Stephen thanks, everybody cheers and applause hey thanks, everybody, please, have a seat. I am your host stephen colbert. Yes i am, i checked my i. D. Before i came out here. Check your calendars. We are just three days away from Donald Trumps inauguration. Audience boo stephen and just two days away from all those time travelers coming back to stop him. Or not. Maybe hes going to be great. One thing we know is that hes going to do a lot of stuff. Eventually, and i say eventually because heres what trump said to the london time i think when he was talking about his First Executive orders stephen how do i dont understand. I dont understand. How is that confusing . How do you mix up signing with celebrating . Im sorry, i thought i was giving out an autograph. Instead, i accidentally gave back the louisiana purchase. Can somebody can can we . Is that in the mail yet . So trumps not going to start until monday. He, apparently, thinks the president gets saturdays and sundays off. Instead of hail to the chief, its going to be everybodys workin for the weekend thank you, canada, for lover boy. So trump might want to put in some more hours just to get his popularity up. Hes got the lowest Approval Rating of any incoming president in modern history. But, hey, its not a popularity contest. And neither was the election. Right now, donald trump has 40 favorable; wheras, on his inauguration day, Barack Obamas favorability rating was 79 . But he was the first black president , and if americas known for anything, its giving black men the benefit of the doubt. Hey theres a black guy across the street. Lets go say hi, kids laughter applause that last joke was based on a true story. laughter now when trump saw these dismal polls, he realized you cant please everybody and youve just got to work for the american people. Im just bleep with you. He, of course, fired back at reality on twitter saying yes. Evidently, any bad news for trump is rigged. If it rains on inauguration day, hell tweet, fake weather. Clouds are rigged. Apologize this is kind of shocking i dont know if you guys saw this even trumps staunchest supporters are starting to have doubtsb ecause, evidently, White Nationalists are already losing faith in the president elect. That is so sad. That is so sad. I mean, theyve gone from heil to huh. According to White Nationalist leader and villain from young adult novel, richard spencer, laughter applause wow. Wow. So this is what it feels like to agree with a neonazi. laughter that is that is new. Jon wow stephen that is a new feeling. I am on virgin snow right now. Now, by contrast, putins Approval Rating in russia is almost 90 . So it must have felt good today when vlad came to trumps defense over these russian hooker rumors. A man who for many years has been organzing pageants and has spoken to the most beautiful women in the world, you know, its hard for me to imagine that he went to a hotel to meet with women who are very liberal toward social responsibility. laughter stephen yeah, its hard for him to imagine, but he doesnt have to. Im sure hes seen the tapes. laughter and i gotta say, women who are very liberal toward social responsibility has got to be the nicest euphemism for prostitute ive ever heard. Hey, baby, what are you doing tonight . You want a liberal helping of social irresponsibility . laughter applause 20. I dont even that is in rubles. Then, the leader of russia then went a little too far. Translator you know, its hard for me to imagine that he went to a hotel to meet with women who are very liberal toward social responsibility. Although, ours are undoubtedly the best in the world. cheers and applause . Stephen wow jon he put that out there stephen excuse me. Did he just brag . Mr. President , did you just brag that russian prostitutes are the best in the world . What a proud country you must have. Come for the prostitutes. Stay because we filmed you with a prostitute. On the cabinet nominations front, one of trumps picks may not even make it to his hearing because labor secretary candidate and yiddish penis euphemism, andy puzder, is reportedly voicing second thoughts about his nomination. Puzder is the c. E. O. Of hardees and carls jr. , so it makes sense that hes having second thoughts. After all, thats the hardees slogan, hardees, are you sure about this . laughter according to one republican source, puzder may be bailing because he is not into the pounding he is taking, and the paperwork. The pounding and the paperwork its the same reason i didnt like middle school. Sounds like the secretary of labor doesnt want to labor that hard. Well, at least he knows his boss wont call him on weekends. Now, trumps presidency has a lot of people very nervous, but bernice king, daughter of