See, the 3 is an ass, and then the squiggly is diarrhea. And why we didnt just use the fucking letter m, ill. If youre ever in prison and you happen to sneak a phone in, youll probably want to use this one. Its im going to shank you in the yard to earn the respect of the cholos. You got a knife. Knife equals. And then you got a little sombrero hat with eyes and the moustache. That equals a happy cholo. Ive had to text my assistant this one a time or two. I forgot to put my halfeaten veggie burger away, now there are ants. Aah, cant talk right now, the ghost owl is back do your part to make these catch on. Good job, good effort. Good job, good effort. Good night. Nice shoes, asshole trevor from philadelphia, democracy, we did it its the 2016 Democratic National convention. Lets not get crazy night four can we please just vote now . cheers and applause trevor thank you thank you so much welcome to the daily show what an exciting week we have been covering the Democratic National convention here in philadelphia so much fun. Everyone, thank you so much for having us. This is officially our last show here and were ending the week with a great guest, new jersey senator cory booker is joining us, everybody cheers and applause lets get straight into it. Last night was officially the end of the Democratic National convention, and hillary was excited that she was finally the nominee, and bill clinton was just as excited that there were balloons laughter look how happy he is he looks high look at his face laughter he says, i cant believe all these balloons. Wow, the blue ones hes so excited. You know what, after recent events in the news and the negative rhetoric of the conventions, especially in cleveland, i feel we all need balloons in our life, you know, because i understand bill clinton. There is no situation in which a balloon is a negative thing. Balloons bring out the best in us. We laugh, we feel like kids again. Maybe instead of dropping bombs in the middle east, maybe america should try dropping balloons just once, see what happens cheers and applause what do you have to lose if i bet even militants would be, like, we must destroy america oh, look balloons balloons im going to make a bunny laughter and if america misses its target, it wouldnt be so bad. Bb news today, 42 million civilians were senselessly cheered up by a balloon strike. cheers and applause i will tell you, there is someone who needs balloons in his life, donald trump, because at the d. N. C. , Michael Bloomberg dropped a donald trump distrack. Trump says he wants to run the nation like hes running his business . God help us. Im a new yorker and i know a con when i see one. Truth be told, the richest thing about donald trump is his hypocrisy. Trevor right, so we covered the on the show yesterday, and one of the biggest discussions of this Election Year has been does donald trump have the temperament to be president , because being a president especially in a nation in control of Nuclear Weapons requires you have measured responses. As a leader of democracy you cant lose your bleep at the slightest provocation. laughter it appears senator hitler didnt get the memo because, after watching that speech, he responded like this i wanted to hit a couple of those speakers so hard, i would have hit them no, no. audience reacts i was going to hit them i was all set, and then i got a call from a highlyrespected governor hows it going, donald . I said, well, its going good but theyre really saying bad things about me. I was going to hit a very little guy, in particular, i was going to hit this guy so hard his head would spin, he wouldnt know what the hell would happen. Trevor you can bait donald trump into anything. Hey donald i bet your hands are too small to give me a hand job he would be, like, oh, yeah . Drop those pants your orgasm is going to be yuge yuge cheers and applause and by the way, actually, that was something i noticed watching donald trump, watch him when he speaks, it looks like hes always jacking off two tiny penises when he speaks. laughter applause just watch for that. Lets move on to the substance of the convention. The d. N. C. May be over but were still in philadelphia because we refuse to leave this great city until we separate the truth from the lies and because thursday flights were fully booked. laughter so we turn to desi lydic with what the actual facts. cheers and applause thanks, trevor. What an historic week. For the first time in american history, a president ial nominee was told to smile more. And now that the euphoria around the Democratic National convention has slightly subsided, lets take a minute to analyze some of the speeches from this week. Wall street, corporations and the super rich are going to start paying their fair share of taxes. cheers and applause when more of 90 of the gains have gone to the top 1 , thats where the money is, and we are going to follow the money cheers and applause now, quick side note, follow the money is also a sex game donald plays with melania. laughter you never know where the money will lead. But it