Unfit to be president. They forget, hes barely even fit to play golf. Trump claimed in two separate tweets that he was golfing to get exercise, even though he rode in a cart. That he drove. The point liger woods seems to be missing is that it looks bad for the president to be golfing with 100,000 americans dead and a stay at home order in place. But try explaining optics to a guy who stared directly into an eclipse. Not to mention the brazen hypocrisy. This is in the theres a clip for everything department, heres donald trump with his fox and friends, talking about obama golfing during the ebola scare in 2014. Right after he talked to the health and Human Services secretary, he went golfing for the 200th round of golf of his presidency. Well, he certainly knows a good game, because golf is a great game. Nobody likes it more than me. But hes played a lot of golf. Theres no question about it, and when youre president , you sort of say, im going to give it up for a couple years and really
Bullies. From now on, all wet willies must be dry darryls. I dont know. I was talking to my wife. My plan is to just pull my kids out of school altogether and hope they become reality tv stars. A lot of people are wondering which of the many changes weve made to our lives during this pandemic will carry over when things go back to normal. Like, will the Hometown Buffet still exist . Will children sit on santas lap . At christmas. Will we bob for apples . At halloween . Ive been thinking about all the things that might have to go, and i have to say, the one thing i hope this virus does kill, is the penny. Thats right, the penny. That little one cent coin that rattles around at the bottom of the cup holder of your nissan sentra. If were giving up shaking hands, and high fives, the penny has to go. Cash is like poison now. Handing someone a twentydollar bill is almost the same as licking them on the face. But at least a twentydollar bill is worth 20. A penny buys you nothing. Its a hundre
The moscow zoo, which is where saturn retired, who issued a statement, even theoretically, if the animal belonged to someone, animals are not involved in war and politics it is absurd to blame them for human sins. But how about that, hitler had an alligator. A weird haircut, exotic pets. This really was the joe exotic of the 40s. Here in california, we are entering phase three of the governors plan to reopen the say the. Eric garcetti announced all Retail Businesses are allowed to let customers in, provided they take the necessary precautions. Curbside botox injections could start up again as soon as next week. In las vegas, several casinos are set to open. They will be offering nocontact, curbside delivery, which means you can drop off your money and drive away without ever having to go inside to lose. The governor of nevada, Steve Sisolak says theyve taken every precaution possible and that he doesnt think youre going to find a safer place to come than las vegas. Heres the thing. You
coughing i just dropped my pen, sorry. I will now take questions about gs being perfectly fine. Yes, kaitlyn. Announcer its a late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight, the white house goes viral. Plus, stephen welcomes jake tapper. And musical guest tame impala. Featuring jon batiste and stay homin. And now, live on tape from a safe distance, its Stephen Colbert does that make a difference . Stephen it does. You have to hit yourself in the face twice, hard enough to regret having done it. laughter welcome to a late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. Like you, im tired of this quarantine. Weve been home now for 9. 5 weeks, and not once has Mickey Rourke blindfolded me and spooned cherries into my mouth. Im going to ask him to move out of the guest room. But social distancing is the right thing to do. Hotspots are popping up all over the place minnesota, tennessee, nebraska. Theres even an outbreak of the coronavirus inside the white house. Mr. President , the virus is calling from insi
And the legendary roots crew its the tonight show at home edition. And now, heres jimmy. Jimmy hey everybody. Welcome to the tonight show. Thank you so much for watching me i appreciate this. We have a great show tonight sean penn is on the show tonight. Just amazing that guy, man, and what hes doing. C. O. R. E. Is his Nonprofit Organization that hes put together this is ten years ago, but basically to give free coronavirus testing in places where its hard to get tested. And hes just amazing. Also we have dr. Robin diangelo, author of the book white fragility, and new music from weezer from their album van weezer. Weezers here. Thats a show right there. But again, thank you for watching lets get to some jokes here well, guys, across the country, coronavirus is on the rise but luckily, the president is laser focused on the task at hand the Trump Administration going to court to block publication of former National Security adviser john boltons tellall memoir. The Justice Department cla