the reverend dr. Martin luther king jr, says we shouldnt fret because god can triumph over trump. Ladies and gentlemen, im a person of faith, and i agree. With god, all things are possible, and im sure hell take care of us in the next four years. This is all on him. Whoa, whoa, whoa, stephen. I wouldnt say that. Stephen god, is that you . Hey, whats up stephen god, everybody. God in the house. Stephen so, god, you can triumph over trump . Look, dont you put this on me. You elected that guy. I havent even voted since ross perot. Stephen but you can certainly triumph over him, if you have to, right . I dont know. Trump has so many twitter followers and Vladimir Putins backing him vlad said if i messed with his boy donald, hed poison my sushi stephen, but lord, you dont need protection, do you . No, im an allpowerful, omniscient being. Also i bought a gun. Check it out. Pray hello to my little friend. laughter stephen wait, lord, you got a gun . Yeah, did you know how easy these are to get . Glad they didnt run a background check. Ive smited a lot of people. laughter stephen god, id feel more comfortable if you put that thing away. If you say so, snowflake. God everybody. We have a great show for you tonight. Well be right back with Billy Eichner. Stick around. Hey ramirez un poquito mas rapido, no . [instrumental music plays] [wheel squeaking] hasta luego, profesor [pumping of bike tire] [pumping of hospital ventilator] [wheel squeaking] Carlos Carlos dr. Brad needs to see you in room 3. [wheel squeaking] [heart monitor beeping] tell cardio right away i need a. What ari can explain. S 11pm. You should be out there disappointing your father. I need to clean this place up. Bloopy, bad judgement and loopy. Hunger keeps inventing new problems, so we invented snickers® crisper. Hello moto. Its time to reimagine the smart phone. Snap on a speaker. A projector. A camera that actually zooms. Get excited world. The moto z with motomods. Get 50 off on moto z droid. Ill have that goat cheese garden salad. That gentleman got the last one. Sir, you give me that salad and i will pay for your movie and one snack box. Can i keep the walnuts . Sold. But i get to pick your movie. Can i pick the genre . Yes, but it has to be a comedy. A little cash back on the side. With the blue cash everyday card from American Express, you get cash back on purchases with no annual fee. Throw. Its more than cash back. Its backed by the service and security of American Express. band playing cheers and applause Stephen Jon Batiste and stay human, everybody come on cheers and applause welcome back,s folks. My first guest is an emmy nominated comedian and actor who is best known as billy on the street. Im about to hit the street with Emmy Award Winner jonathan hamm, to play would you have a three sellwith me and john hamm . Are you ready, john . I am. Would you consider a three sellwith me and john hamhammwould you have one . For a dollar . Yes, very progressive, im gairk youre blag, he has a saga, ward. Its all happening. He doesnt have an oscar though. Thats right, good point if i gave you 1 would you have a three sellwith me and john hamm. Of course, not oh, john hamm, yes. What about me . No stephen please welcome Billy Eichner applause . Hey, guys yes cheers and applause whats up hello, sir. Stephen hello, sir, nice to see you. Nice to see you again. Stephen now, weve been able to hang out with each other a little bit lately. Yes. Stephen very fun to do with you. Platonically, unfortunately. Stephen baby steps, my friend. Trumps america. Stephen we hung out at the white house together. We were at the white house about a week ago, yeah. Stephen for the president and the first ladys last party. Their goodbye party. Stephen yeah. That was pretty extraordinary. Stephen that was quite a shin dig. It was. You, steve wonder. Stephen sure. Bruce springsteen, paul mccartney, and, of course, me. Stephen it was incredible. It was amazing. Stephen they dont let you bring your phone in. No. Stephen because its a private party. Its not like a state occasion. It was not a good night to be on grinder at the white house. Lord knows, i tried. Stephen baby steps. Baby steps. Baby steps. Ill wait for mike pence to go on grinder at the white house. Stephen did you did you dance . There was a lot of dancing going on. We danced together, Stephen Stephen yeah, okay. Okay. Dont act like we didnt dance together. Stephen, of course, we danced together. Did we actually dance together . A little bit. We were on the dance floor. You were looking around, and i saw the president behind you, like, breaking it down stephen you looked at me, youre me, and im you, and you looked at me and were sort of, like, dancing and you went. Behind me there was a tiger coming