[cheers and applause] stephen thats our show. Join us tomorrow at 11 00. Listen tomorrow night Neil Degrass Tyson son the program. When he was here he told us the imloab in our open was spinning the wrong way. We didnt fix it. I have until tomorrow for the earth to somehow reverse its spin. Here it is your moment of zen. Not everything is awful captioning sponsored by Comedy Central captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org captioning sponsored by Comedy Central [eagle caw] tonight, president obama says aloha to israel. And my guest james franco is the star of the new movie oz, the great and powerful. Ill nail him, and his little dog, too. [laughter] Queen Elizabeth has been released from the hospital for what they say is a stomach bug. Either that, or theres another royal baby on the way this is the colbert report. [cheers and applause] [the colbert report theme music playing] [cheers and applause] right here. Right there. Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the report. Thank you for joining us. [cheers and applause] [crowd chanting, stephen ] [cheers and applause] thank you so much. Thank you so. Ladies and gentlemen, weve got to get to the news. [cheers and applause] nation, if you havent heard i know my studio audience hasnt because we keep them in a Hyperbaric Chamber before the show there are two huge, breaking stories tonight. First hugo chavez venezuelan strongman and friend of the show is dead. Repeat. Hugo chavez is dead. [audience reacts] stephen i know. Obviously this leaves a huge hole in south american politics and an even bigger collection of flag track suits. [laughter] our other breaking story jon stewart has announced he will be taking the summer off from the daily show. [audience reacts] we wish him all the best in his new project, ruling the country of venezuela. [laughter] [cheers and applause] folks, staying on international politics, if you watch this show, you know there is no greater friend to the state of israel than yours truly. Certainly a better friend than barack obama, who has repeatedly snubbed our ally by refusing to visit. He cant keep putting it off by saying, next year, in jerusalem at his annual passover seder and i wont even get into what an insult it was to the jewish people that the brisket was dry. [laughter] and now, the greatest insult of all. Obama will make his first trip to israel as president. The white house hasnt released details of his trip but israeli media says hes visiting this spring. Stephen oh, so now obama thinks he can wipe out his shameful record of never visiting israel by visiting israel. [laughter] its a chonda dont fall for it, my chosen brethren, my hebros. [laughter] he doesnt get you. [cheers and applause] this man doesnt get it. Israel is a divided country that feels beseiged by terrorists, and whose politics are increasingly dictated by a small, hardright minority. Obama cant relate to that [laughter] and if you need more proof that the president is no friend of israel, just do the math back in 2007, president bush supported israel with 2. 3 billion in Foreign Military aid. This year, president obama wants to bring that down to just 3. 1 billion. [laughter] i know, it looks like its going up, but remember, in hebrew you read charts from right to left. [cheers and applause] all right . [cheers and applause] and our worst fears about obama were confirmed when he appointed as secretary of defense former senator and man who just learned his dog died chuck hagel. [laughter] hagel has a history of troubling statements. He once said the jewy lobby intimidate dates a lot people and im not an israeli senator im a United States senator. Clearly this man doesnt understand that when it comes to israel, there are certain things you cant say. For instance, implying that there are certain things you cant say. Which there arent. You can say anything you want about israel, which i would, if there was anything to say. But there isnt. So theres nothing to be said. How dare hagel say it. Now the administrations gonna make a big dillyo about the fact that while hes over there, obama is going to get israels highest civilian honor, the president ial medal of distinction. But its not that great, once you eat the chocolate. [laughter] and im not the only one whos suspicious of obamas committment to israel. So is the Prime Minister benjamin netanyahu. During the 2012 campaign, netanyahu all but endorsed obamas opponent what is your name . [cheers and applause] i know this. I know this. I know this. Dont tell me. Matz latke . Bris schmaltzy . Putz schmuckney . What, whatever. Jim . Prime minister netanyahu pretty much aligned himself with governor romney. Prime minister benjamin netanyahu, who really threw his full support, it seemed at times behind mitt romney. You know theyve known each other since the 1970s when they worked together in a consulting firm. Youve been a personal friend of mine and a strong friend of the state of israel. Stephen that might make obamas trip a little awchward [laughter] will obamas trip be a success . Will he insult the palestinians by eating the israeli delicacy falafel or will he insult the israelis by eating the palestinan delicacy falafel . [laughter] here to discuss the chosen people is my chosen guest, please