Centrals world view headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart. [ applause ] jon welcome to the daily show. We have a very good show tonight. My guest oh, we love this lady. Lena dunham is going to be joining us on the show tonight. Some of you may have been reading aboutlp a recent incident at the white house. The u. S. Secret service captured a man who jumped the white house fence and made it inside the building. A Spokesman Says the man was not armed. He was caught just after passing through the north portico doors. Sounds like your average overly comfortable tourist probably late for the tour. Jon or perhaps the secret service is underselling this incident. Gonzalez entered the unlocked front door of the executive mansion. He then ran more than 30 feet through the entrance hall. Gonzalez then overpowered an agent and ran a hundred feet into the east room. Countless white house receptions and public ceremonies are held, that included parties for heads of state. Even Frank Sinatra. Carrying a three and a half inch knife. 800 rounds of ammo, two ratchets and a machety in his car. claughtern jon oh. Now you may wonder how they knew what was in his car. He had that out. So adorable. By the way, that was a really weird sinatra reference. I think knowing that the long deceased old blue eyes had been in that very room really brought home the urmgency of the attack. How did this intruder get so far into the white house . Dont they have guard dogs there. There were a lot of officers there, and that was concern the dogs might attack them instead. claughtern jon sounds strange. Fes more sense when you find out a lot of secret Service Agents are cats. claughtern so the dogs did not get the intruder. Do they have alarms . co theres an alarm box near the front entrance thats supposeed to alert guards, but apparently it had been going offoy lot, so it was on mute because it was bothering staffers. Jon you dont do that you cant just turn off the alarm because its irritating the white house. Its not a civic at 3 00 a. M. Parked on your block. Its possibly a one off. Thanks to the secret service, theyve had a lot of the Security Guard was inappropriately taking photos of the president in a elevator. Turns out he had a gun. The secret service mishandled a incident in 2011. The shots werent discovered for four days. Jon four days it took the white house only a little less time to find out theyd been hit by bullets than it took james franco to saw off his own arm. His own arm [ applause ] yesterday the House Oversight Government Reform Committee called Julia Pearson to testify in the issues. It did not go well. The bullets were want discovered to have hit the white house in realtime within a 24 hour or greater period by the secret service. Yes or no, please there was reports of shots fired in proximity to constitution avenue. You have officers at the white house drawing weapons because they believe shots were fired. Now give me all the evidence to support a vehicle backfire. In the downtown there is sound attenuation often times. Ive never heard a car backfire six to eight times. Have you . Ive heard cars backfire. Six to eight times . It occurred at 9 30 at night. Its difficult to see at night. claughtern jon so thats they believed basically we have two options when someone shoots at the white house at night. You can get a nrarnl flashlight look around, or only have a president during daylight hours. I mean, its dark. You think im going to send agents out there. There could be a boogie man or goblin or gremlin. Its frightening. Heres how it functions. They had to help them come up with solutions. How much would it cost to lock the front door of the white house. Have you ever heard of these guys. We could put vegetation, simple things like spanish bayonets. You jump that fence, and you get quite a greeting when you hit the group ground. Jon theyre spiky plants. You never want to be in a position where you are charged with guarding the president of the united states, and you could be replaced by a plant. claughtern by the way, for any of you who didnt know what a spanish bayonet was, and thought i should look that up on the urban dictionary. Im going to save you the trouble. Spanish bayonet is when, you take your penis and put iti] in a taco, you add your desired taco filling, and then you feed the spanish bayonet to your partner. claughtern you know, you have to admit, wloefr wrote that probably wont climb the bleep fence. Any other ideas for detering fence jumpers . I want to know whether you have considered simply asking that a higher fence be built . One, that, for example, could curve or maybe you damage a body part if you try to get over it. Vu learned nothing. These people put h dick in tacos. Theyre not scared of body part damage. Maybe theyre more dismissive. Nobody on the committee suggested truly terrible ideas. To the overwhelming force of the would be intruder cant be stopped by a dog or intercepted by a person, perhaps more lethal force is necessary. If they want to penetrate that, they need to know that they are going to perhaps be killed. Thats the message we should be sending every single time. Jon anyone have anything to add to judge dreads proposal. I was trained in that you only use as much force as it absolutely necessary to subdue or fix the problem. Never any more undo force. The idea that were going to have a shootout on the white house grounds seems to me a last resort, not a first resort. Youve heard many members be concerned about the thought that we would have sort of a shoot to kill