Im Judge Jeanine pirro, along with harold Ford Jr. , jesse watters, gillian turner, and greg gutfeld. Its 5 00 in new york city, and this is the five. Please welcome Kamala Harris [cheers and applause] can you feel, can you feel the joy rising in here . I can. Judge Jeanine Lord help us. Kamala harris getting the Softball Sit down of the century with Oprah Winfrey. The Media Mogul hosting a starstudded Town Hall for the Vice President , inviting a bunch of fallen fawning alist celebrities to kiss her Butt And Act like they are so excited. Hello, president harris. [cheers and applause] 47 days. 47 days. Ive always been a fan of kamala. Everyone is so energized. In this campaign, to beautiful, wonderful Kamala Harris. Judge jeanine for all of that hollywood glam couldnt save kamala from being her usual Train Wreck self. Harris painfully rambled through the simplest questions about the economy and The Border. It even force oprah at one point to swoop in and bail her out. Yours is a story
ThIs was a failure on the part united states secretortant service. Its iMportant that we hold ourselves accountabl to e for o the failures of july 13th. The secret Service Wont tell us who screwed up, but PriMe TiMe hast priM their NaMes. T on i Cant CoMMent on thIs. ThIs Is a personal Matte T Ird t that Is still pending. We believe in what can bel be and we believe in Fighting F for that. Or thats how thats how we caMe into being. KaMala bob aMes, her Oprah Interview. Whoa. My staff will deal with that later. Youre legendary for the parties that you throw. We need Alcohol Locks on the doors alcohol. Sounding kind of dangerous now. P diddy on Suicide Watch. I was like a sex. Okay. Plus, dr. Dr. Dr. Dr. Drtor. Fox news alert. A it took two Months and a Secondt Assassination AtteMpiot Foro Fi the Secret Service to finally adMit it. AlMost gonat T TruMp killed in butler. The Secret Service has. The Man responsible, adding a building the Site Plan. We cannot abdicatewevocate or dt our resp
[cheering and applause] [cheering and applause] yes, all right! yes! let not your be troubled. It is friday so you know what that means, let s welcome tonight s guest. She has witnessed more fights than a cashier at a waffle house , charlie! [cheering and applause] greg: if it seems like he is judging you, that s his job, comedian vince august! [cheering and applause] greg: her husband tried to convince her that talking is bad for the baby. New york times bestselling author, cat! [cheering and applause] greg: and you need sir edmund hillary to see if he has dandruff. New york times bestselling author, comedian and former nwa world champion, tyrus! [cheering and applause] all right all right, all right. Before we get to some news stories, let s do this. greg leftovers! greg: it is leftovers where i read the jokes we didn t use this weekend is always it is my first time reading them so if they suck we will by joe a pager from one of our jewish friends in tel aviv. [laughter] greg: te
Story #1: Google's new A.I., Gemini, is here to tell you the founders of America were not white, but black and Indian. ALSO, the current state of real life is funnier than satire with the CEO of The Babylon Bee Seth Dillon.
Story #2: With cell phones out across America, how long would it take to go