[cheers and applause] jon thats our show. Join us tomorrow at 11 00. Here it is your moment of zen. Do a jedi mind bheld these folks. Destroy captioning sponsored by Comedy Central captioned by med [the colbert report theme music playing] [cheers and appl captioning sponsored by Comedy Central [crowd chanting stephen [[. [cheers and applause] stephen whoo [cheers and applause] welcome to the report. Good to have you with us. Folks, please, sit down, we have to get to the show. [cheers and applause] nation, the dreaded 2 across the board sequestration cuts kicked in last friday. And i say its good. [ laughter ] its time to put the government on a diet. [laughter] and just like a real diet, the best way to lose weight is to take a cheese grater and just shave off 2 everywhere. [laughter] looks good. Looks good. No one is going to recognize you at your high school reunion. [ laughter ] folks, forcing obama to address the National Debt is a moral issue. If we dont cut expensive things lik
Of tosh. 0 on flo tv live mobile television, the way it was meant to be seen. Before we go, heres my reaction to a video that they wouldnt let us put on the air last season. Notice how different my reaction is compared to everyone elses. If you can guess what were watching, you and 16 of your closest friends will fly first class. Now, normally, theres only about eight first class seats on a plane, so it will probably be multiple flights. But well fly you roundtrip to las vegas for a threeday, fournight stay. That means around 6 00 a. M. , they will wake you up and be like, hey, you gotta get out. Days comin. At circus circus. Now, incidentals are not covered, so youre gonna have to bring a valid credit card. Some of you are probably going, hey, i only have a debit card. Ew thats not gonna work. They might have to pay the 500 deposit on that. Youll get that back after checkout. What the [bleep] . [laughter] go to our blog and make your guess. Ill give you one hint. There is zero chance
[cheers and applause] jon thats our show. Join us tomorrow at 1 167b8g here is your moment of zen. You are not suggest the rebuilding of iraq is done 1 this sit for the u. S. American taxpayers did not get their moneys worth after spending [the colbert report theme music playing] [cheers and appl captioning sponsored by Comedy Central [crowd chanting stephen [[. [cheers and applause] stephen whoo [cheers and applause] welcome to the report. Good to have you with us. Folks, please, sit down, we have to get to the show. [cheers and applause] nation, the dreaded 2 across the board sequestration cuts kicked in last friday. And i say its good. [ laughter ] its time to put the government on a diet. [laughter] and just like a real diet, the best way to lose weight is to take a cheese grater and just shave off 2 everywhere. [laughter] looks good. Looks good. No one is going to recognize you at your high school reunion. [ laughter ] folks, forcing obama to address the National Debt is a moral
[cheers and applause] jon thats our show. Join us tomorrow at 11 00. Here it is your moment of zen. Do a jedi mind bheld these folks. Destroy captioning sponsored by Comedy Central [the colbert report theme music playing] [cheers and appl captioning sponsored by Comedy Central [crowd chanting stephen [[. [cheers and applause] stephen whoo [cheers and applause] welcome to the report. Good to have you with us. Folks, please, sit down, we have to get to the show. [cheers and applause] nation, the dreaded 2 across the board sequestration cuts kicked in last friday. And i say its good. [ laughter ] its time to put the government on a diet. [laughter] and just like a real diet, the best way to lose weight is to take a cheese grater and just shave off 2 everywhere. [laughter] looks good. Looks good. No one is going to recognize you at your high school reunion. [ laughter ] folks, forcing obama to address the National Debt is a moral issue. If we dont cut expensive things like head start, chi
Im always right. [laughter] you have a [laughter] who is it . Aah that is no way to tell me, doctor. [laughter] whatever happened to doctorpatient confidentiality . Hes using twitter hey, daniel, you got aids. [laughter] semicolon, frowny face. [laughter] will i find you, shove a chainsaw up your [bleep] and turn it on and kill you. Wow they are really mad at lebron. Me . Well, good luck, because a chainsaw is really hard to start. Youre gonna be in my bhole for an hour. [laughter] getting that oilgas ratio, pulling the choke out. Unless you have an electric chainsaw, and thats not gonna kill me. Thats gonna feel great. [laughter] see you next week. Good night. [cheers and applause] [the colbert report theme music playing] [cheers and appl captioning sponsored by Comedy Central [crowd chanting stephen [[. [cheers and applause] stephen whoo [cheers and applause] welcome to the report. Good to have you with us. Folks, please, sit down, we have to get to the show. [cheers and applause] na