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Transcripts For KGO Jimmy Kimmel Live 20240712

Tv, emptied on our door which is not great, but whatever, not a big deal. But then im looking at it and im wondering how did it hit at that angle . Did the bird come in sideways, like it was sliding into second base . How did this get there . And thats when i realized that the pigeon guano was coming from inside the door it was inside. I still dont know how it happened. From a physics standpoint, it doesnt make any sense. I guess, logic tells me that the door must have been open and the bird somehow edged over and did that thing birds love doing to us, the revenge of the birds, but the door wasnt really open for a moment i had to think, is it possible that this came out of me . Maybe i sneezed or something . I mean, to hit the glass at that trajectory, theres only one bird in the world that could make that shot and hes retired. He hasnt crapped on a window in years. Anyway, i dont know how this happened, but i know it was a bird. It must live in the area. My plan now is to find that bi

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Transcripts For KNTV Late Night With Seth Meyers 20240712

[ cheers and applause announcer tonight on late night with seth meyers. Senator Amy Klobuchar, from saturday night live, comedian and actress, ego nwodim and all new closer look, featuring the 8g band with Todd Sucherman and now seth meyers. Seth welcome to late night, everybody. How are you doing tonight . I wasnt supposed to be here this evening but then nbc heard there was a competing talk show on another network and scheduled this for the exact same time at the last minute. During a Campaign Rally lets get to the news. During a Campaign Rally in georgia last week, President Trump said that if he loses the election he might leave the country. At which point 194 countries simultaneously shouted, not it during a Campaign Rally in pennsylvania last week, President Trump complained about his lack of support from suburban women and said, quote, suburban women, will you please like me . Look, man. Because of you, they have been in their houses drinking wine since march. They dont hate you

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Transcripts For KNTV Late Night With Seth Meyers 20240712

Announcer tonight on late night with Seth Meyers Michael Keaton chat and music from haim an allnew closer look, featuring the 8g band with Todd Sucherman and now, Seth Meyers Seth good evening, im seth meyers and this is late night. How is everybody doing tonight glad to hear it. Lets get to the news. President trump and former Vice President joe biden faced off in their second and final debate moderated by nbc News White House correspondent Kristen Welker or just as likely between President Trump and Kristen Welker and moderated by joe biden. All right, come on, guys. Thats right, the last president ial debate was held tonight. Now we filmed this before the debate so we dont know what happened we dont even know if it happened maybe trump walked out 15 minutes after it started and now hes promising to release the unaired footage of the rest of the debate. Maybe it was canceled because he tested positive for rickets. Truly, anything could be on the table, including trump ahead of tonigh

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Transcripts For KNTV Late Night With Seth Meyers 20240712

[ cheers and applause announcer tonight, on late night with seth meyers, colin quinn. Star of filthy rich, actress kim cattrall music from Jeff Rosenstock featuring the band with Jessica Burdeaux and now, Seth Meyers Seth good evening, im seth meyers, and this is late night. How is everybody doing tonight all right. Same as always, lets get to the news the New York Times yesterday published an investigation into President Trumps finances and lets just say, melanias going to be pretty pissed when she learns what half of negative 431 million is the New York Times investigation published yesterday alleges President Trump has paid almost nothing in federal income tax over the past 20 years wow. If true, this bombshell has the potential to be almost as damaging to his political career as the access Hollywood Tape the New York Times investigation published yesterday showed trump paid just 750 in federal income tax in both 2016 and 2017, which i have to admit, is way funnier than paying 0. It

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Transcripts For KGO Jimmy Kimmel Live 20240712

Tv, emptied on our door, which is not great, but whatever, not a big deal. But then im looking at it and im wondering, how did it hit at that angle . Did the bird come in sideways, like it was sliding into second base . How did this get there . And thats when i realized that the pigeon guano was coming from inside the door it was inside. I still dont know how it happened. From a physics standpoint, it doesnt make any sense. I guess logic tells me that the door must have been open and the bird somehow edged over and did that thing birds love doing to us, the revenge of the birds, but the door wasnt really open. For a moment i had to think, is it possible that this came out of me . Maybe i sneezed or something . I mean, to hit the glass at that trajectory, theres only one bird in the world that could make that shot and hes retired. He hasnt crapped on a window in years. Anyway, i dont know how this happened, but i know it was a bird. It must live in the area. My plan now is to find that

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