at me, and there was a the president popin and lockin. You got right in there with him. A dance circle formed around him. It was incredible. I dont see that happening any time soon at the white house. Im not sure Melania Trump say big Kendrick Lamar fan. Stephen the vibe is going to change in a few days. It is. Stephen do you feel excitement . No, i dont. Stephen do you feel aphehension. Im a little worried about it, yeah. Stephen do you have any hope that he might do something you would enjoy . Is there anything that he said that you said i do have to say, im making an announcement tonight. Stephen okay. For all the criticism ive had about donald trump and his administration, im very excited to announce they will be performing at the inauguration on friday. Stephen oh, wow, congratulations. Hello skewexcuse me thank you its very exciting. Stephen its very exciting. And for a racist, misogynist, homophobic administration to invite a gay jew from new york to perform at the inauguration, thats a pretty big deal. Im very excited about that. Stephen what are you doing . What was that. Stephen what are you doing . Im going to be performing mixed martial arts. And then im going to shoot a deer just for the hell of it. And then in honor of donald trump, im going to pee all over the mormon tabernacle choir. Stephen another all right, good. Im excited about it. Stephen i wasnt planning on watching the whole thing, but maybe ill dial in now. That will be good. Youll be able to find this inauguration on xtube. Its the only time thats ever happened. Stephen speak of thats a porn website, ladies and gentlemen. Stephen i wouldnt know, billy. Okay, i know. Stephen i wouldnt know. I know, stephen. Stephen talking about a young jewish man from new york, this isify fabulous photograph, and im going to trust that its you but it really doesnt look like you. This is you at your bar mitzvah. Yeah. Stephen and i understand if im not wrong i really liked madonna. Stephen your theme was broadway meets pop. Yeah, i couldnt decide whether i wanted the theme of my Bar Mitzvah Party to be broadway or pop, so i decide it would be broadway meets pop music. And part of that theme was madonna, and we had a lifesized cutoff of madon dona. I think god would be so pleased by this. Stephen did you want to work on broadway when you were a kid . I did. I loved broadway. Stephen you did hairspray live and done broadway musicals. I never did a musical on broadway. The closest i got was when i was a struggling actor in new york for many years i was a broadcaster at the lion king. Stephen the best way to see lion king was hammered. I wasnt allowed to drink on the job. No ones really drinking martinis at the lion king, so youre basically dealing with little and i said serving candy and they would pipe in music from the lion king eight times a week. Stephen you were listening to the musical thats how we knew. Everyone day i would wait for mufasah to die because that was my time to pour the diet cokes. Literally, thats what i had to do. It was very degrading. Its a fine job i guess when trying to be an act orp is bartend pe lion king with kids. But. But . There was a happy ending. Is that what youre getting to . Stephen i dont know. Im always up for a happy ending. I know you are, stephen. Stephen baby steps. Baby steps. You and mike fence. Stephen i have a photo here but i have no idea. This is the happy ending, many, many years later, directly across the street from the theater where the lion king is playing is a very big billboard for billy on the street. Thats me. Stephen and its you all tied up in a microphone. Its very sexy. Its extremely sexy. Stephen did you imagine that this young man, when he was did he ever think that he would be a sex symbol on broadway . I do it all for mike pence, stephen. I do it all for mike pence. Stephen now you officially you officially i just found this up on the today new York Magazine has a section called vulture that they do online. And they declared, when did Billy Eichner become a hunk . They declared you a hunk. The audience is like when . We dont see it. Stephen no, this guy is ripped. No, no, no. So embarrassing. Stephen youre ripped. Absolutely. When was this official gidont know. Its very its a very strange stephen is there an award or Something Like that . I hope so. Stephen yes . Yes. Stephen strange, but youre in show business. Being sexy is part of the job, man. Look, i learn from the best. Stephen come on now. I mean, look at you. Youre a very fit man. laughter applause stephen i dont know in what way thats sexy, but that is my symbol for being sex. Do you think youve reach peak celebrity . I dont consider myself a sex person. I think im fine but stephen do you think hes sexy . cheers