[cheers and applause] greg thats all me thats my fault. My fault. All right, all right, all right. Happy wednesday, everybody. Tomorrow, both President Joe Biden and former President Donald Trump head to the texas border to duke it out on americas current migrant crisis. The sad part is only one of them will know where he is. [laughter] the other will think hes on a beach in delaware during cinco de mayo. For bidens part, this is only the second time hes been to the border during his presidency. The other time it was to pick up a package for hunter marked baby powder. [laughter] of course trump has been to the border numerous times, and its obvious why hes been talking about it for years. It just took forever for everyone else to catch up. The truth is that trump, that terrible knuckledragging vulgarian who they love to hate, shows he knows the pulse of america better than his opponent, who may not have a pulse himself. I know. Too far or not far enough . Sure, trump is a billionaire, but in the end hes a guy who puts catch up on his stakes. Joe put catch up on his pancakes thinking they are steaks. Trump cared about the border before its cool. Now dems are copying him. Biden will show up in an orange wig with Stormy Daniels on his arm. But hes known all along the border is a big issue to most americans, that an unending wave of morgans less vetted than a harvard president isnt a dream, its a nightmare. As we gear up for the showdown at the southern border, trump has got the homefield advantage, because he was their first when it was patriotic and not political. He was bouncing now because it is political . Biden. It took the death of a young woman before they were forced to book flights to el paso. Its like all of us had harassed Miss Training Presenting to make pretending to care. The media accuses those who force the issue of seizing. Republicans seizing on this horrific tragedy at the university of georgia, seizing on as an example of bidens failure to protect the American People and secure the border. Rileys death igniting a political firestorm, john burns indicating the house will take steps on illegal immigration. As if the initial fact were not horrifying enough where the sense of loss not deep enough by now and its all been compounded by the revelation the suspect was in this country unlawfully, and how quickly that fact became politicized. Greg so solemn. Every seizing . Damn right we are. Why arent you seizing, anderson . Still hung over from the shots on new years eve . A young woman had her life still in and as the rest paperwork shows, and the most brutal way possible. Its not that we are seizing on it, its at the media misses it every time. The only way they react to The Real News is if we shove it back in their faces, or in their words, seize, which is the new pounds. When they use that term it means please stop, you are humiliating us. Thats worse for them then missing the story. This morning and illegal is busted in connection with the murder of a 2yearold boy. Last month and illegal shot at cops here in new york, and in Louisiana A Honduran Man was arrested for attacking the 14 euros at knife point. Remember how they said laken rileys murder was evidence of the dangers of running alone . Maybe thats how they will cover these stories, too. That killing a child highlights the risk of having kids, or a cops murder highlights the benefits of defunding. Teen rape highlights the risk of puberty. Its the same logic trying to live in a free society that makes us at fault. So yeah, the dems and the legacy media are on the ropes. Sure, you can all get together at the white house Correspondents Dinner and laugh at trumps hair, but dont you realize your day is done . The legacy media is like a former Star High School quarterback who now sells shoes for a living. Except, unlike al bundy, their glory days were never glorious to begin with. Today those bastards the longest at the national agenda. You do. And like that crazy ex to keep going back to you, donald trump always has. It is not so much that todays border cast shows that trump was right all along, it shows that you, america, were right all along. No one voted for open borders, and Neither Party supports it. Trump was just willing to listen. The fact is, his willful blindness on the border strikes most americans as far more vulgar than anything trump has said about anything. If you remember, it was trump who said back in 2016 that we have some bad vulgar than anything trump has hombres and we are going to get them out. They were willing to pounce on that because it was racist and xenophobic, and, as it turns out, common sense. Like so many promises, he kept this one, too, by rounding up ms13 members in long island. But the dems cant get over the rhetoric and the oh so precious feelings of the illegals. Heres the mayor of athens, georgia, addressing bastards murder today. We center our work here in peoples humanity, and part of everybodys humanity is the expectation of human dignity. 