welcome israeli ambassador to the United States, michael oren. [cheers and applause] thank you so much. [cheers and applause] sit back down. Okay. Sir, [cheers and applause] good to see you again. Good to see you. How is israel . Its great. Terrific. Stephen chosen people still chosen . Chosen people from the bible. Those are the jews. Were the chosen ally of the United States, the ultimate ally in the United States in the middle east. Theres one state there that is stable, democratic and totally proamerican. Stephen sir, you are preaching to the choir if synagogues had choirs do. They . Some do. Stephen good. Preach away. Obama is coming whether you like it or not. And i know you dont like it. Were delighted. Stephen no you are not. What is the ultimate trip for him . What does very to go to . He goes to the memorial for the holocaust. Hes going to be greeted by the president given the medical of distinction you talked about. Its not chocolate filled. He will meet with the Prime Minister netanyahu. We have a lot of common challenges, stephen. Its the situation . Syria unraveling, a lot of chemical weapons there. Were going to try to get the Peace Process there trying to get the palestinians back to the table and other problems. Stephen netanyahu wanted the other guy. Its clear. Not true. Stephen its clear to anybody with eyes in their skull. He wanted the other guy. Must be awkward for him because obama is going to say you rolled the dice the wrong way bibi . We do not. Israel does not get involved in internal politics in United States. Stephen you are adorable. No, its true. I come from washington, d. C. You know theres a lot of polarize yietion. Stephen you come from israel. I meant working in washington, d. C. Stephen like kirk you work in space im from iowa. Okay. Yes, im working in washington, d. C. Theres not many issues on which theres total bipartisan support and the support of the United States and israel is a try bipartisan issue. Stephen lets talk about haggle. Some said he was no friend of the state of israel because of what he said. Are there things you cannot say about israel including the question im asking you right now . [laughter] first of all secretary of defense hague is a great friend of israel. He has total support for our security and the aliance. This say free country of free speech. We, too israel, as a democracy we have free speech. People express their criticism and we defend our positions. Stephen what about eye plan . What when do you start bombing . Hold on stephen hold on one second. Jimmy turn off the cameras this is national security. [laughter] when does the bombing start . [cheers and applause] no country has a greater interest in israel in resolving the iranian threat by diplomatic means. We have the most skin in the game. I have my kids there. Stephen you guys are there, right. Were right there a small country in irans backyard and the iranian leaders are threatening toll wipe us off the map. Stephen obama has not said he will rain hellfire on iran. He he has said he is keeping all options on the table one of those options is a military option and none of those is containment with an Iranian Nuclear weapon. Stephen i want to you tell netanyahu when you back there that the colbert nation is behind israel in this one and if do you bomb iraq were right behind with with just as many Nuclear Weapons as you admit to having. Thank you sox. Ambassador michael oren. Israel and washington. Well be right back. [cheers and applause] [cheers an] stephen welcome back, everybody. Thank you so much. Ladies and gentlemen nation [cheers and applause] nation, there is no greater friend of outer space than yours truly. So naturally, i was disappointed when nasas budget was slashed. But, folks, there is some great news from the private sector answer. Millionaire space tourist dennis tito wants to send two people to the red planet on a 500day journey. He is convinced it will be feasible by 2018. We have not sent humans beyond the moon in 40 years. Ive been waiting myself, and a lot of other people my age have been waiting and waiting. Stephen thats right. This brave entreprenuer will send two astronauts to mars for the noblest reason there is impatience. [laughter] it reminds me of john f. Kennedys famous speech about putting a man on the moon, we choose to go the moon not because it is easy but come on, its got to be easy, right . Lets just do it already. Just strap a rocket to some guys back. Jeesh [laughter] [cheers and applause] be warned folks. This 501day roundtrip flyby is not for the faint of heart because there will be no showers, limits on toilet paper and clothing, Drinking Water made from the crew members recycled urine and sweat and almost no privacy. In other words, basically a carnival cruise. [laughter] [cheers and applause] still still. Being the first human to orbit the red planet is a memory youll never forget, that is, until the radiation from the sun accelerates the onset of alzheimers disease. [laughter] which explains Neil Armstrongs famous words, thats one small step for man thats one small step for man. [laughter] fortunately, there is a plan to deal with the harmful radiation the astronauts will use a poop shield to block cosmic rays, where human waste could be stored in