obviously it's easier to fly privately in florida. >> a left of the ceos say carri kelley of southwest is about to retire and they tell you everything right when they're about to retire. now they admit so the big question i go to you, kat. wire we were in mesclun everybody knows on the airplane is the best place to be to avoi affection because all of the ai is being circulated. in my next thought is why are w doing this in buildings very quietly still doing this? >> i don't believe that an airplane is the best place to avoid an infection. i've definitely gotten some infections very. >> enough about the bathroom. i have worn a mask on an airplane and i've still gotten sick, so according to that scientific study it does not make a difference for it. >> was that the american journa of kat timpf. >> it's called peer review. i just said it here to peers. i don't want to hear where a mask. they are so mean to you on. and it's like you want to say i am playing you. you have no power. you have no right. >> they have all the power now. it's all about the masking on airlines and they are so mean about that. they're is no more murderous i've ever felt than when i'm napping. >> they shouldn't touch a. >> don't you ever let me see your face again. >> and honestly, you don't want to hide this face. >> it was a shame we didn't get to dive deeper into the sewage story. but that's kind of amazing. everybody, all the sewage was tested and every sample had on the ground but nobody in the hospital had omicron, that mean it's everywhere, but it's going through you and it's. >> i love how florida test its lake, california,. >> with that, you bet knupp the segment. segment. tries to hard hi. i'm wolfgang puck when i started my online store wolfgang puck home i knew there would be a lot of orders to fill and i wanted them to ship out fast that's why i chose shipstation shipstation helps manage orders reduce shipping costs and print out shipping labels it's my secret ingredient shipstation the number 1 choice of online sellers and wolfgang puck go to shipstation.com/tv and get 2 months free with directv stream i can get live tv and on demand anywhere. look, serena williams... matrix... serena... matrix... serena... matrix... ♪ ♪ ♪ get your tv together with the best of live and on demand. introducing directv stream. they love those rhymes liz warren would say how? don't clap for that. that rhymed to. story read as she's known to he coworkers as the insane lady that's not going been cool wallace. misappropriating black vernacular, so what did he do? earlier this week he called senator liz warren senator kare after he accused her of not paying taxes. that was enough or read to include musk and her absolute worst segment. >> he did what he always did an called her and referred to her as senator karen. so for some reasons, being a freeloader in four misappropriating black for an ocular from that misogynistic purposes. senator warren had better thing to do than two fight with man o twitter. >> it's got to be hard to think of new ways to be stupid each day. the absolute worst would be her staring into a mirror. ceiling material. a part of the idea their callin someone a karen is black vernacular isn't true, it's bee around as an internet meme for more then a decade referring to someone always asking to speak to the manager. it's the definition of it that is indeed racist as it blames anybody's white woman complaint on their race, unlike joyce irrational complaints which got her a tv show. lack of joy read, is first senator karen. he really is the new trump. as for reed, it's amazing she seen those ironing in accusing most of appropriation. i wonder what the senator thank of all this. >> i am so mad. i had smoke signals coming out of both my aunt, you leave joy read alone. she blamed it on hackers. that is not the point. the point is that i have 44.9 percent indigenous blood, that is. if your blood is .19 percent alcohol, you are very drunk. >> that hester hurts. >> it hurts my voice. i need a cough drop after that. >> wait a minute, that was you? get that's what i look like in four years. >> for. >> rob, i have to ask you this because she seems to be saying that karen can only be said by black about white women. at first it was commit we were talking about white male peers, her racism is this one-way street. it's justified as antiracism fo some reason. >> she is very race crazy. sows elizabeth warren pretended to be native american and took position set aside for a woman of color. being called the ila the racist that is crazy to me. i don't know if there's enough smoke signals that can come fro liz born from the role. they get more ratings than. it's in trouble. >> i got into the wrong racket. do you think they'd try to stop her from saying crazy things or do they know the people like me are cycled into reporting it? >> in the mind of msnbc producers, but i will say it's making me a little uncomfortable . too i look like a karen correct what i will say, here is the thing about elon musk. he has beaten cancer culture an the left freight anyone else wh went over the left the way that he does, they would be, their business would be over a. tesla is selling electric vehicle in the world and this year he is going to pay probabl $12 million in taxes. that is the most of anybody in history, so i don't like that i'm not crazy about the factory in china, but i think the consumers have spoken. the largest electric vehicle in the world where it. >> they don't care if he calls her's karen. >> this is a fun story about elon musk. he's trying to slowly but accepting the role as this kind of national figure where he wasn't a couple of years ago an he's just like the more you see him kind of the more you like the guy. >> he has been doing this multiple times taking on the left. you could see him go for a cup of coffee in the morning by the way i think the way you fix racism in the country is to unplug msnbc. they've been doing more gas lighting about america being racist than anyone else. by the way, elon missed as a south african using a european name, karen. the whole story is just an ache but you're right, there's no problem with her having intake logs. >> here is the thing that heste realized. when you are hating on white people, you have to do it and private. she hasn't gotten that yet. >> isn't joy kind of a karen because she piggybacks on other people's and karen could also b let's say two people are arguin in a walmart great somebody in and tries to get part of the debate. that's what jointed hair. >> i don't think either of them are like i just can't sleep because i need to know what she is thinking about this. she is completely shameless. the homophobic log post, everybody noise that she is homophobic because it wasn't just blog post full of homophobic things, it was that, but she also followed it up wit does that make me homophobic? probably. she admitted it herself and we just act like it never happened. >> do you find entertaining the angry parents take a joy read, does that make you want to do i incorrect. >> it's a slow news day. there's not a lot out there. you think i'm kidding. >> they went around this time. and i'm looking for stuff. she is like the stupid santa. she just came down my chimney dropped a giant bag of stupid. >> can we call, is a black kare like a keisha? >> only you can say that, i can't say that. i cannot comment. i have to move on before i get canceled. do you struggle to fall asleep and stay asleep? qunol sleep formula combines 5 key nutrients that can help you fall asleep faster, stay asleep longer, and wake up refreshed. the brand i trust is qunol. >> looks like ringing the bell ain't going so well. another class of goat woke go broke as the salvation army is lagging behind their antiwhite nagging. the christmas fundraiser known as the red kettle campaign is failing to hit donation goals across the country this holiday season fewer people volunteerin to ring the bell for the nonprofit. all this comes after the salvation army published a guid on its website earlier this yea called let's talk about racism. in it white people in crisis we're instructed to evaluate th racist behavior which must be confusing for white americans were told they needed to stop trying to be colorblind. also stop trying to not be racist freight anyone's head would be ringing after that. no surprise guys caused outrage online and they were accused of succumbing to critical race theory. thankfully our army wouldn't do anything that stupid. they deleted the controversy an guide, and reaffirmed their commitment to biblical teaching. it seems like the damage has already been done. i haven't done one of those in the wild. either while this christmas i will never stop needing treats to this guy. it's good to see gordon ramsay doing well. morgan, you are our own little red kettle. should you punish a business or a charity when you know that it might hurt people that weren't affiliated with their dumb decision? >> is, you can donate to someon else. i live in nashville, the tornadoes came through, and luckily we were okay commit but then of course it was devastating for kentucky, so th first thing i did was think you could i give a donation to help these poor people and i asked o twitter should i donate to the salvation army. people we're going crazy. so i ended up sending a donatio to samaritans first which had a good reputation. yes, there are alternatives there are other charities out there helping people and everyone should do that go ahea and donate to someone else very. >> wenham my favorite charities as the gutfeld boat. >> has, the big one. nothing under 20. what are your thoughts on this? >> they're are more dingdong's at the salvation army then the bills they are bringing. new insults 99 percent of their donors. they're no longer charity drive other policy driven. i tell