first, re. Then, of course, i think about earlier i think this year we had a toddler breach the fence. Jon take the shot. I said take the shot. I know what it looks like. We have reason to believe the target is carrying a dirty bomb in his boom boom. In his boom boom senior white house correspondent. Thank you for joining us. claughtern mrax u [ applause ] security is super tight here, jon. I tried to enter through the north portico, but the steps were mysteriously covered in ice. As i slipped, i grabbed on to a doorknob which to my surprise was scaldingly hot. So i tried the back entrance. When i opened the door, a bucket of glue fell on my head. So i stumbled into a trip wire that activated a cannon. And the iron mark on your face . Oh, i had trouble ironing this morning. claughtern to protect himself, obama has home aloned the white house. Its not the wet bandit, did it . No, what stopped was a lonely man with a snow shovel and a heart of gold. It softened them up a bit. Ti. Made them madder. Jon look, i dont know if we can entrust the president s safety. To doesnt matter anymore, jon. No one is going to want to go near the president now that he has ebola. Jon the president has ebola if how did the president get ebola . From what i understand, ebola just jumped the fence ask walked through the front door. Jon no one there noticed . None of the security noticed a six foot tall yellow virus entering the white house . Nope, nope. As a matter of fact, it was a few days before anybody noticed anything strange. People got suspicious in a Cabinet Meeting when ebola pro posed an initiative to spit in each others mouth. Plus going into a room which Frank Sinatra had been. Jon ebola is serious. Is the president going to be okay . Hell be fine. Ebola wont stick around. It says it doesnt feel safe in the white house. Will new twizzlers mixed berry bites ever end their rivalry with new jolly rancher filled gummy bites . Not today. Bites. Little greatness. May your lights, always be green. And your favorite songs, always playing. May you never be stuck behind a stinky truck. May things, always go your way. But its good to be prepared, just in case they dont. Toyota, lets go places. Safely. This october and its the black forest ham and cheese. Way enjoy lean, sliced ham with a hint of sweetness, for a half a foot of proteinpacked bliss. All yours, all month, for only 3. Subway. Eat fresh. Its part of a hersheys bar. We break it. We bite it. We sneak it. We smoosh it. We savor it. We love it. Hersheys is mine, yours, our chocolate. Jon im back. [ applause ] its finally finally october. My favorite month. Its halloween season. 31 days of ghouls and spooky stories. All right. Lets see what the witch has in the door. The stra for Disease Control says it confirmed the first ebola in the united states. The patient is in the hospital in the dallas, texas area. S. P l right. Ats scary. ni how big of a bed do i need to hide under . This is not transmitted by the air. Theres no risk to a person in this hospital whos walking or a patient. The likelihood that this one case will lead to an epidemic in dallas or texas is close to zero. Jon didnt you hear that . Thats the sound of bunkers being hastily rebrand as wine cellars. The problem is under control. Could someone tell us, though, the news heres how they started the day today. Good morning, america. Ebola in america. The first case of the deadly disease diagnoseed on u. S. Soil. A major American City on high alert. Jon were all going to die. Kiss your ass goodbye. Yourexd about to bleep claughtern theres no much panic projected on people who rnts panicking. K ]t8a rrgg for anyone who may have come in direct contact with the ebola patient. Jon that doesnt look like a frantic crisis. Its like a local zoning board meeting. Or the mets press room on the last day of the season. Its like theyre crossing their fingersco for an outbreak i have no doubt that we will control this importation, or this case of ebola. bleep jon you dont get to put droning ominous suspenseful music under objectively good news. The guy was saying, weve got this. This is the music you should be using. I have no doubt that we will control this importation, or this case of ebola. [ applause ] jon the problem is, the media was infected by ebola fear, and now that its time to incubate its showing symptoms. Keep in mind they have immunity to any sort of panic. What a toy or a child could be wearing, the bracelets could be causing cancer. Ktds be killing americans through the power grid. One of the things i found out about the pumpkin space lawsuitte is these ingredients linked to cancer. Jon well be right back. [ applause ]. There comes a time in everyones life when you want more. Like a new meticulously engineered german sedan. Finely crafted. Exactingly precise. Desire for such things often outpaces ones means. Until now. Hey matt, new jetta . Yeah. Introducing lots of new. The new volkswagen jetta. Isnt it time for german engineering . Jon well be back tonight. The creator and star of hbos her girl. The book is not that kind of girl. Please welcome back to the program, lena dunham. [ applause ] jon how are you . Hi. Jon i love this book. Thank you. Jon you know what i admire about you. Your ability at a young age to articulate motivations of your behavior that even you dont that to understand yourself well, and the reasons you behave in ways that you end up being selfcritical of things like that. Your ability to understand that. Thank you. Jon where does it come from . If i had more of that ability, i wouldnt have