Geography. Do you like geography . [ cheers and applause ] jimmy so heres a map of the united states. Its the most sexually diseased states. Now, as a general rule, the state with the most stds is traditionally whichever state where the bachelor is shooting, but not in this case. California finished 16th, which is better than i thought we would do. You know, Charlie Sheen lives here. But the number one most sexually diseased state, is fortunately, not attached to us. It is right there, alaska. [ applause ] and the reason they have the most stds in alaska is, have you ever tried to open a condom while youre wearing mittens . [ laughter ] guillermo, youre wearing mittens. Yes, jimmy. Jimmy you have a condom in your hands. Give it a to give you an idea of how difficult this is. Even practiced in this, this afternoon, right . Yeah. Can i use my teeth . Yeah, you can use anything, but dont bite into the you, you know. I dont want to have to heimlich you here. So you can see what im saying.
Geography. Do you like geography . [ cheers and applause ] jimmy so heres a map of the united states. Its the most sexually diseased states. Now, as a general rule, the state with the most stds is traditionally whichever state where the bachelor is shooting, but not in this case. California finished 16th, which is better than i thought we would do. You know, Charlie Sheen lives here. But the number one most sexually diseased state, is fortunately, not attached to us. It is right there, alaska. [ applause ] and the reason they have the most stds in alaska is, have you ever tried to open a condom while youre wearing mittens . [ laughter ] guillermo, youre wearing mittens. Yes, jimmy. Jimmy you have a condom in your hands. Give it a try. To give you an idea of how difficult this is. Even practiced in this, this afternoon, right . Yeah. Can i use my teeth . Yeah, you can use anything, but dont bite into the you, you know. I dont want to have to heimlich you here. So you can see what im say
With the exception of those living in hawaii and arizona, suffer bigly. It is the monday after daylight saving. Not the good daylight saving, the bad one. I absolutely hate it. What i do, the way i try to deal with it is i try not to think of it as losing an hourive sleep, i think of it as losing an hour of my life. Its kind of nuts how moving the clock ahead one hour can ruin my whole month. My wife and i spent a good 20 minutes trying to figure out what time to put our daughter down for a nap yesterday. Okay, so she got up at 6 30, when she was actually, 7 30, so anyway wear skipped the nap. [ laughter ] then you have to change the clocks which as nightmare. Why is it the time on my phone adjusts automatically . No effort at all. But the alarm clock next to my bed, i needed an instruction manual and an allen wrench. [ laughter ] guillermo, why is that . Guillermo its a crazy world. Jimmy it really is. That sums it sleep we gained three hours of the bachelor tonight. Tonight was the S
For years, fios has been promising fast internet to small businesses. But for many businesses, its out of reach. Why promise something you cant deliver . Comcast business is different. We deliver superfast internet with speeds of 150 megabits per second across our entire network, to more companies, in more locations, than fios. We do business where you do business. vo have to happen . Idnt i didnt see it. vo what if we could go back . What if our car. Could stop itself . In iihs frontend crash prevention testing, nobody beats the subaru impreza. Not toyota. Not honda. Not ford. The allnew subaru impreza. More than a car, its a subaru. Number one in the nation and ncaa over all seed sits and waits, the cats got a pretty good send off this afternoon on campus and will play thursday night against the winner of the new Orleans Mount st. Marys game and cats arrived in chilly buffalo earlier this evening and the number one seed and reigning champs brings a lot of pressure. Its always a remin
I wont say its the reason people hate us but its one of the reasons everyone hates us. I hope those of you at home are warm, maybe even cuddly, i would like that for you. It is very cold on the east coast thanks to storm stella. Thousands of flights are canceled, there are blizzard warnings, school closings, mittens are being pinned to jackets, juice is turning into popsicles on its own, its crazy. Make no mistake, you turn on the weather channel, try to find out whats going on, you see the meteorologists giving advice, telling you to be careful, make no mistake, those people are not on your side. Those people are rooting against us and for the weather, theyre rooting for the snow. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] theres a lot of snow on the ground. This is where it goes. In new york, even the bbc has a weather reporter on stand. Keep a special eye on the buy in the background here for tonights snowstorm edition of behind the news. New york city has had about 1,500 plows out all da