CHICAGO Standing with the bride amid joyful tears from all present, heart transplant recipient Ronald Huger recently honored a dying wish from his donor when he walked the late pig’s daughter down the aisle at her wedding, sources confirmed Friday. “Your father wrote a letter before he passed away asking that whoever…
NORFOLK, VA In a dark, 30-second spot that has reportedly shocked and disgusted millions of viewers, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals ran an unsettling ad Friday in which a sobbing hamburger is seen giving a man a blow job. “Does this look ethical to you?” read words that appear onscreen in the commercial,…
WICHITA, KS Complaining that the holidays had ended four months ago, annoyed local shoppers told reporters Friday that Towne West Square still hadn’t removed its now-rotting Santa Claus from a seasonal display in the mall. “He looked nice when they first put him there, right after Thanksgiving, but now that he’s all…
Recent reports have indicated that a number of female fans are thirsting over the Ghoul. The Onion asked women to explain why they are attracted to Walton Goggins’ mutant character in the new TV series Fallout, and this is what they said.
Rather than specify that a government, army, or police officer killed civilians, many news outlets prefer merely to say that those civilians “were killed.” The Onion investigates the pros and cons of using the passive voice in journalism.