2019 was not that long ago. You might remember the dynamically reliving in in the late teens in this country, where you had the president of the United States speaking in the most vile terms about people who were foreignborn. And you had that metastasize. Greg how do you say asswipe in spanish . Did he forget he was there to focus on a young womans heinous murder at the hands of someone who shouldnt be here in the first place . And all they could do was focus on trump most vile terms not that long ago . [bleep] you. Trumps words may not have always been elegantly phrased like that one, but he is honest, accurate, and relevant to the actual lives of americans. If the polls or any judge, americans want the hombre hes been willing to seize all along. As Hopalong Joe Limps into town to fix a crisis he created and now blames on republicans, it is no surprise that many texans are saying too a little, too late. We need a new sheriff in town, one with a sixgun in his holster, not melted soft serve. Lets welcome tonights guests he gets a standing o whenever he cancels a show. Actor, writer, and comedian, jamie lissow [cheers and applause] he knows free speech like i know a nude beach. Nicholas giordano raccoons complain shes been going through their trash. New york times bestselling author and fox news contributor, kat timpf and when he gives you a piece of his mind, it gets delivered on a forklift. New york times best selling author, comedian, and former n. W. A. World champion, tyrus [applause] tyrus i just raise the roof. Greg jamie, always a pleasure to see you, and i mean it this time. I didnt write this question. Jamie, can you relate them visiting the border to you visiting your kids who were taken away with Everything Else in life by your exwife, leaving you as a sad and broken comedian from alaska . Jamie completely. Wow, that was right on the nose. Greg [laughs] jamie the last thing you showed, where biden was eating ice cream, i was looking and i was like, i dont know if we can say definitively thats ice cream. Because thats how they serve him all his food. That could have been a bologna sandwich. Somebody says, can i get an extra straw for my steak . I hope when trump becomes president he builds a wall while joe biden is in mexico. [laughter] so trump went to could just quickly on pouncing on stories, you talk about things when tragedies happen. Thats why it comes up. It is not necessarily politicizing it. Of course trump has been there before. Hes going to eagle pass. Biden is going to brownsville, which i have a feeling every time biden doesnt get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, he wakes up in brownsville. [laughter and applause] greg nicely done. Shall he stop there . Nick, i always love how, whenever there is any kind of political issue, you will hear a democrat or a liberal say we need to have a conversation. It is good that we have a conversation. But then when you have an opinion on a conversation, they accuse you of pouncing. Nick well, they try and turn the issue around paid the media is soulless. Thats what they become. They are more angry with the fact that they got caught trying to sweep the murder under the rug, and now they have to report it. Its an illegal immigrant who shouldnt have been in this country, than they are of the actual murder of an american. It shows you where this country has gone. We have political officials that have completely abandoned the American People, and they should be held accountable. Their policies are destroying the United States. Our adversaries get to sit back and watch us implode, and i just wish the former president tomorrow would actually show up in brownsville instead at the same time biden is there, they roll out to podiums that have a debate on illegal immigration right at the border. It would be a genius idea, payperview event. [applause] greg thats an amazing idea, because if biden refuses to debate, all trump has to do is go to places that represent an issue, so we can go to a supermarket about inflation. Nick hes great at trolling, he should do it. Spewing that causes joe to show up and then they have to debate. Im glad i thought of this. Thank you. We will clip everything you set out and pretend i said it. Kat, do you think the only reason biden is going is because trump is going . Kat yes. I do have an analogy. Biden is a guy who doesnt really want to commit, doesnt want to get married, and trump is all of his girlfriends friends. Because all of his girlfriends friends are getting married, and he can only be a Smiling Bridesmaid at so many of those weddings before she goes [bleep] crazy. The Champagne Toast is nothing compared to the Sobbing Meltdown in a hotel room after every wedding. So eventually has