[ cheers and applause ] President Trump today met with the leaders of fiat, chrysler, ford, and general motors. And he asked them one question. How many people do you think were at my inauguration . [ laughter ] President Trump said today that he is, to a large extent, an environmentalist. Well he certainly made sure that the grass in the National Mall wasnt trampled. [ laughter and applause ] stay back. Stay back. According to sources, Hillary Clinton is seriously considering running for mayor of new york city. And just to be a dick, so is trump. [ laughter ] [ audience oohs ] today was National Peanut butter day. Interesting fact about peanut butter, its what they put in the president s mouth to make it look like hes talking. [ laughter and applause ] google maps has announced a feature that will help users find a parking spot at their destination, and just look at all these open spaces it found. [ laughter and applause ] actor mel gibson welcomed his ninth child this weekend. Hey, m
Were so honored and excited to be here for the week. And now that were here, lets get to the news. What a great time to be in washington. The nationals won yesterday. [ cheers and applause ] the redskins won yesterday. [ cheers and applause ] and the orangeskin lost. [ cheers and applause ] after o donald trump and billy bush making lewd sexual comments about women, nbc announced bush would be suspended from the today show, indefinitely. Bush could not be grabbed for comment. [ audience groans ] [ laughter and applause ] donald trump last night wrote off his past controversial remarks about women as, locker room talk. I dont want to be a fatshamer, but that does not look like a dude who has spent much time in locker rooms. Have a locker room . [ laughter ] Trump Campaign manager, Kellyanne Conway said this morning that last nights debate was a good night for democracy. But, i think what she really meant was good night, democracy. [ laughter ] no, i want to stay up and watch the debate
The redskins won yesterday. [ cheers and applause ] and the orangeskin lost. [ cheers and applause ] after a video surfaced of donald trump and billy bush making lewd sexual comments about women, nbc announced bush would be suspended from the today show, indefinitely. Bush could not be grabbed for comment. [ audience groans ] [ laughter and applause ] donald trump last night wrote off his past controversial remarks about women as, locker room talk. I dont want to be a fatshamer, but that does not look like a dude who has spent much time in locker rooms. [ laughter ] unless, i dont know, does kfc have a locker room . [ laughter ] Trump Campaign manager, Kellyanne Conway said this morning that last nights debate was a good night for democracy. But, i think what she really meant was good night, democracy. [ laughter ] no, i want to stay up and watch the debate no democracy just go to bed, itll give you nightmares. You dont want to see this, democracy. [ laughter ] after hearing Donald Tru
Mexican border, maybe a beaded curtain . [ laughter ] [ applause ] a female astronaut is about to become the oldest woman to fly into space, and this is pretty amazing. She is going to do it without a rocket ship. [ light laughter ] just take off with rage. The mayor of london said recently that if people based in the u. S. Want to escap quote, london is open. Said melania, taxi [ light laughter ] actress Carrie Fisher revealed in her new memoir that she and Harrison Ford had an affair while filming the original star wars. But then he went back to using his hand solo. [ audience ohs ] [ applause ] denver has become the first city in the u. S. To permit the use of remember the specials now [ light laughter ] i think like a halibut. [ light laughter ] and like something thats almond crusted. [ light laughter ] and finally, according to a new study on migrating tree frogs wait im sorry. I could be wrong here but i think i smell some smoke and that can mean only one thing. Its time for ya
With a stick. Seth im sorry, sheriff, but im a married man with a kid. Oh, yeah i was married once. Didnt work out too well. Seth okay. Yeah, it was no good in the marriage department, if you catch my drift. Seth yeah i think we do. Do you . [ laughter ] seth yeah, we do. I had sex with a woman who was not my wife. Seth okay, you know what . [ laughter ] sheriff, look, you know, the live ad is done now. Weve done what were contracted to move on with the show. Oh no, seth. Im sorry, man. I dont know where my head was at. Seth no, its okay. Hey, remember the jingle . For an awesome low rate you can get online, come to the sheriff and same some dimes. Seth okay, thank you, sheriff. All right. So moving on with the show. Theres this brand new thing where hey seth, what are you doing this weekend. Seth i dont know. I was just going to hang around the house. Why dont you come up to my lake house . Seth yeah, no, i told you i have a family. Ditch em, bro. Cant. Hey, to sweeten the deal, i kno