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Transcripts For COM The Daily Show 20160329

To commit literally every sin possible laughter until their bodies shut off. Thats not something i remember. Uh, look, obviously, the truth is that st. Patricks day isnt very big in africa. Like, you know, youre not gonna get a nigerian guy whos like, ah, today everyone is irish. laughter uh. In america, though. In america, though a lot of people dont know this black people are the whole reason st. Patricks day happens. You see, um, because by not participating, you can have six million drunk white people screaming on the street. Yeah. But if one black guy showed up, one black guy, the cops would be like, okay, shut it down. Shut it down shut it down its a riot its a riot shouting, applause so youre welcome. Youre welcome, white people. Enjoy it. laughter but lets turn to the big story tonight. By now youve probably all heard that yesterday president barack obama finally made his big pick. And no, were not talking about march madness, were. laughter were talking about his selection to

Transcripts For COM The Daily Show 20160318

Patrick, but judging by the way people honor him, his most famous miracle must have been turning nine pints of beep bier into 10 pints of vomit. Apparently, this is supposed to be a religious holiday. Now, im no biblical scholar, but i dont remember jesus telling his followers to commit literally every sin possible until their bodies shut off. Thats not something i remember. Look, obviously, st. Patricks day isnt very big in africa. Youre not going to get a nigerian guy who is like, today, everyone is irish. laughter in america, though, a lot of people dont know this, black people are the whole reason st. Patricks day happens. You see, because by not participating, you can have six million drunk white people screaming on the streets. Yeah. But if one black guy showed up, the cops would be like, okay, shut it down. Shut it down. Shut it down its a riot its a riot so youre welcome. Youre welcome, white people, enjoy it. Lets turn to the big story tonight. By now youve probably all heard

Transcripts For COM The Daily Show 20160404

cheers and applause but before we begin, the other day on the show we talked a little about Artificial Intelligence and how computers are learning to play games, solve puzzles and enslave humans. But it turns out theyre going to start by taking over twitter. Microsoft adding Artificial Intelligence to social media. Company launched a chatbox named tay to learn how millennials communicate. Created by mashing together public data. Twitter is using emogies and short hand. Shes expected to speak bert as she talks with teens and young adults. Trevor wow, robots on twitter, are you at sara corner, follow me if you want to live. laughter heres what i love, microsoft programmed a robot to learn how humans communicate and the avenue they chose was twitter. How did that work out . Well, these are some of tays actual tweets. She started out sharing an upbeat, hello world and then telling her new friends, im stoked to meet you humans are super cool and then this is completely real, people as her p

Transcripts For COM The Daily Show 20160422

She herself escaped from slavery returned to the south time ask time again to help free hundreds of others. And on top of that, she invented water skiing. laughter now, thats thats a lie. But some of you doubted for a second. And you see, if you had more than a month of black history month, that wouldnt have happened. applause personally, personally, im excited about this. You know, i think it will be cool to go to a crowded restaurant and slip the host a 20 and be like, maybe my friend Harriet Tubman can help free up a table the same way she helped free up those slaves. Too much . All right. What makes this decision even more fitting for me is whose place shes taking. The u. S. Treasury confirmed yesterday, a former slaib and abolitionist Harriet Tubman will replace Andrew Jackson, who was a slave owner. An 1812 war hero but also an avowed slave owner accusinged of a Genocidal Campaign against native americans. Trevor yeah, scrak was kind of like batman, waging war against criminals.

Transcripts For COM The Daily Show 20160318

Suit yourselves, guys. Okay, honey. Lets lose the tops. All right. Got my lube. Okay. All right. Here we go. Dan yella. This is cool. This is fun. Its like a dream come true, honestly. All right. Mmm. Potent smell. Smells like sandwiches. Nice. From Comedy Centrals world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with trevor noah. cheers and applause captioning sponsored by Comedy Central trevor welcome to the daily show. Im trevor noah. Thank you so much, everybody. Thank you very much. Thank you so much. Youre in for a treat tonight. Our guest joining us, theo james is here cheers and applause theo james. But first things first, happy st. Patricks day, everybody. cheers and applause yeah. Yeah. I have to be honest i dont really know much about st. Patrick, but judging by the way people honor him, his most famous miracle must have been turning nine pints of beep bier into 10 pints of vomit. Apparently, this is supposed to be a religious holiday. Now, im no biblical scholar,

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