Theyre incredible. Ticktock, ticktock. Congratulations, donald. Well done. Ticktock, ticktock. Im lesley stahl. Im bill whitaker. Im like a smart guy. The clock is ticking its a late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight early bird and rudy is a worm. Plus, stephen welcomes Bruce Springsteen and eva longoria. Featuring jon batiste and stay homin. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan Theater Office building in new york city, its Stephen Colbert stephen yeah welcome to a late show. Im the Stephen Colbert. The 2020 election is less than two weeks away. Im so excited that im not getting any of the sleep i normally dont get. Tomorrow is the second and final president ial debate, for which we will be live, ladies and gentlemen, right there. Tune in to find out which Terrible Group trump wont condemn this time. as trump people who dont toss in for pizza because they say they dont want any but then have a slice when it comes, stand back and stand by. Guys who hover right behind you in line
Embuzzler, the deductibowl cut, the i dread paying what i owe, and the mulletmepayless business in the front, bankrupt in the back. So come on into shady cuts today. We cut it right off so you can claim a writeoff. Warning there are limits to what we can hide. Announcer its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight, deductions. Stephen welcomes Mireya Villarreal and musical guest rex orange county, featuring jon batiste and stay homin. Now live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in this building in new york city, its Stephen Colbert stephen fantastic. Fantastic to be here, everybody. Welcome to a late show. Im your host Stephen Colbert. Put the coffee down, dont want anybody to get burned. Weve had some fun with donald trump over the years. Weve laughed, weve cried, weve mostly cried. But every once in a while you get a troubling reminder that hes president. Lke this weekend when, to fill Ruth Bader Ginsbergs seat on the Supreme Court, trump nominated federal judge and inhouse atto
Heres how it would look if they were dining together. Not a pretty picture. The bat or shrimp primavera. And if dr. Fauci has so much integrity, then why is he working with these unscrupulous characters . Anthony fauci if it were up to him, we would all be alive. Im donald trump and i wish you were dead. Announcer its a late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight, surgin u. S. A. Plus, stephen welcomes tom hanks. Featuring jon batiste and stay homin. And now, live on tape from a safe distance, its Stephen Colbert stephen what do you think about the hair today . You like it . Its a little fluffy. Grey. Stephen its a little grey. But it was grey before. Now its grey and fluffy. Its got vitality. Im going for a sort of Bernard Henri levy modern french philosopher look. Good. Welcome to a late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. Its day 123 since i left my theater, but whos counting . I am. By carving notches into my shin just to feel the passage of time. And its beginning to seem like our fo
Is he besties with the chinese bat that started it all . Heres how they looked when they were dining together. Not a pretty picture. The bat or shrimp primavera. And if dr. Fauci has so much integrity, then why is he working with these unscrupulous characters . Anthony fauci if it were up to him, we would all be alive. Im donald trump and i wish you were dead. Announcer its a late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight, surgeon u. S. A. Plus stephen welcomes tom hanks, featuring jon batiste and stay homin. And now, live on tape from a safe distance, its Stephen Colbert stephen what do you think about the hair today . You like it . Its a little fluffy. Grey. Stephen its a little grey. But it was grey before. Now its grey and fluffy. Its got vitality. Im going for a modern french philosopher look. Good. Welcome to a late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. Its day 123 since i left my theater, but whos counting . I am. By carving notches into my shin just to feel the passage of time. And its
Plus, many more so, what are you waiting for . Order surfin m. I. A. Today, and enjoy summer the way it was meant to be spent alone and in the dark. Announcer its a late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight depress briefing. Plus, stephen welcomes Jake Gyllenhaal. And musical guest m. Ward. Featuring jon batiste and stay homin. And now, live on tape from a safe distance, its Stephen Colbert stephen if its true, that will be great. Oh, hi. Welcome to a late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. My wife and i were just talking about when when we get to find out whats actually happening, so we can all go back to living our lives. Because, like all of you, im sure, im just looking forward to the glorious day when this crisis is over, and i can rip off my mask and go into a crowded room full of elderly people and lick them all. And what gets me is, President Trump should have seen this covid crisis coming. Were now learning that as far back as january, the president s intelligence briefing boo