that were in the house and put them on the table. and he would ask me what do i do with these? anne says in the months before he died, john sounded despondent, e-mailing her i wish i were fing dead. i deserve to fing die. but before the trial, he thought anne s tale of suicide was impossible. the only wound mr. bender has low kated in the right os sippal region. . also, investigators never found any gun powder residue on john s hands. only on anne s hands. though her lawyer says it wasn t a significant amount. what did you tell police that night? what i remembered. did you ever tell them i didn t shoot him? i didn t kill him?