Ing a noncelebrity reboot of hollywood squares. Easters a tough one during a pandemic. Every two minutes were telling our kids to wash their hands. Then all of a sudden were like yes, go ahead and eat those jellybeans you found under a bush. Our 5yearold, jane, told my wife for real, i promise if i see the easter bunny i wont hug him. So some lifelong psychological traumas are definitely being formed here. I will say that as a parent easter makes you realize what a solid backstory santa claus has. Santa lives at the north pole. He has elves who make toys. He flies around with reindeer. My kids asked where the easter bunny lives. I was like, i dont know. The sewer . This is good. This is what the easter bunny was up to in new jersey yesterday. [ siren ] whoa oh, no. Code red jimmy sorry, kids. Everything you believe is a lie. It looks like the president has another enemy inside his administration. And unfortunately, that enemy is dr. Anthony fauci. Dr. Fauci was on cnn with jake tapper
Miller plus one. Hey folks welcome to Dennis Miller plus one and were doing it by remote nice for our guest to join us today hes the bachelor star Colton Underwood colton 1st appeared on the franchise as a contestant on the bachelorette before becoming the bachelor myself for season 23 in 2019 colton has a new book out called the 1st time finding myself and looking for love on reality t. V. Currently available on line call number with cold thanks for joining us. Now you for having me on i appreciate it and that we can see your bald spot in a mirror behind you know im kidding i get it i know it said. Listen were all struggling with our hair right now and i mean we cant get our haircut room but im here in my pajamas im going to lie to you. Im so theyre my pajamas from the waist listen i hear you. I hear you have the coronavirus know what stage are you do you clear a bit in the middle im here no im actually full recovery so i have antibodies now i have no more traces of the crown of iris
[ laughter ] alright, alright, alright, alright, alright shake this is pretty cool. This is pretty cool. Today would have been Joe Dimaggios joltin lets see. Joe dimaggios 100th birthday. Its dry. Theres no dry time and id like to think [ applause ] makes us wonder why we booked fifteensecond ad slots yeah yankees legend dries instantly and keeps you protected and id like to think hes for fortyeighthours. Looking down on us right now wearing his yankees cap and chanting arod sucks. For fortyeighthours. Step up. Prep up. Up. Prep up. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause to help keep you free from the risk of hiv. From the makers of truvada, theres another prep option descovy for prep. Listen to this a oncedaily prescription medicine president obama reportedly that helps lower invited billy joel to share a the chances of getting hiv through sex. Cigarette with him during a its not for everyone. Recent white house visit descovy for prep has not been studied in people assigned female at birt
Week three, spiral hams, week four, baking yeast, and week five, hair care products. Next week, pop rocks. Are you really trying to impress your cat . Today would have been tax day. We got a threemonth extension. I wonder if well be able to write off bathrobes as a business expense. But i love that we got an extension. The one year we finally had a chance to sit down and do our taxes on time. The governments basically hoping by mid july everyone will have received their stimulus checks and can turn around and send them right back to the irs. Those who are waiting for an actual check will have to wait until next month. According to the washington post, the checks are delayed because someone decided he wasnted to pri wasn wanted to print Donald Trumps name on them. Wonder whose idea that was . This is the first time a president has had his name on a relief check ever. Delaying them to put his name on them might be the trumpiest thing he has ever done. This is the dumbest thing hes decide
Out front . Walmart reports that sales of hair clippers and hair color have skyrocketed over the past two weeks. We have now entered the panicbuying grooming products phase. Apparently this is a thing. There are phases of emergencytime shopping trends. Jimmy week 1 we make a run on the hand sanitizer, soap and disinfectants. Week 2 we buy up all the toilet paper. Weeks 3 and 4 stores sell out of spiral hams and bakers yeast. Week 5 we have a shortage of hair care products. Next week were expected to run out of harpoons and pop rocks. So stock up. By the way, do you really need to color your hair right now . Who are you trying to impress . Your cat . Today, as you probably know, would have been tax day. But we got a three month extension. Do you think well be able to write off bathrobes as a business expense this year . I love that we got a three month extension the one year we finally had time to sit down and actually do our taxes. Basically, the government is hoping that by midjuly ev