and applause . Oh, wow. All right. Well, thank you very much. Stephen youre welcome. Yes. Stephen now okay so billy on the street. Yes, sir. Stephen im very excited your final episode is coming up. This is another big announcement. We have special guests on every episode of billy on the street. You saw john hamm. On our Season Finale coming up next tuesday, my special guest, mr. Stephen colbert cheers and applause here we are. We just shot that together displg yeah. It was incredible. It was a huge thing for me. Youre one of my biggest inspirations, really. Stephen im a big fan of yourself, it too. And youre the loveliest person in show business and im very honored to have you. Stephen i was so happy that people you say you dont know that youre sexy. Its weird, even if you do a show at night you forget youre famous, that people know you who are. People would say, its stephen colbert. And they would say, hi, happy to see me stephen some. Stephen not everyone. You had a strong desire to hug everyone who recognized me. You were very touchyfeely. Stephen it was also cold and i needed the body warmth. How many seasons has it been for can billy on the street. This is our fifth season, if you can can believe it. Stephen youre a nice person. Is it hard for you to go up and scream at people and insult them . Its not all insulting. Some of it is. Stephen a lot of it is. Thats what i like. No, i think its part of the character. You know, billy on the street is a persona. Its not really me. Stephen how is he different from you . Does he have a different back story or anything from you . I mean god, youre really overthinking it. Stephen i think im i think im thinking it at all. What is no, i think can billy on the street is really me as a show businessobsessed 12yearold blown up to largerthanlife proportions stephen so its this guy. This guy stephen given a microphone and some cash. Really. Its giving this can kid a platform, and part of the screaming is i just dont scream randomly. Part of the comedy is the stakes are very high for him all the time about very silly things. Stephen what i love about the characters is you have a character want all the time. You need a specific answer from someone and they have no way of ge guessing what it is. Exactly. And its the only game show where people have to agree with me in order to win. Stephen well, thank you for doing it. Well, thank you very much. And good luck in trumps america. Stephen back ought, billy. Ill see you at the white house. The Season Finale of billy on the street with me airs nexted it of tuesday on trutv. I heard superheroes read chuck norris comics. I heard at night, the boogeyman checks under the bed for chuck. I heard cats say they have chucklike reflexes. Do you think hes still got it . I bet you a buck he catches this salt shaker. Youre on hey chuck you owe me a buck. You cant always see whats coming but when you choose unitedhealthcare, finding an innetwork doctor thats close to home is easy. So what happened . I had lunch with chuck norris. Unitedhealthcare. 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My next guest is a musical artist, television host, the star of chicago on broadway, and scary spice. Please welcome, mel b applause thank you stephen thank you. Nice to see you. Nice to see you, too stephen everybody is very excited to see you. Congratulations for being back on broadway. This is not your first time. You were here for rent. That was 12 years ago. I was a little baby 12 years ago. Now i feel im a little more mature and im a little bit nicer. Stephen youre a nicer person . Yes, i appreciate doing broadway so much more this time around. And especially being part of this particular show. Because its the longest one shown on broadway, 20 yearsplus. I feel stephen and you play roxy, which is a great part. Yeah, shes a bit saucy. Stephen yeah, you get to dance and murder people, right . Exactly, nawl two and a half hours. Stephen now, youve moved to new york to do this part, of course,. Yeah. Stephen are your kids with you . Two of my kids are with me, my youngest, my fiveyearold and my nineyearold. Stephen have they seen the show because its a mature show . Have they seen the show . They are breathing and living the show. Im from england so i dont have an american accent stephen i noticed. You noticed. Stephen exactly. So my kids would help me rehearse my lines because they have Great American accents and trying to get me to sound like them, even though the text isnt very kid friendly, some of it, killing people. Stephen so, like what lines are you running with your children . Like, what are they a fiveyearold is saying what . Screw you, you son of a bitch. But in context of the show they were helping me with my rs