Man. Dave has been on the air my entire adult life, late night debuted my first year in college. I learned more from watching dave than i did from going to my classes. cheers and applause . Especially especially the ones i did not go to because i had stayed up until 1 30 watching dave. applause this man has influenced every host who came after him, and even a few who came before him. Hes that good. laughter and i gotta tell you, i do not envy whoever they try to put in that chair. cheers and applause Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen cheers and applause stephen folks, folks, those are some huge shoes to fill, and some really big pants. laughter nation, wedding vows are supposed to last till death do us part, but with todays divorce rate, sadly, half of marriages dont end in death. This is Cheating Death with stephen t. Colbert, d. F. A. Yes, sir, wheres the pretty lady . laughter . Stephen depression edition. First up, folks, a disclaimer eye am not a medi
Tonight a new breakthru in medicine, a pill that doesnt give you a boner. Then america is enveloped in record cold, luckily americans are enveloped in record fat. And my guest author ishmael beah was a child soldier, still better adjusted than a child actor. Happy birthday to north koreas kim jungun, please accept our gift of dennis rodman. No returns. This is the colbert report. Captioning sponsored by Comedy Central stephen, stephen, stephen, stephen, Stephen Stephen, stephen, Stephen Stephen, stephen, Stephen Stephen thank you, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the report, good to have you with us. cheers and applause folks, i tell you, with a welcome like that, was that not a welcome . Thank you. Folks, with that kind of welcome it is almost as if you knows whats coming. Folks, huge news tonight. The president of the United States of new jersey chris christie, is in hot water. Okay, hold on, i just pictured him in a hot tub. Shake it off. New emails link top aides in the Christie Ad
Captioning sponsored by Comedy Central cheers and applause stephen welcome to the report, everybody. Thank you so much for joining us. Thanks so much. Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen stephen. Stephen thank you so much, ladies and gentlemen. cheers and applause thank you so much. Ladies and gentlemen, weve got to folks, i gotta tell you, one quick thing, one quick thing. I know weve got a big show to do tonight, but one thing before we get started, there was some big news last week that slipped through my news crack, and it concerns someone ive admired for years, and yet surprisingly is not me. Im talking about david letterman, who last thursday night announced his retirement. And i am going to miss this good man. Dave has been on the air my entire adult life, late night debuted my first year in college. I learned more from watching dave than i did from going to my classes. cheers and applause . Especially especially the ones i did not go to because i had stayed
Midterms. Speaker pelosi leaves taiwan and its troubles filled. Chinas blockade of the island and its workings begin. With the Red Air Force layovers we solutions with u. S. Deteriorate. Alex jirgens accused of perjury. The blunder jones lawyers made revealing the truth that could cause the conspiracy pressure big money. Me to the paraglider and chute didnt open. Ago so quick, youre focused on the job and what you need to do. What he did but saved his life. The Justice Department subpoenas Donald Trumps white house lawyer. What it is like to feel the metaverse. A very pleasant afternoon. Remembering the voice of baseball. Live from cnbc, the facts, the truth, the news with Shepard Smith. Good evening. A resounding victory for abortion rights advocates and a potential warning sign for republicans in the deep red state of kansas. Kansas voters turning out in droves to protect a womans right to an abortion. Nearly 1 million votes cast, close to president ial election turnout. They rejecte
Jon thats our show. Join us tomorrow night at 11 00. Here it is your moment of zen. Your bowel has been reconstructed. As im walking to the press room, i feel like i have to pass a little gas here. Im walking by myself who is going to know captioning sponsored by Comedy Central captioned by stephen tonight, science finds the key to a long, healthy life. Whatever it is, i bet it tastes good fried. [ laughter ] then, controversy over the new bin laden film. They shouldnt have let him do his own singing. [ laughter ] and my guest, chris kluwe, is an nfl punter and gay rights advocate. Wow, pretty brave for an nfl player to admit hes a punter. [ laughter ] jimmy kimmel starts in his new 11 35 time slot tonight. But since hes my direct competition, i refuse to mention him. This is the colbert report. Captioning sponsored by Comedy Central [the colbert report theme music playing] [cheers and applause] thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to the report. [crowd chanting see stephen] [cheer