Stephen whoo hey welcome to the show, everybody beautiful. cheers and applause hey, chris whats up, paul . Welcome to the late show. Welcome to the late show. Im your shows stephen colbert. cheers and applause thank you all for being here tonight. Most of you probably had reservations to go to cpac. For those of you who dont know, cpac is the annual conference of conservatives. Also, the name of tupacs republican cousin. And this is the first cpac since e right off the bat, the moderator tried to bring everybody together. We decided to say that everybody is a part of our conservative family. Stephen yes, everyones part of the family, but, please, pretend brian is just your roommate for grandma. Its not worth explaining. Lets see. What do you call him, chief strategist steve bannon was there audience booing along with white house chief of staff and mouse that just landed in the cage of your pet snake Reince Priebus and, contrary to what is true, priebus and bannon get along just fine. W
And stay human. And now live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause stephen hey good to see ya cheers and applause have a seat thank you so much oh ladies and gentlemen, welcome cheering welcome to the late show. Im la la land. Sorry, im Stephen Colbert. laughter dear lordie, did you see that last night . That was the craziest ending to the oscars since it turned out helen mirren was kaiser soze. laughter for those of you who only watched the first three hours and twenty nine minutes of the ceremony, spoiler alert, moonlight won best picture. cheers and applause beautiful. But heres how Warren Beatty and faye dunaway announced the category. And the academy award. For best picture. Youre impossible. Come on la la land. cheers and applause audience reacts stephen that is so uncomfortable to watch when you know whats coming. Its like watching titanic, except titanic actually won best picture. cheers and applause piano riff yeah, yeah
And stay human. And now live on tape from the ed ivsullan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause stephen hey good to see ya cheers and applause have a seat thank you so much oh ladies and gentlemen, welcome cheering welcome to the late show. Im la la land. Sorry, im Stephen Colbert. laughter dear lordie, did you see that last night . That was the craziest ending to the oscars since it turned out helen mirren was kaiser soze. laughter for those of you who only watched the first three hours and twenty nine minutes of the ceremony, spoiler alert, picre. cheers and applause beautiful. But heres how Warren Beatty and faye dunaway announced the category. And the academy award. For best picture. Youre impossible. Come on la la land. cheers and applause audience reacts stephen that is so uncomfortable to watch when you know whats coming. Its like watching titanic, except titanic actually won best picture. cheers and applause piano riff yeah, i feel so bad for the la
The president spoke tonight before a joint session of congress. Were going to ignore it. [ laughter ] for a very good reason. The reason is i need a break from it, to be honest with you. Tonight, if anyone says the name of the orangecolored man with the russian boyfriend they will have to put 100 in that jar that guillermos holding right there, okay . [ cheers and applause ] thats the rule, applies to everyone, you understand . Guillermo, just to recap. People have to put 100 in the jar if they say what . Guillermo uh [ laughter ] . Go. Jimmy good, hes smarter than he looks. Here in l. A. Everyone somehow is still talking about the end of the oscars on sunday. Which is funny. I feel we discovered some microscopic form of life on another planet it would be a big deal for 31 hours before we forgot about it. This envelope seems to have captured our imagination in ways i never thought possible for an office supply. This is the New York Post today. They put a picture of the guy who handed o
There arent that sure what happened either. [ laughter ] House Speaker paul ryan said today that he sees President Trump less as a traditional president and more as a chairman. While trump sees ryan as more of an ottoman. [ light laughter ] White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer said yesterday that President Trump will be issuing his next executive order on immigration this week. Hell, yeah said Michaels Craft stores and anywhere else that sells poster board. [ cheers and applause ] its a boom time. Boom time for the poster board industry. President trump was interviewed on fox friends this morning. Heres basically how it went. Seth no, these questions are too hard [ laughter ] during his interview on fox friends, President Trump was unable to name a time when he felt he deserved criticism. Which is pretty surprising, since criticism is the only thing in his life hes actually earned. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] hes happy. He doesnt care. There are 20 days until spring, and th