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Transcripts For COM The Daily Show 20160805

Democratic National Convention here in philadelphia so much fun. Everyone, thank you so much for having us. This is officially our last show here and were ending the week with a great guest, new jersey senator cory booker is joining us, everybody cheers and applause lets get straight into it. Last night was officially the end of the democratic National Convention, and hillary was excited that she was finally the nominee, and bill clinton was just as excited that there were balloons laughter look how happy he is he looks high look at his face laughter he says, i cant believe all these balloons. Wow, the blue ones hes so excited. You know what, after recent events in the news and the negative rhetoric of the conventions, especially in cleveland, i feel we all need balloons in our life, you know, because i understand bill clinton. There is no situation in which a balloon is a negative thing. Balloons bring out the best in us. We laugh, we feel like kids again. Maybe instead of dropping bo

Transcripts For COM The Daily Show 20160803

Presidency. I urge you to live every day like its your last. He finished a speak doing what he called writing law and order to a country in crisis and there was another half too. I learned in american politics you go say anything you want. You can mislead about crime, you can say anything but some lies are bigger than others. I humbly and grea gratefully accept your nomination for the presidency of the United States. Trevor yes. Nothing so humble like turning the stage gold and having your name in a nine thousand point sun. Even the good year blimp is like, jesus, we get it trump. We get it trumps speech tonight was a thin shell of candy covering a Chocolate Center of hate it in the middle just a mount of fear. Its not bad once you have a few of them. We will also be a country of law and order. The most basic duty of government is to defend the lives of its own citizens. Any government that fails to do so is a government unworthy to lead. Im sorry so much of what trump said tonight was

Transcripts For COM The Daily Show 20160804

[crowd yelling] announcer live from philadelphia, americas first cream cheese. Lets not get crazy. Goldman sachs presents the hillary acceptance speech. [cheers and applause] trevor thank you, so much, everybody. Thank you, so much. Welcome to the daily show im trevor noah coming to live from philadelphia. This is it, ladies and gentlemen. Moments ago Hillary Clinton officially accepted the nomination as president of the United States. This is it. Exciting. She made history as the first zayn person nominated for president this year. Now we will get into the highlights of hillarys speech in a moment. One of the moving moments came earlier from the parents of a muslim army captain who gave his life fighting in iraq. Donald trump, consistently smears the character of muslims. Donald trump, youre asking americans to trust you with their future. Let me ask you, have you even read the United States constitution . [cheers and applause] i will, i will gladly lend you my copy. [cheers and appla

Transcripts For COM The Nightly Show With Larry Wilmore 20160803

Larry thank you gretchen. I will have a fantastic day because roger ailes is getting [bleep] canned. Yes. So weve talked about this before. Aint nobody surprised that roger ailes is a creepy [bleep], right . And not just because he greenlit bill oreillys original show. Get me a scotch, sugartits. [applause] i dont knowhats going on down there cant believe that didnt catch on. But heres whats interesting. Gretchen carlsons accusations werent enough on their own to get ailes fired. She had to get them cosigned by other women. Enter cable news alpha gazelle, megyn kelly. Yesterday megyn kelly, the networks rising star, reportedly told investigators that he had made similar sexual advances towards her about ten years ago. Larry ugh. And it happened ten years ago. Let me see if i can put this in perspective. While the rest of the world was furiously trying to put Nelly Furtados newest album on their zunes, megyn kellys trying to ward off that fat bastard. Now a lot of people are reporting k

Transcripts For COM The Daily Show 20160621

Big congratulations to the new nba champions. The cleveland cavaliers, what a great moment for the city of cleveland, right . What an amazing moment. cheers and applause . Trevor 52 years without a National Championship and after next months gop convention, might go another 52 years without a city. It was a story book ending, lebron returns home to give his city the title. And in the process, i think he may have picked up a grand new sponsor. Clean ex. The emotions from lebron james who delivers on his promise to come home and bring a championship. [bleep] i set out a goal. And i came back to bring a championship to the stism i poured my heart, my blood, my sweat, my tears to this game. And. Trevor awww. He looks like the cutest, biggest, most dangerous teddy bear ever, dun he . I love how black guys only let themselves show emotion when think win a sports relationship. Every other time it is like yeah, man, my pops left when i was young it is what it is. But thats why this highscoring

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