always leads same place. laughter hillary says that 90 of income gains have gone to the top 1 , and that statistic was true in the first years after the recession, but not anymore. If we look at the latest data, only 52 of income now goes to the richest 1 of the population. So hillarys claim is partly true, because while this situation is bad, its not as bad as it was in 2012. So i give it Lindsey Lohans drinking problem. applause now, lets move on to everyones coolest social studies teacher, senator Elizabeth Warren. Washington works great for those at the top. When giant companies wanted more tax loopholes, washington got it done. Now, Elizabeth Warren is ac ciewgz congress of working with big business to pass tax loopholes, and she knows all about that because she supported a tax loophole that helped medical Device Companies in her state. So even though warrens claim is true, shes complaining about something and pretending shes not in on it so she deserves a taylor swift. cheers and applause next up, like a welltodo gay couple, lets move to chelsea. Our son, aidan, is five and a half weeks old, and we are so thankful that hes healthy and thriving and well. Were a little biased, but we think hes just about the cutest baby in the world. Awww that is a cute baby. But is it the cutest baby in the world . laughter no. My baby is. Yes. cheers and applause finally, we move on to one of the most remarkable speakers of the week, first Lady Michelle obama. Dont let anyone ever tell you that this country isnt great, that somehow we need to make it great again because this, right now, is the greatest country on earth. The greatest country on earth. This ones tough. Technically, america is 36t 36th in math, 27 knowledge literacy and 41st in life expectancy, but the first lady specifically said right now which meant right then, the moment Michelle Obama was speaking, and, yeah, during that nonstop micdrop of a speech, america was the greatest country on earth. cheers and applause so. This statement is true, but only in the exact moment it was said. Like saying i love you midorgasm. Trevor . Trevor thank you, desi. Desi lydic, everybody cheers and applause trevor now, there have been a lot of narratives coming out of this weeks d. N. C. , and for help figuring out the real story were joined by senior political correspondents jordan klepper, hasan minhaj and adam lowitt, everybody cheers and applause thank you so much, gentlemen, for being here. Jordan, you have been watching all week. Whats the best way to sum up the Clinton Campaign . Trevor, let me put this in a way philadelphians can identify with. Hillary clinton proved this week that she is just like rocky balboa. Do you have rocky in africa . Trevor of course we have rocky in africa, jordan. Weve had it for, like, three years. Perfect. laughter so think about it. Hillary and rocky are beth lefty scrappers who get no respect. They both have an old guy who used to criticize them, but is now right in their corner, and now hillary is going to train hard, earn our support, and prove shes the one who can go the distance bah bah bah, bah bah bah, bah bah bah singing theme from rocky trevor jordan you realizes rocky loses. Does he . I never get past the training montage. I just get so jazzed i get up, do 20 jumping jacks and pass out. Trevor that was very unhelpful. Lets go to hasan minhaj, everybody. Hasan, what is your take on hillary . Trevor, i got to disagree with jordan. Hillary clinton is not rocky. Shes rocky two. She got beat by the black guy last time and is ready for her second shot at the title. Yeah yeah cheers and applause despite setbacks and the Smear Campaign run against her, this time shell beat the odds and win bah bah bah singing theme from rocky trevor please have control. Adam lowitt, hopefully you can add substance to this conversation. With pleasure. Im sorry, this pandering is ridiculous. Crowbarring hillary into some old boxing movie narrative just because were in philadelphia . Trevor im glad you see it this way, adam. How would you sum up hillarys campaign . Easy. Its rocky three. Hillary is rich, overconfident and will lose in an upset to an angry bully with weird mare who everybody calls mr. T. Rocky four yeah, rocky four donald trump is a monster backed by russia and is embarrassing america in front of the entire world cheers and applause exactly. And now Hillary Clinton is going to pull america back from the brink which training in those harsh conditions. Pulling off a huge victor in front of the whole world. Bah bah bah singing theme from rocky bah bah bah trevor jordan klepper, trevor jordan klepper, hasan minhaj, adam l an ovenbaked digiorno . Or waiting for delivery . Did you have that beard when we ordered . A hot, freshbaked crust . Or . Did we order extra soggy . Dont settle for delivery. Rise to the occasion. Its not delivery. Its digiorno. Well this is my equation for success. I developed the 4 ps. Politeness, patience, practice and. Promotion heeyaw heeyaw how does wendys make fries that are worthy of the name baconator . Start with thick applewood smoked bacon. Add cheddar and creamy cheese sauce to natural cut fries seasoned with salt from the actual sea. And thats Wendys Baconator fries just 1. 