to propose. This is actually true, i was going through this. He gave his girlfriend and Engagement Bracelet to try to buy some time. You want to hear the worst part . She accepted it. She waited around more, and then they actually got married and then, can you guys believe he cheated on her . [laughter] greg Engagement Bracelet, thats going to be a thing now. Tyrus if the story ended differently, then he got his money together and got a beautiful ring. But i thought would happen. They got married, he cheated, divorced, and she was sick with a bracelet. Probably an impending doom gift, to be fair. One fan in the crowd tonight. Thanks for coming. You finish the show. Greg what do you think joe is going to do at the border, and what are the odds of him maybe not showing up . Tyrus what is joe biden going to do at the border . Im not good at impressions but i have an idea three things will happen. He will walk the runway, face the wrong side of the fence, because he will be standing in front of the fence, the cleanest, most beautiful if i was the mayor of any city, i would rather have biden coming to my city to speak of the border. Because nothings going to change after the speech, but its going to be clean. Its going to be gorgeous. Trump is going to go down the road, there will be all these people and fans and supporters that show up, litter bugs, balloons, confetti, and itll be this this magnificent thing and the electric bill for the city, all the plugin cameras and people showing up, and hes actually going to be in an area which is heavily traffic by illegal alien crossings, so there might even be some action. Im willing to say hell be up there like, theres one right there, look. [laughter] somebody get a picture. When i get in, im getting you. Something like that. Now we are all impersonators. The ugly thing of it is that conservatives arent against people coming to this country. We are against people coming illegally. There is a magic word, illegal. [applause] and invasion. Thats the issue. Pouncing theres always a new term. Pouncing is something cats used to do two things they were going to eat. Now it is from one network the decides to tell the truth and the other didnt want to. You are pouncing, picking stories. I dont even want to get into the horribleness of the story, but its not pouncing. It is telling the news, and maybe if they got back Anderson Cooper is supposed to be a news man. Instead all we hear is opinions. Jake tapper, someone i respected, i cant make that argument anymore because they are so bought into, just say what you want to say. If this is the way we want our country run, we break a few eggs, guys. We break a few eggs. Greg i think cnn has invented what is called the cnn face. Have you ever noticed that . It is just a look of, like [laughter] tyrus resting cnn face. Greg it is resting disappointed face. All of them do a variation of that invented by mr. Anderson cooper. All right, up next, a club that cant take a joke if the comic isnt woke. Do you remember the pain, the worry, the canceled plans . And look at me now. Youll never truly forget migraine but qulipta reduces attacks making zeromigraine days possible. Its the only pill of its kind that blocks cgrp and is approved to prevent migraine of any frequency. To help give you that forget you get migraine feeling. Dont take if allergic to qulipta. Most common side effects are nausea, constipation and sleepiness. Learn how abbvie could help you save. Qulipta, the forgetyouget migraine medicine. Before my doctor and i chose breztri for my copd, i had bad days. [cough] flare ups that could permanently damage my lungs. With breztri, things changed for me. Breztri gave me better breathing. Starting within 5 minutes, i noticed my Lung Function improved. It helped improve my symptoms, and breztri was even proven to reduce flare ups, including those that could send me to the hospital. So now i look forward to more good days. Breztri wont replace a Rescue Inhaler for sudden Breathing Problems. It is not for asthma. Tell your doctor if you have a Heart Condition or high Blood Pressure before taking it. Dont take breztri more than prescribed. Breztri may increase your risk of thrush, pneumonia, and osteoporosis. Call your doctor if worsened breathing, chest pain, mouth or tongue swelling, problems urinating, vision changes, or eye pain occur. Cant afford your medication . Astrazeneca may be able to help. Ask your doctor about breztri. [applause] greg they told comics to skedaddle at a club in seattle. Pretty good, huh . I speak of a comedy club that canceled performances of four comedians apparently they deemed problematic, leaving seattle resident serious because this gives them four fewer victims to rob. The list includes luis gomez and three guys you have seen on this ratio, kurt metzger, dave smith, and Jim Florentine. What exactly was the