because my rs are really bad. I dont do an american accent that well yet. Have you had to say to them, very well, thank you very much, please dont repeat this outside the house. No, they know that it just is for mommy on stage for a show, that is an adult show. At dinner they will recite some lines. laughter like. Stephen like . Theres, like, a scene where the six ladies are explaining how they killed their spouses. And theres one particular scene that my fiveyearold can just say word for word about the guy that can kept on popping his gum, and he ran into her knife 10 times and it wasnt her fault. So, yeah, she does recite that at dinner. Im like, oh, god, i hope nobodys hearing. Stephen i actually havent seen the show. Are you doing the show with your original accent or are you doing a chicago accent . Because thats a very specific american accent. Can i be really honest with you . Stephen okay. Dont quite know what accent ive got. Its just its just there. Stephen well, here, heres a chicago sentence. Okay. Heres a chicago sentence. Let me help you with this. Because i lived in should go for 11 years. I picked up some rats from the osco for the bears game. What does that mean . Stephen the Jewel Grocery store, the drugstore connected to it is the same company, you call it the oscojewel. I picked up some brats. Brats. Stephen brats. Brats. Stephen from the jewel. From the jewel. Stephen for the bears game. For the bear games. Thats what that sounded like to me. Stephen yes yes cheers and applause perfect its perfect you can imagine what my accent is like on the show. Stephen wow, okay. Let me ask you something about the spice girls because that is certainly how, you know, many of the people here know you and are excited about. Cheaper how did how do dall of those names come about . I know you guys sort of you guys had a manager hosaid lets create a super girl band. It wasnt him. We actually created it ourselves s. Stephen i didnt know that. We created the music ourselves. Stephen i thought you were like the monkees. The original story is there was an original audition for a girl group. The guin gooif wouldnt sign us, so we collected ourselves together. We lived on the welfare and we kind of worked our music and creating our first and second album by promising people that wed pay them back, and we never did. laughter and then stephen you know were broadcasting this, right . I know. But they got their money at some point. Stephen where do the names come from. We found simon and the whole band erupted. And i guess girl groups werent very popular. It was all about the boy groups. We had this one journalist who i guess was extreme lazy, couldnt be bothered to remember all of our names and gave us nicknames. That one is a bit scary, that one is a big posh, that one is a bit baby. And they kind of stuck. Stephen in this interview he couldnt remember your names he couldnt be bothered. He said shes scary, shes this in his opinion, in his mind. It kind of just worked. I was like, well, i like mine because at least im scaring people before i even walk in the room, so watch out. Its easy. Stephen can you explain something to me . Go on. Stephen this is for one of my producers who works on the show is is, like many people here, a huge fan of the spice girls and of yours. She loves spice world the movie. Shes probably about a handful of people that do. I love it. Stephen she said it was one of the best movies shes ever seen. It was an amazing movie. I think she was nine when she saw it. Bless her stephen and thee particularly liked this bus right here. You had a busing you lived on. And you had your own little area. Its a very large bus, you can tell. She didnt understand when she was a little girl why there was a stripper pole on the bus, and her mother refused to explain to her what that pole could possibly be. Could you explain to all the little girls out there why there was a stripper pole on your bus . It was actually instead of walking down the stairs, youd go down the firemans pole. So list what reason for it. Stephen oh, a firemans pole. You guys fought fires, did you . Well, kind of but, also, you know, five girls together, we liked to kind of spin around a pole every now and again, who doesnt . No . Is it just me . Stephen i never have. I should give it a try. I should give it a try. Un what, baby steps. It was lovely to meet you, mel. It was lovely to meet you. Now i feel like i exposed my inner stripper. Stephen youre welcome. Chicago is at the ambassador theatre through february 19. Mel b, everybody stick around, Gilbert Gottfried is coming up. Thank you these numbers are off the charts. This . Sir whats the status . Theres a meteor hurtling towards earth. How long until impact . Less than a