Greg thank you. This is for everybody. Greg happy wednesday everybody too big surprises donald trump has taken enough delegates to be presumptive nominee and joe biden is still alive. And bidens advance team is full of tour mail and tox says that he in turmoil describe in the president s underwear. Greg who writes this filth . You do. Greg i know. That extinct willie mast mast is almost been revived using it by using cells from the distant cousin. Greg we apologize to the wooly mammoth. The newest hero is an animated turd speaking of animated turds we didnt even write a punchline. A Spring Breaker admitted to cocaine use On Fox And Friends and her friends and family were outraged. That she appeared On Fox And Friends. A chuck norris turned 84 this week celebrating the kicking the crap out of his water aerobics class. Front lien airlines will allow them to pay extra they call it standing. Americans are wary of tipping glad i never started says 1 man. Oakland taco bells closing diving me
Happy wednesday everybody president bidens interview with the Weather Channel aired today. I know. The forecast was partly senile with a chance of precipitation in his pants. The only things cloudy were joes memories especially when it came to phone calls with hunters Business Associates. The one thing he didnt forget, how to touch someone without their permission. Are you prepared to declare a National Emergency with respect to Climate Change . I have already done that. It is the existential threat to humanity. You have already declared that National Emergency. Yeah. Thanks, appreciate it. That is the first time any woman said appreciate it after Making Contact with joe. If he is really concerned about the climate you know what he should have done. He should have eaten the bug. The tasty but tiny carbon footprint. It is cute. It reminds me how joe is always brushing the cocaine off of hunters lapels. And also how he was raised in a town called claymont, delaware. I was raised in a tow
[cheers and applause] greg thats all me thats my fault. My fault. All right, all right, all right. Happy wednesday, everybody. Tomorrow, both President Joe Biden and former President Donald Trump head to the texas border to duke it out on americas current migrant crisis. The sad part is only one of them will know where he is. [laughter] the other will think hes on a beach in delaware during cinco de mayo. For bidens part, this is only the second time hes been to the border during his presidency. The other time it was to pick up a package for hunter marked baby powder. [laughter] of course trump has been to the border numerous times, and its obvious why hes been talking about it for years. It just took forever for everyone else to catch up. The truth is that trump, that terrible knuckledragging vulgarian who they love to hate, shows he knows the pulse of america better than his opponent, who may not have a pulse himself. I know. Too far or not far enough . Sure, trump is a billionaire,
or on drugs, the war on poverty and so on, but not real war. it s a half a world away. both sides talk funny and those slobs on the view, never talked about it. so uh, i don t get to make fat jokes. but why is that ? well war is like a 401k. don t check on it until you cash out. maybe people will care when our army doesn t have any bullets left. but it s worth pointing out that admits this silence. there are two men on opposite sides of politics, who are actually speaking up, saying that the war s gotta end the moment you say that, of course, though, somebody s going to call you a putin puppet. to which you should respond. well you re a puppet of a puppet. and you both have your hands up each other s ass s a year ago. i said that unless you mitigate the war at the start, it becomes background noise like cnn while you re waiting at gate c seven. someone gets it. here s rfk jr. my own son, connor joined the foreign legion. and fought in the ukraine during the kharkiv offensive.
pride month. i m seeing rainbows everywhere, but the sky. let s talk about war. would you rather we do trans? all right. that is later in the show. war is a great topic. it s so great no one wants to talk about it. it is like bringing up 9/11 at a baby shower. yeah, that landed. that s proof. we re sending billions of dollars of weapons to ukraine, you wouldn t know it judging by the press. someone winds up with that issue prosecute. what if russia bombs a shipment? we can talk about that after world war iii. who is winning or loses and none of it makes sense. do we care? we love to talk about war, war on of po erty, war on drugs, not real world. it is half a world away, those people talk funny and the view never talks about it. i don t get to make fat jokes. 401(k), don t check until you cash it out. it is worth pointing out amidst silence, there are two men speaking up, saying the war has to end. the moment you say that, somebody will call you a putin puppet, to which you