Ass is hardly even a dirty word. This has a few meanings you cant say on television. Like you said you made a perfect ass of yourself tonight. But you cant say hey, lets go get some [beep]. [laughter] announcer and if you think you are unshockable george its showtime. Announcer get ready for George Carlin. George i a professional am comedian. As opposed to the kind you run into at work all day long. Announcer over five incredible decades, comedy changed its look, changed its sound, and changed everything around us. George visine, do they look that red . [laughter] [applause] george can you hold that for me . Hey, now i need it. Now i need it. [laughter] hold them both for me. Now youre under arrest. Announcer through it all, one man was the walking, talking, ranting, raving, voice of the culture. George i call him muhammad ali because thats what he wants. Oh yeah, he is a big dude and he hits hard. Government wanted him to change jobs. Government wanted him to kill people. [laughter] [
And hes Battle Tested because hes already waged allout war with chrissy teigen. Whos the pussyassed bitch now . cheers and applause announcer its the late show with Stephen Colbert stephen welcomes Tom Hiddleston and marie osmond, featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause theme song playing stephen whoo come on welcome one and all, down here, up there, hey, everybody welcome so happy to see you. Welcome one and all, ladies and gentlemen, to the late show. Im your host Stephen Colbert. cheers and applause piano riff theres big doins is what there is. I mean, the wheel keeps on turning. On saturday, a major Oil Processing facility in saudi arabia was knocked out by drone strikes. Responsibility was immediately taken by Houthi Rebels. Also known as houthi and the blowup bleep . laughter its the translation. now, these Houthi Rebels are in yemen, so, were going to bomb iran. laughter or
tonight, but we do know biden has been working on it since november, that s over three months for one speech. this thing better be good. here s what the binder said the speech was going to be about. this is going to be a joe biden speech. and when you hear it, that s what you are going to hear. jesse: okay. i can listen to the binder explain biden all day. so much insight. but what is a biden speech? well, a biden speech is a story and that s what you re gonna hear tonight, the greatest story ever told. what he needs to do is tell a story. joe biden is an amazing story teller. you can sit in that oval office careen karine can tell you and tell a story for six hours. he needs to tell a story tonight. jesse: he may not be a great president he is a great story teller. his stories aren t true. that doesn t matter. old politicians know people don t want to hear the truth. the truth hurts. people want to hear a story because a story doesn t have to be true. it s just a stor
i ll tell yo u that now. also tonight, take a look at a screen. in a minute, w youe will hear fy our very own sarah carter righth here on set, who was accosted ae by far left protesters on the streets of new york . here s a quick preview of what went down and out of here. get out of here. get out of here with this fireball. we are here in peace and love from your general liberal pea democratic psycho. anyway, we havove the full videt . thank god she s okay.ad, sh straight ahead, she lle telllll us a story, but we begin only a few blocks away where former president trump was arraigned on thirty four felony charges. now, yesterday, for allegedly mislabeling a couple of documents, basically. now, of course, these charges were cooked up and stacked by a manhattan d.a. by the name of alvin bragg. if any fansf al hervie to ful a political fantasy campaign promise, which i have a big problem with , and like many liberals, dreams of seeing donald trump in orange jumpsuit onne b
She was in hair spray last night. I didnt get to see any of it. I want to see it. Dying to see it. Allstar cast. Watching empire. I could have watched it, i find it boring. At love fun, deeper than you think. It is thursday, december the, what is it . The eighth. Please dont. Because im still getting my Christmas Gift together. It is christmas morning. Oh, my gosh and you havent shopped. It is december the eighth, 2016. So, empire was on last night. Yes, it was, were you watching . No, we know everyones problems on empire, but will someone in the family actually do something about it . Have the tables turned on lucious . Listen to this. Whats really going on . Couple of current song write verse rewritten if for today, may give you some pause. Is that fernando . Who is that character . The man . Time to honor that special someone who is going there. And in their community. Hey, jen. Hey, guys, okay, so the guy that were not saying who the guy is, still surprising him. But he works for j