minute. What do you want to do, sir . Listen carefully. If we all switch to geico we could save 15 or more on Car Insurance. I like the sound of that. Geico. Because saving fifteen percent or more on Car Insurance is always a great answer. Watry. Duo fusiong heartburn relief . Duo fusion goes to work in seconds and lasts up to 12 hours. Tums only lasts up to 3. For longer lasting relief. In one chewable tablet try duo fusion from the makers of zantac new degree ultraclearnt saving black white. Othes. No yellow stains on white clothes. No white marks on black clothes. New degree ultraclear black white. It wont let you down. Cascaras the cherry thats on the outside of the bean. Its now being used as a sweetener. Its like a very subtle sweetness into your coffee. Its just this like cup of deliciousness. You gocome on. Arder. Hey, yo brian, brian. Stop, stop playing yourself. Hello mr. Khaled. Did you have a tax question . Yes, miss tax lady. Im in the personal training game now. The khaled exercise program. You know, shreds pounds. You feel me . I feel you. Can i deduct some of the training equipment . Yes, if its exclusively for work, you can enter the expenses here. Maam, im working. Trust me im workin. Climb the mountain top. Hey, yo jerome come on lets go stephen hey, everybody cheers and applause whats that song called, jon . Whats that song . Thats a beautiful song. What is that . Jon its called ice and stretch. Stephen ice and stretch . Jon yeah. Stephen what did you do right before you wrote that song that you had to ice and stretch . Jon we actually play basketball as a band sometimes, and afterwards youve got to ice and stretch. Stephen thats your postbasketball theme song. Jon yeah, post. Stephen toss to get you up for stopping to play basketball. Jon its like, you know, because when we perform we do a lot of we get low. Stephen yeah. Jon so you have got to preserve the joints. And you ice and you stretch. Stephen im with you, im with you. Jon yeah. Stephen thats great. Jon thats why i called is ice and stretch. laughter applause . Stephen the more you know. Thank you, jon, i love it. Jon yeah, its nostalgic. Stephen great. Welcome back, folks. You know, its so screrkt i love watching the internet. Its one of my favorite things to do while watching tv. And one of the things i really love is ted talks, these inspiring, educational lectures on subjects like, how your body language shapes who you are, the power of vulnerability, and how schools destroy creativity. I had something clever to say about that last one, but then my parents sent me to school. So ive got nothing. Unfortunately, not every talker is allowed to ted. Jon, i understand you gave a ted talk. Jon in 2012 in edenboro, scotland. Stephen you went to scotland to give a ted talk. Jon yes. Stephen and what was it about . Jon jazz, new orleans jazz. Stephen and then ice and stretch afterwards. Ive never been asked to ted talk. Jon you should to it. You should to it. Stephen i dont want to now. And even you come up with something to ted talk, not everybody gets to do it. Organizers say they review thousands and thousands of candidates every year, before choosing just 60 to 70 speakers. So we here at the late show every so often want to give a forum to these unwanted ted talkers in our awardpending lecture series, rejectted. applause you ever feel like your life is going nowhere . You ever think theres got to be more to life than this . Well, there is. Get on my motorcycle sp start your new life. Because you dont need anything more than the wind in your hair, and your arms wrapped around adventure. laughter whats stopping you . Huh . Is it your lame job . Your boyfriend, brad . This is no dress rehearsal, baby. This is the show. And before the curtain falls, you want to feel something. You get on my motorcycle, i promise you will. You know what else im going to promise you . Nothing. laughter we might wake up naked next to the grand canyon at sunrise. We might fight raccoons for food out of a dumpster. You just dont know. In summation, get on my motorcycle. Bring your sense of adventure. Bring your taste for danger. 