Why this man is holding a plate of calamari, and why Kamala Harris isnt really black. So lets do this, people welcome to the daily social distancing show. Announcer from trevors couch in new york city to your couch somewhere in the world, this is the daily social distancing show, with trevor noah. Trevor last night was the Halfway Point of the allvirtual Democratic National convention, and the night began with the conventions keynote address. Now, traditionally, the keynote is given by one speaker who goes on to either become president or the grandpa you hide from company. But this year, the keynote was delivered by 17 people, giving exposure to a broader range of the partys rising stars, while also capitalizing on everyones deep fondness for getting trapped on an endless facetime call. And it wasnt just the keynote that was switched up for this new online format. The traditional roll call also saw a major change, and in my opinion, it was for the better. Because, normally, when each s
Its important to share. Dont eat paste. And if you sprinkle when you tinkle, be neat, and wipe the seat. I wish i could tell you things will get easier and life will be nothing but crayons and baby carrots, but soon you will have to learn valuable lessons like, how to use scissors with pointy tips and, trust me, its always funny until someone loses an eye, and, even then, sometimes amusing. In closing, id like to end by paraphrasing my character sebastien de valmont from dangerous liaisons, a story about a man in 18th century france engaging in multiple affairs your future is beyond my control. Congratulations, class of 2020. Ill be accepting tips and macaroni necklaces via venmo. Announcer its a late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight no mask, dont tell. Plus stephen welcomes Vice President joe biden. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from a safe distance, its Stephen Colbert stephen you ready . You ready . This is eight weeks. Its eight weeks youve been doin
Beyond, you will be well served by the lessons youre learned here. Its important to share, dont eat paste, and if you spinkle when you tinkle, be neat and wipe the seat. I wish i could tell you things will get easier and life will be nothing but crayons and baby carrots, but soon you will have to learn valuable lessons like how to use scissors with pointy tips and, trust me, its always funny until someone loses an eye, and, even then, sometimes amusing. In closing, i would like to end by paraphrasing my character seebastien de valmont from dangerous liaisons, a story about a man in 18th century france engaging in multiple affairs, your future is beyond my control. Congratulations, class of 2020. Ill be accepting tips and macaroni necklaces via venmo. Announcer its a late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight no math, dont tell. Plus stephen welcomes Vice President joe biden, featuring jon batiste and stay holmin. Glnd now, live on tape from a safe distance, its Stephen Colbert stephen you
Receive the managers of the house of representatives to exhibit the articles of impeachment against Donald John Trump, president of the United States. The president pro tempore the hour of 12 00 noon having arrived and a quorum being present, the sergeant at arms will present the managers on the part of the house of representatives. The sergeant at arms mr. President and members of the senate, i announce the presence of the managers on the part of the house of representatives to conduct proceedings on behalf of the house concerning the impeachment of Donald John Trump, president of the United States. The president pro tempore on the part of the house will be received and escorted to the well of the senate. The president pro tempore the sergeant at arms will make the proclamation. The sergeant at arms hear ye, hear ye, hear ye all persons are commanded to keep silent on pain of imprisonment while the house of representatives is exhibiting to the senate of the United States articles of i
I know more about steelworkers than anybody thats ever run for office. I know the h1b. I know the h2b. Nobody knows it better than me. A lot of people dont realize abraham lincoln, the great abraham lincoln, was a republican. laughter i love the poorly educated laughter its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight, not so sharpie plus, stephen welcomes Vice President joe biden. And musical guest pixies. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause stephen hello how are you . Jon please have a seat, everybody. Thank you very much. Welcome, welcome, one and all, to the late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. The big story the big story continues to be Hurricane Dorian, which, as we speak, is churning towards my hometown of charleston, south carolina, which is under a mandatory evacuation. I hope everyone down there stays safe. Dorian devastated the bahamas over the weekend. And we a