As you might know Valentine’s Day is the worst day in the calendar year for everyone. Either A) you’re single and feel shit because you’re single or B) you’re in a relationship and your other half fucks up by forgetting to get you a present or book a table somewhere. To be honest, I’ve been both and maybe that’s why I’m extremely cynical. But here’s my hot take: If it’s not a public holiday, I don’t give a toss.
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But here’s why a cucumber is the perfect Valentine’s Day gift. It can be used as a makeshift dildo if you’re single, and can be used to spice up the bedroom if you’re in a relationship. It’s a win-win situation. You can also use it to make a mean salad, which is the definitely the more boring option.
Best of the week: What to see, hear and do from February 7-14
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SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 7 COMEDY Catch Sam Simmons being an idiot for an hour, with pandemic karaoke, in the last performance of his sublimely silly show
Sam I Am.
Comedian Sam Simmons brings his sublimely silly show to the Sydney Opera House.
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WORKSHOP Polish your vocal cords’ career chutzpah at
Singing In The Industry (until March 29), a free course fostering professional musician acumen, led by singer Emily Hanks.
6.30pm, Redfern Community Centre, 29-53 Hugo Street, Redfern, free, whatson.cityofsydney.nsw.gov.au
TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 9 MUSIC Estonian composer Arvo Pärt’s double concerto for two violins,