Look at my school record, im always second best. Second beset on the debating team, fourth best on the tennis team, played second lead in the operetta, ranked 11th best in the scholarship. Well id say thats actually an enviable record. Well its just not good enough for me. Im getting sick of being a jack of all nothing. An alsoran. Someday, somewhere, at some thing and i dont care what it is. Id like to be the best. Numbero uno, just once. And if i were you, i wouldnt go around mimicking a mediocre maude like me. phone rings hello . Yes she is. Whos calling . Just a minute. Its george caster. Oh him, tell him i just left. Im sorry she just left. Betty, im ashamed of you. Oh, i know why he called. To ask me for a date tomorrow night and i happen to know phone rings you see im even fourth choice on his list. Just a minute. Its your boyfriend, gordon. Oh, well him ill talk to. Hello gordy. No of course i havent forgotten this is our our evening together. Will your aunt be leaving the same
Id give anything to have her win that scholastic Achievement Award. Wouldnt that be a fine topper for four years of college . It would certainly make up for a few disappointments shes had. Like being nosed out for senior class president. Well, she cant win all the time. Besides, bettys had plenty of honors. Student council, associate editor of the annual. Shell finish in the first 10 in her class. No, shes not losing any sleep over this. loud noise [betty] help whats that . dramatic music [betty] help dramatic music help dramatic music [jim] betty dramatic music switches light on commotion and dramatic music hey, come on. [margaret] here. Here, here, youre alright. Come on laughs . [margaret] oh. Hey, hey, come on, here jim laughs . Youre getting too big to fall out of bed, come on. betty wakes up wake up. You alright . [margaret] what happened, dear . Oh, i had a nightmare. [margaret] oh. Oh, it was awful. I was just about to get the award, and, somebody beat me to it, and they pushed
You and your pisces. Wilbur, look. I just bought it. How do you like it . Set me back 375 bucks. Wow, thats big. I bet the next size comes on wheels. Oh, boy. Any duck that gets hit with that goes first class. Just feel the barrels. Huh . How does it feel . Mm, like 375. And worth every cent of it. Oh, by the way, wilbur, what type of gun will you be using . Follow me. Huh . How do you like it . Which end does the cork come out . I never miss with old betsy. When a duck sees me aim this at him, he asks for a blindfold and a cigarette. Please, do me a favor, will you . Never point that at a bird when im around. I hate to shoot a duck while its landing. Itll be laughing out of the other side of its quackquack. Uh, by the way, wilbur, did you tell carol we were going on this hunting trip . Sure. What did she say when you told her we are not taking our wives along . Nothing. Carols a good sport. She knows that every now and again us guys got to get out there in the woods and just let our t
loud noises singing gosh, whats that, a wreck . Its a wreck alright, the one e ank drives. Frank we were just talking about you. Buenos d as, seorita betty, its so nice to see you. greeting frank buenos d as seora, seor anderson. Ive come to tell you the great thing that happened to me. [betty] you got the rose garden job no, i no hear about that yet. But this is even greater [margaret] what is it frank, go ahead and tell us. Me, frank, i am going to meet the seor governor. The governor . The governor, you . S , they sent me the telegraph. I had it here. Oh, gracias unfolding paper read it out loud to make sure its what he say. My landlady, she read it to me, but she dont read much better than me. audience chuckles mr. Frank smith, this is, wait a minute. Is that your name, smith . It was ruiz de garc a mendoza. But nobody can spell it, so i take u. S. A. Name frank we know that, but, [frank] and everybody say, what is your last name . And i say, what is most popular u. S. A. Last name
You people sitting at home just dont know what youre missing. [ cheering ] ladies and gentlemen, the Springfield College alma mater. [ band plays alma mater ] jim. What does this remind you of . Oh. It reminds me of several things, most of all that im very happy. To be home in our comfortable living room instead of sitting on those hard bleacher seats, that i prefer our own fireplace to a smoky bonfire, in spite of the fact that shes far too sentimental. Morning, everyone. Good morning, betty. Did you have a good time last night, betty . I guess so, but ill be glad when all this homecoming business is over. Youll be glad when its over . Why . cause im beat. I have to spend all afternoon decorating the gym. Theres a luncheon for the alumni this noon. You better eat before you go over there. That place is loaded with alums. Every time you turn around, somebodys slapping someone on the back and saying, remember old pete or old joe or old jack . Not old jack glutengrogger yeah, how is old