In ten years [ laughter ]s thike the team that plays the globetrotters saying they havent lost very much [ laughter ] according to reports, senator Bernie Sanders is preparing for this weeks democratic primary dete by reading opposing policy positions instead of doing drills or mock debates while president rump is preparing by consulting a rhyming dictionary [ light laughter ] orourke, dork. Thats good. Write that down. [ laughter ] former pennsylvania congressman joe sestak announced yesterday he is running for president. Also yesterday a tree announced that it was falling in the forest [ cheers and applause the first democratic president ial debates are this week and the top 20 candidates will be split between separate events also anyone polling below 5 has to bring their own podium. [ laughter ] the Supreme Court ruled today that the government cannot deny companies trademarks for names thatchre deemed scandalous whi is good news for finger in the butt movers. [ laughter ] thats fin
[ cheers and applause jimmy thank you. Hello. Welcome. Hey, looking good. Thank you very much. Everybody welcome. Welcome, welcome welcome to the tonight show. Give it up for the roots right there, ladies and gentlemen. [ cheers ] nice to see you, boys. [ cheers ] thank you, sir you guys, theres so much going on right now beyonce just dropped a new album [ cheers and applause and a Netflix Documentary all in the same day. Also, the time 100 list was released the Mueller Report comes out tomorrow, and someone leaked the end to the avengers. [ audience ohs ] theres a lot to go over so, lets just jump in, and ve [ cheers and applas been busy, who else has been busy Robert Mueller hes been working on his report for 22 months. The president was like, thats crazy, thats four years. But you know what else could take 22 months watching every avengers movie. Someone [ cheers and applause well earned months someone just leaked the ending to endgame, and now everyone is freaking out, so please do
Havent lost very much in my life. Dude, you lost a billion dollars in ten years [ laughter ] thats like the team that plays the globetrotters saying they havent lost very much [ laughter ] according to reports, senator Bernie Sanders is preparing for this weeks democratic primary debate by reading opposing policy positions instead of doing drills or mock debates while President Trump is preparing by consulting a rhyming dictionary [ light laughter ] orourke, dork. Thats good. Write that down. [ laughter ] former pennsylvania congressman joe sestak announced yesterday he is running for president. Also yesterday a tree announced that it was falling in the forest [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause the first democratic president ial debates are this week and the top 20 candidates will be split between separate events also anyone polling below 5 has to bring their own podium. [ laughter ] the Supreme Court ruled today that the government cannot deny companies trademarks for names that are d
[ laughter ] thats like the team that plays the globetrotters saying they havent lost very much [ laughter ] according to reports, senator Bernie Sanders is preparing for this weeks democratic primary debate by reading opposing policy positions instead of doing drills or mock debates while President Trump is preparing by consulting a rhyming dictionary [ light laughter ] orourke, dork. Thats good. Write that down. [ laughter ] former pennsylvania congressman joe sestak announced yesterday he is running for president. Also yesterday a tree announced that it was falling in the forest [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause the first democratic president ial debates are this week and the top 20 candidates will be split between separate events also anyone polling below 5 has to bring their own podium. [ laughter ] the Supreme Court ruled today that the government cannot deny companies trademarks for names that are deemed scandalous which is good news for finger in the butt movers. [ laughter ]
[ cheers and applause jimmy oh, thank you thank you, thank you, thank you welcome please, have a seat. Have a seat. Welcome. Oh, my goodness. Thank you so much. And welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome to the tonight show. This is it, baby [ cheers and applause youre here. This is it you made it. You guys, what an exciting time to be in new york. You see, last night, the brothersister team, the flying wallendas, walked across a a tightrope 25 stories above times square did you see that and they did it. Even more impressive, they were stuck behind a slowwalking group of tourists. Steve really [ laughter ] jimmy is that the m m store, honey [ laughter ] things got really tense at one point. They almost fell when their buzzer from bubba gump shrimp started vibrating. [ light laughter ] theyre like, our tables ready. Get off this wire lets get to some news here. Everybodys still on edge about the u. S. And iran. I guess after iran shot down our drone, trump ordered a a strike on the