99 for a limited time. alien humming fruit by the foot fun whats on the end of yours . Slap break wrong. Have a break, have a kit kat the family favorite. Yoplait. Because only one triple doubles the seasoned beef,ers. Nacho cheese sauce and crunchy tostada. Taco bells new limitededition triple double crunchwrap. Its one you dont want to miss. [sfx bong] cheers and applause trevor welcome back to the daily show, coming to you from philadelphia. Its the last night of our four nights here in philly. When a city hosts a convention, you know that for a brief period theyll change all sorts of things. Public transportation will be affected, traffic patterns and getting turns. Philadelphians passed new laws, last call 4 00 a. M. Just for d. N. C. Delegates good times two beers. Twice as much privilege. Yes. Double up on the privilege. All right what about the people who cant get in . Have to stop drink at 2 00. Come on. These democrats were up till 4 00 in the morning and we were getting stuff done according to my main man pennsylvania senator bob casey. You do a lot o a lot of netw. Somebody bought me a beer and ill network with that person. You be you, ill be a republican from alaska. Why there . Because there aint no black people. Everybody would vote for me. Okay. Show me how networking happens in these parties. You start. Hearings joe . Yeah. I really love alaska and you, too,. Vote for my bill im from alaska okay, cool. Good networking with you. Good times. applause yes, this is hypocritical as hell, man, but i discovered you cant keep the good people of philly down. I just drink, i dont worry about the laws. I understand. Im going to be drunk as hell, bro. Im going to be drinking in that garage. You drink in a garage . Yeah. You pond fishes have your loopholes, the people of philly have theirs, even is it is in a creepyass garage. Thank you so much, rory. Thank you so much. cheers and applause now, ronn ronny chieng, itss first time in philly and he took to the streets after i asked him to investigate the scene in fissle yanchts you did send me to investigate. Its 99 degrees out. After 10 minutes, all i want to investigate is a cold drink can can i get ice water . We sell water ice. I want ice water. We sell water ice. By you say you sell ice water. Its a philly thing, its a frozen desert, water ice. What bleep flavor do you want . Four flavors, not hard can you give me cherry without the cherry. Im not a bleep scientist, i cannot take the flavor out of the water, you get it how i give it to you. What is your bleep problem man . Youre way out of your bleep league. What are you doing the do about it . bleep you man. Try it you might like it. Im going to kick your ass if i dont like it. Im always ready. Good. Thank you. Family recipe, 1945. Can i get a large cherry . Yeah. Thanks a lot, man. Youre welcome. Have a good day, take care. cheers and applause trevor well be right back with senator cory booker cheers and applause as the opening ceremonies. Looks like you just won some gold. So did we. Miller lite. Winner of the 2016 world beer cup gold in the light lager category. Well this is my equation for success. I developed the 4 ps. Politeness, patience, practice and. Promotion heeyaw heeyaw propel electrolyte water. We put in the electrolytes. You put in the work. Propel electrolyte water. The only water with enough electrolytes to put back what you lose in sweat. Library break shhhhhhhh. Have a break, have a kit kat how does wendys make fries that are worthy of the name baconator . Start with thick applewood smoked bacon. Add cheddar and creamy cheese sauce to natural cut fries seasoned with salt from the actual sea. And thats Wendys Baconator fries just 1. 99 for a limited time. At our house, were always down for more. Case in point our handcrafted skydiving chamber. Be hungry for more. Just never be hungry. With premium pepperoni and 100 real cheese. Ding hot pockets ldont look for it at a breakburger place. Get everything you love about breakfast scrambled. Chopped. And dropped into a warm flour tortilla. Stick with the burrito experts. Taco bells grande scrambler. [sfx bong] welcome back to the daily show. You guys are amazing. Can i take you home with me . You guys are fantastic. My guest tonight is a United States senator representing new jersey. Please welcome senator cory booker cheers and applause trevor welcome, sir. Thank you very much. Trevor good to have you on the show again. Thank you for being here. What an exciting week this has been. It was really, really exciting. For a lot of reasons, but if you want to get out of the partisanship, we in america have done another major breakthrough with putting a woman at the head of cheers and applause trevor you often hear people talking about ladies night, but this was ladies week, really. Women were coming out and crushing it. Can i be honest . I felt bad for you because yeah. Trevor no, no, i tell you why. You had a phenomenal