people if you want to donate, right on the little piece of paper i'm sorry and then drop that in the bucket. that's actually funny, that's what they want. to give the weird thing is, everything woke goes broke very whose idea was it that at the salvation army that hating whit people was going to get you int the christmas spirit. everybody knows you wait for kwanzaa intel that. but look, now and organization that is being completely apolitical, completely positive they got us in the holiday spirit is nonpolitical so i hat this. >> they have a lot of quiches there. to get you people. look, kat, could this be covid related. everything's coming down very. >> it might have nothing to do with this, but if i said that, what will we talk about. >> i was making sure we had tim later in the row show to talk about decorative pillows. >> the whole relation is not necessarily causation. but in general, it's not like a winning strategy. ♪ ♪ >> greg: if your shower is low on h2o, blame it on grandpa joe. we are back. the restrictions on showerheads courtesy of president chowder head. the biden administration has rolled back a trump rule allowing more powerful showerheads, but why should he care? all of joe's baths are with sponges. [laughter] sometimes you never know what lands. it's enough to make you miss the dude from before. how about the shower in this beautiful head of hair? >> but how about the shower? you go into a shower, and i have this beautiful head of hair. and water comes dripping out very quietly. so what do you do? you stand there longer or take a shower longer. >> greg: america never deserved him. we needed a break for four years before we could have him again. under president trump -- i know. the regulations restricting the water flow to your showerheads were relaxed. like they took xanax at a james taylor concert, allowing three times the gallon minute limit set by the obama administration. i say keep the government out of my bedroom and out of my bathroom. what is the deal, joe? >> i got in the shower this morning and it almost knocked me over. i defeated -- >> greg: kat, you announce to stop to bathing as a sign of protest. >> i might though, honestly. i'm just going to come out and say ed. this is a war on women. >> greg: why? >> demanding that showerheads be less powerful in their massaging capabilities is a war on women. there's a lot of ladies out there pretending they don't know what i'm talking about. good for your back, right. >> greg: morgan, what are your thoughts? [laughter] >> acknowledging that i am right. >> greg: you are redder than your dress. anyway. >> may have gotten a new one. >> greg: it is the christmas season. is this another example of a great idea from trump that must be eliminated because it came from trump? he says we need to have more powerful showerheads and that is like oh, that is just like remain in mexico, you know what i mean? all these things -- >> totally the same as remain in mexico. just as important. i also think it is a war on women because there is nothing worse than having to wash her hair and i try to get away with washing my hair every three or four days, there is nothing worse than you have built up hair spray, but who washes their hair every day? you wash your hair every day? >> greg: also my head. >> it takes forever if there is not a lot of water pressure, it drives me nuts. in addition to the shower head, we should also check out japanese toilets. >> greg: oh, yes. >> i don't know if you ever come i went to japan with pompeo, and the japanese toilet is a good invention. >> greg: i know what you're talking about. once you go toto, you never go back. that is the brand, right? why does it have to be about gender? >> totally kidding. >> greg: do you care about shower pressure? >> i do not have a shower head, i have a pipe that is like an assault weapon. everybody knows that you take a shower head, you take out the restrictors and the washers. do it anyway. by the way, to do that, you can have senator warren and joi reid jumping in the shower yelling at you. what are they going to do next, regulate elements? >> greg: you just made me think of joy reid and senator warren in the shower. i want to return to this little tip, take stuff out of the shower head? >> everybody does that. >> i have never -- i do not -- >> really? >> you take it off and have an assault weapon in your walls. >> one thing i will say about joe biden, trying to redo everything that trump did. the only thing he wants, a strong, steady stream of its illegal immigrants flowing across the border. that's all they >> it was a strong strategies team in the toilet had used use a showerhead to drain the swamp here it. >> that's what. >> this is an amazing topic you know the thing about never mean encroachments, big brother. everybody thinks it's going to come in as an army. it's always for your old own good. they come in and say this is fo the environment, that's how