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Transcripts For CNN Real Time With Bill Maher 20240916

Start the clock everybody. How are you doing hello. Down there hi everybody. How are you doing thank you very much. I know thank you very much. Hey wow. I appreciate it all stopped okay wow. I know why youre excited today because trumps in l. A. Today. Thats. Yeah. Can you feel it doing some fundraising also. Hes going to meet with the studios. Hes got a great idea for a remake of the truth about cats and dogs did you see the debate Tuesday Night . Wow. Now im just going by what cnn had 25 independents who didnt hadnt made their mind before the debate. She won 23 to 2. So thats pretty. I havent seen a Woman Beat an opponent that bad since that olympic boxer. With the suspicious high levels of testosterone uh wow it was pretty bad for him but halfway through it, he had a look on his face like, boy, wheres a sniper when you need one . Woo oh, we kid oh yeah. I mean, nobody thought he did good. His his teenage Son Barron was watching with some of the kids in his dorm. And at one time, at

Transcripts For CNN Real Time With Bill Maher 20240915

And now the hbo original series real time with bill maher the clock how are you doing? there robert baer. Hi everybody. How are you doing thank you very much. I know thank you very much. Hey wow. I appreciate it oh stop! okay. Wow. I know why you re excited today because trump s in l. A. Today. That s. Yeah. Can you feel it? doing some fundraising. Also, he s going to meet with the studios. He s got a great idea for a remake of the truth about cats. And dogs oh oh, man did you. Did you see the debate tuesday night? wow. Now i m just going by what cnn had 25 independents who didn t hadn t made their mind before the debate she won 23 to 2. So that s pretty. I haven t seen a woman beat an opponent that bad since that olympic boxer with the suspicious high levels of testosterone uh wow it was pretty bad for him but halfway through it, he had a look on his face like, boy, where s a sniper when you need one? oh, we kid oh yeah. I mean, nobody thought he did good. His teenage son, barron was

Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Trevor Noah 20240711

Imagine if i started learning ference today, and eight months after practicing, i dont speak french. And i think its a little insane that these restrictions are just now happening. Because weve known the importance of wearing a mask for months, and some states are just now putting a mask mandate into place. Only now . This is like hosting a pool party, and then in the last ten minutes saying okay, new rule no shitting in the pool. Yeah looking at you, david i mean, better late than never, but thats some shit floating around. But this is why it is so important to always wear a mask in public spaces. You can protect your loved ones and your whole community with a 3 strip of fabric, people. You have no excuse. And maybe youre saying, but trevor, im a rich snob. I would never wear something that only costs 3. Well, now you have no excuse, either. Who says staying safe cant also be a fashion statement . The worlds most expensive face mask now making its debut. The 1. 5 million mask was crea

Transcripts For KPIX The Late Show With Stephen Colbert 20240711

Were first coming in. If youre a big fan of uncertainty, youre going to love this. Also, youre going to love life because does god throw some curveballs. Lets sit back, relax, then tense up and give a look at the first time we didnt know what the hell was happening. The most contentious election in u. S. Histories. Still hours until the polls close. The Ugliest Campaign weve ever seen. The nation still reeling from the deadliest pandemic ever seen. The question all of america is asking are we bleep . With millions of mailin ballots still to be counted, cnn is now ready to project. Too early to call. Too early to call, huh . Wait till they get a lod load o. laughing this election, so historic, so crucial. Who will the People Choose . Perhaps a president who does not wish to murder me. Only time will tell. Sorry to interrupt, world, its your once and future president here, with an important election update. I smell a landslide cheering . Excuse me, senator, masks are required beyond this

Transcripts For KGO Jimmy Kimmel Live 20240712

He and jimmy are good friends, and theres no feud whatsoever. Its all completely made up. Great. What else can i burn to the ground . Guillermos not even mexican, hes polish. Real name is igor kowalski. Its a web of lies, guillermo how are you doing man . Guillermo pretty good. David how do i even know if thats true . Anyway, we will come back to you, maybe after the show is over. At the start of the pandemic, i was hosting my own show on comedy central. Now im guest hosting jimmys vlog in an empty pottery barn where they shoot young and the restless. Things are clicking. By the way, if you had told me ten years ago that today id be hosting a late night talk show in a house for no one, i wouldve said, yeah, but ill still have cool hair, right . Thats all im concerned about. You know, there are a lot of bad haircuts out there right now. A lot of tiktok haircuts. All weve had to do for the past five months is take edibles and cut our own hair. And ive really had some doozies over the yea

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