clubs issue connect besides that there pronouns are he, him, and his. An email sent to the comics cited discussions with local comedians and Neighborhood Groups, and reads in part, the capitol hill is known for its progressive values, and we have received significant feedback expressing concerns about the alignment of these upcoming shows with the neighborhoods ethos. This feedback includes concerns from local Advocacy Groups that are deeply embedded in our community and work toward upholding its values. So, they were concerned about aligning with their neighborhood ethos, and what neighborhood is that . Well, the club is located just around the corner from the former capitol hill autonomous zone, or chaz. What to mike which im pretty sure is latin for hellhole. Remember that communist paradise paradise . Its where they took over the summer of 2020, the summer of love, the site of multiple shootings, two debts, arson, and alleged sexual assault. Imagine the gaza strip but with more human feces. It cost the city millions in damages, but thank god they are protecting that from unwoke comics. The only thing they will assault as your precious feelings. To sum it all up, these guys are bad because they are actually funny, and you cant have that In A Woke Environment where crime is preferable to comedy. They prefer criminals killing on the streets, not comedians killing on stage. Which is why they wanted to get jamie lissow, but he was busy babysitting his kids because his exwife was on a date with a hotter looking guy. Jamie mmhmm, facts. Greg [laughs] kat, i am theorizing here that the clubs knew they were hiring. They knew these people, so they canceled it because they found out about the comedians. They had to cancel because they were threatened. Right . Whats going on . Kat they just did these guys the biggest favor they could ever possibly if you know who any of these people are, i cant imagine anything better for their careers than to get a cancellation happening to them. I mean, like, luis gomez and dave smith . Wait until the fans of the podcast, legion of skanks, find out people think they are offensive it is so absurd, and the buzzword more than anything is local comedians, as in people who go to open mics and are not successful and are very upset, not so much at the content of what these guys are saying, but at the fact that they are not as successful as they are. I think that is what so much of this stuff is rooted in. Maybe if i can become a nationally known comedian i can take one down. But really you did is lifted them up. Greg i didnt think of that. The local comedians, what do they like . Tyrus i know exactly what they like. They come to the stage, and the first thing they have to do, everybody right there pronouns on a piece of paper, theres a pad and paper and the number two pencil with a special eraser in case you are triggered by ru rubber. And then we will begin the show. The problem is that takes an hour and 45 minutes, because listen, i think the club at first actually wrote on twitter, until Jim Florentine steps in. I have a perfect example. Last weekend thank you, but not yet. Hold it steady. Last week i was in andover, massachusetts, and i did a stand up show, 1500 seats, sold out. It was like 200 people wanted to come in standing. It was crazy. Because 40 miles away a club in boston said, well, our community we are not sure tyrus is a good fit. The only thing i said was to find me the closest club close to it, and we did that. My advice to them was do the same thing. Find a club, you four get together, because i book my own [bleep]. No agent, my wife does it all. A book wherever i want to. They should do the same thing. You get way more money anyway if you do it yourself, trust me. But they need to do that, because the point is, let them have it. The only other thing i was going to say is the crime is so bad there, the club is already on its way to going out of business because of woke comedians. Or they tell the guys dont come because theyre afraid of getting there [bleep] burned down. Thats the other side of it. Thats why you never get mad at the club. I say cool, thank you. Gps me something close, just to make a point. So make the point, but it also could be that they are scared of doing anything because theres no help from law enforcement, no help from the government, they are bringing these guys and getting threats, and theyve been living in this [bleep]. They live it every day. So maybe dont take it so personally and be like, maybe this was just a thing for all those guys. And they can book an event and get people to come. [applause] it is pretty interesting that no comics torched a business or attacked a Police Station or rioted in the knowgo zone, but they are the ones. Nick this is why comedy isnt funny anymore. You have these comedy clubs who want to go woke. No one wants to pay for