done the things in the first place, and would not have exacerbated writinging this disastrous tone. Jon not at all. Ive been in a lot of therapy. I dont know if that answers your question. Its simply a part of the equation, and then i have this sense that if i dont make some sort of if i dont make something out of the events they happened in vain, and i might as well bury myself in the yard. Jox r jon when you were out whether you were younger, were you always in some ways observing yourself as you were in these situations . Or is this all kind of a post mortem on these events . I wish it was more of a post mortem. One of the primary criticisms is you have just gone into that glades place where youre looking at this and moving the details around in your head and deciding about the scene, and its not fair to people right now. I try to fight that, but its challenging. Jon people say, youre writing this down, arent you . I my dad knows. Youre getting disassociateive here. You guys are looking at me. No, dont like in at all. Jon im amazed. And hes still engageed in that way. Im a dad, and i checked out three years ago. Thats awesome. Hes like too engaged. He called me seven times on the way here. Hes my favorite. So its working out fine. Jon does your mom know that . Hes my other favorite. Theyre favorites at different times. Yesterday my mom was working out better for me. Jon okay. Do you use that competition to your advantage . I think that would i mean i cant remember one time since i was little in the supermarket my mom said i couldnt have a toy. And i walked over to dad and said mom said i could have it, and i went, that works great. Thats a thing you can do. Jon lie out of ear shot. Totally. Jon you know what else im impressed with . You take more criticism, and more vitrious than any performer and writer ive ever seen, and you handle it with a grace that belies the types of thing that is come your way. I find it very difficult to fathom, because i think your work is really special, really interesting, really funny. Youre a young person. I dont get it. Due understand it . Have you thought of it . Well, thank you for saying that. I called, and he offered me a lot of support. You know, in the spotlight, and i feel really equipped now. You know what . It can be challengings. Its not something when youre writing in your room and dreaming this career thaw think about, and say im going to have a tv show, ask write a book and everyone is going to hate me in the internet. But at the same time, you know, its like sort of like you have this gift. People think you Pay Attention to your work, and im luck bethat, and theres a sense ever community in my life they never imagined i have. Its good. I try to react. My motto is to try and react with a little bit of sass. I havent tested that one out on anyone yet. Jon thats good. I would have done with double guns. A picture of the internet like boom definitely times when im tempted, but i know that that doesnt halt the desired result, and you look at the crazy person throwing rocks out of a cave at a corner of the universe. Jon that should be your next show. Classy sassy gnome throwing stuff out of a cave. Jon when i watch the show, in some respects, you feel like youre watching a version of a less actualized version of you. I always sort of thank you again. I always think of my character otd show of me, like two and a half years behind. Jon okay. For fun, im geting to say all the stuff i wish i said in the moment, and handle the situation better. It means in the first instance, i handled the situation badly. But i really i love the opportunity to sort of go back and as you said, the things ive been through. The book is a different way of going about that. You get to have this intimate relationship with the page, and sort of first person you can talk about motivations, and it wouldnt be appropriate for me to stop in the middle. In a book, can you do that. Its so effectively, and with so many puns that i jon fast and fun. Fast and class. Jon i wish you the best. Its a terrific piece much work. Thank you. And congratulations on your movie. Jon thank you. I hear good things. [ applause ] time to g. Its on the bookshelves. And the new season . January. Jon january. Jon january. Lena dunham. Anncr now you can merge the physical freedom of the car, with the virtual freedom of wifi. Chevrolet, the first and only car company to bring builtin 4g lte wifi to cars, trucks and crossovers. Hi mom. You made it anncr its the new independence. So i get invited to quite a few family gatherings. Heck, i saved judith here a fortune with discounts like safe driver, multicar, paperless. You make a mighty fine missus, mlady. Im not saying marks thrifty. Lets just say, i saved him 519, and it certainly didnt go toward that ring. Am i right . [ laughs ] [ dance music playing ] so visit progressive. Com today. I call this one the robox. Oh, cheezit grooves. Its a cheezit, but its light and crispy like a chip,ki. Theres more than one world . Theyre among us . Youre one of them. Help hes got a probe its a pen. We take the time for our cheese to mature in our cheezit grooves. dootrick or treat mmm thank you mmm mmm [ jon thats all the time. Tomorrow night at 11. The president does have full confidence in director pearson and other members of the secret service. The president continues to have confidence in the men and women of the secret service. Does that extepd to director pearson . The president concluded new captioning sponsored by comedy central
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