And ill take a picture of what im seeing so you know what im seeing just so we can try to get through the monologue. Well do the monologue like this but anyways, this is our show. Welcome, we have a great show. A, rhett and link, music from tones and i, but first, lets get to some jokes here, everybody. Well, im so excited about tonights show because we are filming the entire thing from Roger Goodells basement thats right tonight was night one of the nfl draft. And this year, the commissioner announced the picks from his basement and of course, right when he started talking, someone started vacuuming. [ knocking ] do you have to do that now [ knocking ] hey thats right, tonight was the nfl draft. You know things are nuts when the most exciting sports moment in six weeks is a guy in his basement reading names off an index card it was a virtual draft, which got pretty frustrating when players would be anxiously sitting at home and hear, the new England Patriots select [ audio cutting out
Steve from Rockefeller Center in the heart of new york city, its the tonight show, starring jimmy fallon tonight, join jimmy and his guests andy samberg jose andres, musical guest, Perfume Genius, and featuring the legendary roots crew and now, heres your host, Jimmy Fallon Jimmy hi thank you very much. Welcome to the tonight show. Thank you so much for watching i appreciate it. I want to welcome damon and stroh. Welcome back, guys [ applause ] nice to see you guys, again. We missed you. All right. Get ready for you better really laugh it up for these jokes. Here we go you are now the audience as well as the band lets get to some news here. Well guys, as coronavirus cases keep going up, and President Trumps Approval Rating keeps going down, hes decided to bring back something we havent seen in a while. Check it out three months later, unable to hold his rallies and floundering in the polls, President Trump announces the televised briefings are back jimmy thats right, today was trumps f
Change into my pajamas and when i come out of my room, i see that he has left his wallet. So i call him. He comes back to get it. I step out onto the porch with no shoes, in my pajamas. And instead of walking to the end of the porch and down the stairs, i just reach over the side of the porch to give him his wallet back. So, he rides up on his bicycle and just lets his bicycle fall and then reaches up to get his wallet now, at that moment, im reaching down and hes reaching up, a cop car pulls up, flashes its lights the cop gets out, and shes like, hold it right there we gotcha. Im like, okay now, everything she says to us she says with her hand on her gun. Now, im terrified, because while im a black lady, anthony is a black man, and this cop is a tiny, little white lady. Now, im scared. Anthonys scared ive had a lot of runins with the cops at this point and isnt it hilarious that when people say runins with the cops, they mean they got caught doing something . But when i say it, i just
Home. Kids hit hard by covid. As schools finalize plans for the fall, alarming new numbers out of florida. Nearly onethird of children tested for the virus have come back positive, and the new concerns about longterm effects on kids. Campaign shakeup. Overnight President Trump replacing his Campaign Manager as new polls show him trailing joe biden and the new message from dr. Anthony fauci calling attacks on him from members of the white house bizarre. Abc news exclusive. More from my oneonone with mary trump, the president s niece, on being the prime source for that report on Donald Trumps taxes. What she says about family dynamics, christmas at the trump house, and her real reason for writing the book. Highprofile hack. Joe biden, bill gates and kanye west among the politicians, pop stars and billionaires targeted in a major cybersecurity scam on twitter. Now the investigation. How hackers targeted employees to gain access. Close call. A kayaker paddling through a river when all of a
Lets get to the news. President trump claimed yesterday that if former Vice President joe biden is elected, quote, markets would crash and cities would burn. Our country would suffer like never before. I guess the only good news is that by november, you know, well be used to it. Thats right, in case you werent concerned already, our president is now talking like the opening crawl of a star wars movie. Seth according to a new report, President Trump made up the story about the new york yankees inviting him to throw out the ceremonial first pitch at their game on august 15th said trump, okay, you got me. I was lying. They wanted me to pitch the whole season. Thats right, President Trump made up the story about the new york yankees inviting him to throw out the first pitch because he was jealous of dr. Anthony fauci appearing at the Washington Nationals home opener even worse, now it looks like he is jealous of dr. Birx, too. When asked in a new interview if he regretted writing a negativ