virtue signaling. You need to hear that . Does turn on the news are going to a college classroom, you can hear it all the time. It used to be that conservatives were the uptight ones, but you look at the numbers now, a third of americans think that Freedom Of Speech goes too far, and if we look at the age group, 1629, over 50 believe it goes too far. So they are the uptight ones. You got to push the envelope. There is no boundaries. Its all about free speech. I grew up in the era of eddie murphy and richard pryor, george carlin. I was eight years old. You had to watch what your parents watched on tv back then. They didnt coddle you. You just watch and laugh. That is what made it fun. Now we have you, we have jamie, we have chappelle. Greg in that order. [laughter] nick tyrus, of course, kat. When you are looking at it, those that push the boundaries are the ones that win. They are the ones that are funny and bringing in the crowds, and hopefully this comedy club does go out of business because of it. Greg i think this is a perfect sent for you, jamie. The next timely dishes get canceled, which is probably tomorrow, say that it was over threats over your too hot to handle material. Jamie yesterday they canceled the show because no one was coming and i was like, the five of us are out of here i was so upset when the story cannot. I called the club and said, can i work there . [laughter] i was so jealous. You are right, kat. When i saw the story, all four of those guys are incredible comics. They are all hilarious. If you are big with Neighborhood Groups and open micers, i guarantee you are not fun if you are a favorite of those guys. But i was so jealous. Lets say their goal is that people dont hear this unwoke comedy. I know so many people that google and youtube these guys today, they did the opposite of what they wanted to do, and makes me happy for these guys. I think they did book a club down the road, the tulsa comedy club. I was there maybe four weeks ago, it was sold out pages massive gutfeld fans pack the place. Im down with i just did a college, i said i would never do them again, and it was good money, so i got hired at this college. Before the show, a girl comes up and goes, heres a list of the things you cant talk about. Im not kidding. If you had dropped her list and my set list, they were the same. [laughter] but im happy for these guys. Its not a big deal for them at all. Happy for them. Greg then im happy for you, jamie. Tyrus you should be hes in a wonderful relationship, his career is going well. Stand up to him youre not divorced loser guy anymore you are happily rebounding guy getting through it jamie god, if you like my parents are fighting. Tyrus you have black parents . Hold on black history month. In my not alone tonight . We got an extra day. Dont clap. [laughter] greg up next, brats expected a Chocolate River, but willy wonka didnt deliver. [applause] hey. You seein this . Wait. Wheres the dish . There aint one. Youre tellin me you can get directv The Good Stuff and you dont need a Satellite Dish . Oh, i used to love doin my business on those things youre one sick pigeon. Them dishes kept the rain off our beaks we just have different priorities is all. Satellitefree directv. Never thought id see the day. Well, our lifespans are quite short. Stream directv without a Satellite Dish. Im going to do this thing with my neck, just for a bit. Everybody wants super straight, super white teeth. They want that Hollywood White smile. New sensodyne clinical white provides 2 shades whiter teeth and 24 7 sensitivity protection. I think its a great product. Its going to help a lot of patients. Oh, its cold outside. Time to protect your vehicle from winters wrath. Of course, the hot sun can be tough on vehicles too. You need weathertech. Laser measured floorliners and cargo liner will shield the carpeting from sand and snow. For your interior, theres Seat Protector and sunshade. Plus, mud flaps and bumpstep for the exterior. While the new impactliner, with Shock Absorbing rings, safeguards your truck bed from costly damage. Order American Made products at wt. Com surfs up what is cirkul . Cirkul is the fuel you need to take flight. Cirkul is the energy that gets you to the next level. Cirkul is what you hope for when life tosses lemons your way. Cirkul, available at walmart and drinkcirkul. Com. [applause] greg thank you [cheers and applause] stop it willy wonkas magic turned out to be tragic. This Chocolate Factory was unsatisfactory. Outrage in glasco tyrus sounds good. Greg after families paid 44 a ticket to what they thought was going to be an Out Of This World willy wonka experience, but it was anything but. Now the Chocolate Experience had billed itself as a fantasy like never before, we can capture the enchantment. But trust me, when someone promises a fantasy like never before, dont you buy it. Im