Get a keeper of the peedm itn bf fries and a 32ounce of tear gas for just 5. 99, or just beat me up and take it youre above the law. Its fascist franks, south of the loop, where our beef is the mussoleanest in town. Announcer its a late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight, for whom the cold spell. Plus stephen welcomes Greta Thunberg, with a special appearance by keeganmichael key, featuring jon batiste and stay homin. And now live on tape from a safe distance, its Stephen Colbert stephen what have you got going . What are you doing after this . A party. Stephen you know were not supposed to date the staff but i was just wondering what youre doing later . Ive got plans. Stephen mmm. Welcome to a late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. Id like to start the show with a little bit of good news. The first voting in the president ial election starts in six weeks. Are you registered to vote . Go register to vote. Right now. This is a good year to vote. And a lot of people are looking forwar
And ill take a picture of what im seeing so you know what im seeing just so we can try to get through the monologue. Well do the monologue like this but anyways, this is our show. Welcome, we have a great show. A, rhett and link, music from tones and i, but first, lets get to some jokes here, everybody. Well, im so excited about tonights show because we are filming the entire thing from Roger Goodells basement thats right tonight was night one of the nfl draft. And this year, the commissioner announced the picks from his basement and of course, right when he started talking, someone started vacuuming. [ knocking ] do you have to do that now [ knocking ] hey thats right, tonight was the nfl draft. You know things are nuts when the most exciting sports moment in six weeks is a guy in his basement reading names off an index card it was a virtual draft, which got pretty frustrating when players would be anxiously sitting at home and hear, the new England Patriots select [ audio cutting out
Steve from Rockefeller Center in the heart of new york city, its the tonight show, starring jimmy fallon tonight, join jimmy and his guests andy samberg jose andres, musical guest, Perfume Genius, and featuring the legendary roots crew and now, heres your host, Jimmy Fallon Jimmy hi thank you very much. Welcome to the tonight show. Thank you so much for watching i appreciate it. I want to welcome damon and stroh. Welcome back, guys [ applause ] nice to see you guys, again. We missed you. All right. Get ready for you better really laugh it up for these jokes. Here we go you are now the audience as well as the band lets get to some news here. Well guys, as coronavirus cases keep going up, and President Trumps Approval Rating keeps going down, hes decided to bring back something we havent seen in a while. Check it out three months later, unable to hold his rallies and floundering in the polls, President Trump announces the televised briefings are back jimmy thats right, today was trumps f
Change into my pajamas and when i come out of my room, i see that he has left his wallet. So i call him. He comes back to get it. I step out onto the porch with no shoes, in my pajamas. And instead of walking to the end of the porch and down the stairs, i just reach over the side of the porch to give him his wallet back. So, he rides up on his bicycle and just lets his bicycle fall and then reaches up to get his wallet now, at that moment, im reaching down and hes reaching up, a cop car pulls up, flashes its lights the cop gets out, and shes like, hold it right there we gotcha. Im like, okay now, everything she says to us she says with her hand on her gun. Now, im terrified, because while im a black lady, anthony is a black man, and this cop is a tiny, little white lady. Now, im scared. Anthonys scared ive had a lot of runins with the cops at this point and isnt it hilarious that when people say runins with the cops, they mean they got caught doing something . But when i say it, i just
Government response to the pandemic calling for better coordination of the distribution of medical supplies. Critical supplies. I believe our residents will do the right thing if they get Accurate Information to time calling on every elected official from the president on down to send the message that Wearing Masks works in the staying at home can slow the spread. Welcome to Washington Post letter on jonathan capehart, opinion writer for the Washington Post. Phoenix mayor kate gallego is making headlines for her criticism about arizonas governor and the federal government have responded to the coronavirus pandemic. Her city and surrounding county has seen a surge in new cases but not in testing. Last end of this week George Stephanopoulos you said it quote feels like they are declaring victory while we are in crisis mode. We will talk about all of that right now with mayor gallego. Welcome. Thank you so much for having me. Theres a lot to talk about. Youve made multiple requests to fem