that were in the house and put them on the table. and he would ask me what do i do with these? >> anne says in the months before he died, john sounded despondent, e-mailing her "i wish i were fing dead. i deserve to fing die." but before the trial, he thought anne's tale of suicide was impossible. >> the only wound mr. bender has low kated in the right os sippal region. . >> also, investigators never found any gun powder residue on john's hands. only on anne's hands. though her lawyer says it wasn't a significant amount. >> what did you tell police that night? >> what i remembered. >> did you ever tell them i didn't shoot him? i didn't kill him?