still healing from Larry Kudlows slip and slide party. [laughter] there is no slip and slide, just a jar of ky. It was also supposed to be featuring an enchanted garden with giant sweets and blooms magical surprises, which is the same language Brian Kilmeade uses to get people to his van. They also promoted their Imagination Lab with mindexpanding projections and optical marbles, and a Twilight Tunnel with enigmatic sounds and a dimly lit passage. Which reminds me, im overdue for a colonoscopy. [laughter] but there was none of that. Instead they got a dingy warehouse. Look at that. It looks more like a molester hideaway, not a Chocolate Factory. Its so seedy, even kat wont stay there. For longer than six months. Look at that [bleep], its not even suitable enough to house migrants. I have seen crack dens with ambience. No candy coated magic whatsoever. And there is a rainbow, some dimestore wall art, if You Candy Canes and lollipops and some toadstools. Not un An Oompa Loompa insight except for this sad faced little person. Is that meth . I dont think those are bonbons of the speakers. The entire thing was shut down in the company apologized and promised full refunds. But it was so bad, apparently, the scottish parents actually called the cops. I believe we have that 911 tape. 911, with the emergency . Im at the willy wonka Chocolate Experience, and its absolute [bleep]. Where are the gobstoppers . Im freaking out calm down. How can i come down when theyre not giving life lessons in the form of song . I paid 35 pounds for this i expected to be an elevator that goes sideways and slant ways and longways and back ways and square waves and front legs and any other ways i can think of. This isnt really a police matter. The Chocolate River isnt even a wee bit edible these people should be behind bars. Wonka bars, maybe. Do you have some . Are they scrumdiddlyumptious . Please it was a joke. Stop, dont. Come back. [applause] greg nicholas, you have kids. Is there any lesson here for parents . Nicholas i wish i could have taken my kids to this. Visited cheap price to make it to teach them about discipline. Expectations dont match reality and have to handle realworld situations. They also get the lesson on buyer beware. So i would look at the positivity of this as opposed to the negativity. Lets face it, the parents, they coddle their children too much. We have all been to these horrible events of they have to bring our kids through and we have to suffer through it, so why cant we take our kids to an event where they have to be disappointed . I think this works all around. Greg yes, crush their innocence. Nicholas exactly. And i do have experience with the Polar Express righted paid a lot of money for that didnt match expectations. Tyrus the train show . I paid for that [bleep] i was mad as [bleep] we had already read the book at home. I was like, my kids are having a good time because i raised them poor. [laughter] thats the thing, im going [bleep]. I would have took my kids to this and they wouldve had a blast. Daddy, look, rainbow that would have tore it up. Greg it looks like a really bad art museum. Tyrus it looks like events we have to go to. I grew up poor and broke. We went to the fair and you paid the extra money to go see the headless cow that was jumping and frolicking, and its in a jar. You know what im talking about. The two headed baby, the Mermaid Thing that clearly was so [bleep] by just watching all this, and they had one really huge by todays standards, not that big anymore, but back in the day, now she would have to get to jobs, be the big girl and the bearded lady. And the guy Walking Around he said hes a world strong as man, but i was bigger than him, so i was like, i dont believe this guy. And you had a guy, they lift up the curtain and they are like, look, crackhead. And unfortunately greg stayed around a little too long and went and investigated and saw the crackhead smoking cigarettes, which led to why that monologue makes so much sense. You got a lot out. That was gregs childhood in between the staff, all that stuff that was being said. You can find that crazy man. Greg it was the Allentown County Fair sideshow. They will have a guy, this is what happens when youre on drugs, and i cut them on a smoke break absolute normal. Tyrus did you ask for a refund . Greg yes it was 2. 