speech, but cheers and applause yeah. Trevor but yeah. Trevor on the same night, Michelle Obama had her speech. Yes, you know its bad when you meet up with your mother afterwards and you think shes going to say, great speech, and she says, did you hear Michelle Obama . laughter applause trevor what did it feel to be a part of that . Youre experiencing the evening and the positive message. Whats it like when youre in the eye of everything thats happening . I watched the conventions as a kid and i remember epic speeches from mario cuomo and others, and when youre standing backstage, its a powerful, humbling experience, and you know youre not just speaking to democrats in the arena, youre really speaking to the country. Trevor you are one of the main proponents for criminal justice reform. Trevor you are supporting, you know, the release of lowlevel drugoffenders, people who are nonviolent. But it was interesting because, now you have come up against the anecdotal emotional connectio people have which i think tom cotton came out and said lock look at this lowlevel drug offender who was released from prison and went and killed his exgirlfriend and children. How do you work with that . How do you engage with someone in a conversation where you go, i dont dismiss what youre saying but this cannot be the only message we use when trying to move forward . How do you think you will move that conversation forward . Two things. First, you dont fall into the donald trump trap. To be strong, you dont have to be mean. To be tough, you dont have to be cruel. applause you look at your opponent on the other side of the aisle and you say im going to work with yo or im going to build a coalition so strong well get this done. Whats going on in america is so contrary to and there of the free. We have 5 of the gross population of the earth and we have more people incarcerated for drugs in america now than just about all the people incarcerated in 1975. This drug war has been a brutal explosion of our 500 increase in our prison population and the people were incarcerating, college and stanford people were breaking dug laws all the time, whites and blacks break drug laws equally but blacks are 3. 7 more times to be arrested for it but people in the jail are poor folks, mentally ill folks, truck addicted folks and disproportionately brown folks. So when you have people being arrested today for doing things that the last two president s admitted to doing, and im very serious, you read president obamas books, not just marijuana, these were felony crimes he admitted to. George bush, a who will lot of felony crimes going on there. laughter when i was growing up my family had to fight a court case to be the first black family in a nonintegrated town. I watched my friends, no one was raiding their homes for drugs. Its a different experience if youre poor and often minority. Nat belies the truth of when i look at the Supreme Court building, written on the side of the wall is one thing staring at all americans passing by, equal justice under law applause and until we reach that ideal we must fight. The most perverted type of privilege is when theres a serious problem but doesnt affect you personally, its not a serious problem. This is a serious problem that should motivate all mens to want to change it. Trevor thank you so much for being here. Senator cory booker, well be right back. Hey there. Hi, im looking for a deal on an iphone. I was thinking, something along these lines. Oh, okay. Well, how about this . Heres my answer. Is this you with a dinosaur body . Its just me with happy hands. It just means ill take it. Right now, buy an iphone and get another one free when you add a second line. Wow, how ama ing is this . You can do it serena, come on great job stronger higher faster all day, all day uhh woooo go girl boom [crowd cheering] ill pick you up in two hours. Keep em high. Thanks, bro. Later, mom. Thank you. Have fun. Thanks, dad. Thanks, mr. Smith. Hurry in for toyotas annual clearance event, where you can find 0 apr financing for 60 months on the 2016 rav4. Offer ends september 6th. For more great deals, visit toyota. Com toyota. Lets go places. A light beer. Brewed to have more taste. Than any other light beer. Hats off to that. Miller lite. Spelled different because its brewed different. Just when you think you know what a computer is. You see a keyboard that can just, get out of the way. And a screen you can touch. And even write on. When you see a computer that can do all that, it might just make you wonder. Hey, what else can it do . Trevor thanks for tuning in. Thats our show. Its unfortunately the end of our week here in philly. Before we go, i want to thank everyone here at the Annenberg Center for helping us put this show on. cheers and applause more especially the people of philadelphia, thank you so much for welcoming us and stuffing us full of your heart attack inducing delicacies. Weve enjoyed all of it. I think somebody is going to have to roll me out of your city by the end of it all. Now here it is. Your moment of zen. Sweet caroline