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Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 20140930

Needs to rise to the occasion before we get killed back at home. Jon all of us killed well be the dead as the art of how to properly squire a lady at a cotillion laughter always bring an extra pair of gloves her punch can spill laughter so if youre facing an existential threat for the president to act, but i was under the impression congress could do something about it, like declare war. Why not on your own. My time here in congress, thats not how this happened. The president of the United States would request that support and would supply the wording of a resolution to authorize this force. And at this point in time, weve gonot gotten that request or sen that language. Jon we would help stop the greatest threat this country has known but not if it means being rude. Were not going to be rude. But at least congress can agree on one thing just kidding. They cant. laughter he has the authority he needs now to act against i. S. I. S. The president should come to congress and act for author

Transcripts For COM The Colbert Report 20141002

Huge controversy surrounding last nights game between the oh, shoot i can never remember the teams names. Lets say the new england. Big guys versus the kansas city uh chiefs. Oh, theyre actually called the chiefs . Good to know. Thanks. Uh, buddy. Jim . N. F. L. Referees calling a 15yard unsportsmanlike conduct penalty on chiefs safety Husain Abdullah for dropping to his knees in prayer after scoring a touchdown on monday night football. Abdullahs a devout muslim. He was practicing the sajda, a religious prayer. Stephen yes, a muslim person prayed in the end zone. And even more shocking i was allowed to play footage without the express written consent of the National Football league. Somethings very, very wrong i didnt even know there were muslim football players. How can they play if theyre not allowed to touch pigskin . laughter whats going to happen . Well have to switch to halal balls. laughter but theres an even bigger scandal than a muslim being penalized for his religious belief

Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 20141004

Porous borders. And while the number of deaths can be counted on two simpsons hands, what are we going to do about it were going to do whatever it takes to make sure that our citizens and our homeland is protected. If youre military commanders tell thaus we need Ground Forces to defight isil, sol be it. What about a mercenary army. Virtual fence. Complete impenetrable border. Double fence, triple fence. Whatever it takes. For the next few months nobody from west africa gets into the jon wow. What a difference. In africa u. S. Travel policy 150 years makes. claughtern you know, i have to say [ they would have love thad proposal two0 200 years ago. But the message is clear, whatever it takes, this government has an obligation to do whatever it takes to protect american lives. Heart disease. It is a leading cause of death, killing 600,000 americans a year. claughtern l jon thats like milwaukee disappearing every year. Thats like if you took all the americans killed by isis and ebola, and

Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 20141002

Voted to shut down the federal government with ted cruz, shes called president obama a dictator and thinks impeachment should be on the table. Okay, braley paints ernst as a reactionary. You threatened to sue a neighbor over chickens that came onto your property. laughter jon uhh. Touche . Youre an ultrapartisan ideologue. Oh yeah, well, you dont like having chicken bleep on your lawn boom stay down so ernst has the trespassing chicken vote sewn up. But the ultimate winner can only be decided via an oldfashioned folksyoff. I grew up in a workingclass home in a small farm town. I grew up drinking well water on a southwest iowa farm. My dad ran a grain elevator. My father is a farmer, a very proud farmer. I got my first job in the third grade. I was the morning biscuitmaker at hardees in red oak. Jon all right. Let me just tally this up. Eight points for well water. Grain elevator, very nice. Ten points for child labor. Carry the biscuitmaking. Oh, my god, its a tie you have both achieve

Transcripts For KQED PBS NewsHour 20150114

Ifill and, in india, rescuing girls from forced prostitution when the pimps are members of their own families. It was the 14yearold daughter of the brothel owner. Until recently she had been enrolled in school and even lived in the apne aap shelter but was pulled out after seventh gradebeing prepared, gupta said, to go into the sex trade. A common tradition here, passed from mother to daughter. Woodruff those are some of the stories were covering on tonights pbs newshour. Major funding for the pbs newshour has been provided by at bae systems our pride and dedication show in everything we do; from Electronics Systems to intelligence analysis and cyber operations; from combat vehicles and weapons to the maintenance and modernization of ships, aircraft, and critical infrastructure. Knowing our work makes a difference inspires us everyday. Thats bae systems. Thats inspired work. Lincoln financial committed to helping you take charge of your life and become youre own chief life officer. And

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