50. Jamie, you are used to disappointing children. Jamie i think you made a great point to got missed a moment ago, they could have pretended this was a modern art exhibit. Because you cant mock art. You just have to go, they should have changed it. Im with everyone else on the panel so far. I dont mind this at all because i judge of experience with my children as, how long is this going to [bleep] take . [laughter] if we walk in somewhere and they go, i love it here im like, oh, no, its going to be ours. This, a minute or less come in and out. If i was in charge of this, i wouldve been like, no, this is based on the tim burton one. Greg they should have changed a movie and said this is some other movie, or they could have said its a medical exhibit. You are inside a giant stomach. Tyrus that is starving. Kat i disagree with everyone. Im on these parents side paid first, this happened in scotland. If you grew up in a culture we have to put on a plaid skirt and sucking just to play an instrument, you might be a little sensitive to people not committing to the bit. Tyrus your twitter is going to be ugly tonight. Speech he is speaking of twitter, i saw this video that change my mine. This is unbelievable. Makes chocolate and lives in the walls so these people werent just disappointed, they might have actually thought they were going to die. Youre in this empty warehouse with this thing coming out, lunging at your children i mean, that was unnecessary. Greg they should turn this into a movie that is so bad its good. This could be a hit. The worst Traveling Show ever. Tyrus i believe the working actor described it as weird dreams go to die. Greg [laughs] we got to move on. Coming up, he thought estrogen would do the trick to steal his buddys check. Lawyering and. Liaming. All on my own. Count on me, mia. Ill file your taxes for you with 100 accuracy, guaranteed. 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Estrogen i know everybody wants to be able to snap their fingers and switch whenever that argument doesnt go their way, but it doesnt quite go that way with the human body. Putting estrogen in a mans body is bad news. It is like he was measuring it. I want to make sure hes safe. He was trying make you miss feminine as possible, which only hurts his chance of stealing the girl. Because she picked him when he was at his best, they are together, and now the normal man things that dont work will start irritating her. Theyre not going to be there anymore because suddenly hes a good listener. [laughter] help suddenly hes watching netflix and hes the one going this is beautiful and hell say things at breakfast like go on. [laughter] which will only strengthen the relationship. When he goes crying to her not understanding why his Erectile Dysfunction is happening, shes going to understand. Because he wont do a guy thing and pick a fight with her because we are having issues and going to the bar at 12 00 in the afternoon and explaining your woes to a stripper with your wifes credit card. [laughter] hes winning. Throwing that out there. Greg kat, in the old days a guy would get steroids and get big to enact the grill. This is the opposite. Hes giving his Rival Estrogen so he can remain the same, but the guy can turn to a lady kat first of all, thank you for doing your part to educate me about the old days. Thats what i learn all about it from. Safe to say i think his shot with this girl is over. But also the way he found out was he told them he got really drunk and told them he was doing this. Everyone in the world knows what it feels like to drink too much and be like, i dont know if i should have said that. Imagine the next morning. None of anything anyone has ever said compares to getting so drunk that you tell your buddy and his fiancee that you are obsessed with her and therefore you have been dosing it with estrogen so she would like you better. Greg jamie, do you believe this . Jamie i think i do. I would like to apologize right now, i have actually been putting estrogen in joe machis Estrogen Drinks. [laughter] tyrus that actually makes sense. In his Estrogen Drinks . [laughter] greg terrible. Tyrus i thought it was milk shakes jamie hes having serious problems. He went to the doctor, they told him his vagina was swollen. [laughter] they are putting it in his preworkout drinks. Before my shows, they hand out cream walk out drinks. Tyrus i was with you all the way till the end, jamie. Now you just kind of greg you shoehorned that a joke into the topic jamie i fully knew it would bomb and still did it. Greg do you want another one . Tyrus that joke, and his marriage. T jamie when i want to fel like i took estrogen i will just hang out with tyrus and feel like a woman. Tyrus you can even sit in my lap. Greg whatever happened to giving a girl flowers to meg what happened to The Good Old Days . Beside The Good Old Days are gone. I think it is partly a p. R. Stunt. If its real, it shows you how dumb and stupid we have become. We are just on the decline as human beings. Sooner or later, robots will overtake us. Greg my theory is that it was a Publicity Stunt from an obscure metal band. If so, it was awesome nonetheless. I think that was a great p. R. Creativity. Tyrus but they broke up. Nicholas now they can reunite and have added tension. Reunite and have added tension. Greg u up next, the fun wont quit because the Animal Friends are legit. Ef