I dont know if they get much bigger. I really dont. Jimmy well, no, they dont. Im shocked at this bigness. Jimmy what does it feel like to be 80 years old . Older than 70. Jimmy it does . You know much older than 70, but younger than 90. So im stuck in the middle there. Jimmy it is hard to come up with a plan to celebrate an 80th birthday. Most people have a brunch or something, but my aunt chippy isnt most people. We thought what better way to commemorate this special day, an 80th birthday than to jump out of nowhere and scare her repeatedly. Surprise woo happy birthday i come in the room and all im thinking is im going to take a hot shower. Holy [ bleep ] youre going to kill me whats the matter with you people . Are you surprise [ bleep ]. If theres any more of this [ bleep ] around, i swear to god im going to have to kill somebody. Thank god nobodys here. Surprise prise you gotta be kidding me. Surprise woo youre not going to let me live, and theyre not going to let me die. Im reall
And now, heres your host, jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause jimmy looking great. Please, welcome. Welcome, welcome to the show [ cheers and applause have a seat. Have a seat. Welcome, welcome, everybody. Welcome to the tonight show. Youre here. [ cheers and applause you made it. Thank you very much. Hey, guys, were in the middle of a heat wave here in new york city with temperatures this week that could reach 100 degrees. It was so hot, today, when new yorkers felt something drip on them, they didnt even care where it came from [ light laughter ] bring it on. Its hot it is hot. It is so hot, ben jerrys had to hire a bouncer. [ rim shot ] steve whoa jimmy it was so hot, nbc has a new show called law order sweaty victims unit. Steve what [ rim shot ] jimmy it is so hot, President Trump lashed out at the sun and told it to go back where it came from [ rim shot ] steve oh [ laughter ] wow thats hot [ cheers and applause jimmy thank you. Todays big story, trump is still going after those f
Guillermo, do you know what day today is . Thursday. Jimmy no, the date. Oh, first. Jimmy yes, august first. Today is that magical day of the year when our nations news people take to the air waves to ask this very important question. Can you believe its already august 1st . Can you believe it . Can you believes august already . I kamt beliecant believe it right . I know. I cant believe its already august 1st. I cant believe its august. I cant believe its already august. Hard to believe it is already august. Hard to believe it already is august. I cant believe but its already august 1st. Can you believe it is august already . We are in the month of august. Can you believe that . I cant believe its already august already. I cant believe its august already. I was just saying the same thing to another colleague. Can you believe its already august . Do you believe its already august already . I said it. Yes. Jimmy kimmels going to be all over you right now. I hope so. Jimmy mission accompl
Because mostly i just keep doing this. But over the last couple weeks my future and maybe even my destiny has become more clear. My plan is to move to newfoundland to become mayor of a small but fascinating town. The people of have a new neighbor. One of the oldest motorcycle clubs in the country. And the Small Community making a big statement about plastic bags. These stories plus dildos ready for jimmy kimmel if jimmy is ready for dildo. Yes, he is. Hes never been more ready for dildo. Right, guillermo . Oh, right, guillermos not here because guillermo is in dildo. Hes leading my advance team. And word on the street in dildo is theres a lot of excitement for his visit. Any sign of guillermo yet . Well, caroline, not yet. Were still waiting around to see. But everyones eyes are peeled for guillermo and thats what everyones talking about too. Theyre wondering where he is, when hes going to arrive. Jimmy thats pretty much what we wonder every day here at work. [ laughter ] its like a tr
Admired man and woman in the world. Theres an annual survey. Its conducted by ugov. The most admired woman in the world this year is michelle obama. Michelle obama. [ cheers and applause ] is admired greatly. She finished number one, followed by oprah. You have to be happy with any result that ends with followed by oprah. [ laughter ] and the tenth most admired woman in the world is taylor swift. Although keep in mind this survey was conducted before they released the trailer for cats last week. [ laughter ] the top three most admired men in the survey are bill gates, barack obama, and jackie chan. And if thats not a great crew for a heist, i dont know what is. [ cheers and applause ] President Donald Trump finished 14th on the list, just ahead of pope francis. The pope is looking at himself in the mirror adjusting his hat right now going, what the how did that happen . [ laughter ] this might boost the president s admirability factor. Overt weekend he involved himself in a highprofile