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Breathe right. band playing cheers and applause stephen hey there. Folks, my next guest is a comedian and actor whos starred in everything from aladdin to sharknado 4. Please welcome Gilbert Gottfried cheers and applause cheers and applause stephen holo. I cant believe mel b didnt talk to me backstage, because i used to be in the spice girls. laughter . Stephen really, which one were you. Stephen i was julie spice. Stephen i remember, i remember. Remember. Kids love that. Tweens love that. Gilbert, i havent seen you since weve actually weve actually hay couple of times weve been able to be there to celebrate events called life animated. You have a part, an autistic child learned to communicate with his parent and his friends through the power of disney animation, and your character, yargo the parrot. The father put on a yargo puppet, and he started imitating my voice. And and his son, who didnt communicate at all stephen hadnt talked to them for four years. Stared at it and recognized it as an old friend, and they were able to communicate after that. Stephen and then the door opened communication for the whole family. And i already knew about applause thank you. cheers . Stephen thank you. Yeah, yeah. And we talked after the first screening of it, and i sort of did a little interview with you, and you said you learned a lot. Yeah, i learned everything i know about autism from jenny mccarthy. laughter and and i have two kids. Shequenceed me not to vaccinate either one of them. And the good news is neither of my children have autism. The bad news is they both have polo. laughter applause so you gotta take the good with the bad. Stephen obviously, obviously. I mean, come on stephen obviously, yeah. applause you are you are that was not a surprising joke coming from you. You actually told this in front of a room of about 1500 people, many of whom were there because their children actually were developmentally disabled. Yes, this is why stephen and this is what i love about you. Theres no joke you wont tell as soon as you think of it. laughter . Yeah, well, and now, you cant tell jokes anymore. Its like the whole society goes crazy if they dont like the joke. I feel like jokes now should come from a set of instructions. Like if you think its funny, laugh. If you dont think its funny, dont laugh. You know. Its laughter stephen is there any like, youve made jokes about things, like recent tragedies. Oh, yeah. Stephen youve made joke positive recent tragedies. And its caused you some troubles. Thank god its been kept out of the paper. Stephen the rule is tragedy plus time. Whats your time limit . No, i like to do it right away. laughter applause . Stephen when its fresh. Fresh meat . Yeah. Stephen okay, okay. I like to get the internet to hate me right away. Stephen well, were well on our way, gilbert. You just posted this on your instagram. Yes. Stephen whats going on here . Okay, so this is you, this is you. And this is this gentleman right here is the president of the United States now. This face behind where was this . And where were you pulling the face behind the president . I think i was about seven when this was taken. It was at some event, and donald trump, i didnt really i knew who he was in real estate, and i was fascinated by him because i know about black people, white people, and yellow people. But i never seen an orange person before. laughter and and so this is and so i decided, you know, he wasnt the president at the time, to go behind him and start making faces. Stephen you could be arrested soon for that. Yeah, now i could be at least audited. Stephen now, youve got a podcast called Gilbert Gottfrieds amazing colossal podcast. Youve interviewed legends like bruce dern, ed asner, Dick Van Dyke. These are older gentlemen yeah, the average age of our guest is dead. laughter stephen tough to like interviewing Dick Van Dyke, there are people who loved Dick Van Dyke the Dick Van Dyke show, mary popins. Do you have to watch your language . No, thats the amazing thing. We had Dick Van Dyke, who is 19. And he was one of our we got him to appeal to the younger crowd. And laughter and Dick Van Dyke, the first story he tells us that he and another former guest of our podcast, orson bean stephen orson bean yes, they used to be friends i guess still are. And when they were struggling performers, every day they would go to the central park zoo, and they would watch this chimpanzee, who would smoke a cigar, and masturbate. laughter this and he was a masturbating monkey. Now, im the masturbating monkey. laughter except i dont smoke a cigar. Stephen so you can say that you can say that in front of Dick Van Dyke. Yes. Stephen guess where you cant say that . Cbs. laughter applause i dont think any of thatsing if to well find out. Well fiend out. Gilbert, lovely to see you again. Gilbert gottfrieds amazing colossal podcast is on itunes. Check it out. Late show. Tune in tomorrow when my guests will be idina menzel, rachel bloom, and louie anderson. Now stick around for james corden and his guest kate hudson. Goodnight captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org are you ready yall to have some fun feel the love tonight dont you worry bout where you come from its gonna be all right its the late, late show announcer ladies and gentlemen, all the w