that lasts. Thats my babyyy ow get mucinex instasoothe. Its comeback season. Were you worried the wedding would be too much . Nahhhh. Inner Monologue another Destination Wedding . . Why cant they use my backyard with empower, we get all of our financial questions answered. So we dont have to worry. Empower. Whats next. [music this little light of mine] in the worlds poorest places, children with cleft conditions live in darkness and shame. Theyre shunned, outcast, living in pain. You can reach out and change the life of a suffering child right now. A surgery that take as little as forty five minutes and your act of love can change a childs life forever. Please call, scan or go online to give a new smile. Thousands of children are waiting. If you love all the birds and trees all the fishes in the seas if you take videos of pets its as good as it gets this segment is for you we hope you are free Dreams Come True its time to celebrate gregs Animal Friends celebrate gregs Animal Friends [applause] greg jamie, you go first. Jamie this is my video. Its this really cute seal. The whole time i read the story i was like, dont make a joke, its too easy. Dont Say Something like they got this from joy behars vision board. Or this is Brian Stelter after a fast. I wont do that. I will say its one of the best looking protesters ive ever seen. Greg nick, what you got . Live of the video i picked, i think its a good video because it is fitting. The second i saw it, it is a cow but it reminded me of seth meyers watching joe biden lick ice cream. And i think it is time the democrats ditched the donkey and go with the cow going forward. Greg kat, what do you have tonight . Kat its just cute, its not about joe biden. A kitty and look cats are amazing, you guys. Thank you, thank you. Greg close us out. Tyrus my take, my prize couple, as you can see them fighting off everyone trying to eat their eggs, had their babies. The dark when is the woman. Her stripes come out when she doesnt want him to mess with her. So i took the babies out, and the female is a blood five, so i crossed them and this is with the baby has ended up looking like. That super color, im a pretty proud papa. Theres like 20 of them and theres only two because of budget cuts. That is for my maga fans come hes even got the little purple. Greg thats maga country over there. All right, dont go away. Is well be. Right back. Skyr [applause]izi, i like that. 3 out of 4 people achieved 90 clearer skin at 4 months. And skyrizi is just 4 doses a year after 2 starter doses. Serious allergic reactions and an increased risk of infections or a lower ability to fight them may occur. Tell your doctor if you have an infection or symptoms, had a vaccine, or plan to. Nothing on my skin means everything nothing is everything ask your dermatologist about skyrizi. Learn how abbvie could help you save. Get help reaching your goals with j. P. Morgan wealth plan, a digital money coach in the chase mobile® app. Use it to set and track your goals, big and small. And see how changes you make today. Could help put them within reach. From your first big move to retiring poolside and the other goals along the way. Wealth plan can help get you there. J. P. Morgan wealth management. Ill be honest. By the end of the day, my floors. Yeesh. But who has the time to clean . Thats why i love my swiffer wetjet. Its a quick and easy way to get my floors clean. Wetjet absorbs and locks grime deep inside. Look at that swiffer wetjet. From the 1 rated brand in cordless outdoor power, the ego zeroturn riding mower with esteer technology. Drives like a car, turns on a dime. And it cuts up to 2. 5 acres on a single charge. Exclusively lowes, ace, and ego authorized dealers. Upbeat music asthma. It can make you miss out on those epic hikes with friends. Step back out there, with fasenra. Fasenra is an addon treatment for Eosinophilic Asthma that is taken once every 8 weeks. Fasenra helps prevent asthma attacks. Most patients did not have an attack in the first year. Fasenra is proven to help you breathe better so you can get back to doing daytoday activities. And fasenra helps lower the use of oral steroids. Fasenra is not for sudden Breathing Problems or other eosinophilic conditions. Allergic reactions may occur. Dont stop your Asthma Treatments without talking with your doctor. Tell your doctor if your asthma worsens. Headache and sore throat may occur. Tell your doctor if you have a parasitic infection. Get back to better breathing. Get back to what youve missed. Ask your doctor about fasenra, the only asthma treatment taken once every 8 weeks. If you cant afford your medication astrazeneca may be able to help. Greg we are out of time thanks to jamie lissow, nicholas giordano, kat timpf, tyrus. I love you, america. [applause] trace good evening. Im trace gallagher. Its 11 00 p. M. On the east coast, 8 00 here in