you lose your showerhead very. >> the steady drip, drip, drip. we will do pumpkin spice showerheads without the restrictors. next to the 20 percent off of the face bombast. i thank you just created a shop for fox nation. up next, extra pillows on your bed mean switching wireless carriers is easy with xfinity. just lean on our helpful switch squad to help you save with xfinity mobile. they can help break up with your current carrier for you and transfer your info to your new phone. giving you a fast and easy experience that can save you hundreds a year on your wireless bill. visit your nearest xfinity store and see how the switch squad can help you switch and save. get $200 off a new eligible 5g phone when you switch to xfinity mobile. talk with our helpful switch squad at your local xfinity store today. ♪ >> why do people keep pushing the decorative cushion? it's time for. >> it's time for greg's i didn' read the story, loops. >> it's true. and new piece in the new yorker called in defense of the decorative pillow with the only article ever too arguing agains the cancellation of something. thank you. to be clear, the article is a joke although not nearly as funny as they claimed that decorative pillows are awesome because there are the biggest perfect size for sobbing into. are they really useless? mean it provided us with a segment on a rightly slowed newsday. seriously, it was this or another story about poop. the out of mind decorative pillows as long as the messages on them are appropriate. excellent for smothering. home sweet home except for my ex-whose a [bleep]. finally, grandma's ashes inside. somehow that's in bad taste. due for prefer a plain decorative pillow or one that says live, laugh, and love on it . >> live, laugh, and love. you can't complain about decorative pillows. i think it's because they're hard to clean. like mean when i soil the pillo i just throw it out the window. are just throw it into oncoming traffic. as soiled pillow will get somebody on. >> i hope you have insurance fo that. when i was learning about the fault of the roman empire. its exactly, oval discussion. this is peak civilization when were arguing about decorative pillows. >> do you think there useless useful earth useless? >> i'm basic, i love them. i have them for every season, c to change them quarterly. can keep my problem, is that decorative pillows are much lik the neck pillow when you fly, you just don't clean it. >> i don't know, man. i am an active homosexual, and decorative pillows are a little two much for me. they're not necessarily for me. and then plus, two your point earlier, when the pillow gets dirty, there's not enough water pressure to clean them in the shower. what does it say about my husband who buys decorative pillows. >> that you guys need to have a conversation. joking, joking. >> i guess we'll find out later. >> you're going to have a great friday night. i have decorative pillows on my bed, but i didn't buy them or pick them out right i provided the cat that destroyed them. not me. >> but they are like when you get an argument it's something you can throw without hurting anybody. why is the new yorker magazine writing this story? >> before we go down that road, none of us read it. nobody knows why we did this. that sophia got to move on because we have a great animal segment coming up. segment coming up. finally, an animal hi. i'm shannon storms bador. when we started selling my health products online our shipping process was painfully slow. then we found shipstation. now we're shipping out orders 5 times faster and thanks to shipstation's discounted rates we're saving a ton. honestly, we couldn't do it without shipstation join over 100,000 online sellers who get ship done with shipstation go to shipstation.com /tv and get 2 months free. look, serena williams... matrix... serena... matrix... serena... matrix... ♪ get your tv together with the best of live and on demand. introducing directv stream. >> it's been a while, so let's do this. animals are jerks. animals are jerks. animals are jerks. >> this is the best yoga video have ever seen. i'm just going to talk over it because i can't stop watching this. as she setting up to do yoga. i don't care. i don't care if i get fired for showing this video, i hate yoga. i hate yoga mats, but i love that dog, and that is why. >> animals are jerks. animals are jerks. animals are jerks. thank you, rob smith, liz mc donald, kat timpf. you at home given the opportunity, we will. here is "the five." ♪ ♪ >> jesse: hello, i'm jesse watters along with dagen mcdowell, richard fowler, kennedy, and greg gutfeld. this is "the five." ♪ ♪ president biden is preparing for a new covid stirred by doing what he does best: attacking and blaming everything on nonvaccinated americans. delivering a doom and gloom morning, while only focusing on vaccines, and ignoring the many therapeutics available to fight the virus appeared >> it is here