Named don whos here and gets the audience going and warmed up and all that kind of stuff. But dons in the hospital tonight. Yeah. And so dicky and guillermo filled in. How did they do . [ cheers and applause ] guillermo yeah, we did great jimmy you did all right . Dicky this is going to kill don. I hope dons not watching, jimmy. Thank you, we were mediocre. Jimmy i think i speak on behalf of the audience and the staff when we say we are praying for dons return. Thank you for coming in, gentlemen. By the way, quick note note. To those of you who still have your Christmas Lights up . Take those down. Thank you. [ cheers and applause ] its time. I know there are companies that will take your Christmas Lights down. There should also be companies that take your neighbors Christmas Lights down. Its enough. You should give people until january 25th. Then we will unleash an army of 11yearolds with bb guns to shoot those lights out. [ cheers and applause ] maybe thats one of the issues Presiden
Russian president , vladimir putin, said today that people who spread fake news about donald trump are worse than prostitutes. He quickly added, did i say prostitutes i meant bank robbers. Its so weird tyat i said prostitutes, ha ha ha we have the tape. [ applause ] today today was first Lady Michelle obamas birthday. And for the eighth year in a row [ cheers and applause ] for the eighth year in a row, an overexcited joe biden blew out her candles. [ laughter ] [ applause ] according to a new poll, obamacare is more popular today than at any point since 2009. Well, lets be honest. Obamacare isnt exactly the hottest thing at the bar. But its almost closing time. [ laughter ] donald trump accidentally tagged the wrong ivanka when tweeting about his daughter yesterday. [ laughter ] he also got his son erics twitter handle wrong. [ laughter ] [ applause ] golf digest magazine released a special issue today, featuring donald trump on the cover with the title golfer in chief. Meanwhile, Hil
Stephen thanks, everybody cheers and applause hey thanks, everybody, please, have a seat. I am your host stephen colbert. Yes i am, i checked my i. D. Before i came out here. Check your calendars. We are just three days away from Donald Trumps inauguration. Audience boo stephen and just two days away from all those time travelers coming back to stop him. Or not. Maybe hes going to be great. One thing we know is that hes going to do a lot of stuff. Eventually, and i say eventually because heres what trump said to the london time i think when he was talking about his First Executive orders stephen how do i dont understand. I dont understand. How is that confusing . How do you mix up signing with celebrating . Im sorry, i thought i was giving out an autograph. Instead, i accidentally gave back the louisiana purchase. Can somebody can can we . Is that in the mail yet . So trumps not going to start until monday. He, apparently, thinks the president gets saturdays and sundays off. Instead of
Stephen thanks, everybody cheers and applause hey thanks, everybody, please, have a seat. I am your host stephen colbert. Yes i am, i checked my i. D. Before i came out here. Check your calendars. We are just three days away from Donald Trumps inauguration. Audience boo stephen and just two days away from all those time travelers coming back to stop him. Or not. Maybe hes going to be great. One thing we know is that hes going to do a lot of stuff. Eventually, and i say eventually because heres what trump said to the london time i think when he was talking about his First Executive orders stephen how do i dont understand. I dont understand. How is that confusing . How do you mix up signing with celebrating . Im sorry, i thought i was giving out an autograph. Instead, i accidentally gave back the louisiana purchase. Can somebody can can we . Is that in the mail yet . So trumps not going to start until monday. He, apparently, thinks the president gets saturdays and sundays off. Instead of
Russian president , vladimir putin, said today that people who spread fake news about donald trump are worse than prostitutes. He quickly added, did i say prostitutes i meant bank robbers. Its so weird tyat i said prostitutes, ha ha ha we have the tape. [ applause ] today today was first Lady Michelle obamas birthday. And for the eighth year in a row [ cheers and applause ] for the eighth year in a row, an overexcited joe biden blew out her candles. [ laughter ] [ applause ] according to a new poll, obamacare is more popular today than at any point since 2009. Well, lets be honest. Obamacare isnt exactly the hottest thing at the bar. But its almost closing time. [ laughter ] donald trump accidentally tagged thwre ong ivanka when tweeting about his daughter yesterday. [ laughter ] he also got his son erics twitter handle wrong. [ laughter ] [ applause ] golf digest magazine released a special issue today, featuring donald trump on the cover with the title golfer in chief. Meanwhile, Hil