bags used to line the capsule. The good news is brown is a neutral color, so it goes with everything. [laughter] but by far the best part of titos space plan is who he wants to send into space. Hes looking for a married couple. Its a manwoman team, thats interesting, because theyre going to spend 17 months up there together in a space capsule thats said to be the size of a small bathroom. Thats right. Couples only. Imagine the romance, floating through the stars, and sharing a glass of your lovers recycled pee. [laughter] and like all couples, youll be redecortating. Should we make this wall all your poop, and this one all mine . Or should we go your poop, my poop, your poop, my poop. [cheers and applause] [laughter] i just want to take a second here to point out that received applause. [cheers and applause] of course prospective couples will want to make sure youre up for the voyage. So to test it out, you and your partner should spend a month in a geo metro drinking each others urine and covering the windows with your own waste. And if a cop asks what youre doing, just tell them youre training to be an astronaut. [laughter] well be right back. [cheers and applause] [cheers and applause] stephen welcome back, everybody. My guest tonight is an actor, director author, poet and model. But you probably know him from this interview were about to do. Please welcome james franco. [cheers and applause] good to see you again. Thanks for coming back. [cheers and applause] nice to see you again. Very good to see you. So happy to be here. Stephen you are always a friendly face. As i said you are an actor, director, writer, poet, artist, student, teacher recently grand marshal at the daytona 500. I didnt know you were a gear head. Love it. Stephen you like cars . Love nascar cant you tell. Stephen your hair looks like you are driving 80 Miles Per Hour right now. You, too brother. Stephen sideways like. This head out the windows. Stephen you are playing a guy named oscar diggs, aka oz which say prequel to the other movie. In a way. You only seat wizard tep end. He is giving out the gifts. Our movie about is how that guy got to the land of oz and became the wizard. Stephen you assume you do most of the movie behind the curtain. No, no, how he got there. Stephen you are making us Pay Attention to the man behind the curtain. Exactly. Stephen hes something, you know, hes Something Like you. He is a renaissance man. True, true. Stephen are you also a fraud . [cheers and applause] good question. Stephen hes a fraud, right . Good question. Stephen hes a fraud. I am a fraud. This soon act. Its an act. [ laughter ] this is an act. Its an act. Stephen sour just playing james franco. Theres a real one we never get to meet. Yeah, yeah. Stephen that must be hard. Well, practice. [ laughter ] stephen you know, why do you do why do you do all the things that you do . Why not be an a great actor, why not just focus on acting . Theres a lot of reasons. Ill tell you this for a while when i was only doing acting. I felt i dropped out of school and i did feel a little bit like the scarecrow in the original movie who just said i just want a brain. I overcompensated for dropped out. I studied on my own, had no social life studied all the time. Then i went back to school and like the scarecrow once i went back and got the diploma i realized oh, i guess i had it all along. Stephen wow. [ laughter ] the witches in this movie. Yes. Stephen okay. Wicked witch of the east and west. Rachel weisz, gennifer goodwin. Stephen gun to your head. Lets play marry, hit that and throw a pail of water on her. Oh, man. Stephen all right . Gowrg get me in so much trouble. Stephen why . Why . Not only do they play witches stephen come on. Let me ask you something do you want a good witch or a wicked witch. You want wicked. Stephen i think so, too. Rach he will weisz i wouldnt mind landing a house on that. Well edit that out. Do you do theater . Im going to. Stephen what do you do . Of mice and men on broadway. Stephen really. Yes. Stephen theres a character slim. We havent cast him yet. Stephen really . Yes steerchlt is it a big [crowd chanting stephen ] stephen is it a big Time Commitment because i have this show to do. Well work it out. Stephen who are you going to play . George. Stephen spoiler alert. Its sad. Its sad. Stephen the last time you were here by the way you were the consensus most interesting man in hollywood. Wow. Stephen are you more or less interesting than you used to be . I think im the same. Stephen really, fascinating. [ laughter ] i dont think ive changed. Stephen you think you are just as fascinating as you were before. Wow, you think pretty high of yourself, man. [cheers and applause] because i dont want to ask you any more questions. I just want to talk to you for a second. I want to have another tolken showdown. Stephen i smoked you like a ham last time. You just head sitd more emphatically. Stephen you ask me one ill ask you one. Ive been rereading lately. Name me just two, two of the valar. Stephen do you want the valar of water omo or the hunter of the valararomea or the lord of the hairs or his wife varga called elvris about it elfs. All right. Stephen you come into my house you